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Tuesday, January 03, 2017

2 letters from a happy couple

To My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your 54 years can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.

Please don't be perturbed - I shall be home before midnight. When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table.


To My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time, I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael my tennis coach, who, like your secretary, is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman with your excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference.

18 goes in to 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be back until lunchtime tomorrow.

Artist Recycles Old Hubcaps Into Stunning Animal Sculptures

Ptolemy Elrington knows exactly what to do with all of those wheel hubcaps you see littering the side of the highway. He’s spent the last 12 years recycling them into beautiful and elegant animal sculptures!

For something that’s made from road-side trash, his pieces sure do sell for a lot – his sculptures can fetch anywhere from £200 to £10,000! Check out his work to see what can be done with everyday bits of trash!

More info: hubcapcreatures.com | Facebook (h/t: mymodernmet)
Art by Ptolemy Elrington

Art by Ptolemy Elrington

Art by Ptolemy Elrington

Art by Ptolemy Elrington

Art by Ptolemy Elrington

Art by Ptolemy Elrington

Art by Ptolemy Elrington

Art by Ptolemy Elrington

Art by Ptolemy Elrington

Art by Ptolemy Elrington

Art by Ptolemy Elrington

Art by Ptolemy Elrington

Touch of Grey*

http://artist.com/darren-robinson/touch-of-gray/art-details-460-772/
Portrait of Jerry Garcia by Darren Robinson, "Touch of Gray"
Must be getting early, clocks are running late.
Paint by number a morning sky, it’s all cold.
Dawn is breaking everywhere, light a candle, curse the glare
Draw the curtains I don’t care, but it’s all right
I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.

I see you’ve got your list out, say your piece and kiss off.
Guess I get the gist of it, but it’s all right
Oh well anyway, sorry that you feel that way.
Every silver linings got a touch of grey
I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.

It’s a lesson to me, the ablers and the beggars and the thieves
The abc’s we all think of, try to win a little love.

I know the rent is in arrears, the dog has not been fed in years
It’s even worse than it appears, but it’s all right

Cows are giving kerosene, kids can’t read at seventeen
The words they know are all obscene, but that’s all right
I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.

Shoe is on the hand that fits, that’s all there really is to it
Whistle through your teeth and spit, but it’s all right

Oh well a touch of grey, kinda suits me anyway,
That’s all I had to say, but it’s all right
I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.

It’s a lesson to me, the devils and the east and the free
The abc’s we all must face, try to save a little grace.

*Touch of Grey - The Grateful Dead
*Touch of Gray - Darren Robinson

Star Trek - Deep Space Thoughts

Star Trek - Deep Space Thoughts

Monday, January 02, 2017

Angry Alien Shorts

One of the shorts. Click here to watch them!

Click above

Actual Hand Puppets

Hospital Chart Bloopers

Actual entries from hospital charts:

1. The patient refused autopsy.
Nurse Ratched - One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
Nurse Ratched - One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Nurse Ratched - One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
Nurse Ratched - One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
Nurse Ratched - One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest
14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
Nurse Ratched - One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
Nurse Ratched - One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
Nurse Ratched - One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Waiting

Remember when you were little
and the comparing hadn't started yet
so you played with pots and pans in the kitchen
taking everything out of the cupboards
not thinking that they had their place like you
will soon eventually
you threw your true self out in the open
letting it move and ebb and flow
shyness and all

it's amazing how quickly it gets Taken, beaten down
smashed into checklists
and obligation

it's amazing how quickly your mind will confuse
different
with less

i want to run back to the fake tile
and hard salami with cucumber sandwiches
and stay there longer
and take stronger pictures in my mind
so that when i start to disassociate in the next few years
think the visits at night in the dark were my fault
i'll know what i look like when i'm in my body
when my little soul and little heart
sang her first words
and biggest concern was making music with
everything i could hold
not where is the door lock
and why is it so cold

by @loverghetto, ello.com

Sunday, January 01, 2017

William Christopher Dies: Father Mulcahy Actor On ‘M.A.S.H.’ Was 84

by Ross A. Lincoln, Yahoo! TV
William Christopher Dies: Father Mulcahy Actor On ‘M.A.S.H.’ Was 84
William Christopher, the actor best known as Father Mulcahy on the classic sitcom M.A.S.H., died today following a battle with lung cancer. He was 84, and died in his Pasadena home according to his son, John, who made the news public.

Born in Evanston, Illinois in 1932, Christopher got his start as a stage actor in the 1950s before moving into television and film. Christopher held a variety of guest roles on many 1960s shows including The Andy Griffith Show, The Patty Duke Show, and The Men from Shiloh; he would also land recurring roles on Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C. – as Private Lester Hummel-, That Girl and Hogan’s Heroes.

Christopher landed his most famous role in 1972, replacing the actor who portrayed Father Mulcahy in the M.A.S.H. pilot. He would remain a series mainstay throughout the show’s 11 season run, and would reprise the character on the short-lived M.A.S.H. spinoff AfterMASH.

Christopher also held guest roles on shows such as The Love Boat, Good Times, Murder, She Wrote, and Mad About You among many others.

Christopher, whose son, Ned, is autistic, was an advocate for people with autism, devoting time to the National Autistic Society and recording public service announcements.

"A Happy New Year" - A short story chosen by The Wizard of 'OZ'

from The Bright Light Cafe

They were forecasting snow to begin at 7pm, and most of it was to be to the East and to the South of where she lived. Still, Emma was concerned that her daughter and son-in-law were in no hurry to leave as they were going to be traveling North. Snow is unpredictable, as can be forecasters and, besides, she was a Mom and Mom's worry.

It's not that she was anxious for them to go. It had been a rather bad weekend for them, which was so highly unusual for them all. Rebekka and Joe were always so cheerful and welcome when they came to stay. But this weekend was different. They were moody and bickering, and spoke disrespectfully to both her and her husband, Ed. She chalked it up to "end of semester tiredness" and money crunches and holiday blues. But, still, it wasn't pleasant and a tension seemed to hang in the air.

This morning Emma and Ed had gone to church while the kids slept in, and when they got home, things seemed a little better. Rebekka and Joe went to visit some friends while the couple took down the Christmas decorations and bade farewell to the Christmas season. By the time the kids returned, all the work was done and it was time for them to pack up their stuff to go home. It was snowing heavily now but, finally, the car was loaded and the kids were off. As Emma kissed her daughter "goodbye", she sensed that something was still not right and it wasn't just her worry about the snow.

"Honey," Emma said as she and Ed went back into the house after waving goodbye, "do you sense something is wrong with the kids?"

"If you mean do I think they were grumpy, yes" he answered, and flopped himself in his easy chair, turning on the football game, already in progress. The score was 10 to 3, and his team was behind.

"Well, I think something is bothering them, and I wish I knew what it was," she said as she moved to the living room to finish all the little details of cleaning up after the holiday. Soon it was time for bed and, as they snuggled down together, he mumbling about his team not making the play-offs and she mumbling about the kids, they suddenly turned to each other and started to laugh.

"Aren't we a pair!" he said. "Mumbling and grumbling like two old people!"

"We are two old people," she laughed."

"Well we're not that old," he reminded her, and kissed her good night. They lay together like two spoons in a drawer and just enjoyed that they had each other.

The next morning was New Year's Eve, and she woke up late. He had gotten himself up and off to work and let her sleep in. She stretched and got up and began her day making coffee and lazily perusing the paper. The telephone rang. It was her daughter, and she was crying.

"Sweetheart, what is it?" Emma asked, concerned.

"Oh, Mom, I've made such a mess of things. Here I am a math major and I can't even keep our finances straight!" Rebekka sobbed.

"What kind of trouble are you in?" Emma asked.

"We can't pay January's rent. Not one penny of it. We had to get the car fixed and the cell phone bills are due and we have to have food and we just don't have enough to pay the rent." Then there was silence, followed by sniffing.

"Well, darling, I suppose your Father and I could help ..."

"No Mom, I don't want you to bail us out! You have been too good to us as it is, letting us borrow your car for so long. There has to be another way!"

They both were silent for a minute. The only thing of value that the daughter had was her $1000 wedding dress. But what could get for it? Could it even be a suggestion?

"Mom, I'm thinking of selling my wedding dress. Do you think anyone would buy it?"

They had had it professionally cleaned and restored and it was a very modern style.

"You might be able to get $6 or $700 for it."

"It's the only thing I have of value except my ring, and I can't sell that. It's my own fault we are in such shape. I didn't plan well and I spent money we didn't have ..." She was still crying.

Emma thought about it. What good is a used wedding dress 20 years from now anyway? But, the lesson learned was more important. "Honey, let us do this. Let your Father give you $1000 to get you caught up. You try to sell your dress, and then put that money in the bank and use it for emergencies. Then perhaps you will remember how this feels, and you won't get yourself in this position again."

"Oh Mom, I hate to take your money!"

"Listen, sweetheart, it's not easy being married and going to school. Your husband is only a carpenter's helper. It's going to be years before you guys earn any real money. But I think for now, you need to remember that you don't have the money you had when you lived at home, and you'll have to say "no" to a lot of things you want. It's just going to be hard. And you'll just have to suck it up." She tried to say it as kindly as she could.

"OK Mom. I'll take your money. But Mom? Don't let us ask for help again.

"I will help you if you need it. You may be a married woman, but you are still my child"

"OK, but at least make us grovel?"

"You bet! Now let me get a transfer out to you this morning. And, Honey ..."

"Yes Mom?"

"Happy New Year."

"Same to you, Mom, the same to you and Daddy."

The Wizard's Article for Full Circle Magazine

Click here to read The Wizard's article on miniTube
Click above to read The Wizard's review of teh cool YouTube application, miniTube,  in Full Circle Magazine - It's a PDF

Laughing Chewbacca Mask Lady - Top Viewed YouTube Video of all Time


sorry cannot find the original - it's Candace Payne, in any case

The Ketchup and Fries plant

from TerritorialSeed.com

Grafted Ketchup 'n' Fries™

Grafted Ketchup 'n' Fries™

Potatoes and Tomatoes harvested off the same blimey plant! This exciting grafted combination was first introduced to U.K. home gardeners, and was a smashing success. Now this same tomato/potato grafted combination known as Ketchup 'n' Fries is being exclusively offered mail order to American gardeners by Territorial Seed Company. This thoroughly tested duo is the ultimate container plant, but will do equally well in the open garden.

ABOVE GROUND: Tomatoes
Grafted Ketchup 'n' Fries™

You can expect harvests of over 500 red cherry tomatoes with a Brix level of 10.2. Makes for delicious snacking, salad toppers, drying and some very sweet ketchup!
BELOW GROUND: Potatoes
Grafted Ketchup 'n' Fries™

Incredibly you'll be making your French fries from delicious white potatoes. They also taste great baked, mashed, or roasted.
Tomatoes are members of the potato family and are therefore naturally compatible with potatoes. Each Ketchup 'n' Fries plant is hand-grafted to create this unique double cropping novelty. There is no genetic modification—it's an all-natural process.
Plants come with complete growing instructions (not that you really need them as TomTatos® are easy to grow) and a certification of authenticity to demonstrate proof to your astonished friends. They are going to think Ketchup 'n' Fries are the Bees Knees!
Ketchup 'n' Fries TomTatos are shipped in 2 1/2 inch pots in our custom designed plant shipping box so you can be sure your plant will arrive in perfect shape. Brilliant!
Grafted Ketchup 'n' Fries™

PLEASE READ: Available only within the contiguous US.

Visit their website to order

Saturday, December 31, 2016

HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY 150th CANADA!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
May the joys of the New Year bring about peace and love in the world for 2017. I wish all of my loyal 'OZ' readers a truly Happy New Year! It seems like just yesterday we had New Year 2016. Well, I wish the best for all of you for the brand new year!

Yours in 'OZ',

The Wizard.
(psst: My name is Brian...)

Happy 150th CANADA!!!!

New Year’s Eve - A short story by Sally Cronin

From Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

New Year’s Eve by Sally Cronin

Kenneth Fitzgerald looked across the crowded ballroom at the woman that he had loved for a lifetime. Georgina was surrounded by attentive male admirers, and was holding court as she always did, with elegance and grace. He watched as she tilted her head to one side to listen to the young man sitting next to her, cupping her hand delicately behind her ear, to better hear his comments over the sound of the band.

The handsome companion was her grandson Timothy, and even at first glance you could see the resemblance; the same blue eyes, golden hair colour and a long refined nose. Georgie was 90 years old and yet her beauty was undiminished. Kenneth knew he was biased. He remembered his stunned reaction to meeting her for the first time over 70 years ago, in this same ballroom on New Year’s Eve 1935.

Georgina Crowley was the daughter of a millionaire financier who had managed to survive the Wall Street crash in 1929, by converting his wealth in previous years, into a renowned art collection. Malcolm Crowley was an astute businessman and had never squandered his money on the trappings of wealth. He had also salted away cash and jewellery on his various international travels, providing a comfortable buffer for the family, and those that had worked for him loyally over the last thirty years.

He was as canny with his three children as he was with his wealth. His two sons had followed him into the firm after studying for business degrees , and Georgina had also been encouraged to go to college, where she was now training to be a teacher. Malcolm firmly believed that all his children should have skills that could support them, should the financial climate not improve significantly in his lifetime. That is not to say that his youngest child did not also enjoy the benefits of being part of a wealthy family. Georgina was known to have exquisite taste, and her slim figure was the perfect shape to model the latest fashions. To be fair, many of the designs were copied from the leading fashion magazines, and recreated on her treasured Singer sewing machine

Kenneth brought himself back to the present and felt his heart pounding in his chest. It was the same every year, when he remembered that first New Year’s Eve, when he had fallen madly in love at first sight with Georgina Crowley. It had not been a one-sided infatuation, and at that first touch of her delicate hand in his own, he had felt a tremor that caused him to look up into her face. Her pink lips had parted in surprise and her smile dazzled him.

They had danced all night circling the floor; perfectly matched in their love of the foxtrot and quickstep. The other partygoers had moved to one side to watch this golden couple as they seamlessly moved from one dance to another. Even Malcolm Crowley paused in his discussions with a group of men, to watch his daughter’s delight in this young man’s embrace.

Kenneth had wanted to kiss those pink lips at midnight but was aware of the scrutiny from those around them. He had whispered in Georgina’s ear as they waltzed to the final tune of the old year.

‘Shall we slip away at midnight and find some moon and starlight?’

She had looked into his eyes and smiled, nodding her head in agreement.

As the clock struck midnight, Georgina rushed to her parents at their table and kissed and hugged them both. In the ensuing rush as the other guests did likewise, the two of them had slipped out of the large double doors at the end of the ballroom. Kenneth had guided her to his car parked along the drive. He grabbed a blanket from the back seat of the roadster and placed it around Georgina’s shoulders before helping her into the front seat. He raced around to the other side of the car and within minutes they were roaring down the hill from the house into the dark night.

Kenneth drove carefully as the road was slick with ice and he was aware that he was responsible for a very precious cargo. Although it was a cold night he knew just the place to take Georgina on this magical occasion. A spot high above the city, where the lights and sounds of New Year’s Eve would provide a backdrop for their first kiss.

He looked across at Georgina as she clasped the plaid blanket around her bare shoulders, and smiled at her obvious delight at this adventure. His eyes were only off the road for seconds, but it was still long enough for him to miss the broken down car around a curve in the road.

He regained consciousness and raised his hand to his forehead; it came away wet and sticky. He wiped blood from his eyes and tried to move his body. Finally he was able to push himself into a sitting position against the upturned roadster and he desperately looked for Georgina. The moon came out from behind a cloud and he took a sharp intake of breath as he saw her crumpled form by the rear bumper of the car. He crawled across and managed to pull her crushed and lifeless body into his arms… his heart was pounding in his chest and he tried to wake her by touching her face and calling her name. After several minutes he rested his head back against the car and he knew that she was gone.

‘Please, please do not take her … it is my fault and it should be me… take me… please take me and save her.’

On New Year’s Day, Georgie asked her youngest grandson to drive her to the cemetery. She came here often to visit her husband’s grave. Phillip had been a wonderful man and she had grown to love him during the long summer of 1942. They had twin sons born in 1944 but tragically Phillip had been killed in the last weeks of the war. He had been brought home and buried in the Crowley family plot close by her house and their sons. She still missed his loving kindness. However, she admitted to herself that it was a different kind of love to the one that has swept her off her feet that magical New Year’s Eve in 1935.

Whilst her grandson watched from the car, Georgina spent some minutes at Phillip’s monument. Then walking carefully, leaning on her stick, she moved down the icy path until she stopped before another gravestone. Tears gathered in her pale blue eyes as she read the inscription.

Kenneth Fitzgerald
Beloved son and brother.
1910 – 1935
Killed in an automobile accident.

It was 70 years ago, and yet every New Year’s Day, Georgie relived those dreadful first moments when she had woken in the hospital. She had a dreadful headache but thankfully didn’t seem to have any other major injuries. Her mother and father were sitting by her bedside and Malcolm gently took her hand in his. Her first words were asking for Kenneth, and she still remembered the look of anguish on her father’s face as he braced himself to tell her the news.

She touched the top of the headstone and smiled to herself. He had been there again last night at the family ball, watching from the shadows as he had done every year, and she had felt that same giddy feeling as that first New Year’s Eve. She suspected that this time however it was more likely that her medication was no longer effective in keeping her failing heart beating.

She felt a touch on her shoulder and looked up into the smiling face of her grandson.

‘Time to go Gran.. It is getting cold and I need to get you back home.’

Georgie took his arm and they moved carefully up the path. She turned for one last look at Kenneth’s grave.

She whispered to herself. ‘Next year my love, next year we will dance again together on New Year’s Eve.’

©sallycronin 2016
Please visit Sally Cronin's website for wonderful and great shoet stories!

Happy New Year's Eve

PLEASE DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE.
I have just one wish for everyone this New Year's Eve

PLEASE DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE.


Let's all be here for 2017

How to Secure Your Webcam in One Minute or Less

By Andy O'Donnell, From LifeWire.com

#1 - Cover it up
"Webcam Cover-Ups - pack of 10" (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0) by adafruit
From smartphones and tablets to notebook PCs, webcams seem to be standard equipment these days. Just about every device we use has a camera on it. Did you ever stop to think that while you're staring at your screen, someone on the Internet might be staring back at you?

The national news is awash in stories about hackers tricking users into installing webcam spyware.

How can you be sure that no one is watching you without your permission?

Many webcams on notebook computers have indicator lights on them that let you know when your camera is actively capturing video. It may be possible (on some cameras) to disable the activity light through software hacks or modifying configuration settings. So, just because you don't see an activity light on doesn't mean that your webcam isn't still capturing video.

What can you do to secure your webcam?

The Simple Solution: Cover It Up

Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best ones. If you want to be absolutely sure that no one is watching you through your webcam, get some electrical tape and cover it. If you don't want any tape residue on your camera then you can use a longer strip of tape and fold it back on itself. Not even the best hacker in the world can defeat electrical tape.

If you want to get a little more sophisticated, you can roll up a coin in the electrical tape so that the weight of the coin helps the tape stay positioned over the camera.

When you want to use the camera, just lift the coin up and fold it back over the top of your computer screen.

There are many other creative solutions that our readers have come up with and posted to our blog site. Maybe someone out there will start a Kickstarter project and come up with a solution that can be sold to the masses.

That is one tip - see the rest at Lifewire.com

Still my dream car

Ever since I was a teen (ok, 18) readin' Car & Driver, I had a dream. I dreamed that one day I would own the car of my dreams. This car would be red, it would be Teutonic (German), it would be lightning fast, it would attract the girls (ok, the guys....;-), and I would have it by the time I was 40.
BMW M1
Well I am now 54. Do I now have the car? No way - No-how and unfortunately, not in the near future. It is selling for €140,000.00 ( approx. £123,309 or $184,841) for a 1980. Yes, that is the current price - !! New it cost about $60K...shoulda bought one then...

The BMW M1 is a sports car that was produced by German automaker BMW from 1978 to 1981. It was the only mid-engined BMW to be mass produced. It employed a twin-cam M88/1 3.5 L 6-cylinder gasoline engine with Kugelfischer mechanical fuel injection. A version of this motor was later used in the South African version of the BMW 745i, of which 209 examples were built between 1984 and 1986, as well as the E24 BMW M6/M635CSi and E28 BMW M5. The engine had six separate throttle butterflies, four valves per cylinder and produced 277 PS (273 hp/204 kW) in the street version, giving a top speed of 260 km/h!

Milestones BMW M1
BMW M1

Specifications :

Type : BMW M1 Project E26

Years built : 1978 - 1981
Production : 457 (400 road versions, the other are race cars)
Chassisnr : n.a.
Presentation : October 1978 Paris Auto Show
Type of car : Two door, two seater fastback coupe
Designed by : Giorgio Giugiaro for Ital Design
Built by : Multi tube chassis by Marchesi, bodywork by Trasformazione Italiana Resina
Final assembly by Baur, Stuttgart Germany

Dimensions :

Wheelbase : 2560 mm
Overall length : 4346 mm
Overall width : 1823 mm
Overall height : 1140 mm
Track front : 1549 mm Rear : 1578 mm
Ground clear. : 124 mm
Overhang,Front : n.a. Rear : n.a.
Weight : 1361 Kg

Chassis :

Structure : Multi tube spaceframe
Body : Fiberglass bodywork
Suspension : Independent front & rear, upper and lower unequal length control-arm with Bilstein shock absorbers and co-axial coil springs and anti-roll bars
Brakes : All-wheel ventilated discs, dual hydraulic circuits, booster and pressure limiter on rear axle.
Front : 11.8 Inch Rear : 11.7 Inch
Steering type : Unassisted rack and pinion
Turning circle : n.a.
Tyres front : 205/55 VR 16 Rear : 225/50 VR 16
Rims front : 7x16 inch Rear : 8x16 inch
Cast light-alloy

Engine :

Type : Inline 6 cylinder (type M-89), cast iron block, mid mounted longitudal), rear wheel drive
Distribution : Dual overhead camshafts, chain drive, four valves/cylinder
Main bearings : n.a.
Cyl. Capacity : 3453 cc
Bore & stroke : 93.4 x 84 mm
Compr. ratio : 9.0:1
Max. power : 277 bhp at 6500 rpm (Group 4 specs : 477 Bhp)
Max. torque : 243 lbs.ft. at 5000 rpm (Group 5 specs : 850 Bhp from 3.2 Litre turbo-charged engine)
Cooling system : Water cooled
Emission contr.: n.a.
Ignition : n.a.
Plugs : n.a.
Electr. system : 12 V
Alternator : n.a.
Fuel system : Kugelfisher Bosch mechanical port fuel injection
Fuel type : n.a.
Fuel cons. : n.a.
Lubrication : dry sump

Drive train :

Type : ZF five speed close ratio
Clutch : n.a.
Gear ratio's 1st : 2.42:1 2nd : 1.61:1 3rd : 1.14:1
4th : 0.846:1 5th : 0.704:1 Rev.: 2.86:1
Final drive : 4.22:1

Capacities :

Fuel : n.a. Engine oil : n.a.
Luggage : n.a. Cooling system : n.a.

Performance :

Top speed : 262 Km.h
0 - 100 Km/h : 5.6 sec Standing Km. : n.a.

Price : $ 53.000 (1978)

Current value : $ 190.000 to $ 300.000

BMW M1 - click here for a larger picture

I still lose my breath when I see these in pictures! Can't wait to have one in my parking spot - oh yeah, that's right. Ain't gonna happen! -- hey Dad, my birthday is coming up! :-)


*--Post is dedicated to my best friend Randall - may you rest in peace--

Friday, December 30, 2016

The top 10 deadliest animals

Pythons 0.5 deaths per year

Hogs 0.6 deaths per year

Tigers 0.6 deaths per year

Elephants 1.0 death per year

Birds 5.2 deaths per year

Insects 8.4 deaths per year

Dogs 16 deaths per year

Cattle 28.4 deaths per year

Deer 130 deaths per year

Horses, 219 annual deaths to humans in accidents and other incidents

--Note that the most scary animals count for the LEAST number of deaths... and it's funny that "Alabamius Redneckus " does not hit the list... (Use Google to look that one up! ;-)

Your Friday Afternoon Diversion - A Little Cloud - Story hand picked by The Wizard of 'OZ'

by James Joyce
A Little Cloud  by James Joyce
Eight years before he had seen his friend off at the North Wall and wished him God-speed. Gallaher had got on. You could tell that at once by his travelled air, his well-cut tweed suit, and fearless accent. Few fellows had talents like his, and fewer still could remain unspoiled by such success. Gallaher's heart was in the right place and he had deserved to win. It was something to have a friend like that.

Little Chandler's thoughts ever since lunch-time had been of his meeting with Gallaher, of Gallaher's invitation, and of the great city London where Gallaher lived. He was called Little Chandler because, though he was but slightly under the average stature, he gave one the idea of being a little man. His hands were white and small, his frame was fragile, his voice was quiet and his manners were refined. He took the greatest care of his fair silken hair and moustache, and used perfume discreetly on his handkerchief. The half-moons of his nails were perfect, and when he smiled you caught a glimpse of a row of childish white teeth.

As he sat at his desk in the King's Inns he thought what changes those eight years had brought. The friend whom he had known under a shabby and necessitous guise had become a brilliant figure on the London Press. He turned often from his tiresome writing to gaze out of the office window. The glow of a late autumn sunset covered the grass plots and walks. It cast a shower of kindly golden dust on the untidy nurses and decrepit old men who drowsed on the benches; it flickered upon all the moving figures - on the children who ran screaming along the gravel paths and on everyone who passed through the gardens. He watched the scene and thought of life; and (as always happened when he thought of life) he became sad. A gentle melancholy took possession of him. He felt how useless it was to struggle against fortune, this being the burden of wisdom which the ages had bequeathed to him.

He remembered the books of poetry upon his shelves at home. He had bought them in his bachelor days and many an evening, as he sat in the little room off the hall, he had been tempted to take one down from the bookshelf and read out something to his wife. But shyness had always held him back; and so the books had remained on their shelves. At times he repeated lines to himself and this consoled him.

When his hour had struck he stood up and took leave of his desk and of his fellow-clerks punctiliously. He emerged from under the feudal arch of the King's Inns, a neat modest figure, and walked swiftly down Henrietta Street. The golden sunset was waning and the air had grown sharp. A horde of grimy children populated the street. They stood or ran in the roadway, or crawled up the steps before the gaping doors, or squatted like mice upon the thresholds. Little Chandler gave them no thought. He picked his way deftly through all that minute vermin-like life and under the shadow of the gaunt spectral mansions in which the old nobility of Dublin had roistered. No memory of the past touched him, for his mind was full of a present joy.

He had never been in Corless's, but he knew the value of the name. He knew that people went there after the theatre to eat oysters and drink liqueurs; and he had heard that the waiters there spoke French and German. Walking swiftly by at night he had seen cabs drawn up before the door and richly-dressed ladies, escorted by cavaliers, alight and enter quickly. They wore noisy dresses and many wraps. Their faces were powdered and they caught up their dresses, when they touched earth, like alarmed Atalantas. He had always passed without turning his head to look. It was his habit to walk swiftly in the street even by day, and whenever he found himself in the city late at night he hurried on his way apprehensively and excitedly. Sometimes, however, he courted the causes of his fear. He chose the darkest and narrowest streets and, as he walked boldly forward, the silence that was spread about his footsteps troubled him; the wandering, silent figures troubled him; and at times a sound of low fugitive laughter made him tremble like a leaf.

He turned to the right towards Capel Street. Ignatius Gallaher on the London Press! Who would have thought it possible eight years before? Still, now that he reviewed the past, Little Chandler could remember many signs of future greatness in his friend. People used to say that Ignatius Gallaher was wild. Of course, he did mix with a rakish set of fellows at that time; drank freely and borrowed money on all sides. In the end he had got mixed up in some shady affair, some money transaction: at least, that was one version of his flight. But nobody denied him talent. There was always a certain... something in Ignatius Gallaher that impressed you in spite of yourself. Even when he was out at elbows and at his wits' end for money he kept up a bold face. Little Chandler remembered (and the remembrance brought a slight flush of pride to his cheek) one of Ignatius Gallaher's sayings when he was in a tight corner:

'Half-time now, boys,' he used to say light-heartedly. 'Where's my considering cap?'

That was Ignatius Gallaher all out; and, damn it, you couldn't but admire him for it.

Little Chandler quickened his pace. For the first time in his life he felt himself superior to the people he passed. For the first time his soul revolted against the dull inelegance of Capel Street. There was no doubt about it: if you wanted to succeed you had to go away. You could do nothing in Dublin. As he crossed Grattan Bridge he looked down the river towards the lower quays and pitied the poor stunted houses. They seemed to him a band of tramps, huddled together along the river-banks, their old coats covered with dust and soot, stupefied by the panorama of sunset and waiting for the first chill of night to bid them arise, shake themselves and begone. He wondered whether he could write a poem to express his idea. Perhaps Gallaher might be able to get it into some London paper for him. Could he write something original? He was not sure what idea he wished to express, but the thought that a poetic moment had touched him took life within him like an infant hope. He stepped onward bravely.

Every step brought him nearer to London, farther from his own sober inartistic life. A light began to tremble on the horizon of his mind. He was not so old - thirty-two. His temperament might be said to be just at the point of maturity. There were so many different moods and impressions that he wished to express in verse. He felt them within him. He tried to weigh his soul to see if it was a poet's soul. Melancholy was the dominant note of his temperament, he thought, but it was a melancholy tempered by recurrences of faith and resignation and simple joy. If he could give expression to it in a book of poems perhaps men would listen. He would never be popular: he saw that. He could not sway the crowd, but he might appeal to a little circle of kindred minds. The English critics, perhaps, would recognize him as one of the Celtic school by reason of the melancholy tone of his poems; besides that, he would put in allusions. He began to invent sentences and phrases from the notice which his book would get. 'Mr Chandler has the gift of easy and graceful verse'... 'A wistful sadness pervades these poems'... 'The Celtic note'. It was a pity his name was not more Irish-looking. Perhaps it would be better to insert his mother's name before the surname: Thomas Malone Chandler; or better still: T. Malone Chandler. He would speak to Gallaher about it.

He pursued his reverie so ardently that he passed his street and had to turn back. As he came near Corless's his former agitation began to overmaster him and he halted before the door in indecision. Finally he opened the door and entered.

The light and noise of the bar held him at the doorway for a few moments. He looked about him, but his sight was confused by the shining of many red and green wine-glasses. The bar seemed to him to be full of people and he felt that the people were observing him curiously. He glanced quickly to right and left (frowning slightly to make his errand appear serious), but when his sight cleared a little he saw that nobody had turned to look at him: and there, Sure enough, was Ignatius Gallaher leaning with his back against the counter and his feet planted far apart.

'Hallo, Tommy, old hero, here you are! What is it to be? What will you have? I'm taking whisky: better stuff than we get across the water. Soda? Lithia? No mineral? I'm the same. Spoils the flavour... Here, garon, bring us two halves of malt whisky, like a good fellow... Well, and how have you been pulling along since I saw you last? Dear God, how old we're getting! Do you see any signs of ageing in me - eh, what? A little grey and thin on the top - what?'

Ignatius Gallaher took off his hat and displayed a large closely-cropped head. His face was heavy, pale, and clean-shaven. His eyes, which were of bluish slate-colour, relieved his unhealthy pallor and shone out plainly above the vivid orange tie he wore. Between these rival features the lips appeared very long and shapeless and colourless. He bent his head and felt with two sympathetic fingers the thin hair at the crown. Little Chandler shook his head as a denial. Ignatius Gallaher put on his hat again.

'It pulls you down,' he said. 'Press life. Always hurry and scurry, looking for copy and sometimes not finding it: and then, always to have something new in your stuff. Damn proofs and printers, I say, for a few days. I'm deuced glad, I can tell you, to get back to the old country. Does a fellow good, a bit of a holiday. I feel a ton better since I landed again in dear, dirty Dublin... Here you are, Tommy. Water? Say when.'

Little Chandler allowed his whisky to be very much diluted.

'You don't know what's good for you, my boy,' said Ignatius Gallaher. 'I drink mine neat.'

'I drink very little as a rule,' said Little Chandler modestly. 'An odd half-one or so when I meet any of the old crowd: that's all.'

'Ah well,' said Ignatius Gallaher cheerfully, 'here's to us and to old times and old acquaintance.'

They clinked glasses and drank the toast.

'I met some of the old gang today,' said Ignatius Gallaher. 'O'Hara seems to be in a bad way. What's he doing?'

'Nothing,' said Little Chandler. 'He's gone to the dogs.'

'But Hogan has a good sit, hasn't he?'

'Yes, be's in the Land Commission.'

'I met him one night in London and he seemed to be very flush... Poor O'Hara! Booze, I suppose?'

'Other things, too,' said Little Chandler shortly.

Ignatius Gallaher laughed.

'Tommy,' he said, 'I see you haven't changed an atom. You're the very same serious person that used to lecture me on Sunday mornings when I had a sore head and a fur on my tongue. You'd want to knock about a bit in the world. Have you never been anywhere even for a trip?'

'I've been to the Isle of Man,' said Little Chandler.

Ignatius Gallaher laughed.

'The Isle of Man!' he said. 'Go to London or Paris: Paris, for choice. That'd do you good.'

'Have you seen Paris?'

'I should think I have! I've knocked about there a little.'

'And is it really so beautiful as they say?' asked Little Chandler.

He sipped a little of his drink while Ignatius Gallaher finished his boldly.

'Beautiful?' said Ignatius Gallaher, pausing on the word and on the flavour of his drink. 'It's not so beautiful, you know. Of course it is beautiful... But it's the life of Paris; that's the thing. Ah, there's no city like Paris for gaiety, movement, excitement... '

Little Chandler finished his whisky and, after some trouble, succeeded in catching the barman's eye. He ordered the same again.

'I've been to the Moulin Rouge,' Ignatius Gallaher continued when the barman had removed their glasses, 'and I've been to all the Bohemian cafŽs. Hot stuff! Not for a pious chap like you, Tommy.'

Little Chandler said nothing until the barman returned with two glasses: then he touched his friend's glass lightly and reciprocated the former toast. He was beginning to feel somewhat disillusioned. Gallaher's accent and way of expressing himself did not please him. There was something vulgar in his friend which lie had not observed before. But perhaps it was only the result of living in London amid the bustle and competition of the Press. The old personal charm was still there under this new gaudy manner. And, after all, Gallaher had lived, he had seen the world. Little Chandler looked at his friend enviously.

'Everything in Paris is gay,' said Ignatius Gallaher. 'They believe in enjoying life - and don't you think they're right? If you want to enjoy yourself properly you must go to Paris. And, mind you, they've a great feeling for the Irish there. When they heard I was from Ireland they were ready to eat me, man.'

Little Chandler took four or five sips from his glass.

'Tell me,' he said, 'is it true that Paris is so... immoral as they say?'

Ignatius Gallaher made a catholic gesture with his right arm.

'Every place is immoral,' he said. 'Of course you do find spicy bits in Paris. Go to one of the students' balls, for instance. That's lively, if you like, when the cocottes begin to let themselves loose. You know what they are, I suppose?'

'I've heard of them,' said Little Chandler.

Ignatius Gallaher drank off his whisky and shook his head.

'Ah,' he said, 'you may say what you like. There's no woman like the Parisienne - for style, for go.'

'Then it is an immoral city,' said Little Chandler, with timid insistence - 'I mean, compared with London or Dublin?'

'London!' said Ignatius Gallaher. 'It's six of one and half a dozen of the other. You ask Hogan, my boy. I showed him a bit about London when he was over there. He'd open your eye... I say, Tommy, don't make punch of that whisky: liquor up.'

'No, really.'

'O, come on, another one won't do you any harm. What is it? The same again, I suppose?'

'Well... all right.'

'Franois, the same again... Will you smoke, Tommy?'

Ignatius Gallaher produced his cigar-case. The two friends lit their cigars and puffed at them in silence until their drinks were served.

'I'll tell you my opinion,' said Ignatius Gallaher, emerging after some time from the clouds of smoke in which he had taken refuge, 'it's a rum world. Talk of immorality! I've heard of cases - what am I saying? - I've known them: cases of... immorality... '

Ignatius Gallaher puffed thoughtfully at his cigar and then, in a calm historian's tone, he proceeded to sketch for his friend some pictures of the corruption which was rife abroad. He summarized the vices of many capitals and seemed inclined to award the palm to Berlin. Some things he could not vouch for (his friends had told him), but of others he had had personal experience. He spared neither rank nor caste. He revealed many of the secrets of religious houses on the Continent and described some of the practices which were fashionable in high society, and ended by telling, with details, a story about an English duchess - a story which he knew to be true. Little chandler was astonished.

'Ah, well,' said Ignatius Gallaher, 'here we are in old jog-along Dublin where nothing is known of such things.'

'How dull you must find it,' said Little Chandler, 'after all the other places you've seen!'

'Well,' said Ignatius Gallaher, 'it's a relaxation to come over here, you know. And, after all, it's the old country, as they say, isn't it? You can't help having a certain feeling for it. That's human nature... But tell me something about yourself. Hogan told me you had... tasted the joys of connubial bliss. Two years ago, wasn't it?'

Little Chandler blushed and smiled.

'Yes,' he said. 'I was married last May twelve months.'

'I hope it's not too late in the day to offer my best wishes,' said Ignatius Gallaher. 'I didn't know your address or I'd have done so at the time.'

He extended his hand, which Little Chandler took.

'Well, Tommy,' he said, 'I wish you and yours every joy in life, old chap, and tons of money, and may you never die till I shoot you. And that's the wish of a sincere friend, an old friend. You know that?'

'I know that,' said Little Chandler.

'Any youngsters?' said Ignatius Gallaher.

Little Chandler blushed again.

'We have one child,' he said.

'Son or daughter?'

'A little boy.'

Ignatius Gallaher slapped his friend sonorously on the back.

'Bravo,' he said, 'I wouldn't doubt you, Tommy.'

Little Chandler smiled, looked confusedly at his glass and bit his lower lip with three childishly white front teeth.

'I hope you'll spend an evening with us,' he said, 'before you go back. My wife will be delighted to meet you. We can have a little music and--'

'Thanks awfully, old chap,' said Ignatius Gallaher, 'I'm sorry we didn't meet earlier. But I must leave tomorrow night.'

'Tonight, perhaps... ?'

'I'm awfully sorry, old man. You see I'm over here with another fellow, clever young chap he is too, and we arranged to go to a little card-party. Only for that... '

'O, in that case... '

'But who knows?' said Ignatius Gallaher considerately. 'Next year I may take a little skip over here now that I've broken the ice. It's only a pleasure deferred.'

'Very well,' said Little Chandler, 'the next time you come we must have an evening together. That's agreed now, isn't it?'

'Yes, that's agreed,' said Ignatius Gallaher. 'Next year if I come, parole d'honneur.'

'And to clinch the bargain,' said Little Chandler, 'we'll just have one more now.'

Ignatius Gallaher took out a large gold watch and looked at it.

'Is it to be the last?' he Said. 'Because, you know, I have an a.p.'

'O, yes, positively,' said Little Chandler.

'Very well, then,' said Ignatius Gallaher, 'let us have another one as a deoc an doirus - that's good vernacular for a small whisky, I believe.'

Little Chandler ordered the drinks. The blush which had risen to his face a few moments before was establishing itself. A trifle made him blush at any time: and now he felt warm and excited. Three small whiskies had gone to his head and Gallaher's strong cigar had confused his mind, for he was a delicate and abstinent person. The adventure of meeting Gallaher after eight years, of finding himself with Gallaher in Corless's surrounded by lights and noise, of listening to Gallaher's stories and of sharing for a brief space Gallaher's vagrant and triumphant life, upset the equipoise of his sensitive nature. He felt acutely the contrast between his own life and his friend's, and it seemed to him unjust. Gallaher was his inferior in birth and education. He was sure that he could do something better than his friend had ever done, or could ever do, something higher than mere tawdry journalism if he only got the chance. What was it that stood in his way? His unfortunate timidity! He wished to vindicate himself in some way, to assert his manhood. He saw behind Gallaher's refusal of his invitation. Gallaher was only patronizing him by his friendliness just as he was patronizing Ireland by his visit.

The barman brought their drinks. Little Chandler pushed one glass towards his friend and took up the other boldly.

'Who knows?' he said, as they lifted their glasses. 'When you come next year I may have the pleasure of wishing long life and happiness to Mr and Mrs Ignatius Gallaher.'

Ignatius Gallaher in the act of drinking closed one eye expressively over the rim of his glass. When he had drunk he smacked his lips decisively, set down his glass and said:

'No blooming fear of that, my boy. I'm going to have my fling first and see a bit of life and the world before I put my head in the sack - if I ever do.'

'Some day you will,' said Little Chandler calmly.

Ignatius Gallaher turned his orange tie and slate-blue eyes full upon his friend.

'You think so?' he said.

'You'll put your head in the sack,' repeated Little Chandler stoutly, 'like everyone else if you can find the girl.'

He had slightly emphasized his tone, and he was aware that he had betrayed himself; but, though the colour had heightened in his cheek, he did not flinch from his friends' gaze. Ignatius Gallaher watched him for a few moments and then said:

'If ever it occurs, you may bet your bottom dollar there'll be no mooning and spooning about it. I mean to marry money. She'll have a good fat account at the bank or she won't do for me.'

Little Chandler shook his head.

'Why, man alive,' said Ignatius Gallaher, vehemently, 'do you know what it is? I've only to say the word and tomorrow I can have the woman and the cash. You don't believe it? Well, I know it. There are hundreds - what am I saying? - thousands of rich Germans and Jews, rotten with money, that'd only be too glad... You wait a while, my boy. See if I don't play my cards properly. When I go about a thing I mean business, I tell you. You just wait.'

He tossed his glass to his mouth, finished his drink and laughed loudly. Then he looked thoughtfully before him and said in a calmer tone:

'But I'm in no hurry. They can wait. I don't fancy tying myself up to one woman, you know.'

He imitated with his mouth the act of tasting and made a wry face.

'Must get a bit stale, I should think,' he said.

--------------------------------------

Little Chandler sat in the room off the hall, holding a child in his arms. To save money they kept no servant, but Annie's young sister Monica came for an hour or so in the morning and an hour or So in the evening to help. But Monica had gone home long ago. It was a quarter to nine. Little Chandler had come home late for tea and, moreover, he had forgotten to bring Annie home the parcel of coffee from Bewley's. Of course she was in a bad humour and gave him short answers. She said she would do without any tea, but when it came near he time at which the shop at the corner closed she decided to go out herself for a quarter of a pound of tea and two pounds of sugar. She put the sleeping child deftly in his arms and said:

'Here. Don't waken him.'

A little lamp with a white china shade stood upon the table and its light fell over a photograph which was enclosed in a frame of crumpled horn. It was Annie's photograph. Little Chandler looked at it, pausing at the thin tight lips. She wore the pale blue summer blouse which he had brought her home as a present one Saturday. It had cost him ten and elevenpence; but what an agony of nervousness it had cost him! How he had suffered that day, waiting at the shop door until the shop was empty, standing at the counter and trying to appear at his ease while the girl piled ladies' blouses before him, paying at the desk and forgetting to take up the odd penny of his change, being called back by the cashier, and finally, striving to hide his blushes as he left the shop by examining the parcel to see if it was Securely tied. When he brought the blouse home Annie kissed him and said it was very pretty and stylish; but when she heard the price she threw the blouse on the table and said it was a regular swindle to charge ten and elevenpence for it. At first she wanted to take it back, but when she tried it on she was delighted with it, especially with the make of the sleeves, and kissed him and said he was very good to think of her.

Hm!...

He looked coldly into the eyes of the photograph and they answered coldly. Certainly they were pretty and the face itself was pretty. But he found something mean in it. Why was it so unconscious and ladylike? The composure of the eyes irritated him. They repelled him and defied him: there was no passion in them, no rapture. He thought of what Gallaher had said about rich Jewesses. Those dark Oriental eyes, he thought, how full they are of passion, of voluptuous longing!... Why had he married the eyes in the photograph?

He caught himself up at the question and glanced nervously round the room. He found something mean in the pretty furniture which he had bought for his house on the hire system. Annie had chosen it herself and it reminded him of her. It too was prim and pretty. A dull resentment against his life awoke within him. Could he not escape from his little house? Was it too late for him to try to live bravely like Gallaher? Could he go to London? There was the furniture still to be paid for. If he could only write a book and get it published, that might open the way for him.

A volume of Byron's poems lay before him on the table. He opened it cautiously with his left hand lest he should waken the child and began to read the first poem in the book:

Hushed are the winds and still the evening gloom, Not e'en a Zephyr wanders through the grove, Whilst I return to view my Margaret's tomb And scatter flowers on the dust I love.

He paused. He felt the rhythm of the verse about him in the room. How melancholy it was! Could he, too, write like that, express the melancholy of his soul in verse? There were so many things he wanted to describe: his sensation of a few hours before on Grattan Bridge, for example. If he could get back again into that mood...

The child awoke and began to cry. He turned from the page and tried to hush it: but it would not be hushed. He began to rock it to and fro in his arms, but its wailing cry grew keener. He rocked it faster while his eyes began to read the second stanza:

Within this narrow cell reclines her clay, That clay where once...

It was useless. He couldn't read. He couldn't do anything. The wailing of the child pierced the drum of his ear. It was useless, useless! He was a prisoner for life. His arms trembled with anger and suddenly bending to the child's face he shouted:

'Stop!'

The child stopped for an instant, had a spasm of fright and began to scream. He jumped up from his chair and walked hastily up and down the room with the child in his arms. it began to sob piteously, losing its breath for four or five seconds, and then bursting out anew. The thin walls of the room echoed the sound. He tried to soothe it, but it sobbed more convulsively. He looked at the contracted and quivering face of the child and began to be alarmed. He counted seven sobs without a break between them and caught the child to his breast in fright. If it died!...

The door was burst open and a young woman ran in, panting.

'What is it? What is it?' she cried.

The child, hearing its mother's voice, broke out into a paroxysm of sobbing.

'It's nothing, Annie... it's nothing... He began to cry... '

She flung her parcels on the floor and snatched the child from him.

'What have you done to him?' she cried, glaring into his face.

Little Chandler sustained for one moment the gaze of her eyes and his heart closed together as he met the hatred in them. He began to stammer:

'It's nothing... He... he... began to cry... I couldn't... I didn't do anything... What?'

Giving no heed to him she began to walk up and down the room, clasping the child tightly in her arms and murmuring:

'My little man! My little mannie! Was 'ou frightened, love?'... There now, love! There now!... Lambabaun! Mamma's little lamb of the world!... There now!'

Little Chandler felt his cheeks suffused with shame and he stood back out of the lamplight. He listened while the paroxysm of the child's sobbing grew less and less; and tears of remorse started to his eyes.