Death Date... When will you die?

Click above, if you dare

The Wizard's results: The Mechanism computes date in three modes: neutral, optimistic and pessimistic. Current mode is: neutral - by its predictions you will live exactly 54 years, 4 months and 8 days

Predicted Death Date: 20 january 2017
Time left: 0 years, 1 month and 24 days

I didn't do so well.... :)

Abandoned Mental Hospital Game - Scary

Whose idea was it to break into an abandoned mental hospital on Halloween? Now I'm locked in and my friends are gone! I need to get out of here! Use your mouse to navigate the hospital and collect objects. Click on objects to examine, collect, and interact with them. Click on the question marks in your inventory to other objects, or into the room, to combine. Escape the mental hospital!

Click above to play!

The Urinal Game

Click above

Jeffery Straker - "Gravity" - Official Music Video

Proud to count Jeff among my friends. (He's nice to look at as well!)

11 Front Yard Decorating and Landscaping Mistakes to Avoid

Sure, It's Your Yard. But Everyone Else has to Look at It

Our homes and yards are often personal expressions of who we are, and unless we live under the rules of a homeowners' association (HOA), we can pretty much landscape and decorate our front yards as we please.

However, some landscaping and decorating choices are best avoided. Among them: anything highly personalized, valuable, potentially offensive, or associated with hoarding.

Look at it this way: a front yard should be an entry garden that is pleasing, goes with the architectural style of a house, and uses plants that are native or indigenous to the region and are well maintained.

The entry and front door should also be easy to access, unless you live in a gate-guarded home or community.

Let your backyard be your personal outdoor space, where you can let your creativity, hobbies, passions, and favorite ways to relax all happen, privately.

No, They Can't Take That Away From Me. Or Can They?

Many cities and residential communities enforce or ban what you can and can't do with your front yard, which includes landscaping, decorating, and even operating something as innocent as a lemonade stand.

Before you build something, make plans, or invest time and money in your personal front yard project, check with local codes and ordinances.

To make it easier, consult this list of things that should not be happening in your front yard.

Click here to see the rest!

Art by Ruben Chavez

"It demonstrates a conflict between a man and a woman as well as the outer and inner expression of human nature. Their inner selves are executed in the form of transparent children, who are holding out their hands through the grating. As it’s getting dark (night falls) the children start to shine. This shining is a symbol of purity and sincerity that brings people together and gives a chance of making up when the dark time arrives.”
—#AlexanderMilov (artist)

Cuba's Fidel Castro, former president, dies aged 90

from BBCNews.com

Fidel Castro led the Communist revolution in Cuba in 1959

Fidel Castro, Cuba's former president and leader of the Communist revolution, has died aged 90, his brother has said.

"The commander in chief of the Cuban revolution died at 22:29 hours this evening (03:29 GMT Saturday)," President Raul Castro said.

Fidel Castro ruled Cuba as a one-party state for almost 50 years before Raul took over in 2008. His supporters said he had given Cuba back to the people. But he was also accused of suppressing opposition.

Obituary: Fidel Castro
Fidel Castro: A life in pictures

Ashen and grave, President Castro told the nation in an unexpected late night broadcast on state television that Fidel Castro had died and would be cremated on Saturday.
There would now be several days of national mourning on the island.

Barring the occasional newspaper column, Fidel Castro had essentially been retired from political life for some time, the BBC's Will Grant in Havana reports.
In April, Fidel Castro gave a rare speech on the final day of the country's Communist Party congress.

He acknowledged his advanced age but said Cuban communist concepts were still valid and the Cuban people "will be victorious".

Fidel Castro made a rare appearance at Cuba's Communist Party congress

"I'll soon be 90," the former president said, adding that this was "something I'd never imagined". "Soon I'll be like all the others, "to all our turn must come," Fidel Castro said.

Castro temporarily handed over the power to his brother in 2006 as he was recovering from an acute intestinal ailment.

Raul Castro officially became president two years later.

more at BBCNews.com

World's Easiest Quiz...

(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What colour is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane?


All done? To check your answers click here.

Normisms

What's doing, Norm?
"Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig."

What's up, Norm?
"My nipples. It's freezing out there."

What's shaking, Norm?
"All four cheeks & a couple of chins."

What's new, Norm?
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer."

What'd you like, Normie?
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."

What'll you have, Normie?
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of the tap."
Looks like beer, Norm.
"Call me Mister Lucky."

Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?
"Like a baby treats a diaper

What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
"The Bobbsey Twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."

Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.
"I know, if she calls, I'm not here."

What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"

"Whatcha up to, Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
I'm sorry to hear that.
"No, I mean pour."

How's life treating you, Norm?
"Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."

"Women. Can't live with 'em.... pass the beer nuts."

What's going down, Normie?
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?
"Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."

How's it going, Mr. Peterson?
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."

What's the story, Norm?
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?
"A little early, isn't it, Woody?"
For a beer?
"No, for stupid questions."

What's the story, Norm?
"Thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it."

What's new, Norm?
"Most of my wife."

Beer, Norm?
"Naah, I'd probably just drink it."

What's doing, Norm?
"Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig."

Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
"No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one."

How about a beer, Norm?
"Hey I'm high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life."

How's a beer sound, Norm?
"I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in."

Beer, Normie?
"Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week. Eh, why not, I'm still young."

Norm comes in with an attractive woman. Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
"With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe."

What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?
"Going down?"

What'll it be, Normie?
"Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel."

What do you say, Norm?
"Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer."

[coming in from the rain] "Evening, everybody."
Norm!
Still pouring, Norm?
"That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing."

Whaddya say, Norm?
"Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it goes."

[Norm goes into the bar at Vic's Bowl-A-Rama] Off-screen crowd: Norm!
Sam: How the hell do they know him here?
Cliff: He's got a life, you know.

What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?
"Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer."

How's life, Mr. Peterson?
"Oh, I'm waiting for the movie."

What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?
"Elope with my wife."

How's life in the fast lane, Normie?
"Beats me, I can't find the on-ramp."

What's happening, Mr. Peterson?
"The question, Woody, why is it happening to me?"

How are you today, Mr. Peterson?
"Never been better, Woody. ... Just once I'd like to be better."

Hey, Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one?
"See you later, Vera, I'll be at Cheers."

Well, look at you. You look like the cat that swallowed the canary.
"And I need a beer to wash him down."

Hey, Mr. Peterson, how's life?
"Well, the plot's okay, Woody, but it kind of falls apart at the end."

What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
"Let's talk about what's going in Mr. Peterson. A beer, Woody."

How's life treating you?
"It's not, Sammy, but that doesn't mean you can't."

Beer, Norm?
"Have I gotten that predictable? Good."

What do you know there, Norm?
"How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?"

Hey, how's life treating you there, Norm?
"Beats me. ... Then it kicks me and leaves me for dead."

How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
"Pretty nervous if I was in the room."

Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?
"The warranty on my liver."

What can I do for you, Norm?
"Open up those beer taps and, oh, take the day off, Sam."

What's going on, Normie?
"My birthday, Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and I'll blow out my liver."

How about a beer, Norm?
"That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!"

What's shaking Mr. Peterson?
"What isn't?"

How's it going, Norm?
"Cut the small talk and get me a beer."

What can I do for you Norm?
"Well, I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer so how about a first one?"

How's life Norm?
" Ask a man whose got one."

What'll you have, Norm?
"Fame, fortune, and fast women."
How 'bout a beer?
"Even better."

How's the world treating you, Norm?
"Like I just ran over its dog."

"Parking Place"

As pastor of a two-church parish, my husband had to drive every Sunday morning about six kilometers from the 9:30 service at one church to the 11 o'clock at the other. He would often find the parking lot of the second church full, and be forced to park down the road and race to the church on foot. The problem was finally solved when he selected a parking spot near the side door of the church, where he posted a sign: YOU PARK - YOU PREACH.

"News"

God called down to Moses and said, "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"

Moses replied, "Most merciful God, if I have brought you any favor, please give me the good news first."

"Moses, the good news is that I've chosen you to deliver my people from bondage," God answered. "I will force Pharaoh to release my children by causing years of pestilence in Egypt. There will be plagues of locusts and frogs and incredible devastation upon the land. Pharaoh's armies will chase you as you try to leave, but do not fear because I will part the waters of the Red Sea to aid in your escape."

"And the bad news?" Moses inquired.

"You have to prepare the Environmental Impact Statement," God replied.

Florence Henderson, beloved mom on 'The Brady Bunch,' dies at 82

Florence Henderson arrives at a gala in Los Angeles on Oct. 29, 2014. Henderson, who went from Broadway star to television icon when she became Carol Brady on "The Brady Bunch," has died at age 82. (Jordan Strauss / AP)

by Tribune news services Contact Reporter

Florence Henderson, who went from Broadway star to become one of America's most beloved television moms in "The Brady Bunch," has died, her manager and her publicist said. She was 82.

Henderson died Thursday night at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, after being hospitalized the day before, said her publicist, David Brokaw. Henderson had suffered heart failure, her manager Kayla Pressman said in a statement.

Family and friends had surrounded Henderson's hospital bedside, Pressman said.

On the surface, "The Brady Bunch" with Henderson as its ever-cheerful matriarch Carol Brady, resembled just another TV sitcom about a family living in suburban America and getting into a different wacky situation each week.

But well after it ended its initial run, in 1974, the show resonated with audiences, and it returned to television in various forms again and again, including "The Brady Bunch Hour" in 1977, "The Brady Brides" in 1981 and "The Bradys" in 1990. It was also seen endlessly in reruns.

"It represents what people always wanted: a loving family. It's such a gentle, innocent, sweet show, and I guess it proved there's always an audience for that," Henderson said in 1999.

more at The Hartford Courant

"Cannes" Photo Festival ;-)

From 2005 - but still pretty cool!

Architects and engineers compete to see whose team can build the most spectacular structure using little more than cans of food at Canstruction, the 13th annual NYC Design and Build competition in New York. The exhibit was at New York Design Center. At the end of the competition on 23 November 2005, the 130,000 cans that are part of the exhibit will be given to the Food Bank of New York City.

CAN-ERFLY


CAN-KONG


CAN-STER


CAN-&M's


CAN-MAID


CAN-SHUTTLE


CAN-OBRA


CAN-LIP


CAN-ALIENS

Do I Smell?

Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor, I washed my hair several times. That night when I went to bed, I leaned over to my husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?"

"No," he said, sniffing me. "Do I smell like Popeye?"

I don't get it. If you do... make a comment

Making Sense Of English!

Lets face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

What STR8 Guys Do In The Bathroom...

Click above.

I remember it well...

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together - over 50 years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well!"

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but very good idea!"

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.

Suddenly, they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen! This goes on for about forty minutes.

Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.

After about a half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing. He's got to ask them what their secret is.

As the couple passes, he say to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"


The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

Holy SH*T!

Trunk Monkey

Your Child and Bullying - Tips for Parents and Communities

(ARA) - Many children in America today are terrified to attend school. At the extreme, this is caused by the school shootings that have occurred over the past ten years and once again recently on a reservation in Red Lake, Minnesota. These shootings are tragedies that we must work hard to end. But a much more common reason that children fear going to school is because they are being teased, taunted and often physically attacked at and on their way to and from school.

This behavior, also known as bullying, is prevalent in the lives of 30 percent of school children within a school year. It is a phenomenon that we must address and is one that requires a coordinated response across our communities. Left unchecked it creates an environment within our schools that leads to greater and greater levels of violence, including the types of school shootings that have tragically captured the nation's attention.

Would you know what to do if your child or someone you knew constantly appeared sad, moody, teary or depressed, and has lost interest or refuses to go to school? These symptoms are not uncommon and could be signs that a student is being bullied. Bullying must no longer be treated as a right of passage for children as they move through the school system. It is too rampant in scope and the harm it causes is too profound to be treated so lightly.

In one way or another all students are impacted by the act of bullying. Children who are bullied are at a greater chance of school failure, dropping out, depression, sleep disorders, suicidal ideations, and committing acts of violence as a means of retaliation. Children who act as the bully also are impacted -- having a greater probability of committing criminal acts later in life, perpetuating family violence and also committing suicide at a greater rate. Bullying even harms the bystanders, leaving them feeling helpless, out of control, intimidated and guilty for not taking action. It is important for everyone to know what to do to protect all children from bullying whether it is taking place in their schools or in their communities.

Working in collaboration with the Child Welfare League of America and others, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services offers the following tips:

* Open up the lines of communication. Parents need to talk with their children about what is happening in their kids' lives -- both the good and the bad. This is particularly true about their hours in school and whether there is anything troubling about their school experience.

* If you are unsure, check your sources. If you are not certain that what your child is experiencing is bullying, do some research. There are very clearly defined warning signs. Go to StopBullyingNow to see if any of these fit the characteristics of your child.

* Help children take a stand. Empower children to notify an adult at their school if they are experiencing bullying and to stand up for themselves or others if they witness this action happening to their peers. Empowering them may mean standing by their side as they report this behavior to the school.

* Use every moment as a "teachable moment." Educators and school administrators need to use every opportunity to address the topic of bullying in their schools. They should use an incident of bullying as an opportunity to let all involved know that bullying is not acceptable and will not be allowed.

* Help to get your community focused on the problem of bullying. We can all play a pivotal role in developing coalitions designed to tackle this issue, helping to pass clear "codes of conduct" in our schools that address bullying in a proactive way, and targeting bullying early.

* Get a prevention program started in your community. Don't attempt to reinvent the wheel; instead consider one of the many useful programs located on the StopBullyingNow.hrsa.gov Web site. You can access information on step-by-step guides to get a program started where you live. Law enforcement can also be a vital resource in spearheading your efforts.

* Don't think that peer mediation and conflict resolution are the answer. Peer mediation and conflict resolution are not the best ways of dealing with most instances of bullying. These methods can re-traumatize the student who has been bullied and generally are not found to improve the relationship between the parties. Instead, adults should help the child being bullied to regain control of the situation through other means -- providing support and safety from retaliation for the child and any witnesses who report the bullying -- and holding the bully accountable for their actions.

* Create a safe and secure place for children to hang out. Children need a safe haven where they can feel protected from harm and deal with the issues that they are facing. We can all help to provide these places, while at the same time providing after school educational and recreational opportunities.

Bullying is no longer just a school-yard issue. In light of the school shootings in the late 90s and again in recent weeks, bullying is a problem that everyone needs to take personally. There are resources out there that all of us can use. Go to the Department of Health and Human Services Web site www.StopBullyingNow.hrsa.gov to find the tip sheets that parents, peers, kids, administrators, law enforcement, educators and communities can follow to do their part in making a difference in the lives of children who are being bullied. If we do, we may end up saving a child's life.

*Shay Bilchik is President and CEO, Child Welfare League of America

Two Sisters

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.

The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

! After buying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable".

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want ! her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, "comfortable?'"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slow. - - - - "com-for-da-bul"