INTERESTING TRIVIA and other stuff ***

Some of these are NOT true. Good reading tho

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb".



Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.


The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.


Men can read smaller print than women can; women's hearing is better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.


The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)


The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400


The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000


Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.


The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades = King David, Hearts = Charlemagne, Clubs = Alexander the Great, Diamonds = Julius Caesar


111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John
Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.


Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase ......... "goodnight, sleep tight."


It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.


In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"


Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.


AND FINALLY

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

Johnny

A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.

"Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off." You're going to break something. He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center. Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.

Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything. When he arrives she leads him to the bath room and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.

"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.
He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart!"

You're laughing aren't you...I know you are!!!

"Angus And The Pennies"

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently.

Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'...perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo time aboot time for a wee cuddle."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds.

Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. The the two turned once again to gaze out over the lock before the girl spoke again.

"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well,noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."

"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad, nodding.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"


"Jock And The Lottery"

Jock finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial problems. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.

"God, please help me. Ah've lost ma wee store and if Ah dinna get some money, Ah'm going to lose my hoose too. Please let me win the lottery!"

Lottery night! Someone else wins... Jock prays again.

"God, please let me win the lottery! Ah've lost my wee store, ma hoose and Ah'm going to lose ma car as weel!"

Lottery night again! Still no luck... Jock prays again.

"Ah've lost ma business, ma hoose and ma car. Ma bairns are starving. Ah dinna often ask Ye for help and Ah have always been a good servant to Ye. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so Ah can get back on ma feet!"

Suddenly there is a blinding flash as the heavens open and the voice of God Himself thunders:

"Jock at least meet Me half way and buy a ticket!"

*The Old Fart's Blog

Can you solve these logic question teasers?

Time to get out your paper and pens...

1. Cathy has six pairs of black gloves and six pairs of brown gloves in her drawer. In complete darkness, how many gloves must she take from the drawer in order to be sure to get a pair that match? Think carefully!!

2. Mom, Dad, and 2 kids have come to a river, and they find a boat. It is small and can only carry one adult or 2 kids at a time. Both kids are good rowers, but how can the whole family reach the other side of the river?

3. Why can't you take a picture of a Indian woman with hair curlers?

4. What is the largest possible number you can write using only 2 digits - just 2 digits, nothing else?

5. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the tallest mountain in the world?

6. Because cigars cannot be entirely smoked, a hobo who collects cigar butts can make a cigar to smoke out of every 5 butts that he finds. Today, he has collected 25 cigar butts. How many cigars will he be able to smoke?

7. Jenn is facetious. She is also abstemious. She gets pneumonia. Given those clues, what is the only American tree she will like?

8. How many birth days does the average man have?

9. Someone at a party introduces you to your mother's only sister's husband's sister in law. He has no brothers. What do you call this lady?

10. Which weighs more, a pound of feathers or a pound of gold?

11. Two planes take off at the same exact moment. They are flying across the Atlantic. One leaves New York and is flying to Paris at 500 miles per hour. The other leaves Paris and is flying to New York at only 450 miles per hour ( because of a strong head wind ). Which one will be closer to Paris when they meet?

12. A carpenter was in a terrible hurry. He had to work as quickly as possible to cut a very heavy 10 foot plank into 10 equal sections. If it takes 1 minute per cut, how long will it take him to get the 10 equal pieces?

13. Why are 1898 silver dollars worth more than 1897 silver dollars?

14. What English word can have 4 of its 5 letters removed and still retain it's original pronunciation?

15. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

16. In your sock drawer, you have a ratio of 5 pairs of blue socks, 4 pairs of brown socks, and 6 pairs of black socks. In complete darkness, how many socks would you need to pull out to get a matching pair of the same color?

17. How can a woman living in New Jersey, legally marry 3 men, without ever getting a divorce, be widowed, or becoming legally separated?

18. A woman goes into a hardware store to buy something for her house. When asked the price, the clerk replies, "the price of one is twelve cents, the price of forty-four is twenty-four cents, and the price a hundred and forty-four is thirty-six cents. What does the woman want to buy?

19. If there are 5 apples on the counter and you take away 2, how many do you have?

20. If, having only one match, on a freezing winter day, you entered a room which contained a lamp, a kerosene heater, and a wood burning stove, which should you light first.

Click here for the answers.

Spunky!

A hairdresser is offering clients a new conditioning treatment made out of bull's semen.


The 45-minute treatment costs £55 and uses semen from Aberdeen Angus bulls on a farm in Cheshire.

Hari's, in Knightsbridge, London, combines the sperm with the root of protein-rich plant katera, reports Metro.

The mixture is massaged into the client's hair after it has been shampooed. Then the customer is put under a steamer so the treatment penetrates the hair. Finally, it is blow-dried.

Salon owner Hari Salem said: "I have been searching for an organic product with a lot of protein because that is what hair is made of and lacks when it is dry.

"The semen is refrigerated before use and doesn't smell. It leaves your hair looking wonderfully soft and thick."

*Ananova

WOULD YOU RE-MARRY??

Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question.

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do"

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND : "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."

WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --





HUSBAND: "Shit."

Horses And WOMEN

This is an amazing video....The beginning has no sound but just wait.......

Did you hear about the horses that were trapped for 3 days on a tiny piece of land in wind and rain in the Netherlands? Apparently it had the nation mesmerized, watching more than 100 horses huddle against the wind and having to watch 18 of them die. First firemen, then the Dutch army, tried to rescue them - both unsuccessfully. So 4 WOMEN on horseback rode out to the rescue. Here's a video of it.

Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

A bar owner locked up his place at 2 AM and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. “What time do you open up in the morning?” he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.

The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. “Listen, the owner shouted, “there’s no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn’t let a person in your condition in—“



“I don’t want to get in,” the caller interjected. “I want to get out.”



When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery. "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."



Little Jonny was assigned a job for the choir on Christmas his job was when the choir sang ‘and the Angel lit the candle’ he was to come out and light the candle. So before the service on Christmas Eve they had a practice. So the choir got to the part and sang ‘and the Angel lit the candle’ and there was no Jonny so they sang it a bit louder thinking he didn't hear them and still no Jonny so they sang it even louder and finally Jonny came out and sang; And the cat peed on the matches!



The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.

"Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me."

An airline ticker office in Copenhagen reminds you:

WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS

A speaker at Democratic National Convention asked the audience, "Are you better off now?"

The audience answered in chorus voice, "Yes."

As soon as the loud voice turned silent, a delegate stood up and asked, "How did the GOP get better off?"

The speaker declared, "We all are on the same boat, remember?"

The delegate exasperated, "Yeah, Noah's Ark - animals in couples!"

Little Johnny

Remember reading all the Internet jokes about little Johnny?

You know, the kid the teachers are afraid to call on for answers in fear of what he may say......

Well finally, a photo of little Johnny. Think you can pick him out?

1911 Photos of Niagara Falls - Frozen Over

A True Female Joke

I have long contended there are male jokes and there are female jokes.

Here is a joke I consider a true female joke. I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it and men will pass it along to a woman who will love it.

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her.

Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00, on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.

The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address.

She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said...

"Clean my house."

Clean Humour

STORY OF ELIJAH

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar.

And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"

A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"



LOT'S WIFE

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"

GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."


DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied David.


"How could he, with just two worms?"

HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.

But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

One child blurted out, "Aces!"

MOSES &THE RED SEA

Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23.

She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Rick was so nervous.

When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."


CHURCH SMILES

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.



While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...

"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.

Caution: Do not step in exhaust.




Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.

The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."

Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.

He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

Murphy missed a few LAWS

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrives last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's really ugly.

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Law of Chinese Restaurants: If you are the ONLY customer sitting in a Chinese restaurant when the next person comes in the hostess will seat him/her right next to you.

Joke of the Day

Click Above.

The Love Doctor

Dear Love Doctor,

My boyfriend and I have been together for over three months now. This is our first true gay relationship. We have spent almost all of our time together. When I mention hanging out with old friends he tends to get upset and doesn't understand why. I really do enjoy being with him all of the time also. Recently, he made plans for dinner with his ex-girlfriend. He didn't understand why this upset me and why I'd be jealous.

Since we've been together he has made comments that she is a stalker and is obsessed with him. I don't understand why he'd put himself in this position. Please give me your input.

Signed,

Can't think of a name!

Dear Can't Think,

You have very little to worry about. If the ex-chick did it for him, he'd still be with her... not in your face all the time. There are probably a couple of reasons he agreed to go to dinner with her (notice I didn't call it a date). Either she annoyed the retail out of him and he's not strong enough to resist the "stalker" or he's just being a man and likes the fact that he's still wanted on all sides.

Let me tell you a little story about someone I know. We'll call him Eric. Eric met Alex about six years ago. They fell in love instantly and Eric never went home. When I say he never went home... I mean he literally never went back home!

He and Alex have been together ever since. Each day they both go to work, then return home and spend their entire evening together. They go bowling together, see movies together... they even share the same bathroom time getting ready for work in the morning. But about every six months or so I get a call from either Eric or Alex. They've had a terrible fight and don't understand how the other can be so insensitive about the sore spot of the month.

Usually, during a gasp of air in the midst of the teary soliloquy, I have time to get in one line. I remind them that they're always in each other's faces. They have denied themselves that precious "me" time that helps each of us humans recharge our batteries. Carrie from Sex and the City needed an hour after work uninterrupted to recharge her's. I need at least one sly affair with a Law and Order marathon to keep my boy annoyance meter low. Another friend of mine needs a night out on the town with only him and his friends to suppress the suffocation of a relationship.

The point is, we're not robots. We need time to ourselves just to get things in order. Give him some room to breathe. Let him go out with Erika Christensen if he wants. Actually, let him know that you're ok with his little dinner madness. By doing so you'll send a message that you trust him completely. He'll appreciate you letting him roam. And because of this brilliant strategic move on your part, he'll have no basis to get upset when you want to go out with your buddies later.

Lastly, give him an incentive to come home as quickly as possible for a little desert... and guess who's on the menu?


The Love Doctor

--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says)

Gone in 15 seconds

Having a bad day? Maybe a bad day is having you.

We all have them. Those days when nothing especially big went wrong, yet there we are - pissed off. "I can't believe some $ drivers, that $#% cut me off. That *#$ jerk in unit 306 is halfway into my parking stall again. Why didn't you answer your phone when I called?!" They are all relatively minor events, usually related to what another person did or didn't do, that often overshadow an otherwise good day. Sometimes we are conscious of it, and other times we may not even realise that we've allowed anger to ruin our equilibrium. Whether we're aware of our upset state or not, our physical reactions are similar: our eyes narrow, our jaws clench, our throats constrict, our hearts race, our breathing becomes shallow. It doesn't feel very good, does it?

So why do we insist on getting pissed off? We unwittingly impose expectations upon ourselves and others. When these expectations go unmet, we often respond with annoyance, irritability, or outright anger. Typically, our responses are not even directed at the person who we imagine has made us angry. We may even vent on inanimate objects that we've worked and paid money for - our car, our cell phone, the barbecue, the TV remote controls or anything else - as if abusive treatment will somehow ease our frustration. This behaviour could almost be viewed as comical if it didn't mean ruining some material thing that we could otherwise enjoy. But often it is our lovers, our friends, or even innocent strangers who suffer our wrath. Anyone who has been the victim - or even the witness - of another person's fit of rage knows that it isn't funny at all. Anger is an epidemic; we "catch" or internalise it even when it isn't ours, and later "lash out" or externalise it. We risk infecting the people that we love, or strangers that we possibly could love and so it may continue to spread in this way. According to my understanding of eastern philosophy, anger is suffering of the worst kind. This is why.

Anger destroys our innate sense of peace and will always conflict with happiness. To demonstrate my point, can you recall a time in your life when you were both angry and happy? Me neither. No despot or dictator - no matter how powerful, charismatic or clever - ever imposed control over humankind with the same ugly efficiency that anger takes over our minds.

It can take over much more quickly than we realize. "I'm mad" is a much more common statement than "oopsy, I'm starting to get a bit upset now". It also seduces us with a false sense of power and self-righteousness. We are never more "right" than when we are enraged. Anger is a lonely emotion; even our pets can sense our bad moods. and seek to avoid us. In a sense, anger can. also travel through time. A few hugs and treats later, Rover and Simba might forget all about our tantrums, but other human beings will not. They may resent our past pissiness long after the incident has occurred.

You say, "Okay, okay, anger is nasty but so is life. I can't help it. Sometimes I'm entitled to be angry. Everyone has a bad day. It's not my fault. It's the situation or someone else's fault."

It doesn't have to be that way, or at least, it doesn't have to be that way most of the time. Perhaps it's a genetic predisposition, a temporary chemical imbalance in our brain, this rat-race / "gotta-have-it" lifestyle that most of us conform to but seldom question. These are things that may bring us to eruptions of anger, among many others. But much of the anger we spread is preventable.

Extinguishing anger is a simple matter - simple, but not easy.

First, be clear about what anger really is. No one can make you angry, and it does not make you stronger. It is an ego-driven and animalistic emotion - you don't own it because it owns you, and you are not entitled to borrow it either. Anger spins complex real-world situations into over-simplified stand-offs; it is the cancer of communications, caring, and sharing; it is not your friend. Let these myths of power, entitlement and unavoidability wither away.

Second, decide that treating the disease is worthy of your attention and effort. Make a commitment to free yourself from it, and remind yourself of the ugliness of your actions when you were angry in the past.

The first two steps might be successfully accomplished before cocktail hour on a Friday. The third and last step is the one that requires some consistent daily effort. This involves becoming more self-aware by noting or observing your anger - out loud, under your breath, or as a mere thought - "there is anger" - even after it has taken control. Do NOT start in with excuses or claim ownership of it, just mentally note its existence. If this approach doesn't work, you might also try mentally noting the physical symptoms, such as your racing heart or tight throat. You'll be surprised at how quickly anger will start to ease once you simply note its presence. If anger already has control, the destruction has already started.

However, the sooner you begin to rid yourself of it, the less will be the damage to yourself and others. Sounds too simple to be true? Try out these three steps anyway.

You don't need to immediately run over and swap smooches with a person who just yesterday you imagined to be your worst enemy! Start out small - a petty annoyance or two. The lid off of the toothpaste again; the SUV that's slightly in the crosswalk; the photocopier emptied of paper. Mental noting is a skill, and you will improve your skill with practice. No one can promise you that you won't have any more bad days, but a few anger triggering events need not destroy your happiness, and that of others. With time and effort, you'll be pissing on angry-fires, not on yourself or someone else.

*By Imu.urme, Gay Calgary and Edmonton magazine
"Imu.urme" has studied and practiced Buddhism for over ten years - first here in Canada and later during five years of travel in Mexico and throughout East Asia. Having returned to Canada early in 2006, he wishes to shore some Buddhist principles that may offer some useful philosophical tools for living in a busy world. No matter what the spiritual tradition of readers, this writing is offered without motive - other than love and compassion for all others.

Riddle Me This!

What is this?

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Video Technology Explained

Everything you wanted to know about LCD, PLASMA and good ol' REGULAR TV's and Monitors. This is a word document. Once the page loads Open the file and choose VIEW|ZOOM|PAGE WIDTH (You will have to zoom in somehow.)

Click here.

The Altoids Hall of Curiosity

A page devoted to the Altoids Hall of Curiosity

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A Little Known Fact

LAS VEGAS CHURCHES

THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS, BUT THERE ARE MORE CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.

NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.

SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.

THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.







THIS IS DONE BY CHIP MONKS!



OH, I AM SO SORRY! YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU?? GOTCHA !!

The Goddess's Paintbrush

Enjoy Her beauty every day.

DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS ...

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy 's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them.

Went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed, staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

Absolutely AWESOME!! - Playa Cofi Jukebox

If you can stand the ugly webpage and the tinny sound quality, there are 1000's of songs to listen to organized by year from 1950-1999. Worth a check!


Click on the Jukebox and have a listen!

Christina Bianco - Diva Impressions 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'

The official glossary to running late...

"On the way..." - Still in bed.

"In the car..." - In the shower.

"GPS says 35 min..." - Getting ready.

"There's traffic..." - Leaving the house.

"Parking now..." - 15 minutes out.

"Can't find a spot..." - 5 minutes out.

"Walking in..." - Looking for a spot.

T.V. Trivia - Triple Tube!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The familiar “valentine” logo at the beginning and ending of I Love Lucy wasn’t added until the show went into syndicated reruns. When the show first aired in the 1950s, it was sponsored by Philip Morris, and began with Lucy and Ricky dancing around a huge pack of cigarettes. The show’s ending had Lucy lighting Ricky’s cigarette, chirping, “You see how easy it is to keep a man happy? Why not give your husband a carton of Philip Morris cigarettes?”

Dinah Shore won Emmys five years in a row (1955–59) in four different categories.

TAKING A SPIN (OFF)

 The fifth season of Superman-based Smallville introduced another superhero, Aquaman (played by Justin Hartley), that producers intended to spin off into a new series. A pilot was filmed (costarring Ving Rhames and Lou Diamond Phillips) that TV insiders called one of the best of the year. But when the fall 2006 schedule was announced, there was no Aquaman. Why? The WB network was merging with another network, UPN, and in consolidating their programming, had left a lot of shows on the sidelines, including Aquaman. Later that year, the pilot was quietly made available on iTunes and became its most-downloaded TV show. (It still never became a series.)

Longest-running music series of all time: Soul Train, 35 years.

THANKS, TELEVISION!

In 1998, after Katie Couric’s husband died of colorectal cancer, Couric became a vocal advocate for cancer awareness. She even had a colonoscopy on Today in 2000. After that, according to studies, 10 percent more American women underwent the procedure.

Bruce Lee was passed over for the lead in Kung Fu. (He was considered “too Asian” for US TV.)

Magic Gopher

Click Above.

If you can't figure it out, The Wizard has the answer! Email me by clicking on my picture at the top of 'OZ' and I will send you the trick.

Hexting

From The Wizard's Family Album

Anagrams

Do you have an anagram for anagram?

40 Maps That Will Help You Make Sense of the World

Hopefully some of these maps will surprise you and you’ll learn something new. A few are important to know, some interpret and display data in a beautiful or creative way, and a few may even make you chuckle or shake your head. Click below to visit:

The Only 22 Countries in the World Britain Has Not Invaded 

 Click above to visit more at Twisted Sifter

From The Emerald City

The Wizard is going to confer, converse, and otherwise hob-nob with my brother wizards.. Posting will resume on Friday. In the meantime check out the archives, so much to see!

The Wizard of 'OZ'