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Thursday, June 11, 2015

Strange Facts About The Human Body



Nose Every single day you, unless you are already bald, will lose as many as 100 strands of hair – that’s 36,500 in a year. This is rather worrying as the average human scalp has 100,000 hairs.

Nose A sneeze can blast out of your nose at a speed greater 100 mph

Nose The ashes of a cremated person weighs 9 pounds.

Nose The human body can survive longer without food than without sleep. While starvation takes a few weeks you would die after about 10 days without sleep.

Nose An average human drinks about 16, 000 gallons of water in a lifetime.

Nose Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our bodies.

Nose Your heart beats some 37,000,000 times in a year. During your life it’s will beat some two-and-a-half billion times.

Nose Every square inch of your body is populated by an about 32 million bacteria.

Nose Your largest internal organ is the small intestine at an average length of 20 feet. If cut into pasta size pieces it would serve four.

Nose 85% of your brain is water.

Nose Three-hundred-million cells die in the human body every minute.

Nose The largest human organ is the skin, with a surface area of about 25 square feet.

Nose Humans shed about 600,000 particles of skin every hour - about 1.5 pounds a year. By 70 years of age, an average person will have lost 105 pounds of skin.

Nose Humans shed and regrow outer skin cells about every 27 days - almost 1,000 new skins in a lifetime.

Nose It takes 17 muscles to smile --- 43 to frown.

Nose The average duration of sexual intercourse for humans is 2 minutes. – see pigs****

Nose It is impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath.

Nose The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet.

Nose You blink about 84 million times in a year.

Nose When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop-- even your heart!

Nose 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.

Nose Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2 -6 years old.

Nose In the course of a lifetime the average person will grow 2 Metres of nose hair.

Nose Ladies in nudist camps tend to use more makeup than ladies elsewhere.

Nose A team of medical experts in Virginia contends you're more likely to catch the common cold virus by shaking hands than by kissing.

Nose The human tooth has 55 miles of canal in it.

Nose Nerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles per hour.

Nose People have legs of slightly different lengths.

Nose The average cough comes out the mouth at 60 mph.

Nose Men / women The average person speaks about 31,500 words per day.

Nose Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

Nose It is estimated that at any one time, 0.7% of the world's population are drunk.

****Pigs: A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

Ways Elevators Will Get Totally Insane In 2016

from FastCodeDesign.com

THE COMPANY BEHIND 1 WTC'S SUPER-FAST ELEVATORS TELLS US ABOUT THE STAR TREK ELEVATORS THAT WILL BE COMING AS SOON AS NEXT YEAR.

On May 29, the One World Trade Center Observatory in New York will open up to the public. To get passengers to the 102nd floor as quickly as possible, 71 elevators designed by the German conglomerate ThyssenKrupp will ascend 1 WTC at a rate of 2,000 feet per minute, or more than three floors per second. That will make 1 WTC's elevators the fastest in the Western hemisphere.

If you think that's impressive, you ain't seen nothing yet. We spoke to Patrick Bass, CEO of ThyssenKrupp North America, about the elevators of the near future. Although today's elevators are really fast, tomorrow's lifts will blow your mind.

image by Thyessen Krup
image by Thyessen Krup
click here to visit the site.

Music Genres Perfectly Explained

by Christen Grumstrup, from Dose.com

Blugrass explained
Blues explained
Classic Rock explained
Country explained
Folk explained
Indie explained
Jazz explained
Pop explained
Punk explained
rap explained

British actor Christopher Lee dead at 93

Christopher Lee
Christopher Lee, known for his role as Saruman in "The Lord of the Rings," has died at the age of 93, multiple sources have confirmed.

According to reports in The Telegraph and The Guardian, among others, the actor died on Sunday.

In addition to his role as Saruman, which he performed through the "Lord of the Rings" film trilogy, Lee was known for having played Count Dracula in 1958 and Count Dooku in "Stars Wars" episodes II and III.

The actor, who was knighted in 2009, also released a series of heavy metal albums.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Three Couples

3 Newlywed Couples
Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot".

The second man married a telephone operator.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,"Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...Va-voom.".

The third man married a school teacher.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty but teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day.

At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

Dave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.

The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, " You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary."

At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

The telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.

Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as their voices."

The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was her a nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your three minutes are up."

Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teachers husband would be calling any minute.

Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couples room. The man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and legs.

Joe fearing the worst, asked " What happened to you? Did you have a fight?"

The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

Cool Scenery


Check out the tiny kids playing ball way back there!

In two days tomorrow will be yesterday

Today is no special day and I have no particular reason for posting this... I have no news to tell you.... nor any problems to discuss with you.... or gossip to tell you... It's only one of those happy moments... when I thought of life... and I would like to share these thoughts with you...

MANY SMILES BEGIN BECAUSE OF ANOTHER SMILE... Keepscrolling, and if you don't smile, then I believe you must be dead!!!

Always have good self esteem...

Take care of your friends, especially those dearest to you...

Take care of your body...

But most of all find time to relax...


Big Hug from The Wizard of 'OZ'...



To The World You Might Be One Person; But To One Person You Might Be the World.

The Library of Random MAN Knowledge

 Click here to go to the site for more MAN knowledge
Click above to see more at ArtOfManliness.com

Tuesday, June 09, 2015

Fido Is Amazing!

an interactive flash presentation
Click here to blow your mind!

Click here.

Click above to have Fido-Dido do a math trick. Once there,
to advance screens, click on the mini Dido on the right

His name is Fido Dido. Who is Fido Dido?

Fido Dido [ˈfaɪdoʊ ˈdaɪdoʊ] is a cartoon character created by Joanna Ferrone and Sue Rose. Rose first developed the character in 1985, on a napkin in a restaurant. They later stenciled Fido on T-shirts with the credo: "Fido is for Fido, Fido is against no one". These T-shirts became very popular in New York.

Fido Dido was licensed to PepsiCo in 1987, but the character did not receive much attention or popularity until the early 1990s, when he appeared on numerous products, particularly stationery. Later, he was replaced with Cool Spot as the brand mascot.

Fido Dido reappeared in the 2000s, and is still father to his son Mario and his daughter Julia P. Dido, as of April 2015, used on cans and advertising for 7 Up in countries worldwide. Fido Dido has been licensed to Pepsico & Slice brands in markets outside the United States; 7 Up, a product of Dr Pepper Snapple Group, is licensed to Pepsico for manufacture and distribution in markets outside the United States.

Fido Dido is also used on PepsiCo's Turkish soft drink Fruko.

New Policies


SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence.

YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your replacement.

REST ROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names being with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door open.

PAYCHECK GUIDE:
The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks:

Item Amount:
Gross pay $1,222.02
Income tax $244.40
Outgo tax $45.21
Provincial tax $11.61
GST Rax $11.61
City tax $12.22
Rural tax $4.44
Back tax $1.11
Front tax $1.16
Side tax $1.61
Up tax $2.22
Down tax $1.11
Tic-Tacs $1.98
Thumbtacks $3.93
Carpet tacks $0.98
Stadium tax $0.69
Flat tax $8.32
Surtax $3.46
Corporate tax $2.60
Parking fee $5.00
CPP $81.88
T.G.I.F. Fund $9.95
Life insurance $5.85
Health insurance $16.23
Dental insurance $4.50
Mental insurance $4.33
Reassurance $0.11
Disability $2.50
Ability $0.25
Liability $3.41
Unreliability $10.99
Coffee $6.85
Coffee Cups $66.51
Floor rental $16.85
Chair rental $0.32
Desk rental $4.32
Union dues $5.85
Union don'ts $3.77
Cash advance $0.69
Cash retreats $121.35
Overtime $1.26
Undertime $54.83
Eastern time $9.00
Central time $8.00
Mountain time $7.00
Pacific time $6.00
Time Out $12.21
Oxygen $10.02
Water $16.54
Heat $51.42
Cool air $26.83
Hot air $20.00
Miscellaneous $113.29
Sundry $12.09
Various $8.01
Net Take Home Pay $0.02

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week!!!

THE GREAT CHILI COOK-OFF

NOTE: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third is even better.

Chili Cookoff

For those of you who may have lived in Texas, you know how true this is! They actually have a chili cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome! You will likely want to read this behind closed doors because, if you are like me, you will be howling out loud.

THE INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."


Here are the scorecards from the event:


CHILI # 1 MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.


CHILI # 2 ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


CHILI # 3 FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer.

CHILI # 4 BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burnout taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?


CHILI # 5 LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very Impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage, Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pissed me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!


CHILI # 6 VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!


CHILI # 7 SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge Number 3, He appears to be in a bit of distress and he is cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Monday, June 08, 2015

Diagnosis

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house, a woman complains: "I've been a little sick to my stomach."

The older doctor says: "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick."

As they left, the younger man said: "You didn't even examine that woman. How do you come to the diagnosis so quickly?"

"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick."

The younger doctor said: "Pretty clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house."

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said: "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."

"You've probably been doing too much for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doctor said: "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is most certainly correct, she's very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?"

"I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the pastor under the bed."

What Love means to 4-8 year old kids

A group of professional people posed this questionn to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?'


The answers they got were broader, deeper, and more profound than anyone could have ever imagined!

See what you think:

'When my grandmother got arthritis , she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

--Rebecca- age 8


'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

--Billy - age 4


'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

--Karl - age 5


'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

--Chrissy - age 6


'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

--Terri - age 4


'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

--Danny - age 8


'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and just listen.'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)


'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. '

--Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)


'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'

--Noelle - age 7


'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

--Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I wason a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

--Cindy - age 8


'My mommy loves me more than anybody you don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

--Clare - age 6


'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'

--Elaine-age 5


'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'

--Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

--Mary Ann - age 4


'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

--Lauren - age 4


'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)

--Karen - age 7


'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross..'

--Mark - age 6


'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'

--Jessica - age 8


And the final one:


The winner was a four year old chilfd whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap , and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing , I just helped him cry.'

Moose play in the sprinkler on a warm day


Sunday, June 07, 2015

New Face On Mars Sighted!!!!

This is the one discovered just a few short months ago:

The First Face Discovered

Click on the picture above to see the latest sighting.

The Black Cat Maukie

If you tease her with the mouse pointer on her chest or stomach she will purr, and to get her to meeow, rub her forehead with the pointer.

If you make a slow circle around her body, (counterclockwise) not only will her head/eyes follow your pointer, but toward the top, her paw will go up, and when in front of her paws at the bottom, her foot comes out like she wants to play with your mouse pointer.

(Don't hold the mouse down, just move it)


Click here.

Rub The Lamp

One night a guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and starts talking to him. As they were talking, the guy turns around and says to the bartender, "I bet you I could show you something you have never seen before in your life."

The bartender says, "That would be kind of hard because I have seen almost everything in my life." So the guy says, "No, trust me, you have never seen this before in your life."

The bartender got curious and says, "Alright, let me see what it is." So the guy says, "Alright."

The guy takes out of his pocket a 12 inch man playing the piano.

The bartender was so amazed because he had never seen anything like that before in his life! So he asks the guy, "How the hell did you get a hold of that?" and the guy says, "Well, I've got this genie and he gives you anything that you wish for."

"Do you think I could borrow that genie for a second?" the bartender asks, and the guy says, "Sure" and gives him the magic lamp.

The bartender takes the lamp to the back room and rubs it. Next thing you know, a genie comes out of the lamp and says, "Anything you wish for is my command."

The bartender wishes for a million bucks, but the genie gave him a million ducks. So the bartender comes back out and says to the guy, "Yo buddy, I think your genie is a little hard of hearing because I wished for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks."

The the guy goes, "Tell me about it, I originally wished for a 12 inch penis, not a 12 inch pianist."

Saturday, June 06, 2015

Wacky People Dichotomous Key Lab

Wacky People Dichotomous Key Lab
Instructions on how to use the key:

The purpose of using the key is to name the creature shown. Stick with one character until the name is reached,
then go to the next.

• A dichotomous key gives instructions in pairs of statements.
• With each character, start with the first pair of statements.
• Decide which description describes your chosen character best and follow the line to the right.
• There will either be a number or a name. If it is a number, go to the pair of steps with that
number, for example, if the number is 3, go to steps 3a and 3b.
• If the line ends in a name you have identified your character, so write it down by the creature.
• Continue until each creature has a name. There is only one creature per name, and no creature has two names.

Click here for the exercise. Note ANSWERS ON THE LAST PAGE of the PDF. NO CHEATING!

The Saskatchewan Roughrider's Minion!

The Saskatchewan Roughrider's Minion!
Go Riders!

Hamzilla


The Avenue Community Centre for Gender and Sexual Diversity is now OUT Saskatoon

OUT Saskatoon


Visit their facebook page!

 Click here to visit!

Visit their new web page!

Good luck in your adventures under the new name.

Friday, June 05, 2015

The Wizard of 'OZ' is an '8' - Gay/Str8 Acting

8 on Gay/STR8 Acting

Click above to take your own test.

ME - LEVEL 8 -- EXTREMELY FEMININE

You got it, you flaunt it. You don't even try to hide it. You want the world to know that you are proud of who you are and if it means two snaps with a 'you go girlfriend' then so be it. Life is too short to be someone you're not, and you'll be damned if you're going to suppress your girlish charm for anyone.

Oh, you're straight? So is spaghetti until it gets hot.

Creepy - but cool!

Ozzy and Slash... Why wouldn't they want to have tea together?
Ozzy and Slash... Why wouldn't they want to have tea together?

The Other Side...

doorway to the other side
The office is located on the opposite side of the Veil, the one you pass through when you leave the physical dimension. A subtle shift in the air current announces your arrival. I slide open the glass window and ask your name so I can check it against the list I have on my clipboard.

“Welcome to the Other Side. We’ve been expecting you. All is ready, but first, we must complete the final paperwork before we see you through the door beyond this reception area. Yes, even here on the Other Side there’s paperwork, but you may be relieved to know that the inevitable death and taxes you heard of and spoke so much about when you were ‘alive’ don’t apply. Oh, yes, here’s your name on my list for today. I’ve just checked it off.

I was so glad to see you walk through my door safe and sound, again. Again, you ask? Why, sure, honey, we all have multiple lives, some more than others, but you’ll understand it all again when you pass through the next door.

Now, before you go on your way, I have just a few more questions:

How did you die this time? Old age, you say. Quietly in your sleep, or face-first in your soup at the dining room table? Soup. Oh, yes, now I see it. Here, let me wipe off the ring of tomato soup on your face with the napkin tucked in the top of your shirt. There, that’s got it. I can toss the napkin away for you. I have a feeling you won’t need it any longer. Here, let me just brush those stray hairs back out of your eyes. There you go. Who is going to greet you on the other side of the next door? Your wife and one of your kids, your parents, grandparents, and two siblings. Well, that sounds like it’s going to be quite the reunion. I’m excited for you. I hope someone brought cake!

Will you want to go back and attend your own funeral? No, it isn’t weird. Many people do it you know. I showed up at my own funeral to see who and how many people came to pay their last respects. I’m glad I went. I was able to say my goodbyes to a lot more people without having to go to their homes and freak them out when I sit on the end of their beds and start talking to them. Most don’t hear me, so I really don’t know what I’m worried about.

Now, getting back to you: You do know that you’re dead, right? I had to ask, you know, considering that ‘deer in the headlights’ look you have on your face. Let me reassure you that you actually keeled over at the kitchen table at home when you sat down to eat your bowl of tomato soup. You can watch a replay of your last moments once you pass through the door there. Someone will escort you to meet your loved ones after a quick review of your life experiences since the last time you were here.

I know, I know, you thought you would see a really bright light and that all of your loved ones would be in it, greeting you and at the front door, so to speak. They always skip over the part where you go through Reception first. This short visit to my office is a precaution, really; we don’t want anyone crossing over before it’s their time.

Having said that, though, we do issue visitor passes. You’d be amazed how many souls arrive here on the astral travelling plan. You know the one: You used to astral travel most every night after you laid down and fell asleep, but the only time you stopped and spoke to me here at my window was when you travelled here the first time and asked for an infinite visitation pass. We always liked seeing you as you breezed past my reception window, opened the doorway into infinity and commenced your nightly adventures. Sometimes we were concerned when you didn’t come back when we figured it was time you did, so we’d give a little tug on your silver cord to get your attention, you know, a bit of encouragement to get you to return. You always came back through the office with a smile on your face, but on those nights we tugged on your cord, you’d come sailing back through the doorway with the biggest grin on your face, your hair blown back, and your entire body just glowing with radiant energy. Did you know that the energy you brought back with you touched everyone here and on Earth, too? It’s funny how that happens.

Enough reminiscing; I will just stamp my approval for you to proceed on your paperwork and you can be on your way. Please give it to the person just inside the door. They need to see that ‘approved’ stamp.

It was such a pleasure to see you again. Even though you can’t quite place me right now, in time you’ll remember me. Whenever you hear the wind sigh through the trees, see it play across a field of tall grass, or hear the subtlest whisper in your ear, you will remember that I was the one with the angel wings and long, flowing robes that opened the front door and welcomed you home.

(This story is also on Medium, a blog-publishing forum.)

Fun Facts about Rainbows

Rainbow
Rainbows can only appear directly opposite from the sun. Where, and even if, a rainbow appears is influenced by where the viewer is in relationship to the sun.

Rainbows have no set physical location. A person who appears to be standing at the end of a rainbow from another person's perspective won't see the rainbow in the same place, but will instead see another rainbow in a different location, opposite the sun. The top of the arc is always centered on the viewer's head.

Sometimes a so-called "double rainbow" forms, with a more faint rainbow appearing on top of the main one. This occurs when the light is reflected twice in each raindrop, instead of just once. The double reflection causes the second rainbow to be inverted, so in a double rainbow, the colors in the secondary rainbow appearin the reverse order compared to the primary, or darker rainbow.

The sky beneath a rainbow appears brighter than the sky above it. Light rays are refracted into the area inside the arch, causing that area to appear brighter. The area outside the rainbow appears darker by contrast.

Rainbows appear to be a semi-circle because the horizon interferes. In order to see the full circle of the rainbow, you would have to look down on it with the sun behind you.
Double Rainbow