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Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Friday, January 10, 2014
Driving Etiquette
A woman is driving at night on a narrow country road...
At the same time a man is driving in the opposite direction on that same road.
When they narrowly pass each other at high speed, the woman rolls down her window and loudly shouts - HORSE!
Immediately the man shouts back - BITCH!
The man laughs. He is proud to have reacted so quickly to the shouting woman and takes the next turn in the road, maintaining his speed.
The moral of this story: Men never understand anything that a woman says!
At the same time a man is driving in the opposite direction on that same road.
When they narrowly pass each other at high speed, the woman rolls down her window and loudly shouts - HORSE!
Immediately the man shouts back - BITCH!
The man laughs. He is proud to have reacted so quickly to the shouting woman and takes the next turn in the road, maintaining his speed.
The moral of this story: Men never understand anything that a woman says!
This Girl Spent $30,000 Converting Her House Into… WHAT? I Don’t Know If This Is Nerdy Or Awesome.
from Buzzfeed.com
Line Rainville is probably the world’s biggest Star Trek fan, and it’s not just all talk (and you know how big those fanboys and girls can talk). This girl decided to spend $30,000 transforming her house into one, giant, testament to her dedication to the series: the Starship Enterprise. I thought I liked television, but this woman has boldly gone where no man has gone before.
Click above to go to buzzfeed.comhttps://www.buzzfeed.com/matthewtucker/pictures-of-a-basement-flat-turned-into-the-starship-ente and see the pictures and story
Thursday, January 09, 2014
New Intel Chip
INTRODUCING the greatest and most powerful new chip out of INTEL's(TM) Microprocessor Labs: The Potato(TM) Chip.
Finally, with much fanfare, the newest upgrade to the best selling Pentium4(TM) processor is released. The Potato(TM) Chip uses the latest in biochemical and electonic engineering. This newly developed organic microprocessor outshines the previous generation.
The Potato(TM) Chip has 100% more speed, 100% more memory, 1/10th the heat generation and 100000% more starch than the traditional 2.8Ghz Pentium4(TM) Chip.
The new Potato(TM) Chip will soon be available in several flavors: Standard for the generic PC, Bar-b-que for those engineers and scientists who need an extra kick, Cajun for secretaries so that the engineers can drool over it, Sour-Cream and Onion for the very low end user, and Low Sodium for the laptop market.
Soon a modified version of the Potato(TM) Chip will be released for the Very High End Computing sector. The new chip will be used in powerful parallel and supercomputer systems. The chip will have a slightly modified shape, color, and will be stackable. This project is code named Pringles(TM).
Intel(TM) is beating out Motorola(TM) by two months for its own new chip: The Tortilla(TM) Chip. Industry insiders believe that the marketing hype for the Tortilla(TM) chip is overblown. Motorola's(TM) new chip is just too late and too underpowered compared to the Intel processor. In addition, the Tortilla(TM) is completely incompatible with the Potato(TM) Chip and is based upon a very different technology.
Finally, with much fanfare, the newest upgrade to the best selling Pentium4(TM) processor is released. The Potato(TM) Chip uses the latest in biochemical and electonic engineering. This newly developed organic microprocessor outshines the previous generation. The Potato(TM) Chip has 100% more speed, 100% more memory, 1/10th the heat generation and 100000% more starch than the traditional 2.8Ghz Pentium4(TM) Chip.
The new Potato(TM) Chip will soon be available in several flavors: Standard for the generic PC, Bar-b-que for those engineers and scientists who need an extra kick, Cajun for secretaries so that the engineers can drool over it, Sour-Cream and Onion for the very low end user, and Low Sodium for the laptop market.
Soon a modified version of the Potato(TM) Chip will be released for the Very High End Computing sector. The new chip will be used in powerful parallel and supercomputer systems. The chip will have a slightly modified shape, color, and will be stackable. This project is code named Pringles(TM).
Intel(TM) is beating out Motorola(TM) by two months for its own new chip: The Tortilla(TM) Chip. Industry insiders believe that the marketing hype for the Tortilla(TM) chip is overblown. Motorola's(TM) new chip is just too late and too underpowered compared to the Intel processor. In addition, the Tortilla(TM) is completely incompatible with the Potato(TM) Chip and is based upon a very different technology.
The Mountie and the Juggler
A 'true' story and he was going to the Shrine Circus which was a noble event.
A Mountie pulled a car over on the Trans Canada about 2 miles West of Langley. When the Mountie asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Chilliwack to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.
The Mountie told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. The driver told the Mountie that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Mountie told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could.
So the Mountie got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunk, good old boy, driving through from Vancouver got out and watched the performance briefly. He then went over to the patrol car,opened the rear door and got in.
The Mountie observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take me to jail, cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test!"
A Mountie pulled a car over on the Trans Canada about 2 miles West of Langley. When the Mountie asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Chilliwack to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.
The Mountie told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. The driver told the Mountie that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Mountie told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could.
So the Mountie got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunk, good old boy, driving through from Vancouver got out and watched the performance briefly. He then went over to the patrol car,opened the rear door and got in.
The Mountie observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take me to jail, cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test!"
Wednesday, January 08, 2014
Austin Powers Pick Up Lines
1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.
2. Nice legs...what time do they open?
3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
7. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?
8. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
9. Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
13. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
14. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
15. Are those real?
16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
19. (Look down at your crotch) Well, it's not just going to suck itself.
20. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
21. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
22. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?
23. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
24. My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
25. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
26. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
27. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
28. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
29. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.
30. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
31. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
32. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?
34. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.
35. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???
36. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.
37. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
38. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.
2. Nice legs...what time do they open?
3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
7. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?
8. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
9. Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
13. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
14. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
15. Are those real?
16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
19. (Look down at your crotch) Well, it's not just going to suck itself.
20. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
21. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
22. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?
23. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
24. My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
25. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
26. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
27. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
28. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
29. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.
30. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
31. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
32. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?
34. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.
35. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???
36. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.
37. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
38. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.
Tuesday, January 07, 2014
Spot the differences
Click Above. Use your back button to return to 'OZ'.. If you still want to...
Pharmacology lesson:
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and a generic name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of acetaminophen. Aleve is also called naproxen. Amoxil is also called amoxicillin and Advil is also called ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadud, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix and, of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously, we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails," "highballs," and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink."
Pepsi will market the new concoction under the name of "MOUNT & DO."
ENJOY!
For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of acetaminophen. Aleve is also called naproxen. Amoxil is also called amoxicillin and Advil is also called ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadud, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix and, of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously, we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails," "highballs," and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink."
Pepsi will market the new concoction under the name of "MOUNT & DO."
ENJOY!
Monday, January 06, 2014
Have you ever wondered just how your computer works???
Well... It's finally explained here in one, easy to understand, illustration!
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| Click above |
Sunday, January 05, 2014
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU MEET A QUEER PERSON:
HINTS FOR HETEROSEXUALS
1. Do not run screaming from the room. This is rude.
2. If you must back away, do so slowly and with discretion.
3. Do not assume she/he is attracted to you.
4. Do not assume he/she is not attracted to you.
5. Do not assume that you are not attracted to her/him.
6. Do not expect him/her to be as excited about meeting a straight person as you may be about meeting a queer person.
7. Do not immediately start talking about your boy/girlfriend or husband/wife in order to make it clear that you are straight.
8. Do not ask them how they got that way. Instead, ask yourself how you got the way you are.
9. Do not assume they are dying to talk about being gay.
10. Do not expect them to refrain from talking about being gay.
11. Do not trivialize their experience by assuming it is a bedroom issue. They are gay twenty-four hours a day.
1. Do not run screaming from the room. This is rude.
2. If you must back away, do so slowly and with discretion.
3. Do not assume she/he is attracted to you.
4. Do not assume he/she is not attracted to you.
5. Do not assume that you are not attracted to her/him.
6. Do not expect him/her to be as excited about meeting a straight person as you may be about meeting a queer person.
7. Do not immediately start talking about your boy/girlfriend or husband/wife in order to make it clear that you are straight.
8. Do not ask them how they got that way. Instead, ask yourself how you got the way you are.
9. Do not assume they are dying to talk about being gay.
10. Do not expect them to refrain from talking about being gay.
11. Do not trivialize their experience by assuming it is a bedroom issue. They are gay twenty-four hours a day.
Zero to 200....
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
"Look!" she said, "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."
So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Services will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday the 12th. Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service. Please send you donations to the "Think Before You Say Things To Your Wife."
"Look!" she said, "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."
So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Services will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday the 12th. Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service. Please send you donations to the "Think Before You Say Things To Your Wife."
ONE ROSE & A KIND WORD
THESE ARE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going!
Saturday, January 04, 2014
How to ship a hippo
You'll need:
1 hippo
1,000-gallon tank per hippo
1,000 gallons of water
Crane
1-pound sedative
Soothing hippo music
2 Aspirin (for you)
How to pack:
1. Fill your tank with 800 gallons of water. Start yesterday. Remember, a medium-sized hippo takes up at least 200 gallons. (Just out of curiosity, why do you have a hippo, anyway?)
2. Apply sedative. Take two Aspirin.
3. Hold it, hold it - put the hippo in the tank, first. Start with soothing hippo music, followed by a large winch and crane.
4. Now go relax in a hot bath before the forklift arrives.
WAIVER: We in no way advocate moving a hippo or any animal without the express advice and consent of your local vet or zoo keeper.
1 hippo
1,000-gallon tank per hippo
1,000 gallons of water
Crane
1-pound sedative
Soothing hippo music
2 Aspirin (for you)
How to pack:
1. Fill your tank with 800 gallons of water. Start yesterday. Remember, a medium-sized hippo takes up at least 200 gallons. (Just out of curiosity, why do you have a hippo, anyway?)
2. Apply sedative. Take two Aspirin.
3. Hold it, hold it - put the hippo in the tank, first. Start with soothing hippo music, followed by a large winch and crane.
4. Now go relax in a hot bath before the forklift arrives.
WAIVER: We in no way advocate moving a hippo or any animal without the express advice and consent of your local vet or zoo keeper.
Think Outside the Box
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your small car?
Think before you continue reading.
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again...
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered, "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside the Box."
HOWEVER, the correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers!!!!
I just love happy endings!
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your small car?
Think before you continue reading.
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again...
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered, "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside the Box."
HOWEVER, the correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers!!!!
I just love happy endings!
Friday, January 03, 2014
SPAM you never get...
New Dog Breeds
Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland + Basset Hound
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, owned by... oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work
Bull Terrier + Shitzu
Oh, never mind...
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland + Basset Hound
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, owned by... oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work
Bull Terrier + Shitzu
Oh, never mind...
O…M…G!! Rob Ford Election 2014: Toronto Mayor Wants Another Term
The Huffington Post Canada
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s New Year’s resolution is to win the next mayoral election.
Ford was the first in line to file his nomination papers on Thursday morning, CP24 reports. Thursday is the first day mayoral and city council hopefuls can register to get their name on the October municipal election ballot.
"I've been the best mayor that this city has ever had," Ford told reporters. The mayor also said his slogan will be "Ford more years."
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s New Year’s resolution is to win the next mayoral election.
Ford was the first in line to file his nomination papers on Thursday morning, CP24 reports. Thursday is the first day mayoral and city council hopefuls can register to get their name on the October municipal election ballot.
"I've been the best mayor that this city has ever had," Ford told reporters. The mayor also said his slogan will be "Ford more years."
Thursday, January 02, 2014
Popsicle
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted.
A few moments passed ... "An ambulance just drove by"
A few moments later," Looks like the Anderson's have company", he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike....."
A few moments later, 'Looks like the Sanders are moving"
"Jason is on his skate board...."
A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex !!"
Startled, his Mother and Dad shot up in bed ! Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having sex ?"
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted.
A few moments passed ... "An ambulance just drove by"
A few moments later," Looks like the Anderson's have company", he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike....."
A few moments later, 'Looks like the Sanders are moving"
"Jason is on his skate board...."
A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex !!"
Startled, his Mother and Dad shot up in bed ! Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having sex ?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too."
The Test
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered why she would ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, is delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?" Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" Harry: "Firetruck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... "
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered why she would ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, is delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?" Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" Harry: "Firetruck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... "
Anti-Gay Documentary Hits Theaters in 2014
by Ramon Johnson, gaylife.about.com
Our pleasant friends at Focus on the Family have decided to take their message (propaganda) to the big screen in 2014 in the form of a documentary about the negative affects of homosexuality on traditional family values.
Accroding to its description, the brain wash, titled Irreplaceable, tells the story of "one man's journey to determine if traditional families are still relevant to our world. The documentary explores the importance of family with a diversity of experts who enlighten audiences on whether the concept of the traditional family is meaningful, or in fact outdated. IRREPLACEABLE asks families of all faiths and backgrounds to consider the questions, 'What is a family?,' 'Is today's family dynamic in trouble?,' 'Are families relevant in today's society?,' and 'Is my family worth fighting for in an era where divorce is so prevalent?'"
Irreplaceable will screen at AMC theaters, where I'm sure they'll have to give away tickets.
From youtube:
Our pleasant friends at Focus on the Family have decided to take their message (propaganda) to the big screen in 2014 in the form of a documentary about the negative affects of homosexuality on traditional family values.
Accroding to its description, the brain wash, titled Irreplaceable, tells the story of "one man's journey to determine if traditional families are still relevant to our world. The documentary explores the importance of family with a diversity of experts who enlighten audiences on whether the concept of the traditional family is meaningful, or in fact outdated. IRREPLACEABLE asks families of all faiths and backgrounds to consider the questions, 'What is a family?,' 'Is today's family dynamic in trouble?,' 'Are families relevant in today's society?,' and 'Is my family worth fighting for in an era where divorce is so prevalent?'"
Irreplaceable will screen at AMC theaters, where I'm sure they'll have to give away tickets.
From youtube:
Sylvester catches Tweety
Watch this until Sylvester catches Tweety...(wait for it. It's worth it)... then scroll down...
This was an idiot test. How long did you watch?
0-2 seconds - there's hope for you
2-5 seconds - having a bad day?
5-10 seconds - are you maybe just a slow reader?
10-20 seconds - remedial classes are nothing to be ashamed of
20-30 seconds - it is recommended that you don't breed.
30 sec-1 min - you probably can't read this anyway. So why bother?
1-2 min - the equivalent of the average house plant
2-5 min - Good afternoon Mr Bush
5 min-1 hr - Dead people score in this range
1hr plus - congratulations. You have a negative IQ. To find out what your prize is, watch bugs until he finishes his carrot...
0-2 seconds - there's hope for you
2-5 seconds - having a bad day?
5-10 seconds - are you maybe just a slow reader?
10-20 seconds - remedial classes are nothing to be ashamed of
20-30 seconds - it is recommended that you don't breed.
30 sec-1 min - you probably can't read this anyway. So why bother?
1-2 min - the equivalent of the average house plant
2-5 min - Good afternoon Mr Bush
5 min-1 hr - Dead people score in this range
1hr plus - congratulations. You have a negative IQ. To find out what your prize is, watch bugs until he finishes his carrot...
Wednesday, January 01, 2014
Watch This . . .
THANKS TO ME... YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO FOR A LITTLE WHILE NOW!!
Have a Wonderful Day!
ZEN FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY
1. Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set.
2. A Day Without Sunshine is Like, Night.
3. On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers..
4. I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Wasn't Familiar Territory.
5. 42.7% Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The Spot.
6. Light Travels Faster Than Sound, Which Is Why Some People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak.
7. I Feel Like I'm Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe.
8. Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet.
9. Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below Average.
10. He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest.
11. Depression Is Merely Anger Without Enthusiasm.
12. The Early Bird May Get The Worm, But The Second Mouse Gets The Cheese.
13. I Drive Way Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol.
14. Support Bacteria. They're The Only Culture Some People Have.
15. Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend 1/7 Of Your Week.
16. A Clear Conscience Is Usually The Sign Of A Bad Memory.
17. Change Is Inevitable, Except From Vending Machines.
18. Get A New Car For Your Spouse. It'll Be A Great Trade!
19. Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow.
20. Always Try To Be Modest, And Be Proud Of It!
21. If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing ACouple Of Payments.
22. How Many Of You Believe In Psycho-Kinesis? Raise My Hand.
23 . Ok,.... So What's The Speed Of Dark?
24. How Do You Tell When You're Out Of Invisible Ink?
25. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have Obviously Overlooked Something.
26. When Everything Is Coming Your Way, You're In The Wrong Lane.
27. Hard Work May Pay Off In The Future. Laziness Pays Off Now.
28. Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Do Not Have Film.
29. If Barbie Is So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends?
30. How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without Sponges?
31. Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Do Not Get Sucked Into Jet Engines.
32. What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?
33. I Used To Have An Open Mind But My Brains Kept Falling Out.
34. I Couldn't Repair Your Brakes, So I MadeYour Horn Louder.
35. Why Do Psychics Have To Ask You For Your Name?
36. Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person Wondering What Happened.
37. Just Remember - If The World Did Not Suck, We Would All Fall Off.
2. A Day Without Sunshine is Like, Night.
3. On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers..
4. I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Wasn't Familiar Territory.
5. 42.7% Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The Spot.
6. Light Travels Faster Than Sound, Which Is Why Some People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak.
7. I Feel Like I'm Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe.
8. Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet.
9. Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below Average.
10. He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest.
11. Depression Is Merely Anger Without Enthusiasm.
12. The Early Bird May Get The Worm, But The Second Mouse Gets The Cheese.
13. I Drive Way Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol.
14. Support Bacteria. They're The Only Culture Some People Have.
15. Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend 1/7 Of Your Week.
16. A Clear Conscience Is Usually The Sign Of A Bad Memory.
17. Change Is Inevitable, Except From Vending Machines.
18. Get A New Car For Your Spouse. It'll Be A Great Trade!
19. Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow.
20. Always Try To Be Modest, And Be Proud Of It!
21. If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing ACouple Of Payments.
22. How Many Of You Believe In Psycho-Kinesis? Raise My Hand.
23 . Ok,.... So What's The Speed Of Dark?
24. How Do You Tell When You're Out Of Invisible Ink?
25. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have Obviously Overlooked Something.
26. When Everything Is Coming Your Way, You're In The Wrong Lane.
27. Hard Work May Pay Off In The Future. Laziness Pays Off Now.
28. Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Do Not Have Film.
29. If Barbie Is So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends?
30. How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without Sponges?
31. Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Do Not Get Sucked Into Jet Engines.
32. What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?
33. I Used To Have An Open Mind But My Brains Kept Falling Out.
34. I Couldn't Repair Your Brakes, So I MadeYour Horn Louder.
35. Why Do Psychics Have To Ask You For Your Name?
36. Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person Wondering What Happened.
37. Just Remember - If The World Did Not Suck, We Would All Fall Off.
'FRESH PRINCE' DAD JAMES AVERY DIES AT 65
From TMZ.com
James Avery -- the beloved dad on "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" -- has died at age 65 .. TMZ has learned.
Sources close to the actor tell TMZ he died in an L.A. hospital last night. Avery had recently undergone surgery for an undisclosed illness and took a turn for the worse late yesterday.
And we're told ... his wife, Barbara, had been at his bedside but left for a short period of time and when she came back ... she learned he had just died.
Alfonso Ribeiro -- who played Avery's son on "Fresh Prince" -- just posted a message on his Facebook page.
Avery starred in dozens of TV shows through the years -- shows like "Grey's Anatomy," "The Closer," "L.A. Law," and "The Jeffersons." This past year, he appeared in three TV movies -- most recently, "Go, Bolivia, Go!" -- but didn't appear to have other projects in the works.
Avery reunited with most of his "Fresh Prince" cast -- including Will Smith -- two years ago at a charity event.
We've just learned Avery had recently undergone open heart surgery and died from complications from the operation.
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