AMEN!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday Sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.

The fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the Sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation,

"What can you learn from this demonstration?"




A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said,

"As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."

21st Century Babies...

Where babies come from in the 21st century. One day, a very young Cyrus asked his father: "Daddy, how was I born?"

"Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway," his father replied.

"Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room online". "Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe."

"We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said:

'You have Male'!"

Hee-Haws

1. Birds of a feather flock together, and then crap on your car.

2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

3. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbour's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

6. A penny saved...is a government oversight.

7. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

8. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

10. He who hesitates is probably right.

11. If you think there is good in everybody you haven't met everybody.

12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

13. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

14. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.

15. The only difference between a rut and a grave...is the depth!

ITALIAN PASTA DIET

IT REALLY WORKS !!


1) You walka pasta da bakery.


2) You walka pasta da candy store.


3) You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.


4) You walka pasta da table and fridge.


Also:


CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY CARBS IN YOUR DIET?


For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.


1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Canadians.


2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Canadians.


3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Canadians.


4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Canadians.


5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Canadians.


CONCLUSION:


Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

The original emo...

from sodahead.com SODA HEAD - Opinions... Everybody's Got One.™

YUK YUKS

The Cannibal


A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain.

Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter's brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A plumber's brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He noticed with alarm that a politician's brain sells for $375.00 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats.

The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many politicians it takes to get a pound of brains?"




The Art Collector


A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The storeowner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.

The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."

And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."

And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats." 




Titles in today's Markets


CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

Cranky Old Man....

What do you see nurses?.... What do you see?

What are you thinking?.... When you're looking at me?

A cranky old man…. Not very wise,

Uncertain of habit…. With faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food…. and makes no reply.

When you say in a loud voice…. 'I do wish you'd try!'

Who seems not to notice…. the things that you do.

And forever is losing…. a sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not…. lets you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding…. the long day to fill?

Is that what you're thinking?.... Is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse…. You're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am…. As I sit here so still,

As I do at your bidding…. as I eat at your will.

I'm a small child of Ten…. with a father and mother.

Brothers and sisters…. who love one another.

A young boy of Sixteen…. with wings on his feet.

Dreaming that soon now…. a lover he'll meet.

A groom soon at Twenty…. my heart gives a leap.

Remembering, the vows…. that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five…. now I have young of my own.

Who need me to guide…. and a secure happy home.

A man of Thirty…. my young now grown fast.

Bound to each other…. with ties that should last.

At Forty my young sons…. have grown and are gone,

But my woman is beside me…. to see I don't mourn.

At Fifty, once more…. babies play 'round my knee,

Again, we know children…. my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me…. my wife is now dead.

I look at the future…. I shudder with dread.

For my young are all…. rearing young of their own.

And I think of the years…. and the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man…. and nature is cruel.

It's jest to make old age…. look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles…. grace and vigour, depart.

There is now a stone…. where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass…. A young man still dwells,

And now and again…. My battered heart swells.

I remember the joys…. I remember the pain.

And I'm loving and living…. life over again.

I think of the years…. all too few gone too fast.

And accept the stark fact…. that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people…. open and see.

Not a cranky old man.

Look closer….see….ME!!

True dat!

New GM Chevrolet Volt Ad Targets Gay And Lesbian Consumers With Humour

We think this ad for General Motors' Chevrolet Volt is really clever and fun—and we have to admit, we love being the targeted demographic for a car company!

And why wouldn't we be?

According to a recent marketing survey, "Gay and lesbian consumers prefer fuel-efficient cars, account for 5% of new car purchases and have average household income in the six figures -- more than that of heterosexual households."

No wonder auto companies are now actively courting us! We put out.

According to Detroit Free Press, this particular ad for the Chevrolet Volt, described as "a pricey extended-range electric, the type of car studies show gay and lesbian consumers tend to like," wasn't expected to garner the national attention that it has.

It was published for $750 in the Motor City Pride edition of Between the Lines, a Michigan gay and lesbian newspaper.  Now the ad's been viewed a whopping 11 million times through social media.

Quite the good advertising investment.

GM spokesman Tom Henderson says that the Volt ad's success "told us that this was something worth undertaking when the opportunities present themselves," which could mean more gay-targeted marketing.

"If it's a manufacturer's desire to bring in wealthier, better-educated, younger customers, then the lesbian and gay market would be an avenue to that demographic," said Chris Travell, vice president of consulting for Maritz Research, which surveyed 200,000 consumers in 2011 and found that gay and lesbian households made 10% more money.

Detroit Free Press says, "There are studies that show gay and lesbian consumers have particular wants and auto companies could play to that, experts say.

On average, lesbian and gay car buyers are more likely to embrace fuel-efficient vehicles and high-tech features, experts said. Toyota, Ford, Honda and Chevrolet are the most popular brands among gay and lesbian consumers, according to San Francisco-based Community Marketing."

This doesn't mean they're looking for a "gay" car though. As Michigan couple, Nick Graham and Dustin Dreese revealed, "We didn't buy a gay car," Graham said. "At the end of the day, what amenities are you going to give a gay person that a straight person isn't going to enjoy?"

Still, we don't mind companies like GM showing us a little love. We're happy to show it right back!

What do you think of the ad (and this type of targeted marketing), Instincters?

Solar Lights

I have a friend who used her Solar Lights inside the house at night when the electric power went off during a hurricane. She stuck them in jars and bottles and said they gave off plenty of 'free light' in each room. She put them outside in the daytime and brought them back inside at night for several days while the power was off. They are safe to use and cheaper than batteries. She recommended we bring a Solar Light into our own house one night to test it for ourselves.

Due to a thunderstorm, we lost power for about 5 hours one night. We were scrambling around in the darkness, looking for matches, candles, and flashlights. Then we looked outside and noticed our Solar Lights shining brightly all around the patio, stairs & dock. My wife walked outside and brought several of the solar lights inside.

We stuck the Solar Light pipes into plastic drink bottles and they made the nicest, brightest, safest, lighting you could imagine. We put one in the bathroom, one in the kitchen and in the living room.

There many types of Solar Lights available. We bought quite a few and put them all around our yard. They look nice and do not attract flying bugs like the outdoor lights around our doorway. The lights we have fit into 20-oz. Water bottles and also fit into most larger 2 liter bottles.

If you need a weight in the plastic bottle to keep them from tipping over, put in a few of the colorful flat marbles they put in aquariums and vases. You can also use sand, aquarium gravel, or whatever you have available.

The Solar Lights we have are perfect inside our home. They burn all night when needed and next day we take them back outside where they recharge and are ready for use again when needed.

Solar Lights are the perfect light solution for power outages. I had never thought of it before seeing what my friend did, and now you know about this idea too.

This is one BRIGHT idea!!

Gypsy Vanner horse

Ten Reasons Not to Become Pagan 10 things that don't make you pagan

People become Pagans or Wiccans for a variety of reasons. Most of those reasons are pretty good - sometimes it involves a connection to the divine, a sense of coming home, or even just a gradual transformation. However, there are plenty of reasons that aren't so great. If yours appear on this list, you might want to rethink your whole spiritual journey and what you hope to get out of it.

Click here to visit http://paganwiccan.about.com/

"Mr. Jaws"

Zapped back to the 70's!

Dickie Goodman was the first artist to use sampling and in his music. "The Flying Saucer" is from 1958 although he his probaly best known for "Mr. Jaws" back in '75. However, I suppose, remixing could be slightly different since pop music is overlayed unto each other. I do recall though that Goodman is considered the forefather to rap.

Russia-China Ties Threatened by Chinese Illegal Copy of Sukhoi Su 27 Fighter Jet

from India-defense.com

Chinese copy of Sukhoi Su 27

Despite holding the position as one of the world’s biggest economies, China seems unwilling to shed its reputation for producing cheap replicas. One of their more ambitious copycat efforts may put a strain on Russia-China relations.

"This Chinese plane is simply a Russian design stuffed with (cheap) local electronics," says Maksim Pyadushkin from the Center for Analysis of Strategies and Technology about the Chinese J11B jet's resemblance to the Russian Su-27. "It's a (complete) knock-off."

Last year, Russian aircraft sales internationally topped USD 3 billion -- second only to the US. But others too want a slice of the aviation pie.

Vadim Kozyulin, program director for conventional arms from the Russian Center for Policy Studies, says that fake Su-27s are widely offered in the world arms market. "Sooner or later, Russian arms traders will face competition from the Chinese colleagues," he told RT.

China was given the design plans for the Russian fighter jet in 1995, when it promised to buy 200 kits and assemble them domestically. After building 100 planes, the Chinese said the Russian plane did not meet specifications, only for a copycat version soon to appear - "Made in China" - without copyright.

The threat from China is real, and it will be difficult for the Russian aviation industry to maintain its lofty position, and soar further unless it manages to better protect its intellectual rights and also find new ways of co-operating with its eastern neighbor.

Although it made its maiden flight over 30 years ago, the Su-27 remains the bedrock of the Russian air force, and is highly popular abroad.

"I don't think anyone who has flown on the SU-27 can ask for a different plane, unless we are talking about a new generation jet," believes Lt. Colonel Andrey Alekseyev, Air Force Pilot. "It's maneuverable and has a huge range."

Some are calling for calm over the controversy. While the similarities between the two planes are clear, experts say the Chinese J11B does not have the latest Russian high-tech features and will be no match for it on the international market.

The best way to fight copyright violations is to be technologically ahead of your rivals, claims Maksim Pyadushkin from the Center for Analysis of Strategies and Technology. "The biggest problem for Russia is that it has been living off the legacy of the Soviet Union, and soon its technology may no longer be the world leader," he asserts.

Rather than a continuing dogfight over the copycat plane, it is possible that Russia and China may yet settle the matter amicably – at the highest political level.

But in the shady world of international weapons copyright, similar cases are sure to follow.

The First Woman on the Moon

Clearing The Water

** If you don't have time to walk a dog. If you're afraid cats will claw your furniture to shreds. Or, if hamsters or other rodents leave you cold, but you still want a pet, there is always a home aquarium.

Fish are quiet, relatively neat, and require only minimal care. But, there are a few things that you need to know.

One of the biggest problems facing the fish fancier is the baffling phenomenon of cloudy water. There is no single answer, because there is no single cause. However based on the color and circumstances under which cloudy water appears, it usually can be pinpointed to a couple of basic causes.

White or Grayish Water
If the water is cloudy immediately, or within an hour or two of filling the tank, it's probably due to insufficiently washed gravel. Drain the tank and rinse the gravel until the water runs clear. That should resolve the problem. If washing the gravel doesn't solve the problem, the next most likely cause of cloudy water in a newly filled tank is a high level of dissolved constituents such as phosphates, silicates, or heavy metals. If you test the water, you'll no doubt find the pH is high (alkaline). In these cases, treating the water with conditioners will often resolve the problem. Another option, that has many benefits beyond resolving cloudy water, is to use Reverse Osmosis water. Your local fish shop may sell it, or sell units capable of making RO water.

Often cloudy water doesn't appear the instant an aquarium is set up. Instead it appears days, weeks, or even months later. In these cases the cause is usually due to bacterial bloom. As the new aquarium goes through the initial break in cycle, it is not unusual for the water to become cloudy, or at least a little hazy. It will take several weeks to several months to establish bacterial colonies that are able to clear wastes from the water. Over time that cloudiness will resolve itself.

Decaying plants or excess food that remains uneaten, can also cause the milky water seen in bacterial bloom. Regardless of the cause, don't panic over bacterial blooms. Keeping the aquarium very clean by removing debris such as decaying plants and uneaten food, vacuuming the gravel regularly, and performing partial water changes, will quickly resolve most cases of bacterial bloom. Cut back feeding to every second or third day, which will cut down on excess food decay. If there are particles of debris in the water that you are unable to remove via water changes and vacuuming, a flocculent may be used to clear them away. Flocculents cause particles of debris to clump together so they can easily be removed by the filter (be sure to clean your filter so it's working at peak efficiency). Flocculents are generally marketed as water clarifiers, and may be found at your fish shop.

Green Water
Green water is a no brainer - it's due to algae growth. Ridding yourself of it may not as easy as diagnosing it. The most obvious cause, and easiest one to cure, is too much light. Placing the aquarium in direct sunlight, or leaving the lights on too long will result in algae growth. Reduce the amount of time the lights are on, and move the aquarium to a location out of direct sunlight.

Nutrients such as phosphates and nitrates also support the algae growth, and must also be reduced to successfully battle algae. A water change will give some immediate relief, but probably won't resolve the problem completely. It's important to deal with phosphates and nitrates at their source to rid yourself of them.

Phosphates come from two sources - decaying matter such as fish food, and from the water source itself. Testing your tap water for phosphates will let you know if you have a problem with your water source. If your water naturally has a high level of phosphate, you will need to use RO water, or a phosphate remover to treat the water. Reducing the amount of food you give your fish, and changing to a brand that is lower in phosphates will also help bring down the phosphates in the water.

Nitrates naturally rise in the aquarium over time, as a byproduct of fish wastes. The only way to remove them is to perform a water change. Make sure your filter is kept clean, and is adequate for your tank size. Also, make sure you have not overstocked your aquarium, or you will constantly battle rising nitrate levels.

A vast majority of cases of cloudy water can be resolved by weekly 10-15% water changes, keeping the gravel very clean, and using good quality food.

*by Jenn Whaller, 365Gay.com
**The Wizard's Goldfish

Here's my new living will template. Feel free to pass it on:

I, (name)_________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of nitwit politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

______a Glass of Wine,

______a Margarita,

______a Cold Beer,

______anything Chocolate,

______a pork chop

______shrimp, lobster, crab legs or fish

______the remote control

______a bowl of ice cream

______a hot dog, hamburger or bologna sandwich

______Sex

______a pair of new shoes

It should be presumed that I won't ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. At this point it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.

Signature: ____________________________

Date: _____________________ 2012

I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors. (Sounds like my kind of Nursing Home)

Logic puzzle

Scenario:

You are travelling in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a double decker bus and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

(Scroll down for the answer.)













Answer:

Get off the children's Merry Go Round. You're hammered.

Dan "The Sailorman" a.k.a "Sailor Dan"

There is this man who lives in Saskatoon - If you have been downtown, in the Broadway area, or Holliston, where I live, you probably have seen him.

Dan, (I met Dan about 5 years ago and have several colurful conversations with him - He calls me Mickey "Hey Mickey!" and calls my partner, Dwight, Minnie, LOL!), doesn't own a car, or even take the bus. You can always see him walking, taking large strides, his long grey hair flowing in the breeze. Dan usually has hand drawn pictures of large sailing ships (complete with all the rigging" meticuously drawn using marker on large sheets of plain white paper.

I had see this man many times before I met him and I laughed when I saw him and said: "There goes that crazy guy, trying to sell his pictures again!"...

After speaking with him, he changed my mind. You see, Dan, speaks with a sailor's accent and has a grizzled face, and full beard and mustache... he could really pass for a sailor! He is a very nice man and is a joy to have a conversation with.

He is very interesting, speaking about how ole Mother Nature could really pack a wallop on the old seas...

I don't know if he is a real sailor or if it's just in his mind. But you know what? It really doesn't matter. He has already enriched my life, just by speaking with him.

So. If you see someone who doesn't appear 'quite right', don't just dismiss them as crazy. They may have a story or two, that can give you a positive look on life. Sometimes it's they who have the most unclouded look at life, unecumbered by daily worries.

Dottown - a puzzle from MIT

Far off, in Fantasyland, there is a secluded town called Dottown. Every resident of Dottown has a colored dot upon his or her forehead. This dot is always either red or blue, and everyone in town knows this. In fact, this is proclaimed as a point of pride at the daily noon gathering of the entire populace.

Every day at noon, the entire town gathers together, and each person sees every other person and every other person's forehead dot. No one ever misses this gathering.

No one dies in Dottown for any reason, with one exception. If anyone knows the color of his or her own dot, that person will die that night. Everyone else will notice this at the gathering at noon the next day (and not before).

For fear of death, there are no mirrors in Dottown, and no one ever says anything about the dots, except for the formal proclamation at noon each day.

Everyone in town is extremely intelligent, so if it is possible to figure out the color of one's own dot, one will do so immediately. Unfortunately, there is no way to avoid this.

One day, after many years of peace in the town, a stranger arrives in Dottown. At the noon meeting on that day, the stranger announces to all, ``There is at least one person in this town with a red dot.'' All believe this mysterious stranger. The stranger then leaves town, without saying anything further.

What happens to Dottown?

-----------------------------------------------

This is a mathematical puzzle. That is, there is no trick buried in my narrative above. No one is colorblind, or any such thing.

Let's call the day of the pronouncement Day 0. So, what happens on Day 1, Day 2, and so forth? If you want to use variables, call the numeric population P, the number of persons with red dots R, and the number of persons with blue dots B. Thus, P = R + B.

I've never seen this puzzle in written form before, but I've heard it several times.

Good luck. Give yourself a chance to solve the puzzle before checking the hints and answers.

Hints

Answer

Puzzle for printing
Thanks for playing!

TWO HANDED Drawing - TheportraitArt

Arrested drunk guy sings Bohemian Rhapsody!

Japanese artist cooks, serves own genitals at banquet

by Lauren O'Neil, CBC.ca

Last month, 22-year-old Mao Sugiyama had his genitals surgically removed, frozen and double-bagged in plastic. Then, the proud asexual artist turned to Twitter and made an offer five people just couldn't seem to refuse:

"[Please Retweet] I am offering my male genitals (full penis, testes, scrotum) as a meal for 100,000 yen [$1,250]. I'm Japanese. The organs were surgically removed at age 22. I was tested to be free of venereal diseases. The organs were of normal function. I was not receiving female hormone treatment. The length at full erection was 16.1 cm [6.3 inches]. First interested buyer will get them, or I will also consider selling to a group. Will prepare and cook as the buyer requests, at his chosen location. If you have questions, please contact me by DM or e-mail."

Sugiyama, a Tokyo-based illustrator, was born male but now identifies as asexual. The artist paid $12,000 for the operation to remove all sexual features from his body as part of the gender nullification process.

Calorielab.com reports that six people paid for the privilege of dining on his cooked organs at a "Ham Cybele - Century Banquet" on April 13. The story has since been picked up by the international wire service Agence France-Presse.

At the event Sugiyama publicly seasoned and braised his genitals on a portable gas stove in front of dozens, assisted by a professional chef.

Only five diners actually tasted the dish (one backed out before the event), which was served with button mushrooms and parsley. The group included two women and three men, all between the ages of 22 and 32.

A spokesman for the Suginami police told CalorieLab.com that they'd received inquires from concerned citizens but could not pursue the matter further, as no laws prohibiting cannibalism exist in Japan. 

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my
first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately
wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed the
birds in winter, and I learned that it was good to be kind
to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my
favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little
things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a
prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always
talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a
meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I
learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care
of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have
to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you
handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't
feel good, and I learned that I would have to be
responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hold
the door open for others and heard 'thank you' and
'you're welcome', and I learned respect for others.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come
from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things
hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you
cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be..

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of
life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and
productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and
wanted to say, Thanks for all the things I saw when
you thought I wasn't looking.'


LITTLE EYES SEE A LOT .. 

Think about it.

National Girlfriend and Sister's Week

I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything,   but I can still fit into my clothing and still wear the earrings I wore in high school. 

National Girlfriend and Sister's Week

Tim - The Restaurant Entrepreneur

Click above to watch this heart-warming story about Tim,and his Down's Syndrome and how it doesn't define him.

Canadian Street Gangs

Quotes of the day

If we keep treating our most important values as meaningless relics, that's exactly what they'll become.
--Michael Josephson

The greatest justice in life is that your vision and looks tend to go simultaneously.
--Kevin Bacon
Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?
--Rose Kennedy
His intelligence seized on a subject, his genius embraced it, his eloquence illuminated it.
--Paterculus 

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.
--Frank Zappa

The Laundry

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbour hanging the wash outside.

"That laundry is not very clean", she said. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly.  Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:

"Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this."

The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."

And so it is with life. What we see when watching others. Depends on the purity of the window through which we look! 

This is a good one.  Pass it on.

*Thanks Bright Eyes

The Restroom

In a Hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.

Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP and a red one labelled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.

What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a  fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

"What happened?" he exclaimed. "The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button."

"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.."

MEN NEVER LISTEN

*Thanks, DW

"DRAGON" FLYING IN CHINA IS SPECTACULAR.

Dragon Flying in China (Vimeo) Click to watch

*Thanks, Woody

Personality Test

Click above

Absofunkinlutely THE Best Drummer in The World

Neil Peart and his bongoes

Quoth Sheldor...

Today Is Friday the 13th...

TRUE or FALSE?

Composer Arnold Schönberg changed the title of one of his compositions because it had 13 letters in the title.







Arnold Schönberg, one of the first composers to embrace atonal modern music, suffered from triskaidekaphobia—the morbid fear of the number 13. When he realized a work of his titled Moses and Aaron contained 13 letters, he removed one of the a’s from “Aaron.” Nevertheless, Schönberg died 13 minutes before midnight on Friday the 13th, July 1951.







FDR had a fear of 13,/p>

The 411 - Friday The 13th

A Friday occurring on the 13th day of any month is considered to be a day of bad luck in English, German, Polish and Portuguese-speaking cultures around the globe. Similar superstitions exist in some other traditions. In Greece or Spain, for example, Tuesday the 13th takes the same role. The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia (a word that is derived from the concatenation of the Greek words Παρασκευή, δεκατρείς, and φοβία, meaning Friday, thirteen, and phobia respectively; alternate spellings include:

paraskevodekatriaphobia or
paraskevidekatriaphobia or
friggatriskaidekaphobia, and is a specialized form of triskaidekaphobia, a phobia (fear) of the number thirteen.


Before the 19th century, though the number 13 was considered unlucky, and Friday was considered unlucky, there was no link between them. The first documented mention of a "Friday the 13th" is generally listed as occurring in the early 1900s.

However, documentation aside, many popular stories exist about the origin of the concept:

The Last Supper, with stories that Judas was the thirteenth guest, and that the Crucifixion of Jesus occurred Friday.
That the biblical Eve offered the fruit to Adam on a Friday, and that the slaying of Abel happened on a Friday (though the Bible does not identify the days of the week when these events occurred).
That it started on Friday, October 13, 1307, the date that many Knights Templar were simultaneously arrested in France, by agents of King Philip IV.
However, historically, there is no true date that the Friday the 13th superstition can be linked to.

In the case of Greece, Tuesday, April 13, 1204 was the date that Constantinople was sacked by the crusaders of the fourth crusade. The first ever fall of the then richest Christian city, and the looting that followed, allegedly gave Tuesday 13 its bad meaning. Ironically enough, Constantinople fell for the second time in its history on Tuesday, May 29, 1453, to the Ottoman Turks, a date that puts an end to the Byzantine empire, and to Greek sovereignty for several centuries, and therefore reinforcing Tuesday as an unlucky day in the Greek world.

Many modern stories (including The Da Vinci Code) claim that when King Philip IV had many Templars simultaneously arrested on October 13, 1307, that started the legend of the unlucky Friday the 13th. However, closer examination shows that though the number 13 was indeed considered historically unlucky, the actual association of Friday and 13 seems to be an invention from the early 1900s.

"It's been estimated that [U.S] $800 or $900 million is lost in business on this day because people will not fly or do business they would normally do."
Some people are so paralyzed by fear that they are simply unable to get out of bed when Friday the 13th rolls around. The Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute estimates that more than 17 million people are affected by a fear of this day. Despite that, representatives for both Delta and Continental Airlines say that their airlines don't suffer from any noticeable drop in travel on those Fridays.

A British Medical Journal study has shown that there is a significant increase in traffic related accidents on Friday the 13ths.

The date is well-known in the motorcycle (biker) community: Since 1981, motorcycle enthusiasts and vendors gather every Friday the 13th in Port Dover, Ontario, Canada. This tradition started on November 13, 1981 by Chris Simons as a gathering of approximately 25 friends. The event has grown substantially, with an estimated 100,000 people attending in August 2004, as well as music bands, vendors, a bike show, etc.

In the Spanish-speaking world, it is Tuesday the 13th the day that supposedly brings bad luck; a proverb runs En martes, ni te cases ni te embarques, ni de tu familia te apartes. (On Tuesday, neither get married nor start a journey, or separate yourself from your family.)

All months whose first day falls on a Sunday will contain a Friday the 13th.

Every year has at least one and at most three Fridays the 13th, with 48 occurences in 28 years an average of 1.7 times per year.

The Gregorian Calendar 400-year cycle contains a whole number (20,871) of weeks and 146,097 days, but the number of months (4800) is not divisible by seven. Along with the 146,000 days, (400 x 365 days), there are ninety-seven February 29s and Leap Year Days. The easiest way to explain how and why the Gregorian Calendar rotates during any 400-year cycle is that there are 365 days every year. Ninety-seven of the 400 years are Leap Years and contain a February 29; in them, there are 366 days. Years with 365 days have 52 weeks, with one additional day; years with 366 days have 52 weeks, with two additional days. Just add the additional days, after the fifty-two weeks, during all 400 years. The 97 Leap Years double to 194. Then add the other 303, and the overall total is 497. 97 plus 97 plus 303 equals 497. 497 days equals seventy-one weeks. Add the fifty-two weeks, in the four-hundred-year system of the Gregorian Calendar, (other than the 497 additional days), and there are 145,600 days, equalling 20,800 weeks. 145,600 days plus 497 days equals 146,097 days, which equals the 20,871 weeks and 146,097 days, listed above. Because of this, no chosen day of the month up to the 28th can occur the same number of times on each day of the week. The 13th day of the month is slightly more likely to be on a Friday than on any other day of the week

* Black Sabbath's self-titled debut album was released in the UK on Friday, February 13, 1970.
* Novelist Daniel Handler, also known as Lemony Snicket, released the 13th book of the Series of Unfortunate Events on Friday, October 13, 2006.
* January 13, 2006, and October 13, 2006, were not only Fridays, but the digits in the month, day, and year of each date add up to 13. This last occurred on October 13, 1520, and will next occur on May 13, 2011.
* There is an almost uncanny occurrence (at least in recent years) of the full moon falling on or very close to a Friday the 13th. July 13th, 1984, February 13th, 1987, March 13th, 1998, October 13th, 2000 were all full moons. June 13th, 2003 and January 13th, 2006 were the days before a full moon, and June 13th, 2014 and January 13th, 2017 occur slightly after the full moon. Friday, September 13th, 2019 will be the next year to contain a full moon on a Friday the 13th.[11]
* The asteroid 99942 Apophis will make its close encounter on Friday, April 13, 2029.
* The Harry Potter Movie: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix will be released on Friday, July 13, 2007.
* Hurricane Charley made landfall in Florida on Friday, August 13, 2004

Notable births on Friday the 13th

Georges Simenon - February 13, 1903
Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen - January 13, 1911
Margaret Thatcher - October 13, 1925
Fidel Castro - August 13, 1926
T. J. Cloutier - October 13, 1939
Zoë Wanamaker - May 13, 1949
Peter Davison - April 13, 1951
Max Weinberg - April 13, 1951
Steve Buscemi - December 13, 1957
Julia Louis-Dreyfus - January 13, 1961
Will Clark - March 13, 1964
Tim Story - March 13, 1970
Michelle Sara Cox - December 13, 1974
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen - June 13, 1986
Marco Andretti - March 13, 1987 *From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Friday the 13th

Test your knowledge of numbers

Blogma knows that we have readers of superior intellect, so we feel obligated on occasion to offer items that perhaps only they can truly appreciate. So we herewith present this post on Archimedes' Laboratory, which offers some fun facts about numbers. Click here.

*Archimedes Laboratory

WOW, what a fish!

HOLY MOLY !!! CAN HARDLY IMAGINE !!!! ... guess that would make quite a feast.... wonder how old it is...FOR ALL YOU FISHER PEOPLE !!

Click above for a larger picture

This Sturgeon was caught on the Fraser River just above the Mission bridge. That is in BC just out of Vancouver for those of you who are not familiar with the area...

It weighed out at over 1,000 lbs. and measured out at 11'1". It was 56" around the girth and took over 6 and a half hours and 4 dozen beer for the 4 guys taking turns reeling. Never knew they'd get so big.

First Grade Proverbs

Gotta love Kids, they have an answer for everything. A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.

Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is classic!



1. Don't change horses.................................until they stop running.

2. Strike while the.........................................bug is close.

3. It's always darkest before.........................Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of .......... termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but .......... how?

6. Don't bite the hand that ........................... looks dirty.

7. No news is................................................impossible.

8. A miss is as good as a ............................. Mr.

9. You can't teach an old dog new .............. math.

10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ............. stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust ......................................... me.

12. The pen is mightier than the ................. pigs.

13. An idle mind is.........................................the best way to relax.

14. Where there's smoke there's ................ pollution.

15. Happy the bride who..............................gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is ..................................not much.

17. Two's company, three's ........................ the Musketeers.

18. Don't put off till tomorrow what ............. You put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ....you have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as .................. Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not ......... spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don't succeed ................... get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you ... see in the picture on the box.

24. When the blind lead the blind ............... get out of the way.



And the WINNER and last one...



25. Better late than ......................................pregnant.