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Saturday, April 21, 2012

Normisms

What's doing, Norm?
"Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig."


What's up, Norm?
"My nipples. It's freezing out there."


What's shaking, Norm?
"All four cheeks & a couple of chins."


What's new, Norm?
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer."


What'd you like, Normie?
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."


What'll you have, Normie?
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of the tap."
Looks like beer, Norm.
"Call me Mister Lucky."


Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?
"Like a baby treats a diaper


What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
"The Bobbsey Twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."


Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.
"I know, if she calls, I'm not here."

What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"

"Whatcha up to, Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
I'm sorry to hear that.
"No, I mean pour."

How's life treating you, Norm?
"Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."


"Women. Can't live with 'em.... pass the beer nuts."

What's going down, Normie?
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."


Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?
"Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."


How's it going, Mr. Peterson?
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."


What's the story, Norm?
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?
"A little early, isn't it, Woody?"
For a beer?
"No, for stupid questions."


What's the story, Norm?
"Thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it."


What's new, Norm?
"Most of my wife."


Beer, Norm?
"Naah, I'd probably just drink it."


What's doing, Norm?
"Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig."


Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
"No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one."


How about a beer, Norm?
"Hey I'm high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life."


How's a beer sound, Norm?
"I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in."


Beer, Normie?
"Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week. Eh, why not, I'm still young."


Norm comes in with an attractive woman. Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
"With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe."


What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?
"Going down?"


What'll it be, Normie?
"Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel."


What do you say, Norm?
"Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer."


[coming in from the rain] "Evening, everybody."
Norm!
Still pouring, Norm?
"That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing."


Whaddya say, Norm?
"Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it goes."


[Norm goes into the bar at Vic's Bowl-A-Rama] Off-screen crowd: Norm!
Sam: How the hell do they know him here?
Cliff: He's got a life, you know.


What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?
"Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer."


How's life, Mr. Peterson?
"Oh, I'm waiting for the movie."


What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?
"Elope with my wife."


How's life in the fast lane, Normie?
"Beats me, I can't find the on-ramp."


What's happening, Mr. Peterson?
"The question, Woody, why is it happening to me?"


How are you today, Mr. Peterson?
"Never been better, Woody. ... Just once I'd like to be better."


Hey, Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one?
"See you later, Vera, I'll be at Cheers."


Well, look at you. You look like the cat that swallowed the canary.
"And I need a beer to wash him down."


Hey, Mr. Peterson, how's life?
"Well, the plot's okay, Woody, but it kind of falls apart at the end."


What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
"Let's talk about what's going in Mr. Peterson. A beer, Woody."


How's life treating you?
"It's not, Sammy, but that doesn't mean you can't."


Beer, Norm?
"Have I gotten that predictable? Good."


What do you know there, Norm?
"How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?"


Hey, how's life treating you there, Norm?
"Beats me. ... Then it kicks me and leaves me for dead."


How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
"Pretty nervous if I was in the room."


Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?
"The warranty on my liver."


What can I do for you, Norm?
"Open up those beer taps and, oh, take the day off, Sam."


What's going on, Normie?
"My birthday, Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and I'll blow out my liver."


How about a beer, Norm?
"That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!"


What's shaking Mr. Peterson?
"What isn't?"


How's it going, Norm?
"Cut the small talk and get me a beer."


What can I do for you Norm?
"Well, I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer so how about a first one?"


How's life Norm?
" Ask a man whose got one."


What'll you have, Norm?
"Fame, fortune, and fast women."
How 'bout a beer?
"Even better."


How's the world treating you, Norm?
"Like I just ran over its dog."

The Bear

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings"

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."



The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate
*Thanks, Daryn!

ROTFLMFAO!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Too Cool!

Watch a woman being drawn from the inside out!

Kitty Thoughts



When I was just a kitten,
My mother said to me.
"Someday, you'll have a human pet,
They're cuddly and they're free".
She said "They're awful clumsy,
They stumble, trip, and fall.
They cannot even see a Cat,
Sleeping in a hall".
"They act as if they own the place,
They're bossy every day".
"You'll learn you must ignore them
It's just the human way".
So, I took my Mom's advice,
I got a human pet.
I have named her Bev,
And she's cuddly as they get.
Owning Bev's been some fun,
And usually we are friends.
But she can be a handful,
I'm glad she wasn't twins.
Humans really aren't too bright,
Their brains are small, I guess.
While trying hard to train her,
I've not had much success.
She doesn't seem to understand,
How things are 'posed to be.
She insists on being headstrong,
Not mellowed out, like me.
She hasn't learned to lick herself,
To keep her body clean.
And when it comes to purring,
She isn't very keen.
She plays on her computer,
Just wasting time away.
When playing with a ball of string,
Could really make her day.
She's seems content to sit there,
Banging on those keys.
While I inspect her ankles,
Checking them for fleas.
When my neighbors visit me,
We sneak out to the bushes.
We laugh about our human pets,
While sitting on our tushes.
Bev's getting up in years,
And becoming rather slow.
There are a lot of cats out there,
Who'd say she has to go.
But I'm inclined to keep her,
I've considered this a lot.
Why train another human pet,
When I love the one I've GOT.

Missing Missy

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9:15 AM
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi,

I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then. So, I was wondering, if you are not too busy, could you make a poster for me. The size has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.


This is the only photo I have of her. She answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. She went missing on Harper Street and add my phone number.

Thanks,

Shan




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9:26 AM
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not halfway up a ladder or tree.

How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there, cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out, "Shannon, where are you?"

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards,

David




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9:37 AM
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

Yeah, OK, thanks.

I know you don't like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1 PM today.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10:17 AM
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short.

As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu and coke onto his white Wham "Choose Life" T-shirt, and he punched me.

An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash.

In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants.

I liked that cat.

Attached poster as requested.

Regards,

David




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10:24 AM
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Yeah, that's not what I was looking for at all. It looks like a movie. And, how come the photo of Missy is so small?




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10:28 AM
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards,

David




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10:33 AM
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

That's just stupid! Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. You seem to think it is funny.

Can you make the photo bigger, fix the text, and do it in colour please.

Thanks.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10:46 AM
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water.

I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards,

David




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10:59 AM
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one! Can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says "Missing Missy" off it.

I just want it to say "Lost".




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11:14 AM
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11:21 AM
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Yeah, can you do the poster or not?

I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you.

Thanks.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11:32 AM
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it.

If I wanted to feed something and clean a litter box, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars.

He still goes on about that sometimes. People need to learn to let go.

I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards,

David




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11:47 AM
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

That's not my cat. Where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange! I gave you a photo of my cat.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11:58 AM
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says, "I haven't seen your orange cat, but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" You can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.

Regards,

David




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12:07 PM
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12:22 PM
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12:34 PM
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didn't say there was a reward. I don't have $2000 dollars! What did you even put that there for? Apart from that, it is perfect. Can you please remove the reward bit.

Thanks,

Shan




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12:42 PM
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12:51 PM
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12:56 PM
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1:03 PM
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine! That will have to do.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

New Government Program


Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, The Govt. of Canada has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Govt. to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Govt. deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Govt.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.

The Govt. has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your local MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

Beach Humour

beach humour
*Thanks, DW

Reasons to keep an open mind

"Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances."
-- Dr. Lee DeForest, "Father of Radio & Grandfather of Television."


"The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives."
-- Admiral William Leahy , US Atomic Bomb Project


"There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom."
-- Robert Millikan, Nobel Prize in Physics, 1923


"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
-- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949


"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
-- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing
is a fad that won't last out the year."
--The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

"But what is it good for?"
-- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.


"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
-- Bill Gates, 1981

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
-- Western Union internal memo, 1876.


"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
-- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."
-- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper,"
-- Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make,"
-- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
-- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible,"
-- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."
-- Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy!"
-- Response from drillers Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
-- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
-- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre , France .

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
-- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents,1899.

"The super computer is technologically impossible. It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required."
-- Professor of Electrical Engineering, New York University

"I don't know what use any one could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn't be a feasible business by itself."
-- the head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox.

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction."
-- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon,"
-- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.


And last but not least...

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
-- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

*Thanks, DW

True dat!

Joker - when girls overdose on makeup

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The end of an era - DICK CLARK DIES AT 82

DICK CLARK DIES AT 82
Dick Clark

Before suffering a stroke, Clark told Larry King he also suffered from Type 2 diabetes. Clark got his first big break in 1956, hosting what was called "Bob Horn's Bandstand" ... what would later be renamed "American Bandstand." Clark continued to host and produce "American Bandstand" until 1989. Dick hosted Miss Universe from 1990-1993. In addition, Clark also hosted a bunch of game shows -- like "Pyramid," "Scattergories," "The Challengers," and many more. Clark had been inducted into practically every hall of fame on the planet -- including the Hollywood Walk of Fame, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences Hall of Fame. Clark had also received a total of 5 Emmy Awards for his work, as well as a Peabody Award. One Emmy was a lifetime achievement award. Clark was married 3 times -- and has 3 children from his first two marriages. He is survived by his current wife Kari Wigton. "For now, Dick Clark ... so long."

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Halo Statue?

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery.

With his newfound wealth, he decides on exactly what he will buy.He buys a 20 acre plot of land in Mexico and hires an architect.

"I want mi casa to be built right there, with big columns in front, and a marble foyer, and at the end of the hall I want a halo statue."

The architect, excited about making mega bucks off this man, jots down exactly what the Mexican wants, "I'll do it sir, I'll make this a fine house for you!"

All the plans are made and the architect starts construction. He searches six different countries to find exquisite columns for the front of the house and has marble shipped in from France to line the foyer.

The only problem he has is that he cannot locate a halo statue. Knowing that religious symbols are important to many Mexicans, he continues to search high and low for month after month. The house is finally complete, but alas, the architect was never able to locate a halo statue.

Swallowing his pride for not being able to complete the order, he takes the Mexican to see his new home.

"Si Senor!" exclaims the Mexican. "You got da columns in front of mi casa!" The architect smiles. They enter the house and the Mexican notices the marble floor.

"Wonderful! I love mi new marble floor Senor!" states the Mexican as he wanders down the hall. He reaches the end of the hall and looks puzzled.

"Senor? Where is my halo statue?" asks the Mexican.

"Well, sir, I'm afraid to have to tell you this, but I searched high and low and just could not for the life of me figure out what a halo statue is, much less find one for you anywhere," says the architect, hanging his head in shame.

"What? You don't know what a halo statue is?"

"No, sir, I'm sorry, I do not know," replies the architect.

"You know," says the Mexican, "it's that thing that goes 'ringy dingy' and you pick it up and say, 'Halo? Statue?"

The Burglar

burglar
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking... for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

The 411 - Molotav Cocktail

Molotav Cocktail
The Molotov cocktail, also known as the petrol bomb, gasoline bomb, Molotov bomb, fire bottle, fire bomb, or simply Molotov, is a generic name used for a variety of improvised incendiary weapons. Due to the relative ease of production, they are frequently used by non-professionally equipped fighters and others who cannot afford, manufacture, or obtain hand grenades. They are primarily intended to set targets ablaze rather than instantly destroy them. The name "Molotov cocktail" was coined by the Finns during the Winter War. The name is an insulting reference (not a tribute) to Soviet foreign minister Vyacheslav Molotov, who was responsible for the partition of Finland.

A Molotov cocktail is a breakable glass bottle containing a flammable substance such as gasoline or a napalm-like mixture, with some motor oil added, and usually a source of ignition such as a burning cloth wick held in place by the bottle's stopper. The wick is usually soaked in alcohol or kerosene, rather than gasoline.

In action, the wick is lit and the bottle hurled at a target such as a vehicle or fortification. When the bottle smashes on impact, the ensuing cloud of petrol droplets and vapour ignites, causing an immediate fireball followed by a raging fire as the remainder of the fuel is consumed. Another method is to place a reactive substance in with the gasoline, and treat the label or wrapper paper with another chemical; when the bottle ruptures, the two chemicals mix and ignite; this is safer to handle if done properly, and does not betray the thrower with a visible flame prior to the throw.
Other flammable liquids such as diesel fuel, methanol, turpentine and E85 have been used in place of or with gasoline. Thickening agents such as Styrofoam, baking soda, tar, strips of tyre tubing, sugar, blood, XPS foam, egg whites, motor oil, rubber cement, and dish soap have been added to help the burning liquid adhere to the target and create clouds of thick, choking smoke.

Improvised incendiary devices were used for the first time in the Spanish Civil War between July 1936 and April 1939, before they became known as "Molotov cocktails". In 1936, General Francisco Franco ordered Spanish Nationalists to use the weapon against Soviet T-26 tanks supporting the Spanish Republicans in a failed assault on the Nationalist stronghold of Seseña, near Toledo, 40 km south of Madrid. After that, both sides used simple petrol bombs or petrol-soaked blankets with some success. Tom Wintringham, a veteran of the International Brigades, later publicised his recommended method of using them:

"We made use of "petrol bombs" roughly as follows: take a 2lb glass jam jar. Fill with petrol. Take a heavy curtain, half a blanket, or some other heavy material. Wrap this over the mouth of the jar, tie it round the neck with string, leave the ends of the material hanging free. When you want to use it have somebody standing by with a light [i.e. a source of ignition]. Put a corner of the material down in front of you, turn the bottle over so that petrol soaks out round the mouth of the bottle and drips on to this corner of the material. Turn the bottle right way up again, hold it in your right hand, most of the blanket bunched beneath the bottle, with your left hand take the blanket near the corner that is wetted with petrol. Wait for your tank. When near enough, your pal [i.e. a friend] lights the petrol soaked corner of the blanket. Throw the bottle and blanket as soon as this corner is flaring. (You cannot throw it far.) See that it drops in front of the tank. The blanket should catch in the tracks or in a cog-wheel, or wind itself round an axle. The bottle will smash, but the petrol should soak the blanket well enough to make a really healthy fire which will burn the rubber wheels on which the tank track runs, set fire to the carburettor or frizzle the crew. Do not play with these things. They are highly dangerous."

The Battle of Khalkhin Gol, a border conflict of 1939 ostensibly between Mongolia and Manchukuo, saw heavy fighting between Japanese and Soviet forces. Short of anti-tank equipment, Japanese infantry attacked Soviet tanks with gasoline-filled bottles. Japanese infantrymen claimed that several hundred Soviet tanks had been destroyed this way, though Soviet loss records do not support this assessment.

On 30 November 1939, after a futile year-and-a-half campaign to persuade the Finnish government to cede territory to the Soviet Union and give up some sovereignty by conceding specific military and political favors, the Soviet Union launched an offensive against Finland, starting what came to be known as the Winter War. The Finnish Army faced large numbers of Red Army tanks. Being short on anti-tank guns, they improvised incendiary devices to use against them.

During the Winter War, the Soviet air force made extensive use of incendiaries and cluster bombs against Finnish troops and fortifications. When Soviet People's Commissar for Foreign Affairs Vyacheslav Molotov claimed in radio broadcasts that they were not bombing, but rather delivering food to the starving Finns, the Finns, who were not starving, started to call the air bombs Molotov bread baskets. Soon they responded by attacking advancing tanks with "Molotov cocktails", which were "a drink to go with the food". At first, the term was used to describe only the burning mixture itself, but in practical use the term was soon applied to the combination of both the bottle and its contents. This Finnish use of the hand- or sling-thrown explosive against Soviet tanks was repeated in the subsequent Continuation War between the two countries.


The original design of Molotov cocktail produced by the Finnish alcohol monopoly ALKO during the Winter War of 1939–1940. The bottle has storm matches instead of a rag for a fuse.

The Finns perfected the design and tactical use of the petrol bomb. The fuel for the Molotov cocktail was refined to a slightly sticky mixture of gasoline, kerosene, tar, and potassium chlorate. Further refinements included the attachment of wind-proof matches or a phial of chemicals that would ignite on breakage, thereby removing the need to pre-ignite the bottle, and leaving the bottle about one-third empty was found to make breaking more likely. As the cooling system was almost invariably placed where direct fire wouldn't hit them, the target of choice was the rear deck of a tank; the burning contents of the bottle would pour through the large cooling grills and ignite fuel, hydraulic fluids and ammunition.

A British War Office report dated June 1940 noted that:

"The Finns' policy was to allow the Russian tanks to penetrate their defences, even inducing them to do so by 'canalising' them through gaps and concentrating their small arms fire on the infantry following them. The tanks that penetrated were taken on by gun fire in the open and by small parties of men armed with explosive charges and petrol bombs in the forests and villages... The essence of the policy was the separation of the AFVs from the infantry, as once on their own the tank has many blind spots and once brought to a stop can be disposed of at leisure."

Molotov cocktails were eventually mass-produced by the Alko corporation at its Rajamäki distillery, bundled with matches to light them. Production totalled 450,000 during the Winter War. The original design of the Molotov cocktail was a mixture of ethanol, tar and gasoline in a 750 ml bottle. The bottle had two long pyrotechnic storm matches attached to either side. Before use, one or both of the matches was lit; when the bottle broke on impact, the mixture ignited. The storm matches were found to be safer to use than a burning rag on the mouth of the bottle.

Early in 1940, with the prospect of immediate invasion, the possibilities of the petrol bomb gripped the imagination of the British public. For the layman, the petrol bomb had the benefit of using entirely familiar and available materials, and they were quickly improvised in large numbers, with the intention of using them against enemy tanks. Although the petrol bomb might seem like a weapon of forlorn hope, the possibility of success was not quite as distant as might be imagined. 1940 was at the very end of the era of the light tank, and the German behemoths of the later war years were still in the future: many tanks were surprisingly vulnerable.

When used in the right way and in sufficient numbers, the Finns had found that they were Molotov explodingeffective. Although the experience of the Spanish Civil War received more publicity, the more sophisticated petroleum warfare tactics of the Finns were not lost on British commanders. In his 5 June address to LDV leaders, General Ironside said:

"I want to develop this thing they developed in Finland, called the "Molotov cocktail," a bottle filled with resin, petrol and tar which if thrown on top of a tank will ignite, and if you throw half a dozen or more on it you have them cooked. It is quite an effective thing. If you can use your ingenuity, I give you a picture of a [road] block with two houses close to the block, overlooking it. There are many villages like that. Out of the top windows is the place to drop these things on the tank as it passes the block. It may only stop it for two minutes there, but it will be quite effective."

Wintringham advised that a tank that was isolated from supporting infantry was potentially vulnerable to men who had the required determination and cunning to get close. Rifles or even a shotgun would be sufficient to persuade the crew to close all the hatches, and then the view from the tank is very limited; a turret-mounted machine gun has a very slow traverse and cannot hope to fend off attackers coming from all directions. Once sufficiently close, it is possible to hide where the tank’s gunner cannot see: “The most dangerous distance away from a tank is 200 yards; the safest distance is six inches.” Petrol bombs will soon produce a pall of blinding smoke, and a well-placed explosive package or even a stout iron bar in the tracks can immobilise the vehicle, leaving it at the mercy of further petrol bombs – which will suffocate the engine and possibly the crew – or an explosive charge or anti-tank mine.

By August 1940, the War Office produced training instructions for the creation and use of Molotov Cocktails. The instructions suggested scoring the bottles vertically with a diamond to ensure breakage and providing fuel-soaked rag, windproof matches or a length of cinema film (made of highly flammable nitrocellulose) as a source of ignition.

On 29 July 1940, manufacturers Albright & Wilson of Oldbury demonstrated to the RAF how their white phosphorus could be used to ignite incendiary bombs. The demonstration involved throwing glass bottles containing a mixture of petrol and phosphorus at pieces of wood and into a hut. On breaking, the phosphorus was exposed to the air and spontaneously ignited; the petrol also burned, resulting in a fierce fire. Because of safety concerns, the RAF was not interested in white phosphorus as a source of ignition, but the idea of Throwing a cocktaila self-igniting petrol bomb took hold. Initially known as an A.W. bomb, it was officially named the No 76 Grenade, but more commonly known as the SIP (Self-Igniting Phosphorus) grenade. The perfected list of ingredients was yellow phosphorus, benzene, water and a two-inch strip of raw rubber; all in a half-pint bottle sealed with a crown stopper. Over time, the rubber would slowly dissolve, making the contents slightly sticky, and the mixture would separate into two layers – this was intentional, and the grenade should not be shaken to mix the layers, as this would only delay ignition. When thrown against a hard surface, the glass would shatter and the contents would instantly ignite, liberating choking fumes of phosphorus pentoxide and sulphur dioxide as well as producing a great deal of heat. Strict instructions were issued to store the grenades safely, preferably underwater and certainly never in a house. Mainly issued to the Home Guard as an anti-tank weapon, it was produced in vast numbers; by August 1941 well over 6,000,000 had been manufactured.

However, there were voices that were more cautious. There were many who were sceptical about the efficacy of Molotov Cocktails and SIPs grenades against the more modern German tanks. Weapon designer Stuart Macrae witnessed a trial of the SIPs grenade at Farnborough: "There was some concern that, if the tank drivers could not pull up quickly enough and hop out, they were likely to be frizzled to death, but after looking at the bottles they said they would be happy to take a chance." The drivers were proved right, trials on modern British tanks confirmed that Molotov and SIP grenades caused the occupants of the tanks "no inconvenience whatsoever".

Wintringham, though enthusiastic about improvised weapons cautioned against a reliance on petrol bombs and repeatedly emphasised the importance of using explosive charges.

During the Irish War of Independence, IRA fighters sometimes used sods of turf soaked in paraffin oil to attack British army barracks. Fencing wire was pushed through the sod to make a throwing handle.

The Polish home army developed a version[24] which ignited on impact without the need of a wick. Ignition was caused by a reaction between concentrated sulfuric acid mixed with the fuel and a mixture of potassium chlorate and sugar which was crystallized from solution onto a rag attached to the bottle.

The United States Marine Corps developed a version during World War II that used a tube of nitric acid and a lump of metallic sodium to ignite a mixture of petrol and diesel fuel.

While Molotov cocktails may be a psychologically effective method of disabling armoured fighting vehicles by forcing the crew out or damaging external components, most modern tanks cannot be physically destroyed or rendered completely inoperable by Molotov cocktails; only "disabled". Early Soviet tanks had poorly designed engine louvers which allowed the admission of fuel – this design fault was quickly rectified, and subsequent armoured vehicles had engine louvers which drained fuel (as well as rain water and dust) away from the engine. Most tanks and infantry fighting vehicles (IFVs) of the 21st century have specially designed nuclear, biological and chemical protective systems that make them internally air-tight and sealed; they are well protected from vapors, gases, and liquids. Modern tanks possess very thick composite armour consisting of layers of steel, ceramics, plastics and Kevlar, and these materials have melting points well above the burning temperature of gasoline, which makes the vehicles themselves invulnerable to Molotov cocktails. Only external components such as opticalA display of improvised munitions, including a Molotov cocktail, from the Warsaw Uprising, 1944. systems, antennas, externally mounted weapons systems or ventilation ports and openings can be damaged, which can make a tank virtually "blind" or allow burning gasoline to seep into the vehicle, forcing the crew to at least open the hatches or perhaps abandon the vehicle. A Molotov cocktail thrown through an open hatch into the crew spaces would, like most other grenades, seriously affect the crew and equipment. However, many modern tanks (such as those operated by the US and NATO) have onboard fire suppression systems. Any fire in a crew space will be automatically extinguished with Halon or another fire suppressant.

Other references include the various usages of 'Molotov cocktail' to infer the imbibing or 'accepting' of the Molotov socialist propagation and socialist border-lining on anarchy Ideology. For example, in the movie 'The Wave' 'Molotov cocktail' is references numerous times in a 'slang-like' fashion with innuendo as to one who would drink a 'Molotov cocktail' would also be an advocate of Molotovian philosophies.

In Northern Ireland, Molotov cocktails were used by rioting paramilitary groups and protesters against the police, and they are also used to attack houses to burn the house or to intimidate the occupants.

In the Revolutions of 2011 also in Cairo, Egypt, pro-government forces attacked protesters in Cairo with Molotovs.

Along with the Impact of the Arab Spring, Molotov cocktails have been seen to be used worldwide.

As incendiary devices, Molotov cocktails are illegal to manufacture or possess in many regions. In the United States, Molotov cocktails are considered "destructive devices" under the National Firearms Act and regulated by the ATF.


*From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Men...

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...





A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."





"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.





He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and pass gas!





Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor, or GAY ;-)





A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!




A PRAYER....

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN





Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"


Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Should You Be Institutionalized?


It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?"

Monday, April 09, 2012

NO SEX since 1955


A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

*Thanks, DW

Sunday, April 08, 2012

Some Bunny is Funny

Bunnies - Evil?

Q. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A. Bugs Bunny

Q. What does the Easter Rabbit get for making a basket?
A. Two points just like everybody!

Q. Why did the Easter Bunny hide the egg?
A. Because it was a little chicken.

Q. What do you call a dumb bunny?
A. A hare brain.

Q. What's the best way to catch a unique rabbit?
A. You 'nique up on him.

Q. How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A. Tame way, unique up on it.

Q. How many hairs in a rabbit's tail?
A. None, they're all on the outside.

Q. How are rabbits like calculators?
A. They both multiply really fast.

Q. Why can't a rabbit's nose be twelve inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot.

Q. How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
A. Just look for the gray hares.

Q. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
A. A receding hareline.

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boyscout?
A. A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
A. An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.

Q. How do you know when you're eating rabbit stew?
A. When it has hares in it.

Q. What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes?
A. A funny bunny.

Q. What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole?
A. Cold.

Q. What do rabbits have that nothing else in the world has?
A. Baby rabbits.

Q. What is a rabbit's favorite dance?
A. The Bunny Hop of course.

Q. What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear?
A. 14 carrot gold.

Q. What kind of book does a rabbit like at bedtime?
A. One with a hoppy ending.

Q. Waitress, what's this hare doing in my soup?
A. Looks like the back stroke.

Q. How do bunnies stay healthy?
A. Eggercise

Q. What do you cal a bunny with a dictionary in his pants?
A. A smarty pants.

Q. What would you call the Easter Bunny if he married a chicken?
A. The first Rabbit to lay and egg.

Q. What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. A Hot Cross bunny.

Q. What do you get when you cross a bunny with a spider?
A. A harenet.

Q. What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
A. Thistle have to do!

Q. Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
A. It has 4 rabbits' feet.

Q. How do you get letter to a bunny?
A. Hare mail.

Q. What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
A. One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny!

Q. What do you get when you cross a bunny with an onion?
A. A bunion.

Q. What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A. A harenet.

Q. What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?
A. Join the Hare Force.

Q. What goes ha-ha-clunk?
A. A bunny laughing its head off.

Q. How do you make a rabbit stew?
A. Make it wait for 3 hours!

Q. Where does a bunny go when it dies?
A. To the hare-after.

Q: Why are people always tired in April?
A: Because they just finished a march

Q: What do you call a very smart bunny?
A: An egghead.

Q: What do you call the Easter Bunny the Monday after Easter?
A: Tired.

Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot?
A: It's been nice gnawing you.

Q: Why did a fellow rabbit say that the Easter Bunny was self-centered?
A: Because he is eggocentric. (egocentric)

Q: Where does Valentine's Day comes after Easter?
A: In the dictionary.

Q: Do you know how bunnies stay in shape?
A: Hareobics.

Q: What's the difference between a bunny and a lumberjack?
A: One chews and hops, the other hews and chops.

Q: How does the Easter Bunny say Happy Easter?
A: Hoppy Easter!

Q: Why did the magician have to cancel his show?
A: He'd just washed his hare and couldn't do a thing with it.

Q. Why does the easter bunny have such a shiny nose?
A. His powder puff's on the wrong end.

Q. What do you call it when a rabbit has an accident with a knife?
A. A hare cut.

Q. Why do rabbits do so well at school?
A. They're experts at multiplication.

Q. What came first, the chicken or the egg?
A. Neither--the Easter Bunny!

Q. Where do Easter Bunnies go for new tails?
A. To the retail store.

Q. Do you know how to find the Easter bunny if he was lost?
A. Make a noise like a carrot; he'll find you.

3 Jocks Explaining Easter


Three jocks died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.


The first jock, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and wouldn't let him in.


The second jock, a Brit, said "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus's birth and exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he wouldn't let him in either.


The third jock, a Canadian, said he knew what Easter was, and St.Peter said, "So, tell me."
He said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... "
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."
Then the jock continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."

St. Peter fainted.

Who is the Easter Bunny?

Click here

Click above to read ALL about it!

HAPPY EASTER FROM THE WIZARD of 'OZ'

Happy Easter from The Wizard of 'OZ'


Click on the bunny.




so sayith the Catholic Wiccan, LOL

Saturday, April 07, 2012

ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY

Eastre Egg

Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
Walk softly and carry a big carrot.
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
All work and no play can make you a basket case.
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
Some body parts should be floppy.
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans.
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell.
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey!

Friday, April 06, 2012

Thomas Kincade dead at 54

The candle of "The Painter of Light" has gone out after just 54 years.

(Associated Press) SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — California artist Thomas Kinkade, whose brushwork paintings of idyllic landscapes, cottages and churches were big sellers for dealers across the country, died Friday, a family spokesman said.

Kinkade, 54, died at his home in Los Gatos in the San Francisco Bay Area of what appeared to be natural causes, David Satterfield said.

Kinkade's sentimental paintings, with their scenes of cottages, country gardens and churches in dewy morning light, were beloved by middlebrow America but reviled by the art establishment.

The paintings generally depict tranquil scenes with lush landscaping and streams running nearby. Many contain images from Bible passages.

Kinkade, a self-described devout Christian, claimed to be the nation's most collected living artist. His paintings and spin-off products were said to fetch some $100 million a year in sales, and to be in 10 million homes in the United States.

"I'm a warrior for light," he told the San Jose Mercury News in 2002, in reference to his technical skills but also the medieval practice of using light to symbolize the divine. "With whatever talent and resources I have, I'm trying to bring light to penetrate the darkness many people feel."

Before Kinkade's Media Arts Group went private in the middle of the past decade, the company took in $32 million per quarter from 4,500 dealers across the country 10 years ago, according to the Mercury News. The cost of his paintings range from hundreds of dollars to more than $10,000.

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

How to Get Women to Ride Stationary Bikes


International Day of Pink - April 11th 2012


Day of Pink
DayofPink is the International Day against Bullying, Discrimination, Homophobia and Transphobia in schools and communities. We invite everyone to celebrate diversity by wearing a pink shirt and by organizing activities in their workplaces, organizations, communities and schools.

Click here to get involved

Sunday, April 01, 2012

Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time

(From the website: "museumofhoaxes.com) As judged by notoriety, creativity, and number of people duped.

Note from the Curator: I created the first version of this list in the late 1990s. Back then, there was hardly any information collected about April Fool's Day pranks, so I had to do a lot of research in newspaper archives to put this together. Luckily I was in grad school, so I had a lot of spare time on my hands ;-). Over the years I've tweaked the list, rearranging it slightly and adding new entries based on reader feedback and ongoing research, but my top choices have remained pretty much the same. This list is easily the most popular article I've ever posted on the Museum of Hoaxes. Extracts from it (some attributed, some not) can be found on hundreds of other websites. Plus, it's inspired some spinoffs. A couple of years ago, someone created an iPhone app version of it (which I've never seen because I don't have an iPhone), and the folks at the Drama Pod created a dramatized audio version of it in 2011. I hope you enjoy it — and if you know of any old hoaxes that I haven't mentioned on the site, send me an email and let me know. ~Alex

--museumofhoaxes.com--

April Fool...

The origin of April Fools' Day is obscure. One likely theory is that the modern holiday was first celebrated soon after the adoption of the Gregorian Calendar; the term referred to someone still adhering to the Julian Calendar which it replaced.

In many pre-Christian cultures May Day (May 1) was celebrated as the first day of summer, and signalled the start of the spring planting season. An April Fool was someone who did this prematurely.

Another origin is that April 1 was counted the first day of the year in France. When King Charles IX changed that to January 1, some people stayed with April 1. Those who did were called "April Fools" and were taunted by their neighbors.

You are an April Fool!
In the eighteenth century the festival was often posited as going back to the times of Noah. An English newspaper article published on April 13th, 1789 said that the day had its origins when he sent the raven off too early, before the waters had receded. He did this on the first day of the Hebrew month that corresponds with April. A possible reference to April Fools' Day can be seen in the Canterbury Tales (ca 1400) in the Nun's Priest's tale, a tale of two fools: Chanticleer and the fox, which took place on March 32nd.

*Wikipedia