Sam, a supervisor, was dumbfounded as he watched Bill diligently dig holes while Chuck, after waiting a short interval, filled them. When Sam demanded an explanation, Bill was indignant: "We’ve been doing this job for more than 10 years. What’s your problem?"
"Are you telling me that for 10 years you’ve been digging and filling empty holes?" Sam replied.
"Well, not exactly," Bill said. "Until a few months ago, another fellow put a bush in the hole before Chuck filled it. But he retired and was never replaced."
"Why didn’t you tell somebody?" Sam sputtered.
"My gosh," Bill answered. "You’re management. We figured you knew."
While management is ultimately to blame when employees systematically waste time and money in thoughtless unproductive activity, we can’t let Bill and Chuck off the hook. Sure, it’s easy to hide behind the assumption that the stupidity of management has no bounds, but responsibility is a personal burden everyone carries.
Too many organizations are weighed down by practices equivalent to digging and filling holes because too many workers and managers engage in or ignore inefficient and ineffective activities.
Whether unaccountability is fed by laziness, ignorance, or fear, employees who surrender to the negative momentum of the workplace not only demean the value of their work, but they increase the likelihood that they will someday be out of work.
We can avoid our responsibilities, but we can’t avoid the consequences of avoiding our responsibilities. All of us are accountable for what we allow as well as what we do. If we want to make our lives more meaningful, we should ensure our work is meaningful.
*This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts
www.CharacterCounts.org
Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Filling Holes
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
The Newfie
A newfie was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a newly discovered diet." I want you to eat regular meals for 2 days, then skip a day and repeat this procedure for 2 more weeks ...The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.” When the newfie returned, he shocked his doctor by having lost nearly 60 pounds...
"Why, that's amazing ! "the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The newfie nodded,........"I'll tell ya though, by jeasuz, I thought I was going to drop dead dat 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?".......
"No, FROM DA FRIGGIN SKIPPIN."
*Thanks, Daryn
Magic Eraser burns...
This was sent to me.... pass it on to those with small kids. Most of us are smart enough not to use these on kids or let kids play with them but accidents happen....
>Here is the email I received -
One of my five year old's favorite chores around the house is cleaning scuff marks off the walls, doors, and baseboards with either an Easy Eraser pad, or the real deal, a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. I purchased a package of Magic Erasers ages ago when they first came out. I remember reading the box, wondering what the "Magic" component was that cleaned crayon off my walls with ease. No ingredients were listed and absolutely no warnings wereon the box, other than "Do not ingest."
My package of the Scotchbrite Easy Erasers didn't have a warning either and since my child knew not to eat the sponges and keep them out of reach of his little brother and sister, it was a chore I happily let him do.
If I had known that both brands (and others like them) contain a harmful alkaline or "base" chemical (opposite of acid on the pH scale) that can burn your skin, I never would have let my little boy handle them. As you can see from the picture, when the Scotchbrite Easy Eraser was rubbed against his face and chin, he received severe chemical burns.
At first, I thought he was being dramatic. I picked him up, put him on the counter top and washed his face with soap and water. He was screaming in pain. I put some lotion on his face - more agony. I had used a Magic Eraser to remove magic marker from my own knuckles a while back and I couldn't understand why he was suddenly in pain. Then, almost immediately, the large, shiny, blistering red marks started to spread across his cheeks and chin.
I quickly searched Google.com for "Magic Eraser Burn" and turned up several results. I was shocked. These completely innocent looking white foam sponges can burn you?
I hung up and called the Hospital and spoke to an Emergency Room nurse. She told me to call Poison Control. The woman at Poison Control said she was surprised nobody had sued these companies yet and walked me through the process of neutralizing the alkaline to stop my son's face from continually burning more every second.
I had already, during my frantic phone calling, tried patting some numbing antibiotic cream on his cheeks, and later some Aloe Vera gel - both resulted in screams of pain. The Poison Control tech had me fill a bathtub with warm water, lay my son into it, cover him with a towel to keep him warm and then use a soft washcloth to rinse his face and chin with cool water for a continuous 20 minutes.
My son calmed down immediately. He told me how good it felt. I gave him a dose of Tylenol and after the twenty minutes was up, he got dressed in his Emergency Room doctor Halloween costume and off we went to the Hospital.
They needed to make sure the chemical burn had stopped burning, and examine his face to determine if the burn would need to be debrided (from my fuzzy recollection of hospital work, this means removing loose tissue from a burn location). My son was pretty happy at the hospital, they were very nice and called him "Doctor" and let him examine some of their equipment. The water had successfully stopped the burning and helped soothe a lot of the pain.
I'm sure Tylenol was helping too.
They sent us home with more Aloe Vera gel, Polysporin antibiotic cream, and some other numbing burn creams. By the time we got home, my son was crying again. I tried applying some of the creams but he cried out in pain. Water seemed to be what worked the best.
After a rough night, I took the above photo in the morning. He was swollen and wouldn't move his lips very much to avoid moving the skin on his taut cheeks.
Today he is doing much better. The burns have started to scab over, and in place of red, raw, angry, skin we have a deeper red, rough healing layer. I can touch his skin now, without it stinging.
*Thanks, Daryn
IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE YOU LAUGH, YOU NEED HELP!
A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime.
They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager. As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, "Gee, she's fat!"
The mother bent down and whispered in the little boys ear to be quiet.
A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; "I'll bet her behind is this wide!"
The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy. The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet. After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line. Just then her pager begin to emit a beep, beep, beep.
The little boy yells out, "Run for your life, she's backing up!!"
*Thanks, Daryn
DEPORT HER TO CANADA!
Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down - - and shot off their testicles.
The old lady spent a week hunting those men down -- and when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way, said Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp. Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be:
'Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God.'
Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth , 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room where he and former prison cell mate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.
The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said. The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said he won't be using it the way he used to, Detective Delp told reporters. Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through.
The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped in broad daylight by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row. "When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself 'cause I figured the Law would go easy on them," recalled the retired library worker. "And I wasn't scared of them, either-- because I've got me a gun and I've been shooting' all my life. And I wasn't dumb enough to turn it in when the law changed about owning one"
So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and Debbie's description of the sickos', tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place till she spotted the ill fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.
I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a picture of 'em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them, the oldster recalled.
So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door and the minute the big one, , opened the door, I shot 'em right square between the legs, right where it would really hurt 'em most, you know.
Then I went in and shot the other one as he backed up pleading to me to spare him. Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in.
Now, baffled lawmen are trying to figure out exactly how to deal with the vigilante granny. What she did was wrong, and she broke the law, but it is difficult to throw an 81-year-old woman in prison, Det. Delp said, especially when 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for Mayor.
DEPORT HER TO CANADA --- WE NEED HER !! ?
*Thanks, Andy!
Free Advice
Do whatever you want whenever you want...
Look for affection when you need it...
Get serious once in a while...
Forget about diets...
Show some affection
Get angry once in a while...
Change your look...
Be happy, above all,
regardless what your challenges may be.
Have a great week!
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God!
"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet
is fighting some kind of battle."
*Thanks, Andy!
Sometimes, you have to help opportunity knock :)
*Thanks, Andy!
Monday, September 03, 2007
Good motto to live by ..
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO - What a Ride!"
Red Hair
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician.
"Doctor" the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I am a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine".
"Nonsense" the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool".
"It isn't possible, this can't be" the man insisted. "Our families on both sides have had jet black hair for generations."
"Well how often do you have sex with your wife", asked the doctor.
The man seemed a bit embarrassed. "I have been working very hard for the past year. We only make love once or twice every few months."
"Well there you have it", the doctor said confidently, "It's rust."
The 2 Adams
Well, God was so angry with the Adams, Steve, and Eve he banished them from the Garden and sent them in separate directions. Adam 1 and Eve moved west to plow the land, form prejudices, and make babies. They blamed Adam 2 and Steve for the whole ordeal, especially for the next few thousand years without Kiwi. Adam 2 and Steve went east and eventually formed Ancient Greece where they created culture, government, and progressive thought. They too resented Adam 1 and Eve, after all what is a fag without his hag!
Of course this theory sparked ongoing debates. Was this in fact the point in history where straight people took it upon themselves to taint the fashion world by introducing fig leaves? Did Adam 2’s comment, "Girl, tell that snake to peel the apples and heat up the Godiva in the Fondue Cauldron or I’m not eating it" really constitute blame worthy of banishment from the Garden? After all, Adam 2 never ate the apple because the chocolate was not produced. But in the end the only thing everyone agreed on was that Kiwi, the yummiest fruit of all, being hidden in such a bland unfashionable brown skin, was the worst punishment dealt out by the Almighty that day.
A pointless and ridiculous debate? Of course. But no more silly than why two women who love each other can’t get married in the country they pay taxes in. Will it be our nation’s legacy to be the last country in Western Civilization to give all its citizens true equality? Will we continue to cling to the past way of life that condoned slavery, religious persecution, and wars in the name of a Christ who preached peace and love to all?
Maybe this time, for the first time, with communication and information flowing faster between people via the Internet than ever before, it won’t take three or four generations for the mindset to change. Maybe, just maybe, the Theory of Two Adams, Two Eves, and One Adam with One Eve will be viewed equally by the eyes of society. One step for gay people everywhere could very well be the next step toward a society that learns from the past, and strives to make things better for all people in the future, gay or straight.
Mathematically Speaking....
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Alzheimer's Test
Count the "F's" in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(see below)
Managed it ?
Scroll down only after you have counted them, okay?
Do you think there are three?
How many ? 3?
Wrong, there are 6 !!--no joke.
Read it again.
The reasoning behind it is further down.
The brain cannot process "OF".
Incredible or what ? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
Tell your friends-it drives them crazy!
Birth Test: I am a '3'
Your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing.
To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit. A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be: it will just colour your choice differently and give you a little insight.
Example September 12, 1962
9 + 12 + 1962 = 1983
1 + 9 + 8 + 3 = 21
2 + 1 = 3
Keep going until you end up with a single digit number. 3 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example.
#1 THE ORIGINATOR
#2 THE PEACEMAKER
#3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
#4 THE CONSERVATIVE
#5 THE NONCONFORMIST
#6 THE ROMANTIC
#7 THE INTELLECTUAL
#8 THE BIG SHOT
#9 THE PERFORMER
# 1 - THE ORIGINATOR
1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.
Famous 1's: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.
#2 - THE PEACEMAKER
2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off.
Famous 2's: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus, Mozart.
# 3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easy going. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.
Famous 3's: Alan Alder, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster
# 4 - THE CONSERVATIVE
4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like etting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.
Famous 4's: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey
# 5 - THE NONCONFORMIST
5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.
Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hail.
# 6 - THE ROMANTIC
6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot.
Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Steep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn.
#7 - THE INTELLECTUAL
7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what not in the world at large.
Famous 7's: William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, Princess Diana.
# 8 - THE BIG SHOT
8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want.
Famous 8's: Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus, and Ron Connolly.
#9 - THE PERFORMER
9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons , ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.
Famous 9's: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley.
The Naked Runner
Matt was having an affair during the day while his partner Ted was at work. One day, he was in bed with his boyfriend Ralph, when he heard Ted's car pull in the driveway.
Matt yelled at Ralph, "Hurry! grab your clothes and jump out the window, Ted's home early!"
Ralph looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there."
Matt cried, "If Ted catches us in here, he will kill both of us!"
So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.
One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"
Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."
Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"
Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home."
Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining."
Home Remedies
DID YOU KNOW THAT. .
Drinking two glasses of Gatorade - can relieve headache pain almost immediately without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."
Did you know that Colgate Toothpaste - makes an excellent salve for burns?
Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoid Peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.
Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? - Mix 1 Tablespoon of Horseradish in a cup of Olive Oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.
Sore Throat? - Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.
Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer - Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly -- even though the product has never been advertised for this use.
Eliminate puffiness under your eyes - All you need is a dab of Preparation H, carefully rubbed into the skin, avoiding the eyes. The hemorrhoid ointment acts as a vasoconstrictor,relieving the swelling instantly.
Honey remedy for skin blemishes - Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a band-aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin, sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.
Listerine therapy for toenail fungus - Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.
Easy eyeglass protection - To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear Nail Polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.
Coca-Cola cure for rust - Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done. Did you ever wonder why people drink Coca Cola?????
Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer - If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can' t find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.
Smart splinter remover - just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue all over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.
Hunt's Tomato Paste boil cure - cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothes the pain and brings the boil to a head.
Balm for broken blisters - To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine - a powerful antiseptic.
Heinz Vinegar to heal bruises - Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.
Kills fleas instantly - Dawn Dish Washing Liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas.
Rainy day cure for dog odor - Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.
Eliminate ear mites - All it takes is a few drops of Wesson Corn Oil in your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.
Vaseline cure for hair balls - To prevent trouble-some hair balls, apply a dollop of Vaseline petroleum jelly to your cat's nose. The cat will lick off the jelly, lubricating any hair in its stomach so it can pass easily through the digestive system.
Quaker Oats for fast pain relief - It's not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.
Pictures you don't often see...
Hey .. shouldn't they be home baking cookies?
What? Too many shakes?
Looks like UPS wins!!!
Come on,..... just one? (Looks like a place I used to work at!)
Starting with spelling!!!
I think it was the FedEx driver
I bet this is by the school that teaches Arithetic
It must have been the FedEx driver
Mama and her Bible
Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said "I had a big house built for Mama".
The second said "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house "
The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:
"Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway"
Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
Bill Gates On The Work Ethic
TO: MT. WHITNEY HIGH SCHOOL in Visalia,CA. Love him or hate him,he sure hits the nail on the head with this! To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice Bill Gates gave at speech at Mt. Whitney High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the realworld.
Rule 1:
Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2:
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3:
You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4:
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5:
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.
Rule 6:
If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7:
Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8:
Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING inreal life.
Rule 9:
Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time!
Rule 10:
Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11:
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
**Thanks to a reader, who did her research! The preceding was actually from
"Dumbing down our kids : Why America's children feel good about themselves but can't read, write, or add. "
by Charles J. Sykes
Index Author sykes charles j
Title Dumbing down our kids :why America's children feel good about
themselves but can't read, write, or add
Author Charles J. Sykes
LCCN 95-031522
Subject Education, Secondary -- United States -- Evaluation
Subject Academic achievement -- United States -- Evaluation.
Year 1995
Published in New York State
With index yes
Publisher New York :St. Martin's Press,1995.
Physical x, 341 p. ;24 cm.
ISBN 0312134746
Geographic area United States
Edition statement 1st ed.
Bibliography note Includes bibliographical references and index.
GIGGLES & GUFFAWS
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister . . . . and now wish to withdraw that statement.
~Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. ~George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea ... Visit people only once a year.
~Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
~Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir .. mighty scarce.
~Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
~Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
~Jimmy Durante
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
~Jilly Cooper
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
~Mark Twain
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
~Ed Furgol
Money can't buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
~Spike Milligan
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
~Henny Youngman
I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
~Mark Twain
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'.
~Joe Namath
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
~Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
~Bob Hope
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
~Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation... As you grow older, it will avoid you.
~Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
~Phyllis Diller
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good... spit it out.
~Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
~Billy Crystal
