Can You See The Difference?

Why U.S. Navy Seals are better than the Iraqi Navy Seals... (click on each link...)

U.S.

IRAQI

and then there's Canada's...What aboot Canada, eh?

CANADA

Management Lessons

Lesson One An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you & do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Management Lesson? To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.  

Lesson Two A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Management Lesson? Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.  

Lesson Three A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Management Lesson? 1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. 2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut! This ends your management course for today.

The 411 - Herbie

Herbie is a fictional character, a Volkswagen Beetle, which "stars" in several Disney motion pictures from 1969 onwards. The car has a mind of his own and is capable of driving himself, and his abilities far exceed those of other cars, which makes him a serious contender in auto racing competition. He is distinguished by red, white and blue racing stripes and has a racing-style number "53" on his front hood, doors, and engine lid.

  The car is given its name by an enlightened mechanic named Tennessee Steinmetz (Buddy Hackett) in The Love Bug after his uncle "Herb", who was a middleweight boxer. His uncle had a perpetually broken nose which resembled a Volkswagen Beetle.

Herbie is "played" by an L87 pearl white 1963 Model 117 Volkswagen Type 1 Deluxe Sunroof with yellow-on-black California license plates OFP 857.



  Whilst the cars used in all the films were painted an original Volkswagen L87 Pearl white, the interiors of the cars (in all films bar from the 2005 Herbie: Fully Loaded) were painted in a non-reflective grey. This was to prevent the reflection of studio lights whilst filming.

The Love Bug (1969)
In the original 1969 film, The Love Bug, the original stripes differ from those in later movies; the stripes do not cover the valances or louvers of the car and the blue is a lighter shade. Also, Herbie features colour-keyed running boards, while in later films the running boards are standard black. During the film, depending on the scene, the wheels change from standard VW wheels (although fitted with plain hubcaps with no VW logo) to specially widened wheels on the racing Herbies. One of the modified racing Herbies featured a Porsche 356 engine, brakes and Koni shocks. All Herbies in The Love Bug had the VW badges removed from the hood and featured plain non-VW hub caps. If you examine these cars closely you will see that the hood-mounted VW logo was replaced with a plain body coloured disc of the same diameter.


Herbie Rides Again (1974)
In Herbie Rides Again, the car features the revised stripes (the blue was switched to a navy) with the addition of a hood mounted spot lamp, and the running boards were now the more conventional black. After the success of the first movie, the film was heavily endorsed by Volkswagen (whose sales of the Beetle were lagging) and the logos reappeared. Additionally, Herbie was running on standard wheels yet again. Volkswagen also promoted the film by having a Type 1 Beetle complete with Herbie livery in every showroom. There are various model errors in this film, such as the later "big window" (post-1964) Beetles being used. Also of note is the "cut-n-shut" engine cover after the warehouse is broken into. The Beetle used was a late model, having a more bulbous flat-bottomed lid with an earlier rounded bottom edge welded on.



  Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo (1977)
In Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo, the car is again fitted with wide racing wheels (Goodyear GT radials), and also has an external fuel filler cap. The filler cap was fake, being added for the film's storyline. With the addition of the fuel filler, the antenna was now a retractable unit fitted on the front cowling (near the windscreen wipers). Herbie still sports a hood-mounted spotlight, but this time also features a black "Carello" cover. Herbie also now has custom high back seats, being fitted to better conceal the back seat driver. Note the cut-n-shut engine cover again, this time in the scene with flowers. Throughout this film, Herbie has a later asymmetrical shaped door mirror rather than the round mirror correct to this model year (1963). The "wheelie" Herbie in this film is a special fiberglass car. If one examines the paused picture, it can been seen that the car is much shorter than a standard VW, having a fiberglass body mounted atop a tube chassis and an 1835cc performance VW engine (these cars were built by Speed Unlimited in Glendale, California). Interestingly, the Laser 917 GT Coupe driven by Von Stickle in the film was actually a VW based kit car. There were a total of nine VW's used in Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo. Many of these cars would be recycled for use in Herbie's next feature film, Herbie Goes Bananas in 1980.


Herbie Goes Bananas (1980)
The car featured in Herbie Goes Bananas is generally identical to the one featured in Herbie Goes To Monte Carlo but with the fake filler cap removed. The cars still featured a cowl mounted aerial. The rust seen on the car in this film is painted on. Unfortunately, the car that "walks the plank" in the movie was never recovered from the sea. It was tossed overboard from the SS Coromuel ferry ship (not The Sun Princess cruise ship). The car is somewhere between La Paz and Baja. The restored Herbie seen at the end of the movie is a later 1965 model; notice the larger windows and wing mounted turn signals. This film also featured the same later model door mirror as Herbie Goes To Monte Carlo. Herbie set a Guinness World Record as the first car to go through the Panama Canal during filming in 1979. One of the floating Herbies used in the movie survives to this day and is owned by a Herbie enthusiast in Florida. A total of 26 VWs were utilized in the filming of Herbie Goes Bananas. 17 of those cars were auctioned off in August 1980 for as little as USD $25 each. Today, fewer than half of the cars from Herbie Goes Bananas are accounted for.{fact}

Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005)
In Herbie: Fully Loaded, there are a multitude of continuity errors with the car when compared with the previous films. The numbers are in a different font than that used in the previous films, and the car has reverted to having a standard (body coloured L87 Pearl White, not grey) interior with standard seats. The aerial has now returned to its original front quarter plate mounting and Herbie has lost his front license plate. The glass of the headlights has also been removed and accessory chrome "eyelids" which have the ability to blink have been added. Herbie's front bumper also can change shape to smile or look sad and the sun visors are used to produce a frown.

The films:

* The Love Bug (1969) - Directed by Robert Stevenson
* Herbie Rides Again (1974) - Directed by Robert Stevenson
* Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo (1977) - Directed by Vincent McEveety
* Herbie Goes Bananas (1980) - Directed by Vincent McEveety
* Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005) - Directed by Angela Robinson

There has also been a TV series (of which only five episodes were made, each one hour long) and a TV remake of the original movie in 1997:

* "Herbie the Matchmaker" - original air date: 17 March 1982 (also known as "The Love Bug")
* "Herbie to the Rescue" - original air date: 24 March 1982
* "My House Is Your House" - original air date: 31 March 1982
* "Herbie, the Best Man" - original air date: 7 April 1982
* "Calling Doctor Herbie" - original air date: 14 April 1982
* The Love Bug (1997) made-for-TV movie

The first Herbie film, The Love Bug, was inspired by the book Car, Boy, Girl written by Gordon Buford in 1961.

Herbie is generally considered to be the polar opposite of Stephen King's Christine.
 

Superbug:

A similar series of five German movies called Superbug starred a Volkswagen beetle. In the first movie, which features a rally across Africa, a rich participant is given a "race car" by his wife, which, as she said: "Won the last by race in the United States". This turns out to be a white Volkswagen beetle that has fallen apart in the middle, sporting a barely visible 53 on it. After a quick repair and a new yellow paint job, it even shows a mind of its own, (though not as distinctive as in The Love Bug) chasing its owner, because he insulted the car. It is acquired by a poor guy called Ben, who gives the car the name Dudu, which is Swahili for bug. Other than the facts that the broken up car in the beginning looks like Herbie and that it has a mind of its own, there are no further connections to the Herbie series. In later movies, the car's mind was written in as an A.I. installed into the car. Although all movies "starred" the same yellow beetle and similar characters, they didn't share the same continuity. For example, the beetle's owner and the female lead were always played by the same actors, yet they had different names and/or personalities in each films (in one movie, the beetle's owner was a scientific genius, while in another he was a bitter alcoholic).

  Trivia:

* In 1997, an American named David Evans launched the first Internet web page about Herbie. His site can be viewed at http://www.herbiemania.com
* In November 2000, the first Herbie car show took place in Orlando, Florida, USA. The event was know as Herbie Days at Disney 2000.
* In the summer of 2005, Radio Disney offered a promotional drawing to take possession of Herbie, in connection with the release of Herbie: Fully Loaded. It is unknown, however, as to whether this vehicle is one of those actually used in the film.
* RadioShack marketed a radio controlled ZipZap of Herbie in North America as a movie tie-in.
* The toy distributor Planet Toys marketed a 1:6 scale radio controlled Herbie and VW Bus as tie-in promotions for Herbie: Fully Loaded. These were exclusively sold through Wal-Mart and Sam's Club.
* In the early days of the Disney-MGM Studios park, Herbie was on the Backlot Tour. This Herbie did tricks, but burned in an accident. Now, a Herbie from Herbie: Fully Loaded is on display for the tour.
* Bburago produced a model of Herbie that is based off the New Beetle.
* In the video game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, the lead character, Carl "CJ" Johnson, says he once drove a car named Herbie.
Herbie is the only car in the world with his own passport. Disney Studios actually obtained one for him during the filming of Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo back in 1976.

*From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Don't Fly Me...

 

REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. Its considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

***DINING OUT***

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

***ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME***

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

***PERSONAL HYGIENE ***

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days; however,if you live alone, deodorant is just a waste of money.

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

***DATING (Outside the Family)***

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday," If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."

***WEDDINGS ***

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

***DRIVING ETIQUETTE***

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

***TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER***

1. All the DNA is the same.

2. There are no dental records.

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Google: Click fraud costs us $1 billion a year

Google today unveiled more details about the percentage of click fraud on its network and what it plans to do to combat it.

Overall, Google said on its Adwords blog that invalid clicks represent less than 10 percent of all clicks. However, that percentage can add up.

"At Google’s current revenue rate, every percentage point of invalid clicks we throw out represents over $100 million/year in potential revenue foregone," said Google. Add it up and Google forgoes roughly $1 billion in revenue due to click fraud.

In its blog, Google argues that its real time click fraud filters catch most abuses as a way to optimize ROI on ads. That means complaints from advertisers about click fraud are "misunderstandings" in many cases.

"In most cases where malicious activity is found, the clicks have already been filtered out (and not charged for) by our real-time filters. Because of the broad operation of our proactive detection, the relatively rare cases we find of advertisers being affected by undetected click fraud constitute less than 0.02% of all clicks."

Danny Sullivan raises an interesting question about the timing of the disclosure about click fraud: Why now? Transparency is commendable, but I'd guess that there was a little prodding involved. After all, Sullivan notes folks have wanted this data for a while.

So what's Google going to do to prevent click fraud?

It has a three-stage system to detect invalid clicks. "At a high level, we have a three stage-system for invalid click detection: (1) our real-time filters, (2) offline analysis, and (3) reactive investigations."

Google is also going to give advertisers more tools to monitor click fraud.

In the end, Google's message in the blog is clear. Trust us. We're filtering things in real time and are on top of the issue. Google's blog isn't the last word on the issue, but it is a good first step.

*ZDNet

Tax Refund!

Click above to fill out your application...
*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Quoth the 'Wilde' Man...

"I am not young enough to know everything."
- Oscar Wilde

*Thanks, David

A Blonde Moment...

A beautiful blonde finally gets her wish and lands a job as an admin assistant for a large company's president. They go on a business trip and after checking into the hotel, the president tells his blonde assistant to meet him downstairs at 7pm for dinner. At 7pm, no blonde assistant downstairs, so the President calls up to her room. 

After answering the phone, the blonde says she has a wee bit of problem.....

The President says, what's the problem. The blonde says...well I can't seem to find my way out, the President says huh? What do you mean? The blonde says, well one door goes to the bathroom, one door is for the closet, one door goes out to the balcony and the other door has a hang tag on the handle that says "Do Not Disturb".....

*Thanks, Jim

Windows Vista Hidden Program

I found this neat little ditty in Vista. Hit the pearl button and type "snipper" without the quotes. This will open the snipper tool. This littele program allows you to capture parts of the desktop, parts of windows, parts of text etc.. and then you can save this as an image file. Works like Snag-it but better and free. Sure beats the 'Ctrl' + 'Prt Sc' and the 'Alt' + Prt Sc'....

Below is a 'snapshot' of my Vista Sidebar...

Food for thought....

"If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise." --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The Internet

What is this "internet" of which you speak?

This is about 2 minutes long, but amazing to consider this was only 14 years ago... The Internet - 14 years old...

*Thanks, Wanda, for the link.

Another Blonde Moment...

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again." The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs." " I can splash it on my eyes

*Thanks, Jim!

Biker Joke

A biker was riding along the California coastline when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, "Because you have been faithful to Me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Lord, build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

God said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for Me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something non-materialistic that would honor and glorify Me."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make her truly happy."

God replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

*Thanks, Vil

Harry Potter Bares All

Eleven Broadway theatre bosses are battling to have British actor Daniel Radcliffe bring his stage debut Equus to New York City.

However, Radcliffe’s commitments to the next Harry Potter movie - The Half Blood Prince - mean he wouldn’t be able to perform in the US until next autumn.

The film is due to start filming later this year and into 2008, and only then would Radcliffe, 17, have time to rehearse the Peter Schaffer play with co-star Richard Griffiths.

“As of Thursday morning, there are 11 offers from different producers - the great and the good, and people I’ve never heard of,” says producer David Pugh. “Both Daniel and Richard are up for it, and so is Thea (Sharrock) our director. It’s just a matter of sorting out which producer we’ll go with to Broadway.”

The New Canadian Rant

My name is Steve and I AM CANADIAN

I am a minority in Vancouver , Toronto and every casino in this country.

I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario.

I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a seat belt.

All the money I make until mid July must go to paying taxes.

I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant. These same people cannot name this country's new territory.

Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft dinner and don't have a pot to piss in, I sleep well knowing that my taxes helped purchase a nice six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled refugee.

Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec Still provides my nation's prime ministers.

95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.

I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm sure none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter.

I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair.

I believe that the same tax on gasoline is also fair.

Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don't register it.

I believe spending $15 billion to promote the French language in the rest of Canada is fair when the province of Quebec doesn't support or recognize the English language.

I believe that paying $30 million for 3 Stripes ("The Voice of Fire painting in Ottawa) by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, Even though 99% of this country didn't want it or will ever see it.

When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of what I actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care than the Americans."

I must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry because I control the rain.

My national anthem has versions in both official languages and I don't know either of them.

Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest Military buffer for the United States, and the number one destination for fleeing terrorists.

I am not an angry white male. I am an angry taxpayer who is fucking broke.

My name is Steve, and I am Canadian

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Three Words

One day a woman's husband died, and on that clear cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning, that sometimes there isn't anymore.

No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute." Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say "I love you."


So while we have it, it's best we love it, care for it, fix it when it's broken and heal it when it's sick. This is true for marriage, old cars, children with bad report cards, dogs with bad hips, aging parents and grandparents.

We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.

Some things that we keep -- like a best friend who moved away or a classmate we grew up with, make us happy, no matter what.

Life is important, like people we know who are special. And so, We keep them close!

I received this from someone who thought I was a "keeper"! Then I sent it to the People I think of in the same way. Now it's your turn to send this to all those people who are "keepers" in your life, including the person who sent it, if you feel that way. Suppose one morning you never woke up, do all your friends know you love them?

I was thinking...I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said.

Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do.





And just in case GOD calls me home ......


I LOVE YA !!!!!!

*Thanks, Pam

How To Ensure Your New Puppy Is Fit & Healthy

(New York City) We've all seen them, noses pressed to the glass, eyes pleading for somebody to take them home.

So cute and cuddly that many a rational person has made the impulsive decision to bring one home, a few hundred dollars later.

And inevitably, thousands of dollars in veterinary bills later, the poor sucker finally realizes that maybe buying that puppy wasn't such a grand idea.

Right idea, wrong place.

Every single puppy sold from a pet store came from a puppy mill, or a backyard breeder.

How can I make such a blanket statement, tarring them all with the same brush?

Simply because there is not one, single responsible breeder out there who would allow one of his or her dogs to be marketed out like regular merchandise to whomever can lay down the cash.

Let me repeat that, please.

There are no responsible breeders who would sell their dogs to pet stores!

This is a fact, there is no debating this.

Even though the pet store workers may try to assure you that the dogs came from a responsible breeder, it is simply not true.

Let's look at what defines a responsible breeder, shall we?

A responsible breeder must know where their puppies are going.


A responsible breeder will interrogate the potential buyer about their home, family, living arrangements, other people that share their house, their past, and their future. Police interrogations have nothing on a breeder trying to find the best possible home for his or her dogs. One I spoke with a few years ago sent a five page questionnaire, on top of the fifty or so questions she asked me over the phone.


A responsible breeder will sell with a contract.

What kind of contract, you ask?

When you buy from a responsible breeder you will be signing a binding contract stating that if something (anything) happens, to this dog the breeder is the first to be told. This may seem a little extreme, but there is a very legitimate reason behind this. If your new dog develops hip dysplasia four or five years down the road, she'll know to pull the parents from the breeding line.

You sign that if something happens to you, and you can no longer care for your dog, she will be notified, so she may take the dog back into her care or find it a new home. (See #4)

You agree to spay or neuter your new pet as soon as possible to help prevent unwanted litters if your dog was bought as a companion.

You agree to abide by any other terms and conditions set forth in the contract. If that means getting hips certified at age two, or eyes certified, you do so.

As daunting as this is, if you think this over, you will realize that she has done this to protect her dogs. And most people have no trouble signing these contracts with a clear conscience.


A responsible breeder will take back into her care, any dog at any time that has been bred from her breeding lines. And often even dogs that were not.


A responsible breeder will do her very best to make sure that none of her dogs ever end up in a shelter.


A responsible breeder can guarantee your new dog's freedom from genetic diseases and defects for life, knowing that she has done the very best to breed best possible parent to the best possible parent and both were free from genetic problems.

*by Jenn Whaller, 365Gay.com

And you thought only Americans complained

According to Thomas Cook in the UK some holidaymakers are just never satisfied. Here are the top ten most bizarre and genuine customer complaints received by the firm in recent years:

1. On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all.

2. The beach was too sandy.

3. I bought a snorkel and swimming mask for my six-year-old son, but he was too upset to use them as the fish frightened him.

4. It rained on my birthday.

5. Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.

6. I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.

7. It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned.

8. We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.

9. None of the hotel staff was English, and the tea didn't taste the same as at home.

10. I would like to complain about the price of alcohol in the resort. It was too cheap and I woke with a hangover every day. I'm sure that you really didn't complain, eh, guys? Ya know who you are....

A blond joke:

A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde said that one was named Rolex and the other Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLOOOOO," answered the blonde. "They're Watch dogs!"

*Thanks, Vil

Biggest Ship In The World

Needs no introduction.... 

A Dad's Story…

This is very touching!

On July 22nd I was in route to Washington, DC for a business trip. It was all so very ordinary, until we landed in Denver for a plane change. As I collected my belongings from the overhead bin, an announcement was made for Mr. Lloyd Glenn to see the United Customer Service Representative immediately. I thought nothing of it until I reached the door to leave the plane and I heard a gentleman asking every male if he were Mr. Glenn. At this point I knew something was wrong and my heart sunk.

When I got off the plane a solemn-faced young man came toward me and said, "Mr. Glenn, there is an emergency at your home. I do not know what the emergency is, or who is involved, but I will take you to the phone so you can call the hospital." My heart was now pounding, but the will to be calm took over. Woodenly, I followed this stranger to the distant telephone where I called the number he gave me for the Mission Hospital. My call was put through to the trauma center where I learned that my three-year-old son had been trapped underneath the automatic garage door for several minutes, and that when my wife had found him he was dead. CPR had been performed by a neighbor, who is a doctor, and the paramedics had continued the treatment as Brian was transported to the hospital.

By the time of my call, Brian was revived and they believed he would live, but they did not know how much damage had been done to his brain, nor to his heart. They explained that the door had completely closed on his little sternum right over his heart. He had been severely crushed. After speaking with the medical staff, my wife sounded worried but not hysterical, and I took comfort in her calmness.

The return flight seemed to last forever, but finally I arrived at the hospital six hours after the garage door had come down. When I walked into the intensive care unit, nothing could have prepared me to see my little son lying so still on a great big bed with tubes and monitors everywhere. He was on a respirator. I glanced at my wife who stood and tried to give me a reassuring smile. It all seemed like a terrible dream. I was filled-in with the details and given a guarded prognosis. Brian was going to live, and the preliminary tests indicated that his heart was OK, two miracles in and of themselves. But only time would tell if his brain received any damage.

Throughout the seemingly endless hours, my wife was calm. She felt that Brian would eventually be all right. I hung on to her words and faith like a lifeline. All that night and the next day Brian remained unconscious. It seemed like forever since I had left for my business trip the day before.

Finally at two o'clock that afternoon, our son regained consciousness and sat up uttering the most beautiful words I have ever heard spoken. He said, "Daddy hold me" and he reached for me with his little arms.



[TEAR BREAK...smile]



By the next day he was pronounced as having no neurological or physical deficits, and the story of his miraculous survival spread throughout the hospital. You cannot imagine, we took Brian home, we felt a unique reverence for the life and love of our Heavenly Father that comes to those who brush death so closely.

In the days that followed there was a special spirit about our home. Our two older children were much closer to their little brother. My wife and I were much closer to each other, and all of us were very close as a whole family. Life took on a less stressful pace. Perspective seemed to be more focused, and balance much easier to gain and maintain. We felt deeply blessed. Our gratitude was truly profound.



The story is not over (smile)!



Almost a month later to the day of the accident, Brian awoke from his afternoon nap and said, "Sit down Mommy. I have something to tell you." At this time in his life, Brian usually spoke in small phrases, so to say a large sentence surprised my wife. She sat down with him on his bed, and he began his sacred and remarkable story.

"Do you remember when I got stuck under the garage door? Well, it was so heavy and it hurt really bad. I called to you, but you couldn't hear me.. I started to cry, but then it hurt too bad. And then the 'birdies’ came."

"The birdies?" my wife asked puzzled.

"Yes," he replied. "The birdies made a whooshing sound and flew into the garage. They took care of me."

"They did?"

"Yes," he said. "One of the birdies came and got you. She came to tell you "I got stuck under the door." A sweet reverent feeling filled the room. The spirit was so strong and yet lighter than air. My wife realized that a three-year-old had no concept of death and spirits, so he was referring to the beings who came to him from beyond as "birdies" because they were up in the air like birds that fly.. "What did the birdies look like?" she asked.

Brian answered, "They were so beautiful. They were dressed in white, all white. Some of them had green and white. But some of them had on just white."

"Did they say anything?"

"Yes," he answered. "They told me the baby would be all right."

"The baby?" my wife asked confused.

Brian answered. "The baby lying on the garage floor." He went on, “You came out and opened the garage door and ran to the baby. You told the baby to stay and not leave."

My wife nearly collapsed upon hearing this, for she had indeed gone and knelt beside Brian's body and seeing his crushed chest whispered, "Don't leave us Brian, please stay if you can." As she listened to Brian telling her the words she had spoken, she realized that the spirit had left His body and was looking down from above on this little lifeless form.

"Then what happened?" she asked.

"We went on a trip," he said, "far, far away." He grew agitated trying to say the things he didn't seem to have the words for. My wife tried to calm and comfort him, and let him know it would be okay. He struggled with wanting to tell something that obviously was very important to him, but finding the words was difficult.

"We flew so fast up in the air. They're so pretty Mommy," he added. "And there are lots and lots of birdies." My wife was stunned. Into her mind the sweet comforting spirit enveloped her more soundly, but with an urgency she had never before known. Brian went on to tell her that the "birdies" had told him that he had to come back and tell everyone about the "birdies."

He said they brought him back to the house and that a big fire truck and an ambulance were there. A man was bringing the baby out on a white bed and he tried to tell the man that the baby would be okay. The story went on for an hour. He taught us that "birdies" were always with us, but we don't see them because we look with our eyes and we don't hear them because we listen with our ears. But they are always there, you can only see them in here (he put his hand over his heart). They whisper the things to help us to do what is right because they love us so much. Brian continued, stating, "I have a plan, Mommy. You have a plan, Daddy has a plan. Everyone has a plan. We must all live our plan and keep our promises. The birdies help us to do that cause they love us so much."

In the weeks that followed, he often came to us and told all, or part of it, again and again. Always the story remained the same. The details were never changed or out of order. A few times he added further bits of information and clarified the message he had already delivered. It never ceased to amaze us how he could tell such detail and speak beyond his ability when he talked about his birdies.

Everywhere he went, he told strangers about the "birdies." Surprisingly, no one ever looked at him strangely when he did this. Rather, they always got a softened look on their face and smiled. Needless to say, we have not been the same ever since that day, and I pray we never will be.

*Thanks, Andy

Dazzling new Saturn images released

PASADENA, Calif. -- The international Cassini spacecraft has beamed back to Earth never-before-seen angles of Saturn from high above and below its majestic rings. The planet is fully surrounded by the rings in images released Thursday by NASA.

"Finally, here are the views that we've waited years for," Cassini scientist Carolyn Porco of the Space Science Institute in Boulder, Colo., said in a statement.

"It just doesn't look like the same place. It's so utterly breathtaking, it almost gives you vertigo," Porco said.

Cassini snapped the images while in a highly inclined orbit during the past two months.

The US$3.3 billion Cassini mission, funded by NASA and the European and Italian space agencies, was launched in 1997. It is managed by NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena.

*CTV.ca

The Ferry Levine

This is an aerial view of the burning passenger and car ferry Levina 1 Thursday Feb. 22, 2007 in the waters off Jakarta, Indonesia. A massive fire broke out Thursday on an Indonesian ferry carrying 350 passengers, killing at least seven people, the navy said, as rescuers pulled survivors and bodies from the burning hull.

*CTV.ca

The Wiz On The Street

A computer error fueled a panic at the already jittery New York Stock Exchange Tuesday, causing stocks to fall further. So the Wizard hit the streets again, asking, "What do you think?"

Robin Feil,
Systems Analyst
"I was fooled by the glitch and tried to sell off my portfolio, but luckily I couldn't get my broker on the phone because he shot himself in the head. Whew!"


Jordan Dixon,
Non-Profit Fundraiser
"That's the last straw. I'm taking my money out of stocks right now and putting it toward a hot dog."



Jonathan Edgerton,
Tour Guide
"If anyone could handle a stock-exchange computer glitch, it's those calm, composed Wall Street traders."

*American Voices, The Onion

Symantec: Vista Not A Security Panacea

Microsoft Windows Vista is a more secure version of Windows, but it doesn't solve all the security problems that have plagued the world's most-prevalent operating system.

That's the overarching message from a series of whitepapers released Wednesday by researchers from Symantec's Security Response Advanced Threat Research group, who put Vista's highly touted security through the paces.

Symantec researchers took a backlog of malicious code samples and ran them on Vista to see what could survive in the new OS environment. They found that Vista is vulnerable to some of the same malicious code that attackers have been using on older versions of Windows, said Ollie Whitehouse, an architect with Symantec's Security Response Advanced Threat Research team.

For example, Symantec found that 4 percent of keyloggers and mass mailers can successfully execute and survive a system restart on Vista without being modified, as can 3 percent of backdoors and 2 percent of Trojans, spyware and adware, Whitehouse noted.

In addition, malware authors in some cases only have to make modifications to get their exploits running on Vista, according to Whitehouse. "The fact that there are existing samples of malicious code that works today against Vista is alarming," he said.

Microsoft has bolstered kernel security in Vista with three new technologies: driver signing, which ensures that all kernel drivers the system loads are trustworthy; code integrity, which checks the OS code for signs of tampering; and Patchguard, which protects OS elements at the deepest level of kernel memory.

Although the kernel protection technologies are designed for 64-bit versions of Vista, which won't be in widespread use for a couple of years, they represent little more than "a bump in the road" for hackers, Whitehouse said. Symantec researchers also said they were able to disable all three of the security technologies in Vista with about one man-week of effort.

"As demonstrated during the development process of Windows Vista and during its release, hackers can and will subvert PatchGuard," the researchers wrote.

Vista also doesn't fully account for the fact that attackers are now moving up the application stack and gravitating to the low-hanging fruit of third-party applications, Whitehouse said.

While Microsoft deserves credit for letting third-party Vista application developers gain the same level of protection that Microsoft applications have, developers must make changes to the code of their apps to access those improvements, which is a tedious process, Whitehouse said.

Another new security measure in Vista that falls short is Address Space Layout Randomization (ASLR), a defensive technology that takes memory assigned to applications and jumbles it to make it harder for attackers to find and exploit vulnerabilities, according to Whitehouse.

ASLR helps soften the impact of memory corruption flaws that can be leveraged to launch malicious code attacks, but the level of protection one would have expected from ASLR isn't necessarily present, he said. In fact, Symantec discovered two bugs in the implementation that undermine ASLR's effectiveness, as well as an unexpected manifestation of how memory is used that could make it easier for hackers to find what they're after, he said.

Symantec's Vista research isn't meant to cast a shadow on the security improvements in Vista but to provide a view of how Vista will affect the overall threat landscape, Whitehouse noted.

However, one Symantec solution provider said he thinks the research underscores the gamesmanship going on in the security industry that's being fueled by competition between vendors.

"I think Symantec is a little bit worried about Microsoft moving into their space, and these papers could be their way of slowing Microsoft's momentum into the security space," said the solution provider.

*By Kevin McLaughlin, CRN

How Italians Tell Time...

Click above for funny clip. (wmv - ~1.2 MB)

*Thanks, Chort

Saturday TOTAL Eclipse of the MOON (That's Tomorrow!)

There will be a lunar eclipse on Saturday, where the Earth's shadow will gradually swallow the moon. It will be the first total lunar eclipse in two-and-a-half years and the spectacle can best be viewed along the east coast of Canada and the U.S. as well as South Africa, Europe and much of Asia.

In Ontario and points west, the moon won't rise until the eclipse is well underway, making it impossible for some to see it.

Some details on lunar eclipses:


What is a total lunar eclipse? An eclipse happens when a full moon, on its regular orbit, slides slowly into the shadow of the Earth.

When will the next one occur? Saturday, starting at 5:30 p.m. Atlantic time.

Who will be able to see it? The eastern Americas, Europe, Africa and much of Asia.

What does it look like? The eclipsed moon may appear orange, red or brown in colour as sunlight is filtered through the Earth's atmosphere.

How long will it last? It will take about three hours and 41 minutes for the moon to pass through the Earth's shadow.


Is it safe to watch a total lunar eclipse? Lunar eclipses, unlike solar eclipses, can be watched safely with the naked eye.


How rare are they? The most recent total lunar eclipse was nearly 2.5 years ago. Aside from Saturday's event, there will also be one in August.

*Thanks, SalTCBug

When you thought I wasn`t looking

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you hang up my first painting on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you feed a stray cat, and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I knew little things are special things.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I heard you say a prayer, and I believed there is a God I could always talk to.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I felt you kiss me good night, and I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you cared, and I wanted to be everything I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked...
and I wanted to say thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.

The Love Doctor

Dear Love Doctor,

My boyfriend has gone crazy. For Christmas a friend gave us a camera for our computer. It was a wonderful thought. My parents live halfway across the country, and we have used it to keep in touch with them. They went out and got a camera of their own, and now we can see each other as we chat.

But, now, I'm beginning to think the whole thing may have been a mistake. A couple of days ago, I came home to find Buddy naked, in front of the camera, showing off with someone he had met on the web.

I wasn't overly upset that he was showing off, we have a pretty open relationship. But, Uncle, on the web?

We talked about it later and he said he really gets turned on being watched. Now, he wants us to have sex together on the web and maybe set up a website.

Buddy is really good-looking. He's 26, tall dark and muscular. But, this camera thing is beginning to freak me out. He is spending all of his time naked in front of it. A lot of the time he is just taking still pictures of himself and saving them on our computer.

He says he wants me to use it like a still camera and tell him what to do. He says it's a major turn on.

I think I've got to put the brakes on this thing, is it normal for a guy to want to be seen naked by all sorts of people?


Signed,

Shutter-Bugged

Dear Bugged,

He's turned into an exhibitionist! And, he's not alone. The web has spawned millions of guys just like him.

One thing you did not say in your letter is how you feel about taking private pictures of him, just for yourselves. Believe me, it can be it's own turn on.

I know someone who had a boyfriend once who was just like Buddy. He had a Polaroid camera and he just loved having his picture taken. What his partner discovered was that he loved taking the shots as much as he loved modeling for him.

They had incredible sex afterwards. (or so they said...)

As for the website, well, you probably made the right decision. There is a lot of money to be made from these home porno sites, but, the downside is that you can be seen by anyone and everyone. Sometimes those pictures can come back and bite you on the ass.

Have fun with your cam, and don't read too much into his behavior, unless he starts running around the streets naked.

The Love Doctor

--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says)

The World Is Too Much with Us

The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon,
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers,
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not.--Great God! I'd rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.
*Thanks, Mooncrow

HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD

This Is AMAZING!!!

Until now I never fully understood how to tell, the difference Between Male and Female Birds.

I always thought it had to be determined surgically.

Until Now.

Which of The Two Birds Is a Female???

Below are Two Birds. Study them closely...

See If You Can Spot Which of The Two Is The Female.

It can be done.

Even by one with limited bird watching skills.


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*Thanks, Ken!

How smart are you? Can you figure this one out!!!!

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake. The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath, too. Snow White relents and says, "When I get into the water and you hear the splash, you can turn around."

Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into the water, at that very moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into the water before she can. The moment the Dwarfs hear the SPLASH, they turn around and see Snow White standing NAKED.

Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being advertised?



Come on now,






this should be easy for a person of your background and mental powers.













If you can't figure it out just scroll down for the answer

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"SEVEN UP!!!"

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'