Quitting Social Media is the adult version of running away from home...
We all know you do it for attention and you'll be back soon.
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion...
But doesn't.
My wife was upset when she told me she had failed her driving test.
I said, "Oh no, what did they pull you up on?"
My wife replied, "A rope. The car's still in the canal."
I said, "Oh no, what did they pull you up on?"
My wife replied, "A rope. The car's still in the canal."
I just got a job making plastic Draculas.
There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second Count.
There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second Count.
A 9 year old girl has disappeared...
She disappeared after using a revolutionary new moisturizer that makes you look 10 years younger.
She disappeared after using a revolutionary new moisturizer that makes you look 10 years younger.
A sea captain is holding a class at a local dock where several young men
and women are learning how to be sailors. "All right, class," the
captain states. "Now, if you were out at sea and suddenly a tremendous
storm brewed up, what should you do?"
A young man in the front row raises his hand. "Yes, lad?" the captain replies.
"Throw out an anchor," the young man relies.
"Very good. Now, if another tremendous storm brewed up shortly thereafter, what should you do then?"
"Throw out another anchor."
A puzzled look crosses the captain's face. "Well, but what if another tremendous storm brews up?"
"I'd throw out yet another anchor."
"Now hold on there for a second, young fella," the captain says incredulously. "Where do you keep getting all of these anchors?"
"The same place you keep getting all of these tremendous storms, sir." the young man replies.
A young man in the front row raises his hand. "Yes, lad?" the captain replies.
"Throw out an anchor," the young man relies.
"Very good. Now, if another tremendous storm brewed up shortly thereafter, what should you do then?"
"Throw out another anchor."
A puzzled look crosses the captain's face. "Well, but what if another tremendous storm brews up?"
"I'd throw out yet another anchor."
"Now hold on there for a second, young fella," the captain says incredulously. "Where do you keep getting all of these anchors?"
"The same place you keep getting all of these tremendous storms, sir." the young man replies.
I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac computer. I was against it and an argument started.
I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.
He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"
And I said, "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs!"
I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.
He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"
And I said, "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs!"
Me: (sobbing my heart out, eyes swollen, nose red) "I can't see you anymore. I am NOT going to let you hurt me like that again!"
Trainer: It was a sit-up. You did one sit-up.
Trainer: It was a sit-up. You did one sit-up.
A fellow who loved to go out in his kayak whenever he could.
One winter it was very cold, so he built a fire on a metal lined pad on the floor of the boat.
The fire burned through the pad, causing the boat to sink.
This proves that we cannot have our kayak and heat it, too.
One winter it was very cold, so he built a fire on a metal lined pad on the floor of the boat.
The fire burned through the pad, causing the boat to sink.
This proves that we cannot have our kayak and heat it, too.
What do you call the ritual of giving honorary college degrees to celebrities?
Artificial Intelligence.
Artificial Intelligence.
While entering the elevator to heaven, a confused client accidentally pushed the down button. Arriving at the basement, the door opened to reveal the devil himself—sporting board shorts, relaxing in a lounge chair and sucking on a cold brew.
The bewildered client couldn’t help but ask Satan, “Is this how the lower level lives everyday?”
With his renowned devilish grin, Satan replied, “Hell no! Our Friday special is margaritas and blackened redfish, and Mondays are Karaoke night!”, he said with a wink.
Source: Top 10 Jokes of the Week
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