The Love Doctor

Dear Love Doctor,

For us its me, my fiancée and our boyfriend in our bed. My issue is while I am all for my fiancée to have her needs met by him, she gets all bent out of shape when me and him get it on. I can tell by the way she looks at me that she is PO.d at me. My fiancée and I have OK sex and I have fantastic sex with our boyfriend, but while one she was fine when me and him had sex, now not so much. What can I do, doc? I love them both dearly and really want to make this work.

Signed,

Three is a crowd


Dear 1 of 3,

You didn't tell me your sexual orientations, so I will take a stab at it. It seems to me that you have a great relationship with both your fiancée and your boyfriend. You don't mention it, I assumed he was gay, but I think he isn't. I would consider him to be bi sexual as he enjoys sex with both of you. Your wife is straight, Completely. You on the other hand are a homosexual in the closet. You say you thoroughly enjoy sex with him. That in itself, combined wit the "OK" sex with your fiancée is telling. I believe that she is jealous over your sexual relationship with the boyfriend. She's not dumb and can see that you enjoy sex with him more than her. Here's what you need to do. You need to own up to the fact that you are gay and that whilst you love your fiancée, you just really aren't in to her. Do this BEFORE you get married. This is of great importance that your future wife needs to know you aren't straight. It will hurt much more to come out to her later, when you've had children for example. If you are unsure how to do this, there are good books out there, I like this one:  

The Other Side of the Closet

Candid, compassionate, authoritative--a rich source of insights, information, and practical guidance. ""The first major work on the topic."" --Gay Community News ""A much needed comprehensive study of what happens to husbands, wives, and children during the coming-out crisis. --The Reverend Jane E. Vennard, founder Task Force for Spouses of Gays and Lesbians ""The new enlarged edition adds important factors, especially children's reactions to a parent's coming out. Well-researched and insightful."" --Fritz Klein, M.D., author of The Bisexual Option ""Anybody practising in this area would be well advised to read this book."" --Professor Arthur S. Leonard, New York Law School In two million marriages, one spouse is gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Having a spouse or parent disclose his or her same-sex attraction is a shattering experience fraught with pain, confusion, anger, and a profound loss of self-esteem. Amity Pierce Buxton spotlights this exploding phenomenon and reports constructive coping strategies that spouses and children have used to resolve problems of sexual damage, family breakdown, deception, and homophobia. Illustrated throughout by riveting personal narratives, this expanded edition of The Other Side of the Closet traces the family's journey from initial trauma to eventual transformation. This invaluable source of information for spouses, families, and professionals is based on Dr. Buxton's eight years of research, including interviews with 1,000 straight spouses and children, her own personal experience, and her counselling work with spouses of gay, lesbian, and bisexual partners.

You could also check out your local gay and LGBT drop in centre. They were a great help to me.Good luck. Here's hoping it's as easy as 1 2 3!

Yrs,

The Love Doctor PHD*

OZians? Do you have a 'more than a twosome' I am curious, write to me and tell me your story!?

--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor, Dr. Eugene d'Amour PHD* - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says)

*Pretty Handsome Dude