Smiles and Chuckles

A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing."

The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?"

"A month."

"Why did you wait so long to report it?"

"Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream."

For Michael's birthday, his wife wanted to surprise him when he came home from work. After some careful consideration she decided to strip naked and wrap herself in saran wrap from her shoulders to her ankles.

Pretty soon Michael enters his house exhausted from a tough day at work.

He walks through the kitchen, places his lunch box down, and hears his wife say, "Honey! I'm in the living room."

Rounding the corner, he spots her all wrapped up in plastic.

After a quick peek, he immediately says, "Leftovers again!"

A depressed blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park. A little bit later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree.

He asked her what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself."

"You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker.

"I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe."