Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

A young man tutored his sweetheart maths,

he thought of it as his mission,

he kissed her once then once again and said

"There, that's addition!"

She took it upon herself to return the pleasant action,

she kissed once and once again,

smiled and said "and that's subtraction!"

Now she'd learned the basics without too much complication,

they kissed each other once, then twice,

and said "that must be multiplication!"

Meanwhile the young lady's father

had this 'lesson' in his vision,

he kicked that boy ten foot out the door and said

"Then that is long division!"




Three young boys were boasting about their grandpas. The first boy said: "My grandpa is a great swimmer. He can swim for hours before getting out of the water!" The second boy said, "That's nothing. My grandpa always goes swimming at 6:00 in the morning every day, and only comes back at 9:00 pm because my mom says he has to!" The third boy says, "Your grandpas are both bad at swimming! My grandpa started swimming in this pond 20 years ago, and he hasn't come out since!!!"



One day a man is walking down the street when he sees an old man with a nice looking dog. He goes over to the man and asks: 'does your dog bite?' the old man replies 'No never'. When the man bends down to stroke the dog, it immediately takes a snap at his hand. The man says 'I thought you said your dog did not bite! 'I did' replies the old man, but this isn't my dog!'



Mo attends to a revival and listens to the sermon. After a while, the pastor asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Mo gets in line and, when it’s his turn the pastor asks, “Mo, what do you want me to pray about?” Mo says, “Pastor, I need you to pray for my hearing.” So the pastor puts one finger in Mo’s ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays for a while. He removes his hands and says, “Mo how’s your hearing now?” Mo says, “I don’t know pastor, it’s not until next Monday. 

Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear?

A. Because every time she got hot, he'd beat her with a shovel!