Things that you would never hear a redneck say...

We don't keep firearms in this house.

- Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?

- You can't feed that to the dog.

- I thought Graceland was tacky.

- No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.

- Wrasslin's fake.

- Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

- We're vegetarians.

- Do you think my hair is too big?

- I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

- Honey, these bonsai trees need watering.

- Who's Richard Petty?

- Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

- Deer heads detract from the decor.

- Spitting is such a nasty habit.

- I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

- Trim the fat off that steak.

- Cappauccino tastes better than espresso.

- The tires on that truck are too big.

- I'll have the argugula and radicchio salad.

- I've got it all on a floppy disk.

- Unsweetened tea tastes better.

- Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

- My fiance Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

- I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

- Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

- Checkmate.

- She's too old to be wearing that bikini.

- Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

- Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

- I don't have a favorite college team.

- I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

- Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

- Elvis who?