Microsoft Contraceptive2007

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of North American life with the introduction of Contraceptive2007, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.

Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.

The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.

The Contraceptive2007 suite consists of three products: Condom2007, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1. A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive2007 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector.

Contraceptive2007 Small Business Edition is a package for startups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches. While Contraceptive2007 does not address nontraditional copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year.

OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs install the package. At installation, the Condom2007 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation, operation commences. One caution is that the user must have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to turn off your partner.

DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time its used.

CONCLUSION: Contraceptive2007 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is reasonably good value for its $969 price tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, uninterruptible Power Supply, and Onboard Camera.

This great new contraceptive product will help users do to each other what monopolies have been doing to their would-be competitors for years.