once again near the brink.. why won't it stay away?
it haunts, you think it's gone forever, you have been feeeling so good..
yet, it stalks me.. it is always there. i am tired again.. must have let my defences down, somehow, yet..
i kept a watchful eye on him.. yet he returns.. i am tired.. oh so tired... trying not to let it show... so hard to keep up the act... i am in a stage play and i am the star..
i am the one who overcame all the obstacles... and yet.. that is not true.
i sit here typing nothing - yet everything---
i look at the picture of my son on my desk, his smile so nice, keeps me going..
and yet why do i think these awful dark thoughts, why again are they returning...
my lord and lady, where are you when i need you most. are you watching me spiral down yet again to the dark depths on my subconcious mind... the pull is immense..i am so tired... i am so sorry everyone...
i feel that i am starting to lose it again.. yet can't let everyone down.. why oh why can't i rid this darkness forever.. i guess it has never really gone.. after all -- fooling oneself is sometimes the easiest.. there is nothing wrong in the world, you are feeling fantastic. the world and my life is great.
but is it? i think not... normal people don't think the way i do. i am the means of my own life. i somehow must have done something to incur the wrath of the aged.. in some other life... now i must pay the price... the only problem is that the price is high, and can never be fully paid... it waits, coming to collect the debt... leaving me like a man balancing on the edge.
