Hearing Problems

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're  getting married?" "Yep!"

 "Do I know her?"

 "Nope!"

 "This woman, is she good looking?"

 "Not really."

 "Is she a good cook?"

 "Naw, she can't cook too well."

 "Does she have lots of money?"

 "Nope! Poor as a church mouse."

 "Well then, is she good in bed?"

 "I don't know."

 "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"

 "Because she can still drive!"

 

 

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 Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

 Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"

 Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

 

 

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 A man was telling his neighbour, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." 

 "Really," answered the neighbour. "What kind is it?"

 "Twelve thirty ."

 

 

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 Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

 Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" 

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"

 

 

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 A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

 "No," he replied, "Arthritis."