NotAlwaysRight
If you've ever worked in customer service you'll, unfortunately, relate to these horrendous moments in the world of dealing with people. They might bring back bad, bad memories, but they'll make you laugh at the same time. It's always nice to see that someone else is struggling just as hard as you did once upon a time (or like you are right now, and I'm sorry). Here are some moments in customer service history that will make you laugh and maybe cry a little:
1. Listening Skills Don’t Carry Much Weight
GROCERY STORE | WV, USA | AT THE CHECKOUT, BIZARRE, TRANSPORTATION
(I am a cashier at a grocery store. Our management does not allow customers to take shopping carts outside. Instead, if a customer has a large order of groceries, we load them into a trolley and an employee follows the customer to their vehicles with the groceries. We always have employees on-hand to do these carry outs. An elderly customer comes to my register with several two-liters of soda and a box containing a 12-pack of soda, among other things. Thinking that this must be heavy, I offer to call a carry out for her.)
Me: “Hello, ma’am, would you like a carry out today?”
Customer: “What?”
Me: “Would you like help out?”
Customer: “What?”
Me: “Would you like help out to your car?”
Customer: “What?”
Me: *very slowly and deliberately* “Would you like someone to help carry your bags to your car?”
Customer: “Oh, no, dear. I don’t need that.”
Me: “Are you sure? It would be no trouble at all.”
Customer: “I’m sure!”
(I shrug and ring up her order. I bag her groceries, she pays, and I hand her a receipt.)
Me: “Thanks a lot. Have a great day!”
Customer: *stares at her bags of groceries* “Well, how am I supposed to carry all of this by myself?!”
2. The Power Of One
THEATER | BOSTON, MA, USA | AT THE CHECKOUT, EXTRA STUPID
(I work as front of house staff at a theater with multiple performance spaces. On this night we have three sold out shows in our building and an incredibly high volume of patrons in line for the box office and in line to get their tickets scanned. I am the only person scanning tickets at this point and I have developed a cluster of patrons around me, plus many more behind them. I realize that to proceed efficiently, I need more organization. I address my patron cluster:)
Me: “It will really help me out if everyone can form one line please!”
Woman In The Cluster: *as though this never would have occurred to her* “OH! Because you’re only one person!”
Me: “…exactly.”
3. Knocking The Wind Out Of Your Sails
MUSEUM | BOSTON, MA, USA | BIZARRE, HISTORY
(I work in a museum that focuses on the history of a particular ship. One day, a visitor approaches me and asks me this question:)
Visitor: “Excuse me, I have a question.”
Me: “Sure!”
Visitor: “When was the last time [Ship] had all of her sails out?”
Me: “The last time she sailed under her own power was in August 2012 on the 200th anniversary of her victory with—”
Visitor: “Yeah, but were ALL of her sails out?”
Me: “Well, no, only a few of the main ones necessary for—”
Visitor: “But I want to know when she had ALL her sails out like in this painting.” *gestures to nautical painting*
Me: “Ah! I see. Actually, artists painted ships with full sails to heighten the drama of the painting. There would be very few occasions when a ship would literally have all of her sails out at once because different sails are used in different situations and angles of wind and—”
Visitor: “Yeah, but WHEN was the LAST TIME she had ALL of her sails out?”
Me: *pause* “I guess I don’t know exactly.”
Visitor: *to his family* “Oh, she doesn’t know.”
4. Half Agreeing To Half And Half
RESTAURANT | SEASIDE, FL, USA | FOOD & DRINK, SPOUSES & PARTNERS
(I am joining my family for dinner when I overhear this exchange between my mother and our waiter:)
Mom: “Can I have a cappuccino?”
Waiter: “I am sorry, We do not have any.”
Mom: “Do you have any green tea?”
Waiter: “Yes, ma’am.”
Mom: “Can I have that with vanilla?”
Waiter: “We do not have any vanilla.”
Mom: “Nothing vanilla.”
Waiter: “Vanilla vodka.”
Mom: “Peppermint? Gingerbread?”
Waiter: “We do not have any flavorings.”
Mom: “Any [Flavored Creamers]?”
Waiter: “We have half and half.”
Mom: “See, I did not want half and half.”
(My father breaks his silence and speaks up and says to the waiter.)
Dad: “Just say yes to whatever she says and bring her half and half.”
Mom: “That works for me.”
5. Gives New Meaning To ‘Phone Bill’
BANK, CALL CENTER | CO, USA | CRAZY REQUESTS, EXTRA STUPID, MONEY, TECHNOLOGY
(A customer calls in to a bank call center.)
Customer: “I need to make a deposit.”
Me: “I can certainly help you with that deposit. What do we need to deposit? Cash, check, money order?”
Customer: “I need to deposit money.”
Me: “What type of deposit? There are different ways to make a deposit depending on what you need to deposit.”
Customer: “I need to deposit cash.”
Me: “I can find you the closest ATM so you can make your cash deposit.”
Customer: “You mean I have to go somewhere to make the deposit?”
Me: “Yes, if you are depositing cash.”
Customer: “Well, can’t I just deposit it over the phone?!”
Me: No, I’m sorry. There is not a way to deposit cash over the phone.”
Customer: “What kind of service is this?” *click*
6. No Signal Getting To His Brain
CELLPHONE STORE, RETAIL | WI, USA | EXTRA STUPID, TECHNOLOGY
Me: “Hello. How can I help you today?”
Customer: “My ‘wifis’ are all locked.”
Me: “Okay… let me see what you mean here.”
(The customer pulls out their [Smartphone] and shows that there are lock symbols on all of the wifi networks openly broadcasting in the area.)
Me: “Yes, these lock symbols mean that you have to login to the wifi network with a password.”
Customer: “Password? What password? Wifis need a password? I’ve never used a password.”
Me: “Does your home wifi not have a password?”
Customer: “Which one is my home wifi?”
Me: “Well, none of these. We have a wifi access point here in the store…”
(I demonstrate to the customer how to log onto a wifi using the store’s own broadcasting wireless network.)
Me: “But your home wifi will only be at your house. Not here. Do you know what your home wifi network is called?”
Customer: “Why can’t I use any of these other ones?”
Me: “These are just local wifi spots that are locked, with passwords, by their owners to keep people from freely using them.”
Customer: “But wifi is supposed to be free, and I was told that I would have access to wifi with my new device.”
Me: “Well, wifi isn’t always free. In places like Starbucks or McDonalds you’ll have free wifi that they pay for, but typical home networks, and even your 4G or 3G networks aren’t technically free. So, what you’ll have to do is go to your house, figure out what your home wifi is called, login to it by finding it on this list in your phone, and enter in the password if you have one.”
Customer: “So… what’s my wifi password, then? I don’t think I have one.”
Me: “I couldn’t tell you. That would be something you or you Internet provider would know.”
Customer: “My provider is you guys.”
Me: “Your home Internet provider.”
Customer: “See, I don’t understand. Wifis are free, so why? When I use my wife’s laptop, I just go to the Internet. There’s no passwords for the Internet. Where would I need to use a password for FREE wifi?”
Me: “Well, unless you’re stealing someone else’s unsecured wifi, you would have to have a network that you yourself are broadcasting, paying for, and connecting to that would either have or not have a wifi password involved. But again, I’m sorry, I wouldn’t be able to tell you that information. Your home cable or Internet provider would be responsible.”
Customer: “So do I have wifi or not?”
Me: “No. No, you don’t. Not if you don’t know what it is.”
Customer: “Why isn’t there some technical thing? You know I’m not good with this computer stuff, but I wish there was some technical thing that would just tell you what the password is. Everyone gets free wifi, but I’m the one with all the problems. I think it’s the phone.”
Me: “No, it’s not. Could you check on your home wifi for me and let me know what provider you have? I think I could get a pretty good idea of the problem with that information at least.”
Customer: “Okay. Yeah, I can do that. I’ll check with the wife. She’s better at this stuff.”
(I can now officially retire from customer service.)
If you've ever worked in customer service you'll, unfortunately, relate to these horrendous moments in the world of dealing with people. They might bring back bad, bad memories, but they'll make you laugh at the same time. It's always nice to see that someone else is struggling just as hard as you did once upon a time (or like you are right now, and I'm sorry). Here are some moments in customer service history that will make you laugh and maybe cry a little:
1. Listening Skills Don’t Carry Much Weight
GROCERY STORE | WV, USA | AT THE CHECKOUT, BIZARRE, TRANSPORTATION
(I am a cashier at a grocery store. Our management does not allow customers to take shopping carts outside. Instead, if a customer has a large order of groceries, we load them into a trolley and an employee follows the customer to their vehicles with the groceries. We always have employees on-hand to do these carry outs. An elderly customer comes to my register with several two-liters of soda and a box containing a 12-pack of soda, among other things. Thinking that this must be heavy, I offer to call a carry out for her.)
Me: “Hello, ma’am, would you like a carry out today?”
Customer: “What?”
Me: “Would you like help out?”
Customer: “What?”
Me: “Would you like help out to your car?”
Customer: “What?”
Me: *very slowly and deliberately* “Would you like someone to help carry your bags to your car?”
Customer: “Oh, no, dear. I don’t need that.”
Me: “Are you sure? It would be no trouble at all.”
Customer: “I’m sure!”
(I shrug and ring up her order. I bag her groceries, she pays, and I hand her a receipt.)
Me: “Thanks a lot. Have a great day!”
Customer: *stares at her bags of groceries* “Well, how am I supposed to carry all of this by myself?!”
2. The Power Of One
THEATER | BOSTON, MA, USA | AT THE CHECKOUT, EXTRA STUPID
(I work as front of house staff at a theater with multiple performance spaces. On this night we have three sold out shows in our building and an incredibly high volume of patrons in line for the box office and in line to get their tickets scanned. I am the only person scanning tickets at this point and I have developed a cluster of patrons around me, plus many more behind them. I realize that to proceed efficiently, I need more organization. I address my patron cluster:)
Me: “It will really help me out if everyone can form one line please!”
Woman In The Cluster: *as though this never would have occurred to her* “OH! Because you’re only one person!”
Me: “…exactly.”
3. Knocking The Wind Out Of Your Sails
MUSEUM | BOSTON, MA, USA | BIZARRE, HISTORY
(I work in a museum that focuses on the history of a particular ship. One day, a visitor approaches me and asks me this question:)
Visitor: “Excuse me, I have a question.”
Me: “Sure!”
Visitor: “When was the last time [Ship] had all of her sails out?”
Me: “The last time she sailed under her own power was in August 2012 on the 200th anniversary of her victory with—”
Visitor: “Yeah, but were ALL of her sails out?”
Me: “Well, no, only a few of the main ones necessary for—”
Visitor: “But I want to know when she had ALL her sails out like in this painting.” *gestures to nautical painting*
Me: “Ah! I see. Actually, artists painted ships with full sails to heighten the drama of the painting. There would be very few occasions when a ship would literally have all of her sails out at once because different sails are used in different situations and angles of wind and—”
Visitor: “Yeah, but WHEN was the LAST TIME she had ALL of her sails out?”
Me: *pause* “I guess I don’t know exactly.”
Visitor: *to his family* “Oh, she doesn’t know.”
4. Half Agreeing To Half And Half
RESTAURANT | SEASIDE, FL, USA | FOOD & DRINK, SPOUSES & PARTNERS
(I am joining my family for dinner when I overhear this exchange between my mother and our waiter:)
Mom: “Can I have a cappuccino?”
Waiter: “I am sorry, We do not have any.”
Mom: “Do you have any green tea?”
Waiter: “Yes, ma’am.”
Mom: “Can I have that with vanilla?”
Waiter: “We do not have any vanilla.”
Mom: “Nothing vanilla.”
Waiter: “Vanilla vodka.”
Mom: “Peppermint? Gingerbread?”
Waiter: “We do not have any flavorings.”
Mom: “Any [Flavored Creamers]?”
Waiter: “We have half and half.”
Mom: “See, I did not want half and half.”
(My father breaks his silence and speaks up and says to the waiter.)
Dad: “Just say yes to whatever she says and bring her half and half.”
Mom: “That works for me.”
5. Gives New Meaning To ‘Phone Bill’
BANK, CALL CENTER | CO, USA | CRAZY REQUESTS, EXTRA STUPID, MONEY, TECHNOLOGY
(A customer calls in to a bank call center.)
Customer: “I need to make a deposit.”
Me: “I can certainly help you with that deposit. What do we need to deposit? Cash, check, money order?”
Customer: “I need to deposit money.”
Me: “What type of deposit? There are different ways to make a deposit depending on what you need to deposit.”
Customer: “I need to deposit cash.”
Me: “I can find you the closest ATM so you can make your cash deposit.”
Customer: “You mean I have to go somewhere to make the deposit?”
Me: “Yes, if you are depositing cash.”
Customer: “Well, can’t I just deposit it over the phone?!”
Me: No, I’m sorry. There is not a way to deposit cash over the phone.”
Customer: “What kind of service is this?” *click*
6. No Signal Getting To His Brain
CELLPHONE STORE, RETAIL | WI, USA | EXTRA STUPID, TECHNOLOGY
Me: “Hello. How can I help you today?”
Customer: “My ‘wifis’ are all locked.”
Me: “Okay… let me see what you mean here.”
(The customer pulls out their [Smartphone] and shows that there are lock symbols on all of the wifi networks openly broadcasting in the area.)
Me: “Yes, these lock symbols mean that you have to login to the wifi network with a password.”
Customer: “Password? What password? Wifis need a password? I’ve never used a password.”
Me: “Does your home wifi not have a password?”
Customer: “Which one is my home wifi?”
Me: “Well, none of these. We have a wifi access point here in the store…”
(I demonstrate to the customer how to log onto a wifi using the store’s own broadcasting wireless network.)
Me: “But your home wifi will only be at your house. Not here. Do you know what your home wifi network is called?”
Customer: “Why can’t I use any of these other ones?”
Me: “These are just local wifi spots that are locked, with passwords, by their owners to keep people from freely using them.”
Customer: “But wifi is supposed to be free, and I was told that I would have access to wifi with my new device.”
Me: “Well, wifi isn’t always free. In places like Starbucks or McDonalds you’ll have free wifi that they pay for, but typical home networks, and even your 4G or 3G networks aren’t technically free. So, what you’ll have to do is go to your house, figure out what your home wifi is called, login to it by finding it on this list in your phone, and enter in the password if you have one.”
Customer: “So… what’s my wifi password, then? I don’t think I have one.”
Me: “I couldn’t tell you. That would be something you or you Internet provider would know.”
Customer: “My provider is you guys.”
Me: “Your home Internet provider.”
Customer: “See, I don’t understand. Wifis are free, so why? When I use my wife’s laptop, I just go to the Internet. There’s no passwords for the Internet. Where would I need to use a password for FREE wifi?”
Me: “Well, unless you’re stealing someone else’s unsecured wifi, you would have to have a network that you yourself are broadcasting, paying for, and connecting to that would either have or not have a wifi password involved. But again, I’m sorry, I wouldn’t be able to tell you that information. Your home cable or Internet provider would be responsible.”
Customer: “So do I have wifi or not?”
Me: “No. No, you don’t. Not if you don’t know what it is.”
Customer: “Why isn’t there some technical thing? You know I’m not good with this computer stuff, but I wish there was some technical thing that would just tell you what the password is. Everyone gets free wifi, but I’m the one with all the problems. I think it’s the phone.”
Me: “No, it’s not. Could you check on your home wifi for me and let me know what provider you have? I think I could get a pretty good idea of the problem with that information at least.”
Customer: “Okay. Yeah, I can do that. I’ll check with the wife. She’s better at this stuff.”
(I can now officially retire from customer service.)
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