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Monday, December 24, 2018

What We Did Before Semi-Automatics and Crack

Remember When

I was stuck in the Jerk-Off Queue From Hell when I got an email from my sister listing all the things I remember from being a kid. I’ve added a few of my own, and if your over 35, then this is sure to make you smile.

Before having 200 parentally controlled digital channels, I remember…

Listening to AM radio in the dark.
Rabbit ears and aluminum foil.
When finding out you missed a Peanut’s special was the worst thing that could happen.
A 13" black and white TV in your room meant you were RICH.
Our first Betamax and the two movies you could watch on it.
Creature Double Feature, Kung Fu Theater and the Million Dollar Movie.
The After School Special, Saturday morning cartoons and Sunday morning oldies.
The National Anthem at midnight and snowy screens.

Before PlayStation, Nintendo and even before Atari, I remember when the streets were for…

Stickball in the afternoon and Kick-the-Can at dusk.
Roller skates and skateboards with metal wheels.
Learning to ride your bike with no hands.
Discovering new abilities as the result of a triple-dog-dare.
Double Dutch, Hopscotch, Jacks and chalk drawings.

And the playgrounds were for…

Dodgeball, Kick Ball, Four Square and Tetherball.
King-of-the-Mountain on jungle gyms shaped like domes.
Penny-drops from the horizontal bar.
Seeing who could swing the highest and jump the furthest.

And the woods were for…

Finding dead, smelly things to poke.
Finding living, smelly things to bring home.
Short-cutting to a friend’s house, school, or the dime store.
Hiding out from a disgruntled parent or sibling.
Scoping out sledding hills.
Traversing log bridges, climbing trees, building forts and swinging from branches.
Being alone with your first girl/boyfriend.
Sipping your first beer and smoking your first cigarette – and throwing up.

Before pagers and cell phones, I remember….

Moms whistling or yelling for their kid to come home.
When, “But Mom! There was no phone!” was a legitimate excuse.
NETWORK meant a collection of neighborhood mothers that could identify which kids were where, and exactly what they were doing – scary!
Believing your mom would agree with you when said that the street lights must be broken because they came on late.
Passing notes in class.
The school bathroom being a core social center.

Before HIV, flesh-eating bacteria and e-coli in the news, I remember…

The worst thing you could get from the opposite sex was cooties (and mono).
Sharing ice cream with the dog and your best friend.
Cereal and Cracker Jacks with cool prizes at the bottom.
When your parents took you to McDonalds and you were COOL.

Before drive-bys, home invasions and child protective services in the media, I remember…

When ANY parent could discipline ANY kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries - And nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.
Water balloons and snowballs with ice cores were the ultimate weapons.
Getting your ass whooped meant you deserved it and that your parents loved you.
Sleeping with the windows and doors open.
Running into a friends house without knocking.
RACE ISSUES meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

Before the endless technological diversions, summer was for…

Pulling the glow-goo out of fireflies.
Sand in your crack.
Swigs from the hose.
Sprinklers, fire hydrants, the local lake and the neighbor’s pool.
Sweating in bed with the window open, listening to crickets
Kool-Aid, Fla-Vor-Ice, the Good Humor Truck, Mr. Softie, and ice pops you could break in two and share with a friend.
Seeing shapes in the clouds and millions of mosquito bites.

Fall was for…

New clothes someone else picked out and paid for.
Raking leaves just to jump in them.
Seeing “who you got”.
Monday Night Football.
Deciding what to wear for Halloween - a major decision.
Your stinky aunt and cousins at Thanksgiving.
Pouring over store catalogs and making wish-lists.

And winter was for…

Waking up to a foot of snow – which proved the existence of god.
Witnessing the miracle of some kid smacking head-first into the tree at the bottom of the sledding hill and surviving.
Writing your name in the snow.
Swearing to your mother that you weren’t cold even though your hat had turned into an ice helmet.

Before I grew up and took this lousy job, I remember…

WORK meant taking out the trash or doing the dishes.
When a quarter seemed like a fair allowance - and another quarter a MIRACLE.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly.
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo".
Mistakes could be corrected by simply yelling, “DO OVER!!!”.
Being tired from PLAYING.
Being old, referred to anyone over 20 ( I'm officially old!).

*by WCDogg, Headset Suicide

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