You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
You fall off the floor...
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger...who needs dinner?
Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
I'm as jober as a sudge.