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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Happy New Year



Happy New Year

PUNS (these are pretty good)


1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.


2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."


3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.


4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.


5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."


6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"


7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome" "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."


8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.


9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.


10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.


11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.


12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"


13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.


14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.


15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".


16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.


17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." !


18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."


19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him .(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


20. And finally, there was the person who posted twenty different puns for his readers, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

19 Mind-Blowing Tricks Every iPhone And iPad User Should Know


You spend, like, half of your life on that thing. Time to figure out what it really does.

Click here to go to buzzfeed.com

I went to a party



I went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom
So I had a sprite instead.


I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
That I didn't drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.



I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.


I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming,
Mom Something I expected least.


Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
The kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.


My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
This girl is going to die.


I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.


So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.


Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave,
And when I go to heaven,
Put "Mommy 's Girl" on my grave.
Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had, I'd still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom


I'm getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And I'm so unprepared.


I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, "I love you, Mom!"


So I love you and good-bye.



Click here to go to the MADD Homepage

Click above to go to the MADD homepage

Have a Safe and Happy New Year!
Have a Safe and Happy New Year!

Monday, December 30, 2013

Parking Space


A lady was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, she said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and vodka."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

She looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."

Tight parking space
unrelated picture, but I thought it was funny...

DID YOU KNOW?


Bubbles - Trailer Park Boys According to Bubbles, who is the smartest person that ever lived?








Answer: Plato – because he said it was alright to lie, as long as it benefits the greater good of the people.

Twelve Reasons to Smile


Duck Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.



Duck Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.




Duck I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.



Duck How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America?




Duck A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"



Duck I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!




Duck When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."




Duck Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.




Duck Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!




Duck Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?



Duck Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.




Duck Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

World's Best Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whomever she pleased..... She did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many boyfriends, saved more money, had all the hot water to herself, never had pubic hairs under the toilet seat lid, She watched chick flicks, never had football on, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked good in sweat pants and shirt, and burped, swore, and farted all the time.

THE END

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Lucky or What?


Lucky or What! - click here

Click above for funny clip. (wmv - ~167 KB)

CONFUSED SENIOR!


There was a bit of confusion at the Cabela’s Sporting Goods store this morning.

When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets...
The cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control, Whackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

old naked man


When the hysterical shrieking finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card-reader.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.


They need to make their instructions to us Seniors a little clearer !

I STILL DON'T THINK I LOOKED THAT BAD!

Giggles with goats


Click here to gigle with the goats
Click above (Youtube)

7 People Who Cheated Death (Then Kicked It In The Balls)


By Son Tran

Cheating Death

We all like to think of ourselves as badasses. But what would you really do if faced with death? How would you react to being dropped out of a plane without a parachute, or buried alive? After crapping your pants, that is.

Well these people survived all of that and more, slapping Death in the face and telling it to go make them a sandwich.

Read more.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Bad Tattoos


Getting a tattoo is a highly personal decision. A mark that you won't be getting rid of very easily! Some people, may not have thought things through when they made their commitment to ink. Click below to go to AhaJokes.com and see the rest:

http://www.ahajokes.com/fp065.php

I Thought I Had Seen Everything… Then I Went Back To The 1930s And Saw This.


Every product that we use day-to-day had to come from somewhere. Even as something as simple as a telephone had countless versions that were created and tested. You might not realize, though, that there were other inventions throughout history that didn’t quite make the cut like the telephone did. A Reddit user found some of these old-timey (and sometimes frighteningly awesome) inventions and shared them. I would buy most of these. Immediately. Click on the picture below:

This stroller that would protect babies from gas (1938).
This stroller that would protect babies from gas (1938).



*Thanks for the link, Gary

Midway - A Love story for our time...


And that's when the fight started...



My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' ... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started... 

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started.....

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started... 

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started... 

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started...... 

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.' And then the fight started...

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And then the fight started........

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' That's how the fight started. 

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started....

Friday, December 27, 2013

Noah's Ark in Today's Society



Noah's Ark in Today's Society...


Noah's Ark
The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole Earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the Earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."


In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.

Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.


"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."


Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud formed and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.



"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.


Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.


Then my neighbour objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.



I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.

However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.


The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labour Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.


When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.



Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.

Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.


Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practising discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!


The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.



I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft.'

Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.


I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.


The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.



Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the Earth, Lord?"

"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has!"

Two Days After Christmas


snowman


'Twas two days after Christmas & out on the ranch

The pond was froze over & so was the branch.

The snow was piled up belly-deep to a mule.

The kids were all home on vacation from school,

And happier young folks you never did see-

Just all sprawled around a-watchin' TV.

Then suddenly, some time around 8 o'clock,

There came a surprise that gave them a shock!

The power went off, the TV went dead!

When Grandpa came in from out in the shed

With an armload of wood, the house was all dark.

"Just what I expected," they heard him remark.

"Them power line wires must be down from the snow.

Seems sorter like times on the ranch long ago."

"I'll hunt up some candles," said Mom. "With their light,

And the fireplace, I reckon we'll make out all right."

The teen-agers all seemed enveloped in gloom.

Then Grandpa came back from a trip to his room,

Uncased his old fiddle & started to play

That old Christmas song about bells on a sleigh.

Mom started to sing, & 1st thing they knew

Both Pop & the kids were all singing it, too.

They sang Christmas carols, they sang "Holy Night,"

Their eyes all a-shine in the ruddy firelight.

They played some charades Mom recalled from her youth,

And Pop read a passage from God's Book of Truth.

They stayed up till midnight-and, would you believe,

The youngsters agreed 'twas a fine Christmas Eve.

Grandpa rose early, some time before dawn;

And when the kids wakened, the power was on..

"The power company sure got the line repaired quick,"

Said Grandpa - & no one suspected his trick.

Last night, for the sake of some old-fashioned fun,

He had pulled the main switch - the old Son-of-a-Gun!

-anonymous

A "pardon" for Alan Turing**.



by Reuters

WWII codebreaker Alan Turing gets royal pardon for gay conviction


Alan Turing

Mathematician Alan Turing, who helped Britain win World War Two by cracking Nazi Germany's "unbreakable" Enigma code, was granted a rare royal pardon on Tuesday for a criminal conviction for homosexuality that led to his suicide.

Turing's electromechanical machine, a forerunner of modern computers, unravelled the code used by German U-boats in the Atlantic. His work at Bletchley Park, Britain's wartime codebreaking centre, was credited with shortening the war.

However, he was stripped of his job and chemically castrated with injections of female hormones after being convicted of gross indecency in 1952 for having sex with a man. Homosexual sex was illegal in Britain until 1967.

Turing killed himself in 1954, aged 41, with cyanide.

Justice Minister Chris Grayling said the pardon from Queen Elizabeth would come into effect immediately and was a fitting tribute to "an exceptional man with a brilliant mind".

"His brilliance was put into practice at Bletchley Park during the Second World War where he was pivotal to breaking the 'Enigma' code, helping to end the war and save thousands of lives," Grayling said in a statement.

"His later life was overshadowed by his conviction for homosexual activity, a sentence we would now consider unjust and discriminatory and which has now been repealed," he said.

Only four royal pardons had been granted since the end of World War Two, a spokeswoman for Grayling said.

Cosmologist Stephen Hawking and 10 other eminent scientists had campaigned for years for "one of the most brilliant mathematicians of the modern era" to be pardoned.

One of those scientists, Paul Nurse, President of the Royal Society, said, "The persecution of this great British scientist over his sexuality was tragic and I'm delighted that we can now focus solely on celebrating his legacy."

In 2009, then Prime Minister Gordon Brown publicly apologised on behalf of the government for "the appalling way" Turing was treated but campaigners called for a full pardon.

In May 2012, a private member's bill was put before the House of Lords in the British parliament to grant Turing a statutory pardon and in July it gained government support.

Cameron on Tuesday described Turing as "a remarkable man who played a key role in saving this country in World War Two".

"His action saved countless lives. He also left a remarkable national legacy through his substantial scientific achievements, often being referred to as the father of modern computing," Cameron said in a statement.

The work at Bletchley Park, a secluded country house north of London, only became public knowledge in the 1970s when its role in the war and that played by Turing was revealed.

The cryptographers who worked there are credited with helping to shorten World War Two by up to two years and they deciphered around 3,000 German military messages a day.

Turing's team cracked the Enigma code, which the Germans regarded as unbreakable, as well as designing and developing Colossus, one of the first programmable computers.

But after the war, Prime Minister Winston Churchill ordered the Colossus computers and 200 "Turing bombe" machines be destroyed to keep them secret from the Soviet Union.

** HE SHOULD NOT HAVE NEEDED A PARDON IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Best Hockey Goalie EVER!


Best hockey goalie ever!

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Your password has expired...



Please enter your new password:

"cabbage"

Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

"boiled cabbage"

Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

"1 boiled cabbage"

Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

"50fuckingboiledcabbages"

Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.

"50FUCKINGboiledcabbages"

Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

"50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessnow”

Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

“ReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYouDontGiveMeAccessnow”

Sorry, that password is already in use.

*Thanks, Gary!

Acronyms (What is the acronym for acronym, anyways?)



Keeping Christmas


by Henry Van Dyke

Henry Van Dyke
It is a good thing to observe Christmas day. The mere making of times and seasons when men agree to stop work and make merry together, is a wise and wholesome custom. It helps one to feel the supremacy of the common life over the individual life. It reminds a man or woman to set their own little watch, now and then, by the great clock of humanity which runs on sun time. But there is a better thing than the observance of Christmas day, and that is, keeping Christmas.

Are you willing to forget what you have done for other people and to remember what others have done for you; to ignore what the world owes you, and to think about what you owe the world; to put your rights in the background, and your duties in the middle distance, and your chances to do a little more than your duty in the foreground; to see that your fellowmen are just as real as you are, and to try to look behind their faces to their hearts, hungry for joy; to own that probably the only good reason for your existence is not what you are going to get out of life, but what you are going to give to life; to close your book of complaints against the management of the universe, and look around you for a place where you can sow a few seeds of happiness – are you willing to do these things for even a day? If so, then you can Keep Christmas.

Are you willing to stoop down and consider the needs and the desires of little children; to remember the weakness and the loneliness of people who are growing old; to stop asking how much your friends love you, and ask yourself whether you love them enough; to bear in mind the things that other people have to bear on their hearts; to try to understand what those who live in the same house with you really want, without you waiting for them to tell you; to make a grave for your ugly thoughts, and a garden for your kindly feelings, with the gate open; are you willing to do these even for a day? Then you can Keep Christmas.

Are you willing to believe that Love is the strongest thing in the world — stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death? Then you can Keep Christmas.

And if you keep it for a day, why not always?

"Boxing Day" - The 4-11


Boxing Day Lineup411 Boxing Day, December 26th, is a public holiday in the United Kingdom, Australia (excluding South Australia), Canada, New Zealand and countries in the Commonwealth of Nations with a mainly Christian population. It is based on the tradition of giving gifts to the less fortunate members of society. Contemporary Boxing Day in many countries is now a "shopping holiday" associated with after-Christmas sales.

411 This day is historically England's name for St Stephen's Day - St. Stephen was one of the first Christian martyrs, being stoned to death in Jerusalem around A.D. 34-35 - the 26th December, which is a public holiday in most countries in Europe and many countries around the world with predominantly Christian populations. In the Eastern Orthodox Church, St Stephen's Day is celebrated on the 27th of December, although in Greece the Greek Boxing Day (Synaxis Theotokou, Σύναξις Θεοτόκου) is also celebrated as a public holiday on the 26th of December and is not related to the English version.

411 In Ireland the Bank Holidays Act 1871 established the feast day of St. Stephen's Day as a non-moveable public holiday on December the 26th, although since partition the name "Boxing Day" is used by the authorities in Northern Ireland and it has become a moveable public holiday in line with the rest of the UK. The Banking and Financial Dealings Act of 1971 established "Boxing Day" as a public holiday in Scotland. In the Australian state of South Australia, December the 26th is a public holiday known as Proclamation Day.

411 It is usually celebrated on the 26th of December, the day after Christmas Day; however, unlike St Stephen's Day, Boxing Day is not always on the 26th of December, its associated public holiday can be moved to the next weekday if the 26th of December is a Saturday or Sunday. The movement of Boxing Day varies between countries.

411 Origins
Boxing Day dates back to past centuries when it was the custom for the wealthy to give gifts to employees or to people in a lower social class, most especially to household servants and other service personnel. The name has numerous folk etymologies.

As with Christmas itself, some elements of Boxing Day are also likely related to, and ultimately derived from, the ancient Roman Saturnalia, which also had elements of gift giving and social role reversal.

411 Date
In the countries that observe this holiday, 26 December is commonly referred to as Boxing Day, no matter what day of the week it occurs. However, in some countries, fixed-date holidays falling on Saturday or Sunday are often observed on the next weekday. Technically, Boxing Day cannot be on a Sunday - that day being the officially recognized day of worship, so traditionally it was the next working day of the week following Christmas Day, (i.e. any day from Monday to Saturday). In recent times this tradition has been either forgotten or ignored, and 26 December is considered by most to be Boxing Day when it falls on a Sunday. 1993 was the last year when 26 December was called Christmas Sunday in the UK; in 1999, the next time the date fell on a Sunday, it was Boxing Day.

411 If Boxing Day falls on a Saturday, then Monday 28 December is declared a public holiday. In the United Kingdom and some other countries this is accomplished by Royal Proclamation. In some Canadian provinces, Boxing Day is a statutory holiday and is always celebrated on 26 December. As with most statutory holidays in Canada if it falls on a Saturday or Sunday, compensation days are given in the following week.

411 If Boxing Day falls on a Sunday, then in countries where it is a public holiday the Statutory Holiday is moved to Monday 27 December. In that event, Christmas Day would be on a Saturday, so Tuesday 28 December would be declared a holiday in lieu, that being the next available working day - thus the Boxing Day holiday occurs before the substitute Christmas holiday.

411 If Christmas Day falls on a Sunday, then Boxing Day is on Monday 26 December, and no Royal Proclamation is required. In such a circumstance, a 'substitute bank holiday in lieu of Christmas Day' is declared for Tuesday 27 December; again with the Boxing Day holiday occurring before the substitute Christmas holiday.

411 Although the same legislation—the Bank Holidays Act 1871—originally established the Bank Holidays throughout the United Kingdom, the holiday after Christmas was defined as Boxing Day in England and Wales, and the feast day of St. Stephen's Day in Ireland.

411 In Australia and Canada, Boxing Day is primarily known as a shopping holiday, and a time where stores have sales, often with dramatic price decreases. For many merchants, it has become the day of the year with the greatest revenue. In recent years, this has been expanded to "Boxing Week". While Boxing Day is actually on 26 December, many retailers who hold Boxing Day Sales will run the sales for several days before or after 26 December, often up to New Year's Eve.

411 In some areas of Canada, particularly in Atlantic Canada and parts of Northern Ontario, most retailers are prohibited by law from opening on Boxing Day. In these cases, any sales specifically scheduled for December 26 are moved to the 27th.
*Wikipedia

--Wizard's Note: And I thought it was the day that all the empty Christmas Boxes were tossed to the curb!