Monday, February 20, 2012

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON BUT NOT OF SILVER TONGUE
I am a man of sound prejudice.


--Toronto mayor Allan Lamport



Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON MENU ITEMS, CREATIVE
• Hoodwinks the Boundary Gluttonous Mutton Chop

• The Wild Fungus Burns the Duck Feet

• The Vinegar Fries Fragrant Woodenly Must Meat


--menu items in China




Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON AIRLINE ANNOUNCEMENTS THAT SHOULD BE REPHRASED
• Toe-Shaped Chicken
• Recent Veal
• Bagel–Plane or Gallic


--British Airways first officer’s announcement, as a flight was taxiing to the gate at London’s Heathrow Airport




Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON YOU’RE HAVING MORE PROBLEMS THAN YOU THINK
Caller: I’m having a problem with passwords on my computer. When I type them in, it just shows stars.

Tech support: The asterisks are there to protect you.
For instance, if someone is standing behind you, they won’t know what you’ve typed in.

Caller: But they show up even when there is no one standing behind me!


--actual call to a computer helpline




Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON TALK ABOUT YOUR CLEAR MOVIE SYNOPSES!
When she touched something on the back of the youth. She was surprised and asked he with her beautiful eyes. The man was very excited to show her figure which was supported by the bamboo.


--cover copy on a Chinese bootleg of the movie Catch Me If You Can




Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON IT’S STORIES LIKE THIS THAT MAKE A GREAT NEWSPAPER
In Portola, a caller reported that while she was in the shower, someone snuck into her house and vomited on her stove. A deputy reported that it appeared to be cooking grease on the stove.


--from the Portola (California) Reporter




Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON WHY WE CAN’T WAIT TILL SEASON TWO
As my life changes, season two will be different because different things happen, and it’s a reality show.


--actress Denise Richards, on It’s Complicated




Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON MISTAKES, SO EASY TO MAKE
A headline on an item in the Feb. 5th edition of the Enquirer-Bulletin incorrectly stated “Stolen groceries.” It should have read “Homicide.”


--correction in the Enquirer-Bulletin (San Carlos, Redwood Shores, Belmont, California)



Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON WHY THERE ARE NO LIGHTS IN GLENN BECK’S BEDROOM
100 percent of Americans agree naked males should never, ever be seen—ever.


--talk show host Glenn Beck, explaining that he didn’t trust Sen. Scott Brown (R-Massachusetts) because he had once posed naked in Cosmopolitan magazine



Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON INSTRUCTIONS, IMPOSSIBLE TO FOLLOW
Judge to prosecutor: You cannot ask that witness what he was told by someone else. If you want that evidence in, you will have to get it some other way.

Prosecutor to witness: Very well then, Mr. Davies. Without telling me what he said to you, what did he tell you to say?

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