After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion." What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week! "The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here every Tuesday and Thursday."
An Antartian was driving home on the freeway after work when she was hit by a hailstorm that left her car completely dented all over. She decided to go to a body shop and asked the owner how much he would charge to remove the dents. Seeing that she was an antartian, he winked at his partner, and told her it wouldn't cost anything if she followed his instructions carefully.
She drove home and when her antartian roommate came out of the house she found her friend sitting on the ground at the back of the car blowing really hard in the tail pipe.
"What on earth are you doing" she asked.
Her friend looking up with big smile and a black ring around her mouth said "The man at the body shop told me that I could save a lot of money on repair work if I blew really hard into the tail pipe. he said that all the dents would pop out"
"Daaahhh" said her friend, "but first you have to roll up all the windows!!!"
Frank was madly in love with Susan, but couldn’t get up enough courage to pop the question face to face. Finally he decided to ask her on the telephone. “Darling! He blurted out, “Will you marry me?”
“Of course, I will, you silly boy,” she replied, “Who’s speaking?”
This guy calls an Airline and asks "How long does it take to get from Boston to New York? "The rep says, “One min. please, ” and the guy says, “ Ok Thank you for your help”
Walking down the street one day, a woman heard a voice yell, 'stop! If you take one more step, you will be killed. The woman stopped and seconds later a brick fell and landed in her path.
A minute later or two, she was ready to cross the street when the same voice bellowed 'halt! Don’t cross the street now'. An out-of-control beer truck soon screeched around the corner and didn't even slowdown as it ran the red light. Shaken, the woman asked out loud, "who are you?"
'I am your guardian angel' replied the voice. 'And I imagine you have some questions for me"
'You bet I do', the woman said. 'Where were you on my wedding day?'
An old, stingy lawyer was dying and was determined to prove wrong the old saying; "You can't take it with you." He told his wife to go down to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. His plan: Put the bags directly over his bed and when he died grab them on his way up to heaven. One day the old ambulance chaser died. When his wife was up cleaning in the attic one day, she came across the forgotten pillowcases. She then said to herself, “That old fool. I knew he should have had me put them in the basement!"