Motive, Tact, Tone, and Timing

Trustworthiness is essential to good relationships, and honesty is essential to trustworthiness. But being honest isn't simply telling the truth. It's also being sincere and forthright. Thus, it's just as dishonest to deceive someone by half-truths or silence as it is to lie.

But when does honesty require us to volunteer information that could be damaging or hurtful?

Should you say something when a good friend at work has begun to dress or act in a way that's damaging his or her credibility and generating ridicule? What if you find out a friend's husband (who is also your friend) is having an affair? Do you tell your brother bad things about a woman he's involved with?

These types of situations are extremely volatile, and it's easy to rationalize silence. It's a lot easier on you and, besides, telling hard truths, however well intended, can seriously damage relationships. Yet silence could also be viewed as a betrayal of trust when it's later discovered that you knew important information and withheld it.

When the ethical principles of honesty, respect, and caring are in conflict, there's no single right answer. If you're faced with such a situation, consider these four critical factors: motive, tact, tone, and timing.

1. Be sure and pure about your motive. Your intentions must be honorable, and you must have the well-being of your friend at heart. It's not about you.
2. Choose your words very carefully.
3. Avoid self-righteousness or accusations.
4. Choose a time and place that lends itself to a frank interchange.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

*Character Counts