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Saturday, September 30, 2006

The Love Doctor


The Love Doctor Dear Love Doctor,

I saw your column and just wanted to ask, how are you qualified to answer love and romance and relationship questions?


Signed,

Skeptical in San Diego.

Howdy Skeptical! First of all, congratulations! You are my very first advice questioner email sender person that has asked me that! And all the way from South America! Hola! I don’t really speak Spanish, excepting like “Burrito, and “Taco”, “Cheeto” and “Canola”. And of course “Corona”, the Lab Lite of Mexico.

Anyways, let ME ask YOU, what qualifies YOU to ask ME what qualifies ME to give advice to YOU? You follow Me? Now I’m not trying to be rude, I’m just doing what they call “turning the tables”. Which is an expression which came from the old days when people wanted to really change things up and they’d turn tables for real, and suddenly see everything from a whole fresh perspective cuz the table was suddenly all turned. And that’s really what it’s all about. Getting Fresh. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times- KEEP CHANGING- BE ORIGINAL- BE FRESH!

The best way to get someone to fall for you is to pretend to be really spontaneous and full of life and passionate and excited about life. It will wear you down, but you only have to keep it up for 6 months or so. And that’s what it all gets down to. Keeping it up. Keeping up your irresistible persona until they are locked in to the relationship. Then drop that sumbich act ASAP so you can recupe. It’s just like when you are at the lake and a hot babe walks by and you suck in your beer gut (or your gutto de Corona as you might say) and then as soon as they walk by, you let the flab bounce out again. And if they stop and talk to you, you just try to use a normal voice while you are pressing in with all the force God will give you, while hoping no air blows out your basement.

So you just kinda do that for 6 months or so, till it’s just easier for them to stay than start over with someone else doing the same thing. I better stop there- I don’t wanna give away ALL my advice all in one post!

Anyone else need some advice- FREE dating advice (but donations accepted for beer money) send ‘em in to The Love Doctor! I got lots of time now that I been only workin' part time and I got nothing else to do. Kind of a hero at extra large I guess.


The Love Doctor


Beeee Carefull!!


A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when he hears:



BUMP...




BUMP...




BUMP... behind him.





Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him




BUMP...





BUMP...





BUMP...






Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him





faster...





faster...






BUMP...







BUMP...






BUMP...





He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.








However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping










clappity-BUMP...






clappity-BUMP...






clappity-BUMP...





on his heels the terrified man runs.





Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.



With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him.





The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!









Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...



















and,

















(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)


























The coffin stops! HYUK!
Oh shut up...I thought it was funny Beeee Carefull!!


*Thanks, Ken!

Casino Royale


Starring: Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Judi Dench, Caterina Murino, Mads Mikkelsen.


Synopsis: CASINO ROYALE is based on Ian Fleming's novel of the same name. Published in 1953, it was the first book in his 'James Bond' series. EON Productions' CASINO ROYALE produced by Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli will mark the introduction of Daniel Craig (Munich/Layer Cake) as legendary secret agent, 007. Martin Campbell (GoldenEye/The Legend Of Zorro) is directing this film, the 21st in the 44 year franchise.

STORY OUTLINE: CASINO ROYALE introduces JAMES BOND before he holds his license to kill. But Bond is no less dangerous, and with two professional assassinations in quick succession, he is elevated to '00' status.Bond's first 007 mission takes him to Madagascar, where he is to spy on a terrorist, MOLLAKA (Sebastien Foucan). Not everything goes to plan and Bond decides to investigate, independently of MI6, in order to track down the rest of the terrorist cell. Following a lead to the Bahamas, he encounters DIMITRIOS (Simon Abkarian) and his girlfriend, SOLANGE (Caterina Murino).

He learns that Dimitrios is involved with LE CHIFFRE (Mads Mikkelsen), banker to the world's terrorist organizations.Secret Service intelligence reveals that Le Chiffre is planning to raise money in a high-stakes poker game in Montenegro at Le Casino Royale. MI6 assigns 007 to play against him, knowing that if Le Chiffre loses, it will destroy his organization.'M' (Judi Dench) places Bond under the watchful eye of the beguiling VESPER LYND (Eva Green).


At first skeptical of what value Vesper can provide, Bond's interest in her deepens as they brave danger together and even torture at the hands of Le Chiffre.In Montenegro, Bond allies himself with MATHIS (Giancarlo Giannini), MI6's local field agent, and FELIX LEITER (Jeffrey Wright), who is representing the interests of the CIA. The marathon game proceeds with dirty tricks and violence, raising the stakes beyond blood money and reaching a terrifying climax.

Visit the Official Site.

Stay 'tooned' for the review!


Windows Holes


Windows Holes


Another zero-day threat hits Windows - Sample code is circulating on the Internet for an attack using a flaw that Microsoft knows about, but has not yet fixed.

On Thursday, Microsoft warned people about a vulnerability in the Windows Shell, the part of the operating system that presents the user interface. The flaw affects Windows 2000, Windows XP and Windows Server 2003 and could be exploited via the Internet Explorer Web browser through a component called WebViewFolderIcon, the company said in an advisory.

"An attacker could host a specially crafted Web site that is designed to exploit this vulnerability through Internet Explorer," Microsoft said. "An attacker who successfully exploited this vulnerability could gain the same user rights as the local user."

While sample exploit code has been published, Microsoft said it has not yet seen any related attacks. The vulnerability was actually discovered two months ago, but the code only surfaced this week, according to the French Security Incident Response Team.

Security monitoring company Secunia deems the issue "extremely critical," its most severe rating. Microsoft said it is working on a fix and plans to release it on Oct. 10 as part of its regular patch cycle. Meanwhile, it suggested several workarounds in its advisory to protect Windows systems.

--more--


*ZDNet

How to make a woman happy


It's not difficult to make a woman happy.

A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45 give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
Star birthdays
Star anniversaries
Star arrangements she makes



HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food


*Thanks, Daryn

Microsoft admits WGA failures “coming up more commonly now”


Window WGA Scrolling through the posts on Microsoft’s official WGA Validation Problems forum is like reading accident reports from a multiple-car pileup on Interstate 5. Many of the victims are completely innocent and have no idea what hit them, and cleaning up the mess can be a nightmare.

Even a casual reading of the posts at the WGA Validation Problems forum makes it clear that WGA has serious problems. But Microsoft refuses to share any hard data about WGA installations, making it impossible for independent observers to quantify the extent of the problems. Until now, that is.

With the help of a researcher, I went through a sample of 137 recent problem reports from actual Windows users, posted publicly on the WGA Validation Problems forum. Our research was the online equivalent of listening in to two weeks worth of calls to Microsoft’s support lines. The results we found directly contradict Microsoft’s insistence that "only a handful of actual false positives have been seen."

According to our analysis, 42% of the people who experienced problems with WGA and reported those problems to Microsoft’s public forums during that period were actually running Genuine Microsoft Windows. That’s not just our opinion, either. Those statistics were reported by the Redmond-approved Microsoft Genuine Advantage Diagnostic utility.

--more--


*ZDNet

Joke of the Day


Joke of the Day - Click here

Click Above.

The Bluebird of Happiness


The Bluebird of Happiness

*Thanks, SalTCBug

This can save a life


Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or love one's life.

Crucial Because of recent abductions in daylight hours,refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation...

This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you know. After reading these 9 crucial tips , pass on the post to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!


2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans . If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM . Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!


3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole
and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.


4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

a. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.


5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

-->Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.

-->If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

-->Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)


6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)


7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably! in a zig -zag pattern!


8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP

It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking,
well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women.
He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

****** Here it is *******


9. Another Safety Point:

Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird.

The police told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door."

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door."

He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.


I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life.

Direct this post to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better to be safe than sorry. (Click on the "Permanent Link" and then copy the address of the new window in your email....)


*Thanks, Ken

TRUE or FALSE?


True or False?


The marine fish species that live in Antarctic waters are the only warm-blooded fish in existence, which is how they keep from freezing.





FALSE! “Antifreeze” proteins are what keep the more than 120 marine fish species called Notothenioids from freezing. The protein binds with ice crystals in their bloodstream and inhibits their growth. Most fish would die without these proteins, as the temperature of water in the Antarctic (28°F) is below the freezing point of their blood.



Antarctic Fish

Veggie Slide Puzzle


Veggie Slide Puzzle - Click here

Click Above. When the next window opens, use your mouse to move the pieces and make the picture

Friday, September 29, 2006

From The Emerald City


The Emerald City



I have added a new feature to 'OZ'. I get a lot of reader's emailing me asking where 'x' post is, so The Wizard has teamed up with Google to offer a search box for inside 'OZ' (Includes the archives!), as well as the web! You will find the search box on the top left side as well as near the bottom of the page.

Happy searching!

Yours,

--The Wizard


Carbon-Monoxide Detector With Snooze Button Recalled


Carbon-Monoxide Detector with Sleep Function - The Onion - http://www.theonion.com

*The Onion

Woman's 7.5 metre fingernails


A US woman who has been growing her fingernails since 1979 has made the Guiness Book of Records.


Woman's 7.5 Metre fingernails

Lee Redmond, 65, from Utah, qualified for entry in the 2007 edition after her nails reached a combined length of 7.5 metres.

She's going to have them all removed - by laser - on November 22 this year.

Mrs Redmond treats her nails daily with warm olive oil and nail hardener and says she can do most household chores without a problem, including shaving her husband.


Boy with 53cm high Mohican

Also making the new edition of the record book is 16-year-old Aaron Studham, from Massachussetts, who boasts a 53 cm high mohican.


*Ananova

Joke of the Day


Joke of the Day - Click here

Click Above.

The Golden Telephone


An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

"O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston and New York.

In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.

The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to Canada to see if Canadians had the same phone.

He arrived in Canada, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "40 cents per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. ?"Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Canada now, son - it's a local call".


*Thanks, Andy

Clay Aiken: Gay, Straight or Nobody's Business?


Clay Aiken and? In an emotionally charged interview with Diane Sawyer, American Idol runner-up and recording artist Clay Aiken skated around the issue of his sexuality. "What I do in my private life is nobody's business anymore," Aiken proclaims. Rumors about Clay Aiken's sexuality have been circulating, well, since his first appearance in the 2003 season of American Idol. But, could the rumors be true?

--more--


*From Ramon Johnson, Your Guide to Gay Life.

ADHD Linked To Lead, Smoking


Smoking linked to ADHD (Chicago, Illinois) About one-third of attention deficit cases among U.S. children may be linked with tobacco smoke before birth or to lead exposure afterward, according to provocative new research.

Even levels of lead the government considers acceptable appeared to increase a child's risk of having attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, the study found.

It builds on previous research linking attention problems, including ADHD, with childhood lead exposure and smoking during pregnancy, and offers one of the first estimates for how much those environmental factors might contribute.

"It's a landmark paper that quantifies the number of cases of ADHD that can be attributed to very important environmental exposures," said Dr. Leo Trasande, assistant director of the Center for Children's Health and the Environment at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York.

More importantly, the study bolsters suspicions that low-level lead exposure previously linked to behavior problems "is in fact associated with ADHD," said Trasande, who was not involved in the research.

The study's estimate is in line with a National Academy of Sciences report in 2000 that said about 3 percent of all developmental and neurological disorders in U.S. children are caused by toxic chemicals and other environmental factors and 25 percent are due to a combination of environmental factors and genetics.

"The findings of this study underscore the profound behavioral health impact of these prevalent exposures, and highlight the need to strengthen public health efforts to reduce prenatal tobacco smoke exposure and childhood lead exposure," said the authors, led by researcher Joe Braun of the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.

The study was to be published online Tuesday in the journal Environmental Health Perspectives.

ADHD is a brain disorder affecting between 4 percent and 12 percent of school-age children - or as many as 3.8 million youngsters. Affected children often have trouble sitting still and paying attention and act impulsively at home and at school. Researchers aren't certain about its causes but believe genetics and environmental factors including prenatal exposure to alcohol, tobacco or illicit drugs may play a role.

Dr. Helen Binns, a researcher at Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago, said the study is a thoughtful analysis but doesn't prove lead exposure is among the causes. It's possible, for example, that young children with ADHD are more likely than others to eat old leaded paint chips or inhale leaded paint dust because of their hyperactivity.

The researchers analyzed data on nearly 4,000 U.S. children ages 4 to 15 who were part of a 1999-2002 government health survey. Included were 135 children treated for ADHD.


ADHD


They asked whether mothers had smoked during pregnancy but used blood tests to determine lead exposure, said co-author Dr. Bruce Lanphear, a researcher at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center.

Children whose mothers smoked during pregnancy were 2 1/2 times more likely to have ADHD than children who weren't prenatally exposed to tobacco.

Children with blood lead levels of more than 2 micrograms per deciliter were four times more likely to have ADHD than children with levels below 0.8 microgram per deciliter. The government's "acceptable" blood lead level is 10 micrograms per deciliter, and an estimated 310,000 U.S. children ages 1 to 5 have levels exceeding that.

Based on study estimates, more than 5 million 4-to-15-year-olds nationwide have levels higher than 2 micrograms per deciliter, Lanphear said.

Trasande said the study adds further proof that the government should lower its threshold for safe lead exposure.

Exposure to tobacco smoke after birth was not associated with increased ADHD risks, even though childhood exposure to lead was.

"Saying there are different periods of vulnerability to different toxins is perfectly plausible," said Dr. Robert Geller, a pediatric toxicologist at Emory University.

"There may be very specific periods of vulnerability," depending on when the developing brain is exposed, Geller said.


*by Lindsey Tanner, Associated Press

Michael Emerson takes charge of The Others in third season of 'Lost'


HONOLULU (AP)- Henry Gale wasn't supposed to survive this long.

The cunning, bug-eyed character on ABC's castaway drama "Lost," played by Michael Emerson, was hired for three episodes midway through Season 2. But once producers saw Emerson in action, he was made into a key character and is now leading The Others in the highly anticipated third season.


"The reason The Others seem so frightening is like everything in the real world - it's frightening when it's unknown," Emerson told The Associated Press. "Their agenda is unknown to us; therefore we fill it up with terrible imaginings."

The former Broadway actor is best known to TV audiences for his Emmy-winning performance as a serial killer in "The Practice." Damon Lindelof, co-creator and executive producer of "Lost" (season premiere Wednesday at 9 p.m. ET), said the original plan was to have Henry escape after the three episodes. But Season 2 ended with Henry and his armed cadre on a dock, holding plane crash survivors Jack, Kate and Sawyer captive.

"Who are you people?" asked Michael, who had betrayed his fellow castaways in exchange for his son.

"We're the good guys," Henry replies.


"I think he means it," Emerson said of his character (actors are typically kept in the dark about future plot developments). "We may not agree with him, but I think he believes it."

Season 3 opens with Jack (Matthew Fox), Kate (Evangeline Lily) and Sawyer (Josh Holloway) in captivity. This season will explore why they were targeted; whether Sun's baby is really Jin's; Charlie trying to gain Claire's trust, a new woman catching Jack's attention; Locke and Sayid leading a group to rescue the three captives; and Desmond's wealthy lover trying to locate the island.

"In Season 3, the show moves geographically and spiritually to another place," Emerson said. "We will be with The Others more. They will become more three-dimensional."

He said viewers may even come to sympathize with The Others, who were on island long before the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815.

--more--


Microsoft fixes fatal browser flaw


MS Word with band-aids With attackers finding new ways to exploit a critical flaw in Internet Explorer, Microsoft Corp. has released a patch for the problem, ahead of its next scheduled round of security updates. The patch fixes a critical vulnerability in the way Internet Explorer renders VML (Vector Markup Language) graphics. Hackers had been exploiting the flaw, which also affects some versions of Outlook, for more than a week.

--more--


*ITWorldCanada.com

The 25 PCs that changed our lives forever


TRS-80 PC World's list of the top 25 PCs of all time was assembled after they polled our editors for nominations. They then rated the nominated gadgets for innovation, impact, industrial design and intangibles. Here are the results. (For full article, click here.)

1. 1977 Apple II

2. 1986 Compaq Deskpro 386

3. 1981 Xerox 8010 Information System

4. 1986 Apple Macintosh Plus

5. 1992 IBM ThinkPad 700C

6. 1981 IBM Personal Computer, Model 5150

7. 1985 Commodore Amiga 1000

8. 1983 Tandy TRS-80 Model 100

9. 1982 Columbia Data Products MPC 1600-1

10. 1991 Apple PowerBook 100

11. 1998 Sony VAIO 505GX

12. 1975 MITS Altair 8800

13. 1984 IBM Personal Computer/AT Model 5170

14. 1979 Atari 800

15. 2001 Shuttle SV24 Barebone System

16. 1977 Tandy TRS-80 Model I

17. 1987 Toshiba T1000

18. 1993 Hewlett-Packard OmniBook 300

19. 2002 Apple iMac, second generation

20. 1996 Gateway 2000 Destination

21. 1998 Alienware Area-51

22. 1993 Hewlett-Packard 100LX

23. 1997 Apple eMate 300

24. 2006 Toshiba Qosmio G35-AV650

25. 1982 Non-Linear Systems Kaypro II


*ITWorldCanada.com

TRUE or FALSE - DOUBLE PLAY!!


True or False?


Despite a day on Saturn being equivalent to 10 Earth hours, a Saturnian year is about 29.5 Earth years.







TRUE! The planet Saturn, which is primarily made of gas, revolves quite quickly (it’s second in size only to Jupiter), but given its position in the solar system (sixth), it takes quite a while to orbit the Sun.




Saturn's Rings - close-up



True or False?


Kansas City Royals baseball player George Brett was the first person Morganna the Kissing Bandit ever ran on-field to kiss at the 1979 All Star game.





FALSE! Kissing Brett was possibly the most famous moment for the busty Morganna Roberts, but the first kiss she stole was from Pete Rose in 1971. Egged on by a dare from a friend, she jumped out of the stands at Cincinnati’s Riverfront Stadium to plant a smack on “Charlie Hustle.” Rose swore at the 60-23-39 exotic dancer, but called her the next day and apologized. She went on to kiss nearly two-dozen Major League baseball players.


The Kissing Bandit


Thursday, September 28, 2006

TRUE or FALSE?


True or False?


Glass is a not a solid.






TRUE! At first glance, glass might look like a normal everyday solid…it even might look like that at second glance, and third too! But on very close inspection, scientists have found that glass is, in fact, not a solid! Glass is an extremely viscous and elastic material that is really neither liquid nor solid. Glass flows over time, it just flows very, very slowly. In old cathedrals, the glass windows are thicker at the bottom because over the years, gravity has pulled the glass towards the bottom.




Stained Glass

Joke of the Day


Joke of the Day - Click here

Click Above.

Real 'Itsy Bitsy' songwriter still alive


The man who co-wrote the song "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" had the unsettling experience this week of reading his own obituary — the result of an impostor who went through life claiming to be the author of the 1960s smash hit.

Click here for the song

On Tuesday, The Associated Press reported on the death of a 68-year-old man named Paul Van Valkenburgh of Ormond Beach, Fla., who claimed to have written the song under the name Paul Vance. The story cited the man's wife as the source for that claim.

But the music industry's real Paul Vance, a 76-year-old man from Coral Springs, Fla., is alive and well, and says the other Paul Vance appears to have made the whole thing up.

The Paul Vance who wrote the songs — and provided proof with royalty payments he is still receiving for the hit — said he has been inundated with calls from people who think he died. An owner of racehorses, Vance said two of his horses were scratched from races Wednesday because people thought he had died.

"Do you know what it's like to have grandchildren calling you and say, `Grandpa, you're still alive?'" he said in a telephone interview from Coral Springs. "This is not a game. I am who I am and I'm proud of who I am. But these phones don't stop with people calling thinking I'm dead."

Rose Leroux, the widow of the man who died, said she was surprised by the disclosure, and "kind of devastated." She said she had no reason to doubt that her husband — who apparently had some sort of music career when he was younger — was the writer of the famous tune.

She said her husband told her that he never got any royalties because he sold the rights when he was young, around 19. She said that by the time they met almost 40 years ago, he was making his living as a salesman. He later became a painting contractor.

"If this other man says he did it then my husband's a liar, or he's a liar," Leroux said.

The living Paul Vance estimated he has made several million dollars from the song, which was recorded by 16-year-old teen idol Brian Hyland, surged to No. 1 on the Billboard charts in August 1960 and has been pop culture staple ever since.

The song — about a bashful young woman in a skimpy bathing suit — has been used in such movies as "Sister Act 2" and "Revenge of the Nerds II" and was more recently revived in a yogurt commercial.

"It's a money machine," Vance said.

Vance said his first hit was "Catch a Falling Star," recorded by Perry Como, and he went on to write numerous million-sellers for Como, Johnny Mathis and others.

To prove he is the real songwriter, Vance provided royalty statements showing dozens of payments for the tune sent to his address in Westbury, N.Y., where he lived before moving to Florida. Jim Steinblatt, an official with the American Society for Composers, Authors and Publishers, confirmed that royalty checks for the song were being mailed to Vance in Westbury.

Steinblatt also said he knows Vance personally and had visited him at his Westbury home last year. He said he had never heard of the man who died and took credit for composing the song.

Vance said he has no animosity toward the impostor or his wife.

Vance's songwriting partner, Lee Pockriss, who shares credit on "Itsy Bitsy ...', lives in Bridgewater, Conn., and is recovering from a stroke. His wife, Sonya, said her husband's writing partner is the living Paul Vance, and she had never heard of the Paul Vance from Ormond Beach.

Leroux said she wished the other Paul Vance had never spoken up.

"It's such a long time ago. To have it come out now, I'm kind of devastated," she said. "If this man is getting the royalties why wouldn't he be happy? The more you stir this up the more you'll smell. Paul can't hurt him now — he's dead. And we're not going after him for the royalties."


*Associated Press Writers Travis Reed in Orlando, Fla., and Verena Dobnik in New York contributed to this report.

Alberta Hail


These photos are of the BaxGlobal plane that had a run in with 'Alberta Hail' last month... The pilot managed to return and land at the Calgary airport. This damage was inflicted upon the plane 5 minutes into the flight after takeoff from Calgary. After managing to somehow bring the plane to a safe landing, the pilot....QUIT !!! No sh*t, he basically got out of the cockpit and said..." I quit !!!"

Unreal !!!


Alberta Hail Damage on a plane

Alberta Hail Damage on a plane

Alberta Hail Damage on a plane

Alberta Hail Damage on a plane

Alberta Hail Damage on a plane

Alberta Hail Damage on a plane

Alberta Hail Damage on a plane

Alberta Hail Damage on a plane

Alberta Hail Damage on a plane

Alberta Hail Damage on a plane

*Thanks, Daryn

Passions Uncovered: Gay, Lesbian and Transgender Pulps



GLBT Pulps


Passions Uncovered: Gay, Lesbian and Transgender Pulps is intended as an introduction to the University Library’s extensive collection (over 200 titles) of queer paperbacks (usually called pulps after the cheap newsprint used in their production) dating from the 1950s and early 1960s. Following World War II, inexpensive paperback novels began flooding North American newsstands, bus depots and drugstore racks. Remarkably many dealt with lesbian and male homosexuality. The writers—male, female, straight, gay—often used pseudonyms, and their huge readerships spanned all sexual orientations.

With provocative titles, sexually explicit covers, lurid descriptions, and frequently tragic endings, these pulp paperbacks were after the emergence of gay liberation in the 1970s often simply dismissed as stereotypic, negative, and exploitative. However, they were the largest body of overtly gay writings of their time, and despite their faults they provided invaluable information and encouragement to thousands of isolated homosexuals outside major urban centers.

Queer pulps are now avidly collected by those interested in gay and lesbian history and by those attracted by their retro designs and camp appeal. The U of S Library collection was established only a few years ago but has grown rapidly through many generous gifts to become the largest and most diverse collection at a Canadian University. Readers interested in more information about queer pulps and their covers may view the new site at:

http://library2.usask.ca/srsd/pulps/

Main Website: http://library2.usask.ca/srsd/


Rumours of Osama bin Laden's death go back years


Bin-Laden on Millionaire He was blown up in the caves of Tora Bora. He was on dialysis and dying of kidney disease. He was in the hands of Pakistani intelligence and about to be turned over to the United States.


Rumors of Osama bin Laden's death or capture go back years, and they have always proved greatly exaggerated. The latest came Saturday, when a leaked French intelligence document citing a "usually reliable" source said the Saudi secret service was convinced the 52-year-old al Qaeda terror chief had died of typhoid last month in Pakistan.


Officials from Riyadh to Paris to Washington rushed to insist they had nothing to substantiate the report, but not before news of it reached every corner of the globe and renewed the debate about why the world's largest dragnet has failed to get its man.


"There has been a grave failure five years after 9/11 that the true leaders of the attacks are still free, and that they are still alive," said Rohan Gunaratna, head of terrorism research at Singapore's Institute of Defense and Strategic Studies.


Gunaratna cited comments by bin Laden's no. 2, Ayman al-Zawahri, released on the fifth anniversary of the attacks, as evidence the French report was erroneous.


"Ayman al-Zawahri issued a statement on Sept. 11 in which he specifically refers to Osama bin Laden being alive," Gunaratna says. "There is no reason for al-Zawahri to lie, since he wants to keep his credibility within the movement."


A Pakistani counterterrorism official with intimate knowledge of the hunt also dismissed the French report, saying nothing was known about bin Laden's health or location. He spoke on condition of anonymity, citing the sensitivity of the matter.


The denial was echoed by a purported spokesman for the Taliban, the former Afghan regime that sheltered bin Laden after the 9/11 attacks. He also asked not to be named.


The French report is not the first to allude to bin Laden suffering from a life-threatening illness.


For years, intelligence services took seriously assessments that bin Laden might be suffering from kidney disease, and there were even reports he was forced to lug a dialysis machine from one mountain hideout to another.


But in 2003, Amer Aziz, bin Laden's former doctor in Afghanistan, shot down the reports. He told The Associated Press he gave bin Laden a complete physical in 1999, and saw him again in November 2001 while he was on the run from U.S. forces, and found no sign of illness on either occasion.


"If you are on dialysis, you have a special look. I didn't see any of that," Aziz told a reporter at his office in Lahore, Pakistan following his release from U.S. custody.


The latest video featuring fresh footage of bin Laden came out in 2004, just before the U.S. presidential elections. In it he appeared healthy and relaxed, particularly for a man who was believed to be hiding in the rugged mountains between Pakistan and Afghanistan, or possibly in Afghanistan itself, in the remote, forested eastern province of Nuristan.


The U.S. has conducted hundreds of search-and-seizure operations in the region but has been stonewalled by an increasingly unfriendly local population.


A number of audiotapes of the terror leader have come out since the 2004 video, the latest in June, and a video that featured what appears to be older footage of bin Laden was released in September.



Bert is Evil - Click here

Seems that Bert is ready to take over Bin-Laden's role... click above to see the proof!

Mugshot of Bert
Bert's Mug Shot


The lack of film of the terror chief since 2004 has further muddied the waters. His decision to appear only on tape could be his way of heightening his mystique, or denying his pursuers visuals that might reveal his whereabouts. Or it could be an effort to hide his state of health.


Paul Wilkinson of the Centre for the Study of Terrorism and Political Violence at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland said the latest report of bin Laden's death could prompt his inner circle to advise him to deliver proof he is alive and healthy.


He speculated that the French report may have been leaked to shake the branches and illicit just such a response from the terror leader, giving the intelligence community a chance to home in on "chatter" among terrorists.


"It does create psychological pressure on the people and operatives" close to bin Laden, Wilkinson said. "There will be an expectation that he make some sort of appearance."


The years of false hope and genuine close calls have contributed to the aura that bin Laden enjoys among his followers. They have also added to the frustration of those charged with bringing him to justice.


In 1998, following the bombing of two U.S. embassies in Africa, the U.S. launched 62 Tomahawk cruise missiles at two al-Qaida training camps in Afghanistan. It was believed bin Laden was at one of them meeting with several of his top men, but left shortly before the missiles struck.


Following the Sept. 11 attacks and the fall of the Taliban, Afghan militiamen fighting on behalf of the United States felt certain they had surrounded bin Laden at Tora Bora.


Villagers reported seeing him hike into the mountains, and accounts of devastating airstrikes on the caves prompted rumors that bin Laden was dead.


He wasn't.


In the end, one of the Afghan warlords the United States was relying on for ground operations betrayed the others, Afghan fighters told the Associated Press, and bin Laden escaped into Pakistan.


In 2003, Pakistani forces raided the village of Lattaka, near the border with Afghanistan, on intelligence that bin Laden might be hiding there. In 2004, U.S. Lt. Gen. David Barno said from Afghanistan that he expected to bring bin Laden to justice that year, and Pakistani intelligence officials described him as being boxed in, but he was never captured.


Since then, the trail of the world's most wanted man has gone cold, but that hasn't stopped the rumors.


An Iranian state-run radio station sparked worldwide headlines in February 2004 when it flashed an urgent story that bin Laden was in the hands of Pakistan's intelligence agency. The source of the report turned out to be a Pakistani journalist at a newspaper in the western city of Peshawar, who claimed to have been misquoted.


A 2005 posting on an Islamic Web site that began with a headline saying bin Laden was dead also turned out to be false, but not before the news sent world stock markets briefly soaring.


Reports that bin Laden has been nabbed were even used in a computer virus attack, when thousands of messages were posted on Internet chat sites in 2004 that began with the subject line "Osama bin Laden captured." When users clicked a link that was supposed to take them to photos, they triggered the virus.


*Associated Press

Pretty Damn 'Smart'!


35 Funny Things To Say When A Guy Drops His Pants...


35 Funny Things To Say When A Guy Drops His Pants...

35 Funny Things To Say When A Guy Drops His Pants...

35 Funny Things To Say When A Guy Drops His Pants...35 Funny Things To Say When A Guy Drops His Pants...

*Thanks, Daryn and Caz