The following does not represent the views of The Wizard and is just posted to get some conversation going....
The
image you see to the right (Click on it to get a larger view) is the
first page of what is supposedly the most important document in the
world. At least according to Scientologists. 
The
going rate for reaching the level of idiocy in the church to be able to
view this document (and the 20 other pages that follow it) is close to
300,000$.
It is said in their doctrine that
simply by viewing this page, you might not be able to handle it and
could possibly die. If anyone does happen to have their head explode
because the knowledge contained within these chicken scratchings was
just too much for their feeble mind, I take full responsibility.
This image will probably only be up for as long as it takes for the
scientologists to find it and contact our developers over the copyright
they hold on this document, even though it is not hosted by us.
Something
like this will probably get me a spot on their blacklist. By their own
leader’s writings, they are known and obligated to attack those who do
not agree with them.
This is an excerpt from a secret scientology document released in 1969:
“It is wise to challenge such adverse commentators as routine
procedures. A call by a local "housewives committee", etc. as to why
they are hostile to human rights or in favor of psychiatric butchery and
getting them in the press with it and with no mention of us is good
PRO.”
I doubt Mr. Hubbard knew who he would be
fu*king with when he wrote that. I am Zero; Tom Cruise, fu*k off. Try
me. Bring it. Do your best to discredit me and make me disappear. It
won’t happen. My readers don’t give two sh*ts about you or your stupid
religion. They feel the same way as I do about your cockamamie, bullshit
story that you have tried to pass off as a religion for the past 50
years.
As a matter of fact, I wonder how they
would like a taste of their own medicine. That’s right, I wonder how
they would like the dirty tactics they use on otherwise respectable
journalists who try to expose their bullshit used on them? Email floods
maybe? DD0s attacks? Maybe just a bunch of us showing up at their stupid
churches and kicking some ass?
That’s all illegal, and I could never advocate illegal activities.
I
have a better idea. I herby challenge Tom Cruise to a boxing match. Yes
Tom, I am saying I can kick your ass and I don’t need three rounds to
do it in. You will be begging for the towel by the middle of round one.
We’re about the same size, same weight and all that, it will be totally
fair. If Tom beats me, I will never write again. Come on Tom, unless of
course you are a pussy…
Of course, I am just an
insignificant internet writer. The people who read my work aren’t the
kind who has tons of extra dough. They are like me, just normal people
trying to make it in this f*cked up world. Why would someone like Tom
Cruise care what we think about him? Why would he give two sh*ts about
what a hack like me has to say?
First of all because him and his cronies are a violent religion. I count
them worse than the Muslims or the Christians.
Plus,
he has the advantage. He has the money to buy the best training in the
world. All I have is some guys I know that run a fight club every Monday
at a bar here in Denver. Also, I smoke like a god damn locomotive. The
Vegas odds makers will definitely have Tom in two. He is mission
impossible, the last time I had a fight I was drunk two years ago.
He has the clear advantage. He supposedly has “god-like” powers from
reaching the highest level of Scientology. It would prove that his
religion is right if he could devastate me with one punch.
Little
does he know, pirates don’t go down so easily. It didn’t have to be me,
it could be any random dude on this site. But since I am the self
proclaimed leader, I will fight the wars I declare on the front lines.
So, why would he agree to something like this? Because I am
representative of the millions (and millions) of people who are not only
dissing his stupid religion but also downloading his stupid movies for
free. I stand at the front of the people he hates.
Besides,
I’m mocking his religion. I’m calling them all pansies!
As an under card, any of his fellow douchebags that want a piece can
take on one of the random pirate ninjas that frequent this site. We will
sweep the matches and prove that their god-like powers are crap used to
sell t-shirts. Mr. Womp, our resident kicker of asses, has officially
issued his own challenge for this editorial to John Travolta.
We declared war a while ago, now we have issued a challenge and await a
response.
A non response is the same as a victory
for us. If we don’t get some kind of an answer in the next week, we
will consider them yellow.
*
ShoutWire.com
Dear Love Doctor,
