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Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Chicken recipe

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing -- imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try. 

1 chicken 

1 cup melted butter 

1 cup stuffing 

1 cup uncooked popcorn 

Salt/pepper to taste 

Preheat oven to 200 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter salt and pepper.. Fill cavity with stuffing mixed with popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken's arse blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room and lands on the table, it's done and ready to eat. And you thought I couldn't cook ...

Footprints in the sand

 Are they really 'raised'? Or are they indented as they should be?


Are these footprints raised as they appear to be? Nope. Optical illusion
Click here for why this is a tricky photo.

11 Insane Features of Normal Human Anatomy

Why should abnormal bodies get all the attention? The truth about the normal human body can be stranger than fiction. To prove it, here are 11 weird facts about the body you thought you knew. Click here to see what parts they are Click here.


Twelve Commandments For Seniors

 

Now Hiring!

 

You do the math!

Your ancestors are not simply parents and grandparents. You are the product of hundred of people, thousands, and the product of a thousand-thousand events which brought them together and aligned to bring about the singular entity, you.

 

Monday, August 24, 2020

Colonoscopies

 Colonoscopies are a gas! A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!" 

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?" 

3. "Can you hear me NOW?" 

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" 

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married." 

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?" 

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."  

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!" 

 

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!" 

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity." 

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?" 

12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay." And the best one of them all...

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there."

Maxine's "I have a question or two"

 maxine Hello... I have a question! Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one? maxine If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one out of five enjoys it? maxine Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? maxine If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes? maxine If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? maxine Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? maxine If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? maxine If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? maxine Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?' maxine What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? (I have wondered this for years!!!) maxine I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks? maxine Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? maxine Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive? maxine If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? maxine As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The ' and 'IRS' together, it spells 'THEIRS'? maxine

HOLY HUMOUR

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means? The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' (This one is my favorite) Bible thumperHOTO_ID_5696902949676990482 There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady. Bible thumperHOTO_ID_5696902949676990482 "Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning." Bible thumperHOTO_ID_5696902949676990482 A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation." Bible thumperHOTO_ID_5696902949676990482 There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets." Bible thumperHOTO_ID_5696902949676990482 While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust." Bible thumperHOTO_ID_5696902949676990482 A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... " Bible thumperHOTO_ID_5696902949676990482 A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business." Bible thumperHOTO_ID_5696902949676990482 People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention. Bible thumperHOTO_ID_5696902949676990482 Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming." Bible thumperHOTO_ID_5696902949676990482 The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

Then And Now

 THEN AND NOW HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED! Then And Now Then And Now Then And Now Then And Now Then And Now Then And Now


How to make canned soup

 How to make canned soup

Gautama Siddhartha

Gautama Siddhartha

We are told that Gautama Siddhartha, the Buddha said these things: Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumoured by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.

But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. (from the Kalama Sutta)

 

Sunday, August 23, 2020

AMAZING ONE WORD RIDDLE

Never in a million years would I have come up with the answer.

What if this was the only question on the exam paper to pass your English Exam. Would you pass?

What nine letter word in the English language is still a word when eight Letters are removed one by one?

Take a few minutes to try and come up with a nine letter word that fits The bill, then watch the attached video...

Well, just watch the video. Because you're never going to figure it out.


Rethink Breast Cancer presents: Your Man Reminder



Cookies

 Cookies

Well, the Church removed my cookies from the bake sale..... again. I don't know what their problem is - I just used a dog bone cookie cutter... Cookies Then cut them in half and decorated them!! I thought they looked rather cute!!

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

 

ON COACHES, STRANGE FIVE-HEADED COACH TO LEAD WASHINGTON SCHOOL --Wenatchee World (Washington) headline, about a football team that will have five co–head coaches (thanks to Kathy Corbin)
 

ON DISTINCTIONS, INDISTINCT  
Reporter: Were you apprehensive in the 12th inning?  
Baseball great Yogi Berra: No, but I was scared. 
 

ON CAN’T WE NIP IT SOMEWHERE ELSE?

“We take the dangers of alcohol seriously,” said Spangler. “It’s better to nip it in the butt sooner than later.” 

--from the Daily Nebraskan


ON SHIPWRECKS, LITERARY Have you ever gone to Lake Superior to study the wreck of the F. Scott Fitzgerald? KQRS-FM (Minneapolis, Minnesota) cohost Terri Traen, during an on-air interview with a shipwreck expert about the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald (thanks to Craig Downey)

ON DOH! Computer help desk: 
And now hit F8. 
 Caller: It’s not working.  
Help desk: What did you do, exactly?  
Caller: I hit the F-key eight times as you told me, but nothing’s happening! --actual call to a computer helpline (thanks to Shaye Marie Sauers)

The older woman

 older woman

Fish Shop...

 

A woman goes into a Bass Pro shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" 

"Ma'am, I'm completely blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. 

"That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all-around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00." 

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. 

"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card." She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. "That'll be $49.50 please, ma'am." 

"Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get to $49.50?" 

"The rod and reel is $20.00, ma'am, but the duck call is $11.00 and the bear spray $18.50."

Saturday, August 22, 2020

Why Some Men Have Dogs and Not Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

To test this theory:

Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you.

Quotes

 

"Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances." -- Dr. Lee DeForest, "Father of Radio& Grandfather of Television." 

"The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives." - -- Admiral William Leahy , US Atomic Bomb Project 

"There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom." -- Robert Millikan, Nobel Prize in Physics, 1923 

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." -- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949 

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." --The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957 

"But what is it good for?" -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip. 

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981 

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us," -- Western Union internal memo, 1876. 

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" -- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s. 

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible," -- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.) 

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper," --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind." 

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make," -- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies. 

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out," -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962. 

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible," -- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895. 

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this," -- Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads. 

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy," -- Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859. 

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." -- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University , 1929. 

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value," -- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre , France . 

"Everything that can be invented has been invented," -- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899. 

"The super computer is technologically impossible. It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required." -- Professor of Electrical Engineering, New York University 

"I don't know what use any one could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn't be a feasible business by itself." -- the head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox. 

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction." -- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse , 1872 

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon," -- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873. 

And last but not least... 

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

*Thanks, Glen