Working together...
Proves that Teamwork makes the ultimate difference in strength
Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Friday, February 24, 2012
The Power of a Team
Working together...
Proves that Teamwork makes the ultimate difference in strength
HiLaRiOuS jOkE hehe! :)?
One day a monkey was getting high in a tree, and an iguana walks by. So the monkey asks the iguana if he wants to get high with him. So the iguana does.
Well after a while the iguana gets thirsty so he goes to get a drink of water and on the way he sees an alligator and the alligator eats him. Well the alligator walks by the monkey and the monkey says "Woah! Iguana! You sure drank alot of water!"
Well after a while the iguana gets thirsty so he goes to get a drink of water and on the way he sees an alligator and the alligator eats him. Well the alligator walks by the monkey and the monkey says "Woah! Iguana! You sure drank alot of water!"
He's definitely got his figure back: World's first pregnant man unveils muscular physique after three babies in three years
by Fiona Roberts
Like any new mother, he was keen to lose the babyweight - but few would be quite so worried about getting a six-pack.
Thomas Beatie, the world's first pregnant man - or male mother - has unveiled his new toned figure, just 12 months after giving birth to his third child in three years.
Mr Beatie, who now lives in Arizona with his wife Nancy and their three children, garnered international attention around the world when he became the first legally transgender man to become pregnant.
Now he and his wife have completed the family they always dreamed of, and the 37-year-old appears to have started taking testosterone again, helping him develop his muscular physique.
Like any new mother, he was keen to lose the babyweight - but few would be quite so worried about getting a six-pack.
Thomas Beatie, the world's first pregnant man - or male mother - has unveiled his new toned figure, just 12 months after giving birth to his third child in three years.
Mr Beatie, who now lives in Arizona with his wife Nancy and their three children, garnered international attention around the world when he became the first legally transgender man to become pregnant.
Now he and his wife have completed the family they always dreamed of, and the 37-year-old appears to have started taking testosterone again, helping him develop his muscular physique.
Read more at Daily Mail
Thursday, February 23, 2012
The Skin Gun
This is the stem cell research video. So neat!!!
This seems incredible and hard to believe. Why haven't we heard about this?
Click here.
This seems incredible and hard to believe. Why haven't we heard about this?
Click here.
*Thanks, DW
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Swing da bat
This takes a minute to open after being opened.
Swing da bat
Click to make the penguin jump and then click again in time to make the polar bear swing the bat to hit the penguin across the ice! Can become addictive !
The Wizard has scored 316.6 on the 14th try. Record your high scores under the comments...
Swing da bat
Click to make the penguin jump and then click again in time to make the polar bear swing the bat to hit the penguin across the ice! Can become addictive !
The Wizard has scored 316.6 on the 14th try. Record your high scores under the comments...
S-E-X
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--Camille Paglia
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." --George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
--Sharon Stone
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
--Tiger Woods
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson
" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humour)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'."
--Jerry Seinfeld
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams
"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
--Joan Rivers
" Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." --Steve Martin
" You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
--Elmo Phillips
" Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde
" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
--George Burns
--Woody Allen
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--Camille Paglia
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." --George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
--Sharon Stone
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
--Tiger Woods
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson
" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humour)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'."
--Jerry Seinfeld
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams
"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
--Joan Rivers
" Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." --Steve Martin
" You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
--Elmo Phillips
" Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde
" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
--George Burns
Did You Know.....
Locomotives are actually driven by ELECTRIC motors?
The diesel engine makes 3,200 horsepower, and the generator can turn this into almost 4,700 amps of electrical current. The four drive motors use this electricity to generate over 64,000 pounds of thrust. There is a completely separate V-16 engine and generator to provide electrical power for the rest of the train. This generator is called the head-end power unit. The one on this train can make over 560 kilowatts (kW) of electrical power.
This combination of diesel engine and electric generators and motors makes the locomotive a hybrid vehicle. In this article, we'll start by learning why locomotives are built this way and why they have steel wheels. Then we'll take a look at the layout and key components.
By going with a hybrid setup, the main diesel engine can run at a constant speed, turning an electrical generator. The generator sends electrical power to a traction motor at each axle, which powers the wheels. The traction motors can produce adequate torque at any speed, from a full stop to 110 mph (177 kph), without needing to change gears.
Steel Wheels
Ever wonder why trains have steel wheels, rather than tires like a car? It's to reduce rolling friction. When your car is driving on the freeway, something like 25 percent of the engine's power is being used to push the tires down the road. Tires bend and deform a lot as they roll, which uses a lot of energy.
The amount of energy used by the tires is proportional to the weight that is on them. Since a car is relatively light, this amount of energy is acceptable (you can buy low rolling-resistance tires for your car if you want to save a little gas).
Since a train weighs thousands of times more than a car, the rolling resistance is a huge factor in determining how much force it takes to pull the train.
The steel wheels on the train ride on a tiny contact patch -- the contact area between each wheel and the track is about the size of a dime, which isn't a whole lot larger than a tick:
The downside of using steel wheels is that they don't have much traction.
Traction
Traction when going around turns is not an issue because train wheels have flanges that keep them on the track. But traction when braking and accelerating is an issue.
This locomotive can generate 64,000 pounds of thrust. But in order for it to use this thrust effectively, the eight wheels on the locomotive have to be able to apply this thrust to the track without slipping. The locomotive uses a neat trick to increase the traction. In front of each wheel is a nozzle that uses compressed air to spray sand, which is stored in two tanks on the locomotive. The sand dramatically increases the traction of the drive wheels. The train has an electronic traction-control system that automatically starts the sand sprayers when the wheels slip or when the engineer makes an emergency stop. The system can also reduce the power of any traction motor whose wheels are slipping.
The Engine and Generator
The main engine in this locomotive is a General Motors 4,300 THP and the locomotive is equipped with EMD's 16-710G3C-T2 engine. The "710" means that each cylinder in this turbocharged, two-stroke, diesel V-16 has a displacement of 710 cubic inches (11.6 L). That's more than double the size of most of the biggest gasoline V-8 car engines -- and we're only talking about one of the 16 cylinders in this 3,200-hp engine.
So why two-stroke? Even though this engine is huge, if it operated on the four-stroke diesel cycle, like most smaller diesel engines do, it would only make about half the power. This is because with the two-stroke cycle, there are twice as many combustion events (which produce the power) per revolution. It turns out that the diesel two-stoke engine is really much more elegant and efficient than the two-stroke gasoline engine.
You might be thinking, if this engine is about 24 times the size of a big V-8 car engine, and uses a two-stroke instead of a four-stroke cycle, why does it only make about 10 times the power? The reason is that this engine is designed to produce 3,200 hp continuously, and it lasts for decades. If you continuously ran the engine in your car at full power, you'd be lucky if it lasted a week.
Here are some of the specifications of this engine:
* Number of cylinders: 16
* Compression ratio: 16:1
* Displacement per cylinder: 11.6 L (710 in3)
* Cylinder bore: 230 mm (9.2 inches)
* Cylinder stroke: 279 mm (11.1 inches)
* Full speed: 904 rpm
* Normal idle speed: 269 rpm
This giant engine is hooked up to an equally impressive generator. It is about 6 feet (1.8 m) in diameter and weights about 17,700 pounds (8,029 kg). At peak power, this generator makes enough electricity to power a neighborhood of about 1,000 houses!
Here is the ELECTRIC part:
So where does all this power go? It goes into four, massive electric motors located in the trucks.
Propulsion
The traction motors provide propulsion power to the wheels. There is one on each axle.
Each motor drives a small gear, which meshes with a larger gear on the axle shaft. This provides the gear reduction that allows the motor to drive the train at speeds of up to 110 mph.
Each motor weighs 6,000 pounds (2,722 kg) and can draw up to 1,170 amps of electrical current.
...So now ya know!
This combination of diesel engine and electric generators and motors makes the locomotive a hybrid vehicle. In this article, we'll start by learning why locomotives are built this way and why they have steel wheels. Then we'll take a look at the layout and key components.
By going with a hybrid setup, the main diesel engine can run at a constant speed, turning an electrical generator. The generator sends electrical power to a traction motor at each axle, which powers the wheels. The traction motors can produce adequate torque at any speed, from a full stop to 110 mph (177 kph), without needing to change gears.
Steel Wheels
Ever wonder why trains have steel wheels, rather than tires like a car? It's to reduce rolling friction. When your car is driving on the freeway, something like 25 percent of the engine's power is being used to push the tires down the road. Tires bend and deform a lot as they roll, which uses a lot of energy.
The amount of energy used by the tires is proportional to the weight that is on them. Since a car is relatively light, this amount of energy is acceptable (you can buy low rolling-resistance tires for your car if you want to save a little gas).
Since a train weighs thousands of times more than a car, the rolling resistance is a huge factor in determining how much force it takes to pull the train.
The downside of using steel wheels is that they don't have much traction.
Traction
Traction when going around turns is not an issue because train wheels have flanges that keep them on the track. But traction when braking and accelerating is an issue.
 |
| In front of each wheel is a nozzle that uses compressed air to spray sand, which is stored in two tanks on the locomotive |
This locomotive can generate 64,000 pounds of thrust. But in order for it to use this thrust effectively, the eight wheels on the locomotive have to be able to apply this thrust to the track without slipping. The locomotive uses a neat trick to increase the traction. In front of each wheel is a nozzle that uses compressed air to spray sand, which is stored in two tanks on the locomotive. The sand dramatically increases the traction of the drive wheels. The train has an electronic traction-control system that automatically starts the sand sprayers when the wheels slip or when the engineer makes an emergency stop. The system can also reduce the power of any traction motor whose wheels are slipping.
The Engine and Generator
The main engine in this locomotive is a General Motors 4,300 THP and the locomotive is equipped with EMD's 16-710G3C-T2 engine. The "710" means that each cylinder in this turbocharged, two-stroke, diesel V-16 has a displacement of 710 cubic inches (11.6 L). That's more than double the size of most of the biggest gasoline V-8 car engines -- and we're only talking about one of the 16 cylinders in this 3,200-hp engine.
 |
| The main engine in this locomotive is a General Motors EMD 710 series engine. |
So why two-stroke? Even though this engine is huge, if it operated on the four-stroke diesel cycle, like most smaller diesel engines do, it would only make about half the power. This is because with the two-stroke cycle, there are twice as many combustion events (which produce the power) per revolution. It turns out that the diesel two-stoke engine is really much more elegant and efficient than the two-stroke gasoline engine.
You might be thinking, if this engine is about 24 times the size of a big V-8 car engine, and uses a two-stroke instead of a four-stroke cycle, why does it only make about 10 times the power? The reason is that this engine is designed to produce 3,200 hp continuously, and it lasts for decades. If you continuously ran the engine in your car at full power, you'd be lucky if it lasted a week.
Here are some of the specifications of this engine:
* Number of cylinders: 16
* Compression ratio: 16:1
* Displacement per cylinder: 11.6 L (710 in3)
* Cylinder bore: 230 mm (9.2 inches)
* Cylinder stroke: 279 mm (11.1 inches)
* Full speed: 904 rpm
* Normal idle speed: 269 rpm
This giant engine is hooked up to an equally impressive generator. It is about 6 feet (1.8 m) in diameter and weights about 17,700 pounds (8,029 kg). At peak power, this generator makes enough electricity to power a neighborhood of about 1,000 houses!
Here is the ELECTRIC part:
So where does all this power go? It goes into four, massive electric motors located in the trucks.
Propulsion
The traction motors provide propulsion power to the wheels. There is one on each axle.
Each motor drives a small gear, which meshes with a larger gear on the axle shaft. This provides the gear reduction that allows the motor to drive the train at speeds of up to 110 mph.
 |
| The traction motors provide propulsion power to the wheels. There is one on each axle |
Each motor weighs 6,000 pounds (2,722 kg) and can draw up to 1,170 amps of electrical current.
...So now ya know!
*Howstuffworks.com
Monday, February 20, 2012
Stupid Is As Stupid Says...
ON BUT NOT OF SILVER TONGUE
I am a man of sound prejudice.
--Toronto mayor Allan Lamport
Stupid Is As Stupid Says...
ON MENU ITEMS, CREATIVE
• Hoodwinks the Boundary Gluttonous Mutton Chop
• The Wild Fungus Burns the Duck Feet
• The Vinegar Fries Fragrant Woodenly Must Meat
--menu items in China
Stupid Is As Stupid Says...
ON AIRLINE ANNOUNCEMENTS THAT SHOULD BE REPHRASED
• Toe-Shaped Chicken
• Recent Veal
• Bagel–Plane or Gallic
--British Airways first officer’s announcement, as a flight was taxiing to the gate at London’s Heathrow Airport
Stupid Is As Stupid Says...
ON YOU’RE HAVING MORE PROBLEMS THAN YOU THINK
Caller: I’m having a problem with passwords on my computer. When I type them in, it just shows stars.
Tech support: The asterisks are there to protect you.
For instance, if someone is standing behind you, they won’t know what you’ve typed in.
Caller: But they show up even when there is no one standing behind me!
--actual call to a computer helpline
Stupid Is As Stupid Says...
ON TALK ABOUT YOUR CLEAR MOVIE SYNOPSES!
When she touched something on the back of the youth. She was surprised and asked he with her beautiful eyes. The man was very excited to show her figure which was supported by the bamboo.
--cover copy on a Chinese bootleg of the movie Catch Me If You Can
Stupid Is As Stupid Says...
ON IT’S STORIES LIKE THIS THAT MAKE A GREAT NEWSPAPER
In Portola, a caller reported that while she was in the shower, someone snuck into her house and vomited on her stove. A deputy reported that it appeared to be cooking grease on the stove.
--from the Portola (California) Reporter
Stupid Is As Stupid Says...
ON WHY WE CAN’T WAIT TILL SEASON TWO
As my life changes, season two will be different because different things happen, and it’s a reality show.
--actress Denise Richards, on It’s Complicated
Stupid Is As Stupid Says...
ON MISTAKES, SO EASY TO MAKE
A headline on an item in the Feb. 5th edition of the Enquirer-Bulletin incorrectly stated “Stolen groceries.” It should have read “Homicide.”
--correction in the Enquirer-Bulletin (San Carlos, Redwood Shores, Belmont, California)
Stupid Is As Stupid Says...
ON WHY THERE ARE NO LIGHTS IN GLENN BECK’S BEDROOM
100 percent of Americans agree naked males should never, ever be seen—ever.
--talk show host Glenn Beck, explaining that he didn’t trust Sen. Scott Brown (R-Massachusetts) because he had once posed naked in Cosmopolitan magazine
Stupid Is As Stupid Says...
ON INSTRUCTIONS, IMPOSSIBLE TO FOLLOW
Judge to prosecutor: You cannot ask that witness what he was told by someone else. If you want that evidence in, you will have to get it some other way.
Prosecutor to witness: Very well then, Mr. Davies. Without telling me what he said to you, what did he tell you to say?
Sunday, February 19, 2012
The Longest Joke in the World
Warning: this is the longest joke in the world. The Wizard of 'OZ' cannot be held responsible for the part of your precious life you spend reading this joke. Scrolling down implies agreement with this term and condition. Many have said the end was worth the time. Some have cried, wondering how to get their life back. Good luck.
Click here for a downloadable PDF.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
When Your 7-Year-Old Son Announces, 'I'm Gay'
Considering that my son has a longstanding crush on Glee's Blaine and regularly refers to him as "my boyfriend," I thought there was a fair chance that he would someday say, "I'm gay." But my kid is only 7 years old. I figured I had a few years before we crossed that threshold (if we ever did), probably when he was 14 or 15. I never thought it would happen this soon.
Six months ago "gay" wasn't even a word in my son's vocabulary. He has always known that some of our male friends are married to men and some of our female friends to women, and it is such a normal part of his life that he never needed a special word to describe them. When he did notice the word and asked what it meant, I told him that when boys want to marry boys and girls want to marry girls, we call that "gay." He didn't seem very interested and quickly went off to do something else more exciting than a vocabulary lesson with his mom.
Fast-forward a few months.
--more--
Friday, February 17, 2012
Debra, Jack & the Lawyer!
A lawyer was in quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning, whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the lawyer approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." Debra replied, "Could you jack off? I feel like sh*t."
Helping hand!
A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
YOU'RE GONNA' LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The Texas preacher
The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face... "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one, which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blond with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets! The preacher fainted.
Doctors Or Guns
Doctors: The number of doctors in the U.S. is 700,000. Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000. Accidental deaths per physician is 17.14%. These statistics are a courtesy of the U.S. Dept of Health & Human Services. Guns: The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000 (yes that's 80 million). The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.001875%. These statistics are a courtesy of the FBI. In Conclusion: Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. Remember, guns don't kill people, doctors do. NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR. Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!! Out of concern for the public at large, the Federal Government has withheld statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.
Hyuk!
IDIOTS:
IDIOTS IN SERVICE:
This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email. (My email won't work without a telephone line!).
IDIOTS AT WORK:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and she didn't want them to cross there anymore. I could swear I've recently been with some of these people.... IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. IDIOT SIGHTING #1
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" She smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
IDIOT SIGHTING #2
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?" IDIOT SIGHTING #3
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. IDIOT SIGHTING #4
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. IDIOT SIGHTING #5
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side." Now don't you feel better?
10 Puns for your day
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him -- oh, man, this is so bad, it's good --
a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Officer Downey
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help,and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
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