A scientist was successful in cloning himself.
He was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.
The scientist arrived with his clone and proceeded to the podium. The clone sat at the end of the head table. The scientist began the speech intending a tribute to the advances in the field of modern biology.
"My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone sprang to his feet and shouted out, "He's an ASSHOLE!" The crowd began to murmur as the scientist commanded the clone to "Sit down and shut-up!" Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists..." Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "This dumb ASS couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent SON-OF-A-BITCH!"
Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.
The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and were explained the events that had transpired.
The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you." The scientist replied, "For what? I have committed no crime. What fell from the window was a clone, not a person." The attending scientists nodded in agreement. "Well," retorted the police chief, "we cannot let this heinous act go unchallenged."
The police chief thought for a moment and then ordered the scientist held, for "Making an obscene clone fall...."
Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
A Really Bad Pun
Ask The Wizard (Hard Disk problems?)
Dear Wizard of OZ,
I have been hearing all sorts of strange noises coming from my cpu lately. I also seem to get alot more computer freezes and the computer re-boots on its own. Do I have a hard Drive Problem?
Signed,
Worried.
Dear Worry Wart,
That's a pretty personal question for this forum. I suggest you make an appointment to see a doctor about that. He or she would be best at deciding whether you have a hard drive dysfunction.
Seriously, though, you may indeed have a hard disk issue. First of all, there are several problems that can cause hard drives to malfunction. I have decided to post alot of causes as this is one of the most popular questions that the Wizard gets...
*A quick note from the Wizard: If your computer is operating but has a problem such as "cannot read sectors" or in general shows a "retry , abort ,ignore" error while reading the drive, it is an indication that there are some bad spots on the drive. These bad spots normally are fixed by reformatting the hard drive. This is a big hassle since all the programs will have to be reloaded and unless you back up and restore your data, you will loose ALL the data stored on the hard drive.
A good alternative is to purchase a program such as "Spinrite" from the company Gibson Research which has pioneered the hard drive test software. It is reasonably priced and WILL repair hard drive problems WITHOUT destroying your data. Highly recommended.
Meanwhile, here are some troubleshooting instructions
1. There is some type of electrical connection problem
Make sure the cable connections are correct.
Check the 4-wire connector that carries power and make sure it is properly plugged in. This connector has a taper on one end and cannot be put on backwards.
When power is first applied to the computer, the hard drive light will momentarily come on which is a good indication that the drive is getting power. Also the vibration of the spinning platter and the slight hum will verify that the drive is plugged in.
Next check the data ribbon cable. This cable is a flat cable with a one edge colored red or blue to indicate the location of pin 1. Some of these cables are also keyed by having a small tab in the center of the connector's edge. On many hard drives pin 1 is the pin closest to the power supply connection, but not always, so check the hard drive documentation or look on this site in Hard Drives and locate your model.
You can find hard drive documentation on this site simply by using the index on top of each page to find the manufacturer and then on the manufacturers page will be a listing which would have links to each product and the technical support documents. Older drives are on different pages then newer drives. Once you find the page where the manufacturer's products are listed, look at the top of the page for a link that says "Older Models" and you will find them listed there.
If all the cables are connected properly, and power is applied, you should be able to hear and feel the drive spinning. If the drive is not spinning, turn off the power and try using a different power plug (maybe the one that the CD-ROM is connected). If the drive is not spinning then it is probably bad. *see step 3
2. The hard drive controller has failed
A controller failure is usually indicated by an error at boot up. There is not much that can be done except to replace the hard drive. See hard drive error codes
3. The hard drive has failed physically
There can be two indications for this condition.
1) The drive is not spinning. To troubleshoot this condition you need to physically access the drive while the computer is on. With the cover off, look at the drive and find the side which has NO components. With your hand touch that side and try to feel the spinning of the hard drive platter. A typical hard drive has a small amount of vibration and a slight whine.
2) The hard drive head has crashed onto the platter. This usually causes the drive to emit unusual sounds sometimes grinding and many times repeating on a regular basis. A normal hard drive has a smooth whine so its should be easy to identify the bad drive by just listening.
4. The hard drive has failed electronically
This will be indicated by an error message during the computer boot cycle. Not much can be done in this condition other then replace the drive.
5. There is a problem with the recording on the hard drive (read or write)
There are two conditions that can cause this problem.
a) The hard drive is unable to read a sector on the platter.
This problem can be identified by running a program that is capable in performing a hard drive surface test. In Windows 95/98/ME you can use the scandisk which is found in the Start/Programs/Accessories/System Tools folder. In Windows XP, My Computer/Right Click on the Drive/Properties/Tools/Error Checking/Check now. Another way is to use a utility program like Norton Utilities to perform the surface scan.
This problem can also be seen when you are formatting the hard drive and is indicated as "bad sectors" during the formatting. These bad sectors are normally recorded as such by the format program and the computer knows not to use them but more bad sectors can be created as the hard drive ages.
b) One or more files have been damaged by some process.
These type or problems are caused when the computer is unexpectedly rebooted after a lock-up or perhaps a power failure. They are easy to troubleshoot and repair. Simply run the scandisk program which is found in Windows 95/98/ME you can use the scandisk which is found in the Start/Programs/Accessories/System Tools folder. In Windows XP, My Computer/Right Click on the Drive/Properties/Tools/Error Checking/Check now. and allow the computer to repair any errors found.
After such a repair it is very possible that one of more files were corrupted and are now unusable. It is impossible to tell which files will be affected in advance but if you write down the bad file names shown during the scan disk operation you can try to find the application which loaded them and re-install that application.
6. The CMOS settings are not correctly set
Check the CMOS settings. These settings must match the required settings of the manufacturer.
a) older computers
On these computers you have to go into the CMOS/BIOS during boot and change the setting by selecting a number from 1 to 48, by selecting a TYPE number of 1 or 2, or by selected the setting "User defined" and manually entering the hard drive parameters of "head", "cylinders", "spt", "WP", and "LZ". These settings can be found on your hard drive users manual, on the manufacturer's web site, or on this site by looking for the company, then the hard drive's model number.
After entering these parameters you will normally save them before exiting the BIOS program and then reboot the computer.
b) newer computers
On these computers you can almost always find a selection that allows the computer to "Automatically" find IDE style hard drives. There are two methods in use. First you can select "Auto" from the main BIOS screen for the drive C: D: E: or F:. After rebooting the drive will be automatically detected. Second, some Bios types have a selection called "Detect hard drive" which allows you to initiate a detection process which looks for a drive, presents you with the drive found and gives you the option of accepting or rejecting the detected drive. This process is repeated for each of the available drive assignments C D E and F.
Again you must save the BIOS changes and reboot the computer.
Very critical also is the LBA setting which can cause the drive to operate but not be able to see all the data. This comes into play with drives larger than 500 megabytes and is found by entering the computer BIOS at boot up and looking in the area where the hard drive is configured.
"Wrong LBA setting" Symptoms:
Computer comes on, but you get many read errors
Windows comes up sometimes other times it hangs
you can save short files but larger ones don't seem to save
Scandisk is not able to fix the problems it finds
Solution:
The LBA setting in the BIOS is not correct. Most likely on drives that are more than 528MB, the LBA setting is not enabled. Enter the BIOS and enable the LBA.
This can happen very easily when a drive is on a computer and works fine but then the motherboard is changed. The old BIOS had LBA enabled but the new one might not. After the drive is installed it seems to work but you get the symptoms described above.
7. There is a conflict with the IRQ settings
a) Normally the primary hard drive controller uses Interrupt Request Line (IRQ) number 14 which allows the hard drive C and D to operate correctly.. The secondary hard drive controller uses IRQ number 15 which allows the hard drives E and F to work properly.
What happens is some times a different device such as a sound card will use the IRQ 15 by default or because the settings was changed by a user. This causes the computer to not see the secondary hard drives immediately after the installation of this device using IRQ 15. The only way to fix this problem is to change this device so that it uses a different IRQ setting.
b) Another problem can be introduced in Windows 95 by CD-ROM device drivers which are loaded by the autoexec.bat and config.sys files at boot up. If windows 95 sees a conflict with these drivers it will switch itself into the DOS compatibility mode. This can be seen by going to Control Panel/System/Performance/File system.
A normal windows 95 installation uses 32 bit file access. When there is a conflict you will see that the system is switched to the DOS compatibility mode.
8. There is a conflict with the jumper settings
All IDE hard drives must be properly setup using jumpers found on the hard drive. The users guide for each drive has instruction for these settings. Each drive can either be a Master or a Slave. Since there can be as many as two separate controllers on each computer the each controller can have a Master and a Slave.
A typical computer with 4 IDE hard drives would setup the primary channel as Drives C (master) and D (slave), and the secondary channel as Drive E (master) and Drive F (slave).
On 2 drive systems, the first drive should be setup as Master and the second as Slave and the secondary channel is ignored.
On many motherboards you must go into the BIOS and actually either enable or disable the secondary drive controller and save the changes. So if your computer came with 2 drives and you've added two more, before the new drives are detected you will need to go into the BIOS and enable the secondary IDE controller, save the changes and reboot.
9. The drive is unable to boot
To troubleshoot this condition boot the computer with a bootable DOS disk. After the computer has booted with the disk try to access drive C: by issuing the standard directory command
If the C: drive is working and you can see the directory listing then you might be able to make the drive bootable again by issuing the system command which transfers the system files from the floppy drive to the hard drive as follows:
The sys file has to be on the floppy disk. If it is not then find a disk that has the file or use another computer to copy the file to the floppy disk. You can also copy the command.com file from the floppy to the hard drive by typing...
...the computer will ask you to verify the operation.
*Note: A drive must also have the BOOT partition activated before it can boot properly. This is done using FDISK.exe ( of course you must take precautions doing this since fdisk can make your drive useless if mis-used).
To troubleshoot problems where the hard drive hangs at boot and the computer never responds, turn off the computer and disconnect the hard drive from the ribbon cable that connects it to the motherboard. When you turn the computer back on, you should at least get an error message about the drive being bad, and perhaps go into the BIOS. Once in BIOS you can change the hard drive type to AUTO and after shutting off the computer and reconnecting the hard drive, try again to see if it now works.
10. Fdisk reports wrong size when using drives larger then 64GB
According to Microsoft KB article Q263044 , "When you use Fdisk.exe to partition a hard disk that is larger than 64 GB (64 gigabytes, or 68,719,476,736 bytes) in size, Fdisk does not report the correct size of the hard disk.
The size that Fdisk reports is the full size of the hard disk minus 64 GB. For example, if the physical drive is 70.3 GB (75,484,122,112 bytes) in size, Fdisk reports the drive as being 6.3 GB (6,764,579,840 bytes) in size."
Hard drive error codes
Typically a hard drive failure will be indicated by an error code while the computer is booting.
1701 - hard drive failure. ...BIOS Post Codes
This BIOS error code is displayed during the computer boot process when the hard drive has failed.
One more possibility is that the CMOS battery has died. This can be verified by entering the BIOS during boot, then setting the hard drive settings and rebooting. If the hard drive error goes away then the battery is dead.
Hope that this helps,
Yrs,
--The Wizard
Punny!! Very Punny!!!!
A man tried to phone the King of the Jungle.
All he got was a recorded message saying, "All the lions are busy right now. Please try later."
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"
The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
"How?" asks the man, puzzled.
"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One tree says to the other, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The other says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands in the sapling. The tall tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
The Confused Phlosopher
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
An whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?
If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide... is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it scarey that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?
Would a wingless fly be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will steal the toilet?
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy on the streets?
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Who coined the phrase: 'To coin a phrase'?
How come only fat people drink diet cola?
If books get dog-ears, do dogs get book-ears?
If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
Why are there D batteries, C batteries, AAA batteries, AA batteries, but no B or single A batteries?
If an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and a stitch in time saves nine, would surgery cost less if only healthy organs were removed?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
A point to ponder...
The Lord's prayer is 66 words. The Gettysburg Address is 286 words. There are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence but the government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
Fed up with your job?
* Constantly ringing phones?
* Uncomfortable office chair?
* Smelly co-workers?
* Reflections on your screen?
* Extremely noisy collegaues?
* Not earning enough money?
Shut up! It could be a lot worse!!!
Woke Up This Morning
Got yourself a gun,
Your mama always said you'd be
The Chosen One.
She said: You're one in a million
You've got to burn to shine,
But you were born under a bad sign,
With a blue moon in your eyes.
When you woke up this morning
All that love had gone,
Your Papa never told you
About right and wrong.
But you're, but you're looking good, baby,
I believe that you're feeling fine, (shame about it),
Born under a bad sign
With a blue moon in your eyes.
Woke up this morning
Got a blue moon in your eyes
Woke up this morning
Got a blue moon in your eyes
Woke up this morning
You woke up this morning
The world turned upside down,
Lord above, thing's ain't been the same
Since the Blues walked in our town.
Baby, but you're, but you're one in a million
You've got that shotgun shine; shame about it,
Born under a bad sign,
With a blue moon in your eyes.
Woke up this morning
Woke up this morning
Got a blue moon in your eyes
Woke up this morning
When you woke up this morning everything was gone.
By half past ten your head was going ding-dong.
Ringing like a bell from your head down to your toes,
Like a voice telling you there was something you should know.
Last night you were flying but today you're so low
Ain't it times like these that you wonder if you'll ever know
The meaning of things as they appear to the others:
Wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers.
Don't you wish you didn't function,
Don't you wish you didn't think
Beyond the next paycheck and the next little drink'
Well you do so make up your mind to go on,'cos
When you woke up this morning everything you had was gone.
Woke up this morning
Woke up this morning
Woke up this morning
You wanna be the Chosen One.
Woke up this morning
Woke up this morning
Woke up this morning
Got yourself a gun.
Got yourself a gun.
Got yourself a gun.
Monday, May 21, 2007
I'll Take 'Queer Quotables' For $500, Alex...
--Tennesse Williams, A Streetcar Named Desire.
"If Michelangelo had been straight, the Sistine Chapel would have been wallpapered."
--Robin Tyler
"Anita Bryant like Anita hole in the head."
--Graffiti
"As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children."
--Anita Bryant
"As long as society is anti-gay, then it will seem like being gay is anti-social."
--Joseph Francis
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
--Dr. Seuss
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Woody Allen
"Closets are for clothes."
--Bumper sticker
"Did you hear about the Scottish drag queen? He wore pants."
--Lynn Lavne
"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Drag is when a man wears everything a lesbian won't."
--Author Unknown
"Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness."
--Shakti Gawain
"Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality."
--James Baldwin
"For a long time I thought I wanted to be a nun. Then I realized that what I really wanted to be was a lesbian."
--Mabel Maney
"Gay and lesbian people fall in love. We settle down. We commit our lives to one another. We raise our children. We protect them. We try to be good citizens."
--California Sen. Sheila Kuehl after California Senate approved gay marriage bill AB849
"Gay people ... were the first to find me, and they get everything, they're so sharp. I'll look out in the audience and I see three or four gay guys right in the front row, or a couple of lesbians, I know it's gonna be a good show."
--Joan Rivers to Denver's Out Front
"Gay people, well, gay people are EVIL, evil right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?"
--Trey Parker and Matt Stone from South Park, spoken by Mr Garrison
"Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a Lesbian."
--Fran Lebowitz
"God has given you one face, and you make yourself another."
--William Shakespeare
"Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another."
--Homer (Not Simpson!)
"Homophobia is a social disease."
--Bumper sticker
"Homosexuality is a sickness, just as are baby-rape or wanting to become head of General Motors."
--Eldridge Cleaver "Notes on a Native Son," Soul on Ice, 1968
"Homosexuality is god's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children."
--Sam Austin
"I am reminded of a colleague who reiterated "all my homosexual patients are quite sick" - to which I finally replied "so are all my heterosexual patients."
--Ernest van den Haag, psychotherapist
"I am the love that dare not speak its name."
--Lord Alfred Douglas from poem Two Loves
"I can't help looking gay. I put on a dress and people say, "Who's the dyke in the dress?""
--Karen Ripley
"I don't mind straight people as long as they act gay in public."
--T-shirt worn by Chicago Bulls transvestite Dennis Rodman during a network-TV interview
"I get sick of listening to straight people complain about, "Well, hey, we don't have a heterosexual-pride day, why do you need a gay-pride day?" I remember when I was a kid I'd always ask my mom: "Why don't we have a Kid's Day? We have a Mother's Day and a Father's Day, but why don't we have a Kid's Day?" My mom would always say, "Every day is Kid's Day." To all those heterosexuals that bitch about gay pride, I say the same thing: Every day is heterosexual-pride day! Can't you people enjoy your banquet and not piss on those of us enjoying our crumbs over here in the corner?"
--Rob Nash
"I just wish more of my fellow queers would come out sometimes. It's nice out here, you know?"
--Elton John accepting Distinguished Achievement Award from Elizabeth Taylor at Los Angeles Gay & Lesbian Center's 25th anniversary blowout
"I like my beers cold and my homosexuals flaming."
--Homer Simpson (Yes, not "The Iliad" Homer!)
"I think God is a callous bitch not making me a lesbian. I'm deeply disappointed by my sexual interest in men."
--Diamanda Galas
"I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother."
--Charles Pierce, 1980
"If adjustment is necessary, it should be made primarily with regard to the position the homosexual occupies in present-day society, and society should more often be treated than the homosexual."
--Harry Benjamin
"If gay and lesbian people are given civil rights, then everyone will want them!"
--Author unknown as seen on a button
If gays are granted rights, next we'll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nailbiters.
--Anita Bryant
"If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise."
--Johann von Goethe
"If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer.""
--Robin Tyler
"If horse racing is the sport of kings, then drag racing must be the sport of queens.
--Bert R. Sugar
If male homosexuals are called "gay," then female homosexuals should be called "ecstatic.""
--Shelly Roberts
"If time and space are curved, where do all of the straight people come from?"
--Author Unknown
"If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag."
--Author Unknown
"I'm a supporter of gay rights. And not a closet supporter either. From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community. There are so many qualities that make up a human being... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant."
--Paul Newman
"I'm not a lesbian but my girlfriend is."
--Bumper sticker
"I'm not gay but my boyfriend is."
--Bumper sticker
"In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis."
--Quentin Crisp The Naked Civil Servant, 1978
"In itself, homosexuality is as limiting as heterosexuality: the ideal should be to be capable of loving a woman or a man; either, a human being, without feeling fear, restraint, or obligation."
--Simone de Beauvoir
"Is life not a hundred times too short for us to stifle ourselves."
--Friedrich Nietzsche
"Isn't it a violation of the Georgia sodomy law for the Supreme Court to have its head up its ass?"
--Letter to Playboy magazine, February 1987
"It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It's like disapproving of rain."
--Francis Maude
"It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses."
--Daphne Fielding The Duchess of Jermyn Street
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier
"It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy."
--Lucille Ball
"For most men life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to get themselves filed."
--Clifton Fadiman
"It's hard enough to be taken seriously in the struggle for gay rights without having a bunch of straight girls running around kissing each other to get the attention of boys and videocameras."
--M. Robin D'Antan, 2002
"I've wondered what my sexuality might be, but I've never wondered whether it was acceptable or not. Anyway, who really cares whether I'm gay or straight?""
--George Michael to Britain's Big Issue magazine
"Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole."
--Judy Carte
"Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people."
--Martina Navratilova
"Lesbianism has always seemed to me an extremely inventive response to a shortage of men, but otherwise not worth the trouble."
--Nora Ephron Heartburn, 1983
"Let my lusts be my ruin, then, since all else is a fake and a mockery."
--Hart Crane
"Let's get one thing straight, I'm not."
--Bumper sticker
Etch-I-Ma-Sketch
Click Above. When you get the Etch-A-Sketch, use the arrow keys to draw!
Speaking Of Etch-A-Sketch... Etch-A-Sketch Tech Support
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create an empty New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I Exit without Saving?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has lines that prevent me from doing my art project.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I keep from losing my Etch-A-Sketch documents in the middle of my work?
A: Stop shaking it.
*Author unknown
Mike The Headless Chicken
With a sharp ax in hand, Mr. Olsen firmly held Mike, preparing to make the bird ready for his wife Clara's cooking pot. Mr. Olsen swung the implement, thereby lopping off poor Mike's head. Mike shook off the event, then continued trying to peck for food.
Mike's will to live remains an inspiration. It is a great comfort to know you can live a normal life, even after you have lost your mind.
Not grossed out yet? Then click above
Oh, Mona!
Birthday: 1503-1506
Birthplace: Florence, Italy
Current home: The Louvre, Paris, France
Stats: 20 7/8" x 30", oil on poplar wood.
Marital Status: Married to Francesco del Giocondo since 1495
Working On: Being most celebrated painting in the world
I stay home to watch: Singers, musicians, jesters and The Sopranos
Favorite singer: Nat King Cole
Favorite dish: Savino Sorbet
Prized possessions: *Sfumato, *Chiaroscuro, my new room
Personal hero: Leonardo Da Vinci
Nobody knows: Why I’m smiling
If I could do it over: I’d have a contract with royalties
I’d give anything to meet: Madonna
My fantasy is: To model for Versace
The one thing I can’t stand: Paparazzi
If I could change one thing about myself: I’d be larger
My most irrational act: Being stolen in 1911
Most humbling experience: *L.H.O.O.Q.
The words that best describe me: Lisa Gherardini, Mona Lisa, La Gioconda
Below are some of the faces that are never seen, during the times when the museum is closed. Take an exclusive peek, as these were caught on film during the wee hours of the morning at The Louvre:
*Chiaroscuro the distribution of light and shade in a picture
*L.H.O.O.Q. in 1919 Dada painter Marcel Duchamp put a mustache and goatee on a reproduction of the Mona Lisa. The letters read phonetically in French: Elle a chaud au cul (she has a hot arse.)
***Facts from: Mona Lisa Mania
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Starring: Johnny Depp ... Jack Sparrow
Geoffrey Rush ... Barbossa
Orlando Bloom ... Will Turner
Keira Knightley ... Elizabeth Swann
Jack Davenport ... Norrington
Bill Nighy ... Davy Jones
Synopsis: After Elizabeth (Keira Knightly), Will (Orlando Bloom), and Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) rescue Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from the clutches of the Kraken, they must face their foes, Davey Jones (Bill Nighy) and Lord Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander). Beckett, now with control of Jones' heart, forms a dark alliance with him in order to rule the seas and wipe out the last of the Pirates. Now, Jack, Barbossa, Will, Elizabeth, Tia Delma, and crew must call the Pirate Lords from the four corners of the globe, including the infamous Sao Feng (Chow-Yun Fat), to a gathering that will make their final stand against Beckett, Jones, Norrington, the Flying Dutchman, and the entire East India Trading Company. Written by J. Curcio
Review: Early Report: Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End
The good people over at AICN have received what looks to be the first screening report for Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End. Reading through the report I couldn't necessarily tell if the reviewer thought the movie was good or not. Fortunately, there are a few snippets that stand out and suggest positive feelings.
“World’s End” ties up the story started in “Chest.” Instead of long, pointless action pieces like the ‘natives’ in “Chest,” all of the action, all of the subplots are all pieces to the puzzle. It could’ve stood to lose 30 minutes or so, but for the most part, it was enjoyable. It doesn’t stand up to the first but it surpasses the second.
Keith Richard’s role as the possible father to Depp’s Jack Sparrow has been buzzed about ever since Depp told reporters that he was channeling the ‘Rolling Stone.’
I am happy to say that Richards is by far the best addition to the franchise since Nighy as Davy Jones. He was funny, but never over the top. I’m not going to spoil whether he is or isn’t Jack’s father. This small mystery shouldn’t be spoiled for fans of Richard’s.
The action sequences and special effects are far superior to those of “Chest’s.” It does seem to retain a little bit of the spirit of “Black Pearl”...
OK, so the remarks posted above are obviously positive. Check out the entire report for the reviewers full impressions on At Worlds End.
For those of you wondering how long At Worlds End could be, I believe its official running time is 167 minutes.
Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End now opens to theatres on May 24th.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Stupid Is As Stupid Says...
ON SPORTS MANAGERS, CONTORTIONIST
"He had gone behind my back right in front of my face."
ON ISN’T THIS TAKING POLITICAL CORRECTNESS A LITTLE TOO FAR?
"ATOMIC BOMBERS UPSET OVER ENOLA HOMOSEXUAL EXHIBIT"