Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Saturday, July 28, 2018
Making Sense Of English
Lets face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.
Friday, July 27, 2018
What's Prettier Than Freckles?
"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fellow.
Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful."
The boy looked up, "Really?"
"Of course," said the grandmother. "Why just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles."
The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles!"
Auction
You don't have to understand Italian to follow the auctioneer:
A Chinese Ming Vase is up for auction. The bidding opens at a half-million Euros. Bidding is brisk and each bidder is clearly identified as each raises the bid by 100,000 Euros. (The exchange rate at auction time was 1 Euro = $1.43.) Within seconds, the bid stalls at One million Euros, and the gasp from the crowd identifies the excitement that prevails in the room. The successful bidder is the last one who bid one million, and the auctioneer counts down the bid, "Going once, going twice, and sold to the gentleman sitting in front of me for one million Euros."
Now, you are going to have to see the video for yourself. The auctioneer is exuberant.
The pace is fast. This is how an auction should be run.
A Chinese Ming Vase is up for auction. The bidding opens at a half-million Euros. Bidding is brisk and each bidder is clearly identified as each raises the bid by 100,000 Euros. (The exchange rate at auction time was 1 Euro = $1.43.) Within seconds, the bid stalls at One million Euros, and the gasp from the crowd identifies the excitement that prevails in the room. The successful bidder is the last one who bid one million, and the auctioneer counts down the bid, "Going once, going twice, and sold to the gentleman sitting in front of me for one million Euros."
Now, you are going to have to see the video for yourself. The auctioneer is exuberant.
The pace is fast. This is how an auction should be run.
Photos from Nanoose Bay British Columbia, Canada
Did you know, the Orca, (Killer Whale), is a member of the dolphin family?
US Airspace from 8am to 3pm CST today
US Airspace from 8am to 3pm CST today. Click above to watch the wacky video
Posted by FlightAware on Wednesday, 24 November 2010
Who is this?
The following was "said" about a specific person who was not "afraid to"...
1. die
2. be killed in nasty ways
3. be mashed into a pulp
4. have his eyes gouged out
5. have his elbows broken
6. have his kneecaps split
7. have his body burned away
8. have his limbs all hacked and mangled, nor
9. have his head smashed in, his heart cut out, his liver removed, his bowels unplugged, or his bottom burnt off.
Click here for the answer.
Thursday, July 26, 2018
A homosexual in the family
He was a tough military man, an officer who had spent his life as a soldier, and now he was very angry with his son. The boy was 14 and had admitted to his mother that he thought he was gay. He confessed that he had no interest at all in women but felt strongly attracted to males.
He had kept this to himself, with the exception of a few similarly oriented friends. It was precisely his band of friends (all gay) that had alerted his father and caused him to confront his son. Trembling with fear, the boy nevertheless was able to tell his father the truth about how he felt. His dad was furious and belittled him and told him to “grow up and be a real man.”
The situation threatened to get out of hand and I was called in. The dad refused to listen and kept insisting that all the boy needed was to get into sports and have a few women and he would be just fine. In the meantime, there was no way that he could or would accept that his only son was gay.
There are few problems that cause more distress in parents than the discovery that their son or daughter isn’t “normal.” It is a shock for them to learn that Juan is a homosexual, or that Pilar is a lesbian. Long after all the evidence is in, parents will still remain in denial for quite a while. And some go to the grave without ever accepting the reality of their child’s sexuality.
The rejection of the child’s homosexuality is soon interpreted by him as a rejection of his person. It is difficult to imagine just how painful is the agony that young people experience as they deal with the reality of their own sexual orientation and the overt hostility they feel coming from a parent who is unwilling to accept the teenager’s homosexuality.
When a youngster is faced with the thought that he might be gay, he will initially go into denial. He instinctively knows the consequences of being gay. He is aware that if indeed he is gay, his lifestyle will be very different from most boys. He understands that he will be in the minority. A minority that is all too often mocked and scoffed at, made fun of and openly rejected by many.
He wonders too about his standing in the Church, which is quick to say that it condemns homosexual behavior but not the homosexual. This even if the Church expects him to refrain from any homosexual acts, never mind that he feels no urge to have sex with women. In fact, for many homosexuals, the thought of having sex with a woman is as abhorrent as is the prospect to a heterosexual man having sex with a male.
He fears the reaction and rejection of family, friends and strangers if and when they come to know the truth about himself. He worries even if God will understand him.
He had kept this to himself, with the exception of a few similarly oriented friends. It was precisely his band of friends (all gay) that had alerted his father and caused him to confront his son. Trembling with fear, the boy nevertheless was able to tell his father the truth about how he felt. His dad was furious and belittled him and told him to “grow up and be a real man.”
The situation threatened to get out of hand and I was called in. The dad refused to listen and kept insisting that all the boy needed was to get into sports and have a few women and he would be just fine. In the meantime, there was no way that he could or would accept that his only son was gay.
There are few problems that cause more distress in parents than the discovery that their son or daughter isn’t “normal.” It is a shock for them to learn that Juan is a homosexual, or that Pilar is a lesbian. Long after all the evidence is in, parents will still remain in denial for quite a while. And some go to the grave without ever accepting the reality of their child’s sexuality.
The rejection of the child’s homosexuality is soon interpreted by him as a rejection of his person. It is difficult to imagine just how painful is the agony that young people experience as they deal with the reality of their own sexual orientation and the overt hostility they feel coming from a parent who is unwilling to accept the teenager’s homosexuality.
When a youngster is faced with the thought that he might be gay, he will initially go into denial. He instinctively knows the consequences of being gay. He is aware that if indeed he is gay, his lifestyle will be very different from most boys. He understands that he will be in the minority. A minority that is all too often mocked and scoffed at, made fun of and openly rejected by many.
He wonders too about his standing in the Church, which is quick to say that it condemns homosexual behavior but not the homosexual. This even if the Church expects him to refrain from any homosexual acts, never mind that he feels no urge to have sex with women. In fact, for many homosexuals, the thought of having sex with a woman is as abhorrent as is the prospect to a heterosexual man having sex with a male.
He fears the reaction and rejection of family, friends and strangers if and when they come to know the truth about himself. He worries even if God will understand him.
We don’t really know what causes homosexuality. Some say the causes are genetic. Others maintain that it is learned behavior. I think it is a combination of both genetics and learned behavior.
How do you explain the homosexual who has had no desire for women since the day he was born? Genetics. Then, later on when he gravitates toward like-minded young people, he learns behavior.
Homosexuality, however, isn’t something that parents do. Still, many parents feel guilty and ask themselves what it is they did to cause their son to become a homosexual.
The American Psychiatric Association believes that “innate characteristics contribute to sexual orientation cannot be changed through medical or psychiatric treatment.” Still, many parents, upon learning that their child is a homosexual or lesbian, will try to change him or her. Unable to accept the reality confronting them, they feverishly look for ways to make things right. And making it right usually means doing what it takes to get them back to normal.
That might mean getting the boy to go out with a woman. I know of instances when fathers have brought the gay son to a prostitute in the hope that sex with a woman will do the job. It doesn’t, of course. What it does, however, is to further traumatize the youngster. Or, the pressure is on for him to get into sports and “act like a real man.”
In many cases, there is a subtle (or not so subtle) rejection of the homosexual son or lesbian daughter. This is reflected in the feelings of the children who find it difficult to feel one with their parents.
We parents have expectations of our children and it is inconceivable that a parent wishes to have a homosexual son or lesbian daughter. So when it does happen, parents have a lot of adjustments to make.
But before making adjustments, they will need to do battle with their own feelings. They will need to face their own reality and their own unfulfilled expectations. Fathers feel guilty for not teaching masculine values.
They naturally see their sons as reflections of themselves and they don’t like what they are seeing.
There is a measure of shame. What will friends and the extended family think? And there is anger that things worked out this way. Anger with God even. Why did He let this happen?
Then, there is great confusion as this mix of feelings gives rise to a sense of increasing helplessness and hopelessness as nothing seems to work when trying to change the youngster.
It is not surprising that parents get so disturbed when they are faced with the reality of a homosexual child. Not surprisingly, their feelings run the whole gamut, from hope for change to despair that nothing will ever change.
*PEOPLE By BOB GARON
How do you explain the homosexual who has had no desire for women since the day he was born? Genetics. Then, later on when he gravitates toward like-minded young people, he learns behavior.
Homosexuality, however, isn’t something that parents do. Still, many parents feel guilty and ask themselves what it is they did to cause their son to become a homosexual.
The American Psychiatric Association believes that “innate characteristics contribute to sexual orientation cannot be changed through medical or psychiatric treatment.” Still, many parents, upon learning that their child is a homosexual or lesbian, will try to change him or her. Unable to accept the reality confronting them, they feverishly look for ways to make things right. And making it right usually means doing what it takes to get them back to normal.
That might mean getting the boy to go out with a woman. I know of instances when fathers have brought the gay son to a prostitute in the hope that sex with a woman will do the job. It doesn’t, of course. What it does, however, is to further traumatize the youngster. Or, the pressure is on for him to get into sports and “act like a real man.”
In many cases, there is a subtle (or not so subtle) rejection of the homosexual son or lesbian daughter. This is reflected in the feelings of the children who find it difficult to feel one with their parents.
We parents have expectations of our children and it is inconceivable that a parent wishes to have a homosexual son or lesbian daughter. So when it does happen, parents have a lot of adjustments to make.
But before making adjustments, they will need to do battle with their own feelings. They will need to face their own reality and their own unfulfilled expectations. Fathers feel guilty for not teaching masculine values.
They naturally see their sons as reflections of themselves and they don’t like what they are seeing.
There is a measure of shame. What will friends and the extended family think? And there is anger that things worked out this way. Anger with God even. Why did He let this happen?
Then, there is great confusion as this mix of feelings gives rise to a sense of increasing helplessness and hopelessness as nothing seems to work when trying to change the youngster.
It is not surprising that parents get so disturbed when they are faced with the reality of a homosexual child. Not surprisingly, their feelings run the whole gamut, from hope for change to despair that nothing will ever change.
*PEOPLE By BOB GARON
Tales from The Help Desk...
Are You a Computer Illiterate?1. Hewlett-Packard is considering changing the command "Press Any Key," "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. Hewlett-Packard technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Hewlett-Packard technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old cd's. After trouble-shooting for scratched or cracked CD's he diagnosed the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the discs then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels. Sheesh!
4. Another Hewlett-Packard customer was asked to send a copy of her defective thumb drives. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the thumb drives.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled CD back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."
8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad" and "invalid." The tech explained that the computer's bad and invalid responses shouldn't be taken personally.
10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing Happens." The "pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
11. Another customer called Hewlett-Packard tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"
Signs in the checkout stand
 |
| spooky moon |
Aries: goes into the store wanting to get only cereal but comes out to the stand with more that they can afford BECAUSE LOOK AT ALL THE PRETTY JUNK FOOD ON DISPLAY
Taurus: has magical abilities to stand in line for hours if they need to, and will utterly destroy anyone that tries to cut in line
Gemini: holding up the line cuz WOW LETS START A CONVERSATION WITH THE CASHIER JUST BECAUSE
Cancer: the cashier, they dropped my sausages on purpose..what are they trying to say, HUH?? they just THREW my stuff in that bag, what did i ever do to YOU?
Leo: buys only dark chocolate–THAT’LL SHOW THEM HOW SOPHISTICATED I AM
Virgo: filth, FILTH EVERYWHERE, they’re getting their dirty money hands on my food gah stop touching them pls wear gloves i cant stand to watch my food dirtied by their hands
Libra: shows up with multiple colors/flavors of everything because they can’t decide which one they wanted more–so why not get all?
Scorpio: blocks the pathway with their 50 shopping carts because 1 isn't enough
Sagittarius: the one who always gets convinced into buying the buy 2 get 1 free candy-bar special at the counter
Capricorn: PLS LET ME CUT IN LINE MY LITTLE SIBLING WILL DIE IF I DONT DELIVER THEM SOME DORITOS ASAP
Aquarius: -slams a stack of discount coupons onto the counter-
Pisces: still in line hours later because they keep letting everyone cut in front of them.
"New Male Beauty Product"
Are you fat?
Are you ugly?
Are you short?
Are you balding?
Are you sick?
Are you stupid?
Work for the Canadian Wheat Board?
Do ladies call you macho . . . or jerk?
Are you over 30, 40, 50, or even 60?
In general, have ladies lost interest in you?
Do not despair. A German company has come out with a new "Male Beauty Product". This is such a revolutionary product that it gives fast and effective results instantly! If you purchase this product, and use it, even if only once or twice, you will see that the most beautiful and sexy ladies can not resist your charms.
This is the best "Male Beauty Product" on the market and is available in select stores now!
Take a look for yourself ...
Are you ugly?
Are you short?
Are you balding?
Are you sick?
Are you stupid?
Work for the Canadian Wheat Board?
Do ladies call you macho . . . or jerk?
Are you over 30, 40, 50, or even 60?
In general, have ladies lost interest in you?
Do not despair. A German company has come out with a new "Male Beauty Product". This is such a revolutionary product that it gives fast and effective results instantly! If you purchase this product, and use it, even if only once or twice, you will see that the most beautiful and sexy ladies can not resist your charms.
This is the best "Male Beauty Product" on the market and is available in select stores now!
Take a look for yourself ...
Passing Wind
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts -- although still silent -- stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing....
Wednesday, July 25, 2018
You can't read this and stay in a bad mood !
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
--Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
--Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
--They Take The Psycho Path
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
--You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
--Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
--Polaroid's
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
--A Stick
8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
--Nacho Cheese.
9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
--Subordinate Clauses.
10.What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
--Quattro Sinko..
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
--Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
--Frostbite.
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
--A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
--Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
--Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
--Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
--Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
--Sanka.
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
--The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
--Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
--A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
--A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
--Either way, Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile.
--Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
--Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
--They Take The Psycho Path
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
--You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
--Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
--Polaroid's
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
--A Stick
8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
--Nacho Cheese.
9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
--Subordinate Clauses.
10.What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
--Quattro Sinko..
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
--Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
--Frostbite.
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
--A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
--Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
--Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
--Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
--Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
--Sanka.
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
--The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
--Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
--A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
--A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
--Either way, Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)