Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Thursday, November 30, 2017
7 DEGREES OF BLONDE
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
` �*:-.,_,..-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �`
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
` �*:-.,_,..-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �`
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
` �*:-.,_,..-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �`*
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
` �*:-.,_,..-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �`
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
` �*:-.,_,..-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �`
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware"
` �*:-.,_,..-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �`
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,
"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
` �*:-.,_,..-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �`
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
` �*:-.,_,..-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �`
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
` �*:-.,_,..-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �`*
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
` �*:-.,_,..-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �`
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
` �*:-.,_,..-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �`
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware"
` �*:-.,_,..-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �` �*:-.,_,.-:* �`
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,
"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
Two dead boys got up to fight and other oxymorons
One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other,
One was blind and the other couldn't, see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"
A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don't believe this story’s true,
Ask the blind man he saw it too!
~~~and~~~
Ladies and jelly spoons, hobos and tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
To tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
There’s a Mother’s Day meeting for fathers only.
Wear your best clothes if you haven’t any.
Please come if you can’t; if you can, stay at home.
Admission is free; pay at the door.
Pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit;
The man in the gallery’s sure to spit.
The show is over, but before you go,
Let me tell you a story I don’t really know.
~~~and~~~
The Complete story:
Ladies and jellyspoons, hobos and tramps,
cross-eyed mosquitos and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
to tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
there's a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;
wear your best clothes if you haven't any.
Please come if you can't; if you can, stay at home.
Admission is free, pay at the door;
pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit,
the man in the gallery's sure to spit.
The show is over, but before you go,
let me tell you a story I don't really know.
One bright day in the middle of the night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
(The blind man went to see fair play;
the mute man went to shout "hooray!")
Back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and came and killed the two dead boys.
A paralysed donkey passing by
kicked the blind man in the eye;
knocked him through a nine-inch wall,
into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
If you don't believe this lie is true,
ask the blind man; he saw it too,
through a knothole in a wooden brick wall.
And the man with no legs walked away.
~~~and finally one more~~~
A Nosty Fright
The roldengod and the soneyhuckle,
the sack eyed blusan and the wistle theed
are all tangled with the oison pivy,
the fallen nine peedles and the wumbleteed.
A mipchunk caught in a wobceb tried
to hip and skide in a dandy sune
but a stobler put up a EEP KOFF sign.
Then the unfucky lellow met a phytoon
and was sept out to swea. He difted for drays
till a hassgropper flying happened to spot
the boolish feast all debraggled and wet,
covered with snears and tot.
Loonmight shone through the winey poods
where rushmooms grew among risted twoots.
Back blats flew between the twees
and orned howls hounded their soots.
A kumkpin stood with a tooked creeth
on the sindow will of a house
where a icked wold itch lived all alone
except for her stoombrick, a mitten and a kouse.
"Here we part," said hassgropper.
"Pere we hart," said mipchunk, too.
They purried away on opposite haths,
both scared of some "Bat!" or "Scoo!"
October was ending on a nosty fright
with scroans and greeches and chanking clains,
with oblins and gelfs, coaths and urses,
skinning grulls and stoodblains.
Will it ever be morning, Nofember virst,
skue bly and the sappy hun, our friend?
With light breaves of wall by the fayside?
I sope ho, so that this oem can pend.
Two dead boys got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other,
One was blind and the other couldn't, see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"
A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don't believe this story’s true,
Ask the blind man he saw it too!
~~~and~~~
Ladies and jelly spoons, hobos and tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
To tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
There’s a Mother’s Day meeting for fathers only.
Wear your best clothes if you haven’t any.
Please come if you can’t; if you can, stay at home.
Admission is free; pay at the door.
Pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit;
The man in the gallery’s sure to spit.
The show is over, but before you go,
Let me tell you a story I don’t really know.
~~~and~~~
The Complete story:
Ladies and jellyspoons, hobos and tramps,
cross-eyed mosquitos and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
to tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
there's a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;
wear your best clothes if you haven't any.
Please come if you can't; if you can, stay at home.
Admission is free, pay at the door;
pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit,
the man in the gallery's sure to spit.
The show is over, but before you go,
let me tell you a story I don't really know.
One bright day in the middle of the night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
(The blind man went to see fair play;
the mute man went to shout "hooray!")
Back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and came and killed the two dead boys.
A paralysed donkey passing by
kicked the blind man in the eye;
knocked him through a nine-inch wall,
into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
If you don't believe this lie is true,
ask the blind man; he saw it too,
through a knothole in a wooden brick wall.
And the man with no legs walked away.
~~~and finally one more~~~
A Nosty Fright
The roldengod and the soneyhuckle,
the sack eyed blusan and the wistle theed
are all tangled with the oison pivy,
the fallen nine peedles and the wumbleteed.
A mipchunk caught in a wobceb tried
to hip and skide in a dandy sune
but a stobler put up a EEP KOFF sign.
Then the unfucky lellow met a phytoon
and was sept out to swea. He difted for drays
till a hassgropper flying happened to spot
the boolish feast all debraggled and wet,
covered with snears and tot.
Loonmight shone through the winey poods
where rushmooms grew among risted twoots.
Back blats flew between the twees
and orned howls hounded their soots.
A kumkpin stood with a tooked creeth
on the sindow will of a house
where a icked wold itch lived all alone
except for her stoombrick, a mitten and a kouse.
"Here we part," said hassgropper.
"Pere we hart," said mipchunk, too.
They purried away on opposite haths,
both scared of some "Bat!" or "Scoo!"
October was ending on a nosty fright
with scroans and greeches and chanking clains,
with oblins and gelfs, coaths and urses,
skinning grulls and stoodblains.
Will it ever be morning, Nofember virst,
skue bly and the sappy hun, our friend?
With light breaves of wall by the fayside?
I sope ho, so that this oem can pend.
Brain Games - Don't be shy.... Give it a try!
1.-TWO FOR ONE
Find the word that fits the definitions below when its 1) a whole word and 2) divided into two words.
1) Whole word: act decorously
2) Two words: a:exist b:be in possession
2.-METAMORPHOSIS
1) Add a "T" to a word that means "precipitation" to find a means of transportation.
2) Add a "T" to a word that means "question" to find a chore
3.-PALINDROME PALS
A Palindrome is a word, sentence or group of words that reads the same backward or forward.
When the mother of the palindrome twins wanted to call them, she would shout:
"Come here, O - - - and B - -, and bring P - -. I need him, too.
4.-GIGANTIWORD
Fill in the blanks to complete the word below.
P - - F - - C T - R - N - - S
5.-Find the anagrammed alternates to each of the following words:
TRIBES (2 words)
UNABLE (2 words)
TREADS (3 words)
6.-Find the number that best completes the sequence below.
19 37 55 73 9?
7.- Fill in the blanks with words that are pronounced the same but have different meanings and different spellings.
1) Emanations ___________ Bring up ___________
Tear down _________
2) Attend __________ A unit of measure _____________
8- Matthew had $2 to spend. He wanted to buy jelly beans and licorice sticks. He paid $1.50 for 5 jelly beans and 20 licorice sticks. For the same amount he could have bought 10 jelly beans and 10 licorice sticks. How much did each item cost?
9-TWO FOR ONE
Find the word that fits the definitions below when its 1) a whole word and 2) divided into two words.
1) Whole word: Serious
2) Two words: a: part of the body
b: home for a bird
10.-METAMORPHOSIS
1) Add an "L" to a word for a vessel that floats to find a word that means "swell"
2) Add an "M" to a word which means "alternate" to find a word for a family member.
11.- Make your way from MEAT to FISH in only four steps, changing one letter at a time to make a good English word at each step:
MEAT
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ _
FISH
12.- TRICKY CAT
Four words with "cat" in them fit the definitions below.
a) a disaster
b) a type of boat
c) a listing
d) a religious building
13.- What one three-letter word can be placed in the blanks below to make four different words?
___________ DATE
___________ AGE
___________ DRAKE
___________ KIND
14.-How many common English words can you make from the letters below, using all five letters once in each word?
What are the words?
E I M S T
15.-First unscramble the letters in each word below, then unscramble the word order to create a Tom Swifty sentence.
MOT DAIS MI PLLYDRIFUE NO ESE OT NI TTABHIA ISFARA LNSIO NOW HTIER NGGIO.
16.-Following the pattern, fill in the missing below.
May 5
October 11
March 9
April __?
17.- A well-known statement has been put into very fancy language below. Can you put it back into everyday English?
An overabundance of individuals engaged in culinary activities related to the preparation of liquid nourishment may produce a totally unsatisfactory result.
18.-Can you find the word that becomes plural when you add one "S" to it and becomes singular and changes gender when you two "Ss"?
19.- PALINDROME PALS
A palindrome is a word, sentence or group of words that reads the same backward or forward.
What Senor Diaz says after he fires his secretary, Ida.
20.- Find the word that fits the definitions below when its 1) a whole word and 2) divided into two words.
1) Whole word: pained expression
2) Two words: a: severe b: star performer
21.-See If You Can Figure Out What These Words Have In Common........
Assess
Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
Voodoo
Click here for the answers.
Find the word that fits the definitions below when its 1) a whole word and 2) divided into two words.
1) Whole word: act decorously
2) Two words: a:exist b:be in possession
2.-METAMORPHOSIS
1) Add a "T" to a word that means "precipitation" to find a means of transportation.
2) Add a "T" to a word that means "question" to find a chore
3.-PALINDROME PALS
A Palindrome is a word, sentence or group of words that reads the same backward or forward.
When the mother of the palindrome twins wanted to call them, she would shout:
"Come here, O - - - and B - -, and bring P - -. I need him, too.
4.-GIGANTIWORD
Fill in the blanks to complete the word below.
P - - F - - C T - R - N - - S
5.-Find the anagrammed alternates to each of the following words:
TRIBES (2 words)
UNABLE (2 words)
TREADS (3 words)
6.-Find the number that best completes the sequence below.
19 37 55 73 9?
7.- Fill in the blanks with words that are pronounced the same but have different meanings and different spellings.
1) Emanations ___________ Bring up ___________
Tear down _________
2) Attend __________ A unit of measure _____________
8- Matthew had $2 to spend. He wanted to buy jelly beans and licorice sticks. He paid $1.50 for 5 jelly beans and 20 licorice sticks. For the same amount he could have bought 10 jelly beans and 10 licorice sticks. How much did each item cost?
9-TWO FOR ONE
Find the word that fits the definitions below when its 1) a whole word and 2) divided into two words.
1) Whole word: Serious
2) Two words: a: part of the body
b: home for a bird
10.-METAMORPHOSIS
1) Add an "L" to a word for a vessel that floats to find a word that means "swell"
2) Add an "M" to a word which means "alternate" to find a word for a family member.
11.- Make your way from MEAT to FISH in only four steps, changing one letter at a time to make a good English word at each step:
MEAT
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ _
FISH
12.- TRICKY CAT
Four words with "cat" in them fit the definitions below.
a) a disaster
b) a type of boat
c) a listing
d) a religious building
13.- What one three-letter word can be placed in the blanks below to make four different words?
___________ DATE
___________ AGE
___________ DRAKE
___________ KIND
14.-How many common English words can you make from the letters below, using all five letters once in each word?
What are the words?
E I M S T
15.-First unscramble the letters in each word below, then unscramble the word order to create a Tom Swifty sentence.
MOT DAIS MI PLLYDRIFUE NO ESE OT NI TTABHIA ISFARA LNSIO NOW HTIER NGGIO.
16.-Following the pattern, fill in the missing below.
May 5
October 11
March 9
April __?
17.- A well-known statement has been put into very fancy language below. Can you put it back into everyday English?
An overabundance of individuals engaged in culinary activities related to the preparation of liquid nourishment may produce a totally unsatisfactory result.
18.-Can you find the word that becomes plural when you add one "S" to it and becomes singular and changes gender when you two "Ss"?
19.- PALINDROME PALS
A palindrome is a word, sentence or group of words that reads the same backward or forward.
What Senor Diaz says after he fires his secretary, Ida.
20.- Find the word that fits the definitions below when its 1) a whole word and 2) divided into two words.
1) Whole word: pained expression
2) Two words: a: severe b: star performer
21.-See If You Can Figure Out What These Words Have In Common........
Assess
Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
Voodoo
Click here for the answers.
GOD'S Pharmacy
This ought to make you think:
It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish... All before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...
God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body!
God's Pharmacy! Amazing!
A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.
A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.
Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body..
Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.
Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.
Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries
It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish... All before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...
God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body!
God's Pharmacy! Amazing!
A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food 
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.
A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.
Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body..
Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.
Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.
Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries 
Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.
Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.
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