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Thursday, March 28, 2013

How Clever are You????


These are pretty clever. Don't rush. Study each picture and try to determine what it represents, before looking at the answer below all the pictures at the bottom of the post with the corresponding letter.

Put on your thinking cap.

A) What is this
B) What is this
C) What is this
D) What is this
E)
F) What is this
G) What is this
H) What is this
I) What is this
J) What is this
K) What is this




A) Assaulted peanut B) eggplant C) Doctor Pepper D) pool table E) Tap dancers F) Card Shark G) I Pod H) Gator-Aide I) Knight mare J) Hole Milk K) Light Beer

How many did you figure out?
C'mon be honest!

Put your score in the comments!

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

"Ukrainian" Kraft Dinner


Gotta be KD!

This is a real taste treat!

Ingredients:

(2) Boxes Kraft Dinner
(1) Litre jar of Wine sauerkraut
(1) Tablespoon Chopped Onion
(1) Tablespoon margarine
(1) 250 ml Sour cream
Dill Weed (to taste)

Make the two boxes of KD as per the instructions, but do NOT add milk. (You need to still add margarine and the 'cheese' parts)

While the pasta is boiling, in a fry pan melt 2 TBS of margarine add the sauerkraut and onion flakes and some dill weed. Heat at med-hi without a lid, so that the moisture evaporates. Make sure you stir it so it won't burn.

When the KD is done, Add the sauerkraut mixture to the KD. Stir in well - serve. Makes 4 portions, (depending on your degree of hungriness!)

Enjoy!

Some Math + Logic


math and Logic

Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic. (It also made me LOL!)
Remember, this is a strictly mathematical viewpoint. It goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


and


K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

An ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION

Nothin' to do with the joke, but I thought it was funny...
--The Wizard

The Real Reason Confessions Take So Long


'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'

" Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.

You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'


Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

*Thanks, Vil

Where are your feet from?

What are the ethnicity of your feet?
How have your feet came to be?

The Wizard's feet are Greek in origin

The Wizard's feet are Greek in origin
Cool!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Crazy Laws - South Carolina


A person must be eighteen years old to play a pinball machine.

Horses may not be kept in bathtubs.

By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place.

Railroad companies may be held liable in some instances for scaring horses.

A permit must be obtained to fire a missle.

Fortune tellers are required to obtain a special permit from the state.

The Unfortunate Guard

Have you heard the one about the home security guard who got fired for saving his boss's life?

One day the guard dreamed the his boss was going to be in a plane crash on a business trip to Zimbabwe. Upon learning that his boss was soon going to be flying to Zimbabwe he told his boss about the dream he had, and convinced his boss to cancel it.

The next day on the news they learned that the plane did indeed crash. The boss gave him a reward, and then fired him on the spot, saying that a good guard shouldn't be sleeping on the job!

South of Lashburn SK


south of Lashburn SK
Yep that's a snow plow (grader)

Dating Ads for Seniors

You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.

Ads seen in The Villages Florida newspaper.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

FOXY LADY :

Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6')
searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

----------------------------------------------------

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT :

Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband,
looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.
Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

----------------------------------------------------

SERENITY NOW :

I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.
If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

----------------------------------------------------

WINNING SMILE :

Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks,
corn on the cob and caramel candy.

----------------------------------------------------

BEATLES OR STONES ?

I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.
If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

----------------------------------------------------

MEMORIES :

I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.

----------------------------------------------------

MINT CONDITION :

Male, 1932 model , high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.
Not in running condition, but walks well.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Your body

I am not sure where the statistics came from, but it was emailed to me like this...

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

Cougar Barbie

Cougar Barbie, click here
Cougar Barbie, Click above

I'm sending you some spring!


I think we all need a little spring today, so I'm sending you some Spring!

click below and You will get a black page.

Hold down and drag your mouse all over the page (I really covered it)

Enjoy!!


Strange Facts About The Human Body



Nose Every single day you, unless you are already bald, will lose as many as 100 strands of hair – that’s 36,500 in a year. This is rather worrying as the average human scalp has 100,000 hairs.

Nose A sneeze can blast out of your nose at a speed greater 100 mph

Nose The ashes of a cremated person weighs 9 pounds.

Nose The human body can survive longer without food than without sleep. While starvation takes a few weeks you would die after about 10 days without sleep.

Nose An average human drinks about 16, 000 gallons of water in a lifetime.

Nose Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our bodies.

Nose Your heart beats some 37,000,000 times in a year. During your life it’s will beat some two-and-a-half billion times.

Nose Every square inch of your body is populated by an about 32 million bacteria.

Nose Your largest internal organ is the small intestine at an average length of 20 feet. If cut into pasta size pieces it would serve four.

Nose 85% of your brain is water.

Nose Three-hundred-million cells die in the human body every minute.

Nose The largest human organ is the skin, with a surface area of about 25 square feet.

Nose Humans shed about 600,000 particles of skin every hour - about 1.5 pounds a year. By 70 years of age, an average person will have lost 105 pounds of skin.

Nose Humans shed and regrow outer skin cells about every 27 days - almost 1,000 new skins in a lifetime.

Nose It takes 17 muscles to smile --- 43 to frown.

Nose The average duration of sexual intercourse for humans is 2 minutes. – see pigs****

Nose It is impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath.

Nose The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet.

Nose You blink about 84 million times in a year.

Nose When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop-- even your heart!

Nose 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.

Nose Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2 -6 years old.

Nose In the course of a lifetime the average person will grow 2 Metres of nose hair.

Nose Ladies in nudist camps tend to use more makeup than ladies elsewhere.

Nose A team of medical experts in Virginia contends you're more likely to catch the common cold virus by shaking hands than by kissing.

Nose The human tooth has 55 miles of canal in it.

Nose Nerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles per hour.

Nose People have legs of slightly different lengths.

Nose The average cough comes out the mouth at 60 mph.

Nose Men / women The average person speaks about 31,500 words per day.

Nose Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

Nose It is estimated that at any one time, 0.7% of the world's population are drunk.

****Pigs: A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)