Wise Words

Living with Family

Living alone will probably lead you to become an ordinary person before you die. But managing your family promises success in all aspects of life.

In this challenging world, where you have so many options available, people generally tend to do business with person who is reliable, authentic and active member of his family and social gathering.

Remember! All the leaders that you have ever seen have maintained their families but followers rarely did.


Dont worry

If you worry about winning you won't, if you focus on doing your very best you will.


Self-Esteem
To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.

- Kurt Cobain


Getting over the heartbreak
"Someday you will cry for me like I cried for you.

Someday you will miss me like I missed you, you'll need me like I needed you and someday you'll love me but I wont love you."


Fool Those CSI's
If you have a stubborn bloodstain on your cloths, a tried and true method for getting it out is to use hydrogen peroxide on the stain.

Good for the planet
A way to go green: Bring cloth of mesh tote to carry purchase wherever you go, and some stores offer a discount when you bring your own bag.

Although paper bags are biodegradable, it takes four times more energy to manufacture paper bags than plastic. This results in more air and water pollution. The glossy plastic bags offered at department stores are even worse; the shiny coating may make them impossible to recycle.

Jest Jokes...

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."



A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workman. After several minutes, the older worker had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where you mouth is?" he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the other building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the young man replied. "Let's see what you've got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, "All right. Get in."



Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the greates doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"



A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house."



A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy..."



Friendship between women: A woman doesn’t come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.

The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

Friendship between men: A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.



A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"

"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you.

Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs.

He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??"

And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."

More Posters...

*Thanks,Bright Eyes!

"Ukrainian" Kraft Dinner

This is a real taste treat!

Ingredients:

(2) Boxes Kraft Dinner
(1) Litre jar of Wine sauerkraut
(1) Tablespoon Chopped Onion
(1) Tablespoon margarine
(1) 250 ml Sour cream
Dill Weed (to taste)

Make the two boxes of KD as per the instructions, but do NOT add milk. (You need to still add margarine and the 'cheese' parts)

While the pasta is boiling, in a fry pan melt 2 TBS of margarine add the sauerkraut and onion flakes and some dill weed. Heat at med-hi without a lid, so that the moisture evaporates. Make sure you stir it so it won't burn.

When the KD is done, Add the sauerkraut mixture to the KD. Stir in well - serve. Makes 4 portions, (depending on your degree of hungriness!)

Enjoy!

Makes "Per"-Sense To Me...

A rich sheik dies leaving a fleet of camels to his three sons. The eldest is to receive one-half of the camels; the middle son one-third; and the youngest one-ninth. The mathematics don't work: What's a half of 17? So they call a consultant.

The next day, a man with a suit and briefcase riding a camel comes to the sheik's sons. They explain the arithmetical conundrum. "No problem at all," says the consultant, "Take my camel."

Now with 18 camels, the sums make sense. One-half of the camels, nine, go to the eldest son; one-third, or six, to the middle son; and one-ninth, two camels to the youngest.. But wait... nine plus six plus two makes only 17 camels. What about the 18th?

"That one's mine." says the consultant, and rides away.

World AIDS Day

The 1st of December, World AIDS Day, is the day when individuals and organizations from around the world come together to bring attention to the global AIDS epidemic. 2008 marks the 20th anniversary of World AIDS Day. Whilst we have come a long ways since 1988, there is still much more to be done.

What is HIV?

HIV is a virus that attacks the body's immune system - the body's defence against diseases. The latest research suggests that between 70 and 90 per cent of people may experience symptoms of infection a few days after having been infected. Three symptoms occurring together: fever, rash and a severe sore throat should always be considered a potential indicator of HIV infection. These symptoms usually disappear within two or three weeks. Other people may not have symptoms to start with. In all cases, without effective treatment the immune system will eventually become very weak and no longer be able to fight off illnesses.

Are HIV and AIDS the same?

No. When someone is described as living with HIV, they have the HIV virus in their body. A person is considered to have developed AIDS when the immune system is so weak it can no longer fight off a range of diseases with which it would normally cope.

I don't know anyone with HIV... do I?

At the end of 2005 there were an estimated 58,000 people in Canada living with HIV - up from 50,000 in 2002. Of these, around 30% were unaware of their infection. It is estimated that between 2,300 and 4,500 new HIV infections occur in Canada each year, though many of these are not reported right away.

From the start of testing in November 1985 until the end of June 2007, there have been 63,604 positive HIV tests reported to CIDPC (Centre for Infectious Disease Prevention and Control). In 2006, there were 2,557 positive test results. This figure includes some persons not featured in the table below since they were under 15years old; their gender was not reported; or they were reported as transgender.

Is there a cure for HIV?

No, but treatment can keep the virus under control and the immune system healthy. People on HIV treatment can live a healthy, active life, although they may experience side effects from the treatment. If HIV is diagnosed late, treatment may be less effective in preventing AIDS.

What's it like living with HIV?

If people with HIV are diagnosed early and respond to treatment they can be healthy, work and have relationships like anyone else and have a long life expectancy.

Coming to terms with an HIV diagnosis and getting used to treatment can be very difficult however, and people living with HIV will often need support from healthcare providers, friends and family, employers and support organizations.

Why do people find it hard to tell others they are HIV positive?

People living with HIV may find it hard to tell others about their condition as they worry that people will reject them, or they will experience prejudice from friends, family and colleagues. People living with HIV can also experience discrimination in their workplace, in healthcare settings (e.g., GPs and dentists), from members of their local community and through the media.

HIV prejudice is often the result of ignorance about how HIV is passed on and unfounded fear of becoming infected. Encouraging those around us to talk about HIV and find out the facts can help overcome this.

In the period 1985-2001, the MSM category accounted for 62% of adult HIV diagnoses for which exposure category was reported. The equivalent proportion was 39% in 2006. MSM remains the largest single exposure category.

In recent years around a quarter of new adult HIV diagnoses have been among women. Nearly two thirds of the women diagnosed in 2006 with reported exposure category were probably infected through heterosexual contact.

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

ON OH NO, NOT AGAIN!
"You’ve mistaken that banana for a telephone!"

--a handy English phrase in a Japanese textbook

ON ONE FOR THE ROAD
"You’re going to have to give me a little longer. This is tougher when you’ve been drinking."

--Illinois woman, quoted in the (Bloomington, Indiana) Pantagraph

ON GIBLETS, ONES THAT MAKE BAD GRAVY

Newlywed Game host Bob Eubanks: Gentlemen, what will your wives say is their favorite giblet?

Contestant: She would say her favorite giblet is, uh, is her panties.

Eubanks: Her panties.

Contestant: She’s got, she’s got these funny-looking panties and I don’t know what a giblet is . . .

Eubanks: You don’t know how close you are really. Rick?

Contestant #2: It would have to be our Pachinko game.

--TV Game Show The Newlywed Game

ON WAITING, MOIST
"BLUEPOINT OYSTERS OPENED WHILE YOU WAIT IN THEIR OWN JUICE"

--roadside sign, Cape May, New Jersey

ON FACIAL-EXPRESSION ABILITY, UNUSUAL
"He raises his left eyebrow up, and raises his right eyebrow down . . ."

--Philadelphia Eagles player Ike Reese, talking about his head coach, Andy Reid

>

ON COMPUTER USERS, BEYOND DUMB
"I can’t print. Every time I try, it says “Can’t find printer.” I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it . . ."

--actual call to a computer tech-support line

The Wiz On The Street

A new report in the journal Nature Genetics points to genetic markers for baldness that could be screened for. So the Wizard hit the streets again, asking, "What do you think?"

Chuck Dannan,
Systems Analyst
"One day, perhaps in the near future, we'll be able to tell just by DNA testing who is bald."

Katie Burns,
Public Relations
"These doctors are always one step ahead. Like when I think of curing cancer, they've already moved on to male pattern baldness."

Peter Doan,
Unemployed
"Too bad they didn't discover this before my dad died. That could have significantly reduced the snickering heard as friends and relatives passed the open casket."

*American Voices, The Onion

Tickle Me Elmo

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece Of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

*Thanks, Sis

Thank You!

This is a little long but worth the read............

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.

If you don't forward this post to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . .

Oh, by the way.....A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail and web pages with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

*Thanks, Chris

BlackBerry Storm vs. iPhone 3G: 8 Reasons to Pick the Storm

With the new BlackBerry Storm already out in the US and soon to be released in Canada, many smartphone enthusiasts looking to go the touch screen route will have to make a decision between RIM's first touch device and the iPhone 3G.

In this second installment of a two-part series we offer up eight reasons to embrace the Storm.

You've read my reasons to choose the iPhone 3G over the BlackBerry Storm. Now check out the flip side.

The following eight points argue why RIM's new touch screen BlackBerry may be better suited for your needs than Apple's uber-popular iPhone 3G.



8) Stereo Bluetooth Capability
7) Removable Battery
6) Expandable Memory
5) Digital Camera, Video Recording
4) Storm Works as a Tethered Modem
3) Touch Screen Provides Tactile Feedback
2) Copy and Paste
1) Multitasking Champ
*PCWorld.ca

--more--

*PCWorld.ca

For the Person With Everything

Something to save your precious time: Pre-chewed pencils!

*Thanks, Erwin

Adventure with Grandma

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: 'There is no Santa Claus,' she jeered. 'Even dummies know that!'

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her world-famous cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. 'No Santa Claus!' she snorted. 'Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad. Now, put on your coat, and let's go.'

'Go? Go where, Grandma?' I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous, cinnamon bun. 'Where' turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything.

As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. 'Take this money,' she said, 'and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car.' Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten- dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for.

I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of BobbyDecker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out for recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough, and he didn't have a coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!

I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that. 'Is this a Christmas present for someone?' the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. 'Yes,' I replied shyly. 'It's ....for Bobby.' The nice lady smiled at me. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and ribbons (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) and wrote, 'To Bobby, From Santa Claus' on it -- Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. 'All right, Santa Claus,' she whispered, 'get going.' I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his doorbell and flew back to the
safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous.

Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.

I still have the Bible, with the tag tucked inside: $19.95.

===============================

He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.

*Thanks, SalTCBug

Twilight stars on drugs?

Chicago Sun-Times columnist Bill Zwecker has written an article stating that many of his colleagues commented on how difficult it was to get Twilight star Kristen Stewart to “handle even the most basic questions about her role or the film.” He quotes a well-known Hollywood reporter as saying: ”It’s not like we were delving into her personal life, asking who she’s dating, or whether she’d been to rehab.” Zwecker says Stewart’s inability to answer coherently raised questions amongst the interviewers “over whether the actress might have been a bit over-medicated in order to face the parade of journalists.” Interestingly enough, TMZ.com published photos this week of Stewart, 18, and an unidentified companion passing a pipe back and forth on the steps of her L.A. home. Zwecker wrote: “From the looks of things — and the specific size and shape of the pipe — it’s pretty clear the duo are not smoking tobacco.” Another interviewer says he saw one of the male Twilight actors snorting cocaine just prior to an interview, which the actor twitched and figeted throughout. Click here to watch Kristen Stewart’s interview

*Tribute.ca

Black Friday Turns Deadly at WAL*MART

A worker at a New York Wal-Mart location was crushed to death this morning, "Black Friday," when hordes of shoppers overwhelmed to get inside for bargain-hunting. Snip from AP account:

-->At least four other people were injured, and the store in Valley Stream on Long Island was closed. Wal-Mart Stores Inc. in Bentonville, Ark., called the incident a "tragic situation" and said the employee came from a temporary agency and was doing maintenance work at the store.

"He was bum-rushed by 200 people," co-worker Jimmy Overby, 43, told the Daily News. "They took the doors off the hinges. He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too. ... I literally had to fight people off my back."<--

The United Food and Commercial Workers Union Local 1500, which represented the deceased worker, has called for a investigation by OSHA and the NY State labor department.

-->Director of Special Projects for Local 1500 Patrick Purcell called Wal-mart's comments in response to the incident both "cold and heartless." "If the safety of their customers and workers was a top priority, then this never would have happened," Purcell stated. "Wal-mart must step up to the plate and ensure that all those injured, as well as the family of the deceased, be financially compensated for their injuries and their losses. Their words are weak. The community demands action," Purcell concluded. <--

Purcell also suggested that people visit the website walmartcrimereport.com to review other incidents of Wal-mart not providing a safe work and shopping experience.

(Thanks, Derek Bledsoe)

Japanese IQ Test

Click Above

If you give up.. the answer is here.

Keep It Off Your Cursor!

Japanese....

Click above

Hand-Eye Coordination Test

This one will drive you nuts!!

The object of the game is to move the red block around without getting hit by the blue blocks or touching the black walls.

If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal.

It’s been said that it's for fighter pilots preliminary training. They are expected to go for at least 2 minutes.

Give it a try!!