The Woodpecker may have to go...

 

GRANDMA'S CAKES

Newfie Diet

A Newfie** was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds." 

When the Newfie returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS! "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" 

The Newfie nodded ..."I'll tell you though, by the lord tunderin, I t'aut I were going to drop dead dat 3rd day." 

"From hunger, you mean?" 

 "No, from skippin' !!!!!"

 **Newfounlander

The 2022 Canadian "Freedom" Convoy - Anti-vaxxers and dissidents of the Canadian Government

This is how the rest of Canada feels about what this protest is doing. But it's no longer the truckers, only..

In my opinion, what started out as a protest has turned into an occupation*. It's time the police did something to open the borders up. We are being held hostage and its costing jobs and the right to live a peaceful life. Horns blaring, blocked borders, disruption of goods and services that flow to and from the borders. 

 

This is not just an inconvenience, but is an occupation that needs to be broken up. Besides the fact that this started with a protest about truckers getting vaccinated, has now mushroomed into an all-out occupation. What started out as a protest with a specific goal in mind, the non enforcement of vaccinations of truckers crossing the border, now include every right wing nut with a gripe about Prime Minister Trudeau and the current government to abolish all mandates. This is not how a democracy works. 

 

However, the right to peaceful protest must still be preserved. Freeze the funds and break up the blockades. This is no longer a protest, but an occupation. The time to end this is NOW!

--The Wizard

*Look up occupation at Wikipedia

Intrauterine Surgery An amazing story !!!!!!!!!

This was originally posted in  2006, but i thought it was worth posting again.

A picture began circulating in November. It should be "The Picture of the Year," or perhaps, "Picture of the  Decade." It won't be. In fact, unless you obtained a copy of the US paper which published it, you probably would never have seen it. 

The picture is that of a 21-week-old unborn baby named Samuel Alexander Armas, who is being operated on by surgeon named Joseph Bruner. The baby was diagnosed with spina bifida and would not survive if removed from his mother's womb. Little Samuel's mother, Julie Armas, is an obstetrics nurse in Atlanta. She knew of Dr. Bruner's remarkable surgical procedure. Practicing at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, he performs these special operations while the baby is still in the womb. 

During the procedure, the doctor removes the uterus via C-section and makes a small incision to operate on the  baby. As Dr. Bruner completed the surgery on Samuel, the little guy reached his tiny, but fully developed hand through the incision and firmly grasped the surgeon's finger. 

Dr. Bruner was reported as saying that when his finger was grasped, it was the most emotional moment of his life, and that for an instant during the procedure he was just frozen, totally immobile. The photograph captures this amazing event with perfect clarity.  The editors titled the picture, "Hand of Hope." 

The text  explaining the picture begins, "The tiny hand of 21-week-old fetus Samuel Alexander Armas emerges from the mother's uterus to grasp the finger of Dr. Joseph Bruner as if  thanking the doctor for the gift of life." Little Samuel's mother said they "wept for days" when they saw the  picture. She said, "The photo reminds us pregnancy isn't about disability or an illness, it's about a little person." Samuel was born in perfect health, the operation 100 percent successful. Now see the actual picture, and it is  awesome...incredible....and hey, pass the post on.  The world needs to see this one! 

Top 15 Medal Standings, 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics

 

R.I.P. Ian McDonald (1946 - 2022)

Ian McDonald, a co-founder of pioneering progressive rock band King Crimson and stadium rock hit-maker Foreigner, has died. He was 75.

A representative said McDonald died Wednesday at his home in New York City. Son Max McDonald said his father had been suffering from cancer.

Reflections

This is a PowerPoint presentation. Click above. Use your back button to return to 'OZ'

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Smart Guy!

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility.... 

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?" A: "No sir. & But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away." 

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?" A: "The officer who responded to the scene." Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?" A: "Yes, sir. With my life." 

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?" A: "Yes sir, we do!" 

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?" A: "Yes sir, I do." 

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?" A: "Yes sir." 

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?" A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room." 

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line -- and we think he'll win.

FABULOUS PIX

OK girls, just follow me. I won't let anything happen to you.

That was the funniest joke I ever heard ...

Weeds &flowers thriving together... gee, whatta concept

Look me in the eye & believe me when I say, I did not eat that mouse

Who us? We've been in the bed of the truck the whole time

Okay, now on three, say acorn

To think they took a rocket to get there... it would have been so much easier by rail!

If you cross this line ... oh, will you be sorry!

Top 15 Medal Standings, 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics

 

 

Canada doing well at 3rd place for total number of medals, falls short in the Gold category

Top 15 Medal Standings, 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics

I'm My Own Grandpa

 

Click above to watch the movie

Be Happy!

 

From The Emerald City

Here are the % of traffic based on country for 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow. Strange that my second most read country is Turkey!

This has been over the last 6 months. I am always surprised Canada ranks so low. 

 

Could be because the Blogger server is in the States and maybe some folks are being misidentified as American. 

The country % spread has been breaking down into many more countries since I added the translation option to 'OZ'.

Top 15 Medal Standings, 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics

 

Top 15 Medal Standings, 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics

Sex, Church and Pancakes

Teen-age Sex: The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying: "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!" 

Church: A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!" The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity." The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!" The preacher said, "No shit?" 

Pancakes: Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem." The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. "Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?" "Just take two," Brenda replied. "The rest are for your father."

Roddenberry Considered Gay Characters

Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry told George Takei (Sulu) that he wanted to represent human sexual diversity as well as different ethnicities and cultures on the series, but felt that dealing with such issues on the show might lead to its cancellation.

"He felt that it was important to keep the show on. Because it was precarious," Takei told The Progressive. "In a private conversation with him, this was after the show was cancelled, we were generally talking about diversity, and he suggested that, yes, he was aware of sexual diversity...all three seasons that we were on our ratings were very low. But he implied that this was something he wanted to incorporate."

Takei has been on a speaking tour on behalf of the Human Rights Campaign to speak out in support of gay marriage and the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, which he feels are under assault by opportunistic conservative political factions. He said that he has received surprisingly little negative reaction, and most of what he has heard has come not from Star Trek fans but "Bible-thumpers" and people who are "practically illiterate", a majority of whom have not signed their names to their letters.

The actor pointed out that "the large majority of faith-based people are decent, fair-minded people" who should not be characterized as adversaries of equal rights for gays and lesbians. "What we needed to do was reach out and share the lives of GLBT people with that decent, fair-minded group." This is one of the goals of his Equality Trek, as well as stressing what he believes are the parallels between the prejudice he encountered in his youth as a Japanese-American and the prejudice GBLT individuals face. "What I do is I draw that parallel of a nation swept up in wartime hysteria, acting irrationally, with no due process, there were no charges, no trial, we simply looked the people who bombed Pearl Harbor, and that’s why we were incarcerated. And here today my partner and I feel the same kind of imprisonment."

Takei described Roddenberry as "an extraordinary man" and "a real visionary", citing his desire to use television to engage an audience with the idea of diversity as strength. Roddenberry did not know that Takei was gay at the time they discussed whether sexual diversity should be incorporated onto the series, but he said that he wanted a character who was representative of all of Asia, "the brightest guy out of Starfleet academy, a very good helmsman." The name Sulu was chosen from the name of a sea west of the Philippines, the Sulu Sea, because "the waters of the sea touch all shores." Takei felt that the character would help erase some of the stereotypical roles he had previously been offered.

*By Michelle, TrekToday

Evolution of Dance

The funniest 6 minutes you will ever see! Remember how many of these you have done! Judson Laipply is dancing.

What Normally Is Found At The End Of The Rainbow...

 

Top 15 Medal Standings, 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics

 

Top 15 Medal Standings, ranked by medal type and total medals

Dogs and Cats

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money all the time

3. Are easier to train

4. Usually come when called

5. Never drive your car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't wear your clothes

10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Funny Restroom Signs

 

Click above

In The Swim Of Things - For The Midwinter Blues

The Best Swimwear of 2022 (Los Angeles, California) Nothing says summer like the moment when you go to squeeze this year’s ass into last year’s swimsuits for the first time! Talk about ugly! There are few things in life I find more distasteful.

Every year around this time…as the days grow longer and warmer… I begin to get this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. It is the feeling a man gets when he knows he is about to get his comeuppance.

After months of hiding beneath layers of fashionable garb, I suddenly become increasingly aware that in the days and weeks that lie ahead there will be little for me to hide behind in terms of fashion. Likewise, I also know that all those little imperfections in my body that I had so successfully concealed throughout the first quarter of the year are about to become jaw-droppingly evident. {Sigh}

Alas…I can be thankful that I’m not one of those silly people who is always concerned about appearances. Or should I rather say that I’m thankful to not be one of those people who is always concerned about the things in one’s appearance that can be effortlessly camouflaged by playing to one’s strengths with style and flair?

You see, I am of the opinion that shopping for the right swimsuit needn’t be anymore painful than your first full body wax this summer if you know your true personality type and choose the swimsuit that best suits it. Really…trust me… it’s easier than the recipe for a Martha Stewart soufflé.

The thing that makes swimsuit shopping problematic is not finding the suit that’s right for you, it’s all the voices inside (and outside) your head pulling you in different directions. It’s the sales clerk showing you the hottest, new styles…it’s the ab-licious models in the magazine and catalog ads that make you feel your body is inadequate…it’s the inability to admit that you’ve got womanly hips or a fat ass. My solution to all this chatter is to simply turn down volume and listen to you. Know your goals and know who you are and be true to both. Here’s a look at five personality types and the best swimsuits of 2022 to compliment them. Recognize any of these people? (I think you just might)

The Attention Grabber - Roberto Cavalli

Some boys just have to be the center of attention. They combine rock star bravado with a sense of over the top presentation and a tendency toward sin to create the kind of stylish looks that leave no heads unturned when they walk into a room. They are in short “Attention Grabbers” and the swimwear they choose must scream ‘superstar’. So who better to dress the “Attention Grabber” than one of the very few designers accustomed to designing for young superstars…Mr. Roberto Cavalli.

Roberto Cavalli doesn’t just design for rock stars he creates rock start style each season. This season Roberto Cavalli suggests retro patterns, animal prints and floral designs for the coolest kids of summer…especially for those with the long lean frames to carry them off. These form-fitting, eye popping swimsuits are so sexy they’re practically feral before a personage is even attached to them.

The Classic - Lacoste

The only thing that can be said about “The Classic” type is that they stick to what they know irrespective of the trend. Their motto is “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it” and because of that classic guys turn heads not because of their style but because of their confidence within themselves. Think JFK, Jr. (who also happened to have a lot more to crow about than his style).

Lacoste’s staple logo board shorts exemplify classic swimsuit style because they are flattering to almost every body type and practically never go out of style, which again suits classic types just fine because they’ve barely got time to order their new swimsuits, let alone worry about chasing the latest designer trends. The craziest thing about a classic type’s swimsuit choice is the color or pattern associated with it. Peppermint (turquoise) or brazier (orange) anyone?

The Hedger - Hugo Boss

Somewhere between “The Attention Grabber” and the “The Classic” there is what I call the “Hedger”, a personality type that likes fashion which has both classic proportions and a bit of an edge. In essence “The Hedger” hopes to enter the room quietly and then leave it to thunderous applause after having almost unwittingly won over the entire crowd.

Hugo Boss Oyster BM square-cut swim trunk, is just the kind of swimsuit “The Hedger” loves. It hugs the body without groping it gratuitously and it is sexy without pronouncing itself to be so. (For the record, it’s also a little more forgiving than those attention grabbing suits!).

The Modern Preppy -- Lacoste

I can sum up “The Modern Preppy” with the following phrase: “I am without question my father’s son, but I am definitely not my father.”

“The Modern Preppy” is a part of a long tradition that evolves slowly toward change but changes nonetheless with time. Lacoste’s black Logo board shorts with a super-sized embroidered crocodile logo on the leg and trendy pocket detailing is the perfect way for The Modern Preppy deal with the conundrum presented by wanting to emulate one’s father without necessarily wanting to look like him.

The Euro Star/The Sophisticate - Valentino

A man of elegance is a Valentino man. This summer Valentino sums up swimsuits with that special kind of hutzpah normally reserved for American Gigolo types. Suave, sophisticated, beautiful and young, the swimsuits that are served up by Valentino this season service the man who knows a thing or two about service. He may not be rich or experienced but “The Euro Star” has an innate style that says “I am to the manor born” …whether he was born on a farm or in a jungle.

Fitted, tasteful, sexy and so many other things describe Valentino’s body hugging swimsuits naturally paired with elegant sweaters that are just perfect for sailing the Mediterranean at the height of the season.

The Urban Hipster - Diesel

“The Urban Hipster’s” love of being a city type is only surpassed by his love of being on the cutting edge of fashion.

Diesel has become the first stop shop for “The Urban Hipster” and this season Diesel does not disappoint its fans with the Kookie swim trunk, a funky, hip masculine cargo style swim short that blends bold colors and contemporary styling to create the kind of swimsuit that city folks will be sporting in fashionable watering holes up and down the East Coast.

Which type are you? Whatever it is, own it like Star Jones owns her hair weaves but dismisses her ‘weight loss secrets’ and you will be one of summer’s leading style stars.

Top 10 Medal Standings, 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics

 

Top 10 countries ranked by type and by total medals

The Mountie and the Juggler

A 'true' story and he was going to the Shrine Circus which was a noble event.

A Mountie pulled a car over on the Trans Canada about 2 miles West of Langley. When the Mountie asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Chilliwack to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.

The Mountie told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. The driver told the Mountie that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Mountie told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could.

So the Mountie got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunk, good old boy, driving through from Vancouver got out and watched the performance briefly. He then went over to the patrol car,opened the rear door and got in.

The Mountie observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "You might as well take me to jail, cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test!"

New Intel Chip

INTRODUCING the greatest and most powerful new chip out of INTEL's(TM) Microprocessor Labs: The Potato(TM) Chip.

Finally, with much fanfare, the newest upgrade to the best selling i7(TM) processor is released. The Potato(TM) Chip uses the latest in biochemical and electonic engineering. This newly developed organic microprocessor outshines the previous generation.

The Potato(TM) Chip has 100% more speed, 100% more memory, 1/10th the heat generation and 100000% more starch than the traditional 2.8Ghz i7 Core(TM) Chip.

The new Potato(TM) Chip will soon be available in several flavors: Standard for the generic PC, Bar-b-que for those engineers and scientists who need an extra kick, Cajun for secretaries so that the engineers can drool over it, Sour-Cream and Onion for the very low end user, and Low Sodium for the laptop market.

Soon a modified version of the Potato(TM) Chip will be released for the Very High End Computing sector. The new chip will be used in powerful parallel and supercomputer systems. The chip will have a slightly modified shape, colour, and will be stackable. This project is code named Pringles(TM).

Intel(TM) is beating out Motorola(TM) by two months for its own new chip: The Tortilla(TM) Chip. Industry insiders believe that the marketing hype for the Tortilla(TM) chip is overblown. Motorola's(TM) new chip is just too late and too underpowered compared to the Intel processor. In addition, the Tortilla(TM) is completely incompatible with the Potato(TM) Chip and is based upon a very different technology.

Driving Etiquette

A woman is driving at night on a narrow country road...

At the same time a man is driving in the opposite direction on that same road.


When they narrowly pass each other at high speed, the woman rolls down her window and loudly shouts - HORSE!


Immediately the man shouts back - BITCH!


The man laughs. He is proud to have reacted so quickly to the shouting woman and takes the next turn in the road, maintaining his speed.





The moral of this story: Men never understand anything that a woman says!

Top 10 Beijing Winter Olympics medal count by country

 

Ranked by Gold, Silver and Bronze and total medal count

R.I.P. Lata Mangeshkar (1929 - 2022)

Lata Mangeshkar, Indian playback singer and Bollywood icon, died on Sunday at Mumbai’s Breach Candy Hospital. The cause of death was complications from COVID-19, per Indian news outlets. Mangeshkar was given a state funeral, and the Indian government has declared two days of mourning, with the national flag to be flown at half-mast. She was 92.

Lata Mangeshkar was an Indian playback singer and occasional music composer. She is widely considered as one of the greatest and most influential singers in India. Her contribution to Indian music industry in a career spanning seven decades gained her honorific titles such as the Nightingale of India, Voice of the Millennium and Queen of Melody.