Hello Kitty....

 You've all seen that super cutesy Hello Kitty:


The Wizard now proudly presents...

GOOD-BYE KITTY!

TRUE or FALSE? - DOUBLE PLAY!!

 

Some highly intelligent chimpanzees have been trained to speak a few words of English.



It’s not possible for chimpanzees to speak English or any other human language, because their vocal chords and throats are very different from ours. However, many chimps have learned to use their hands to speak in American Sign Language and some have been trained to use a specially designed computer keyboard. The keys of the keyboard have geometric shapes and symbols instead of letters, and the chimps use them to build words and sentences.

France was the first country to make a full-length feature film.



Australia led the way to longer movies worldwide with The Story of the Kelly Gang (1906), a movie about a famous Australian bushranger (an outlaw living in the Australian bush) named Ned Kelly. Clocking in at just over an hour, it was much longer than other movies of that period. Until The Story of the Kelly Gang, movie lovers were deemed to have very short attention spans, and movies were kept at five to ten minutes so the audience wouldn’t get bored.

Can you solve these logic question teasers?

Time to get out your paper and pens...

1. Cathy has six pairs of black gloves and six pairs of brown gloves in her drawer. In complete darkness, how many gloves must she take from the drawer in order to be sure to get a pair that match? Think carefully!!

2. Mom, Dad, and 2 kids have come to a river, and they find a boat. It is small and can only carry one adult or 2 kids at a time. Both kids are good rowers, but how can the whole family reach the other side of the river?

3. Why can't you take a picture of a Indian woman with hair curlers?

4. What is the largest possible number you can write using only 2 digits - just 2 digits, nothing else?

5. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the tallest mountain in the world?

6. Because cigars cannot be entirely smoked, a hobo who collects cigar butts can make a cigar to smoke out of every 5 butts that he finds. Today, he has collected 25 cigar butts. How many cigars will he be able to smoke?

7. Jenn is facetious. She is also abstemious. She gets pneumonia. Given those clues, what is the only American tree she will like?

8. How many birth days does the average man have?

9. Someone at a party introduces you to your mother's only sister's husband's sister in law. He has no brothers. What do you call this lady?

10. Which weighs more, a pound of feathers or a pound of gold?

11. Two planes take off at the same exact moment. They are flying across the Atlantic. One leaves New York and is flying to Paris at 500 miles per hour. The other leaves Paris and is flying to New York at only 450 miles per hour ( because of a strong head wind ). Which one will be closer to Paris when they meet?

12. A carpenter was in a terrible hurry. He had to work as quickly as possible to cut a very heavy 10 foot plank into 10 equal sections. If it takes 1 minute per cut, how long will it take him to get the 10 equal pieces?

13. Why are 1898 silver dollars worth more than 1897 silver dollars?

14. What English word can have 4 of its 5 letters removed and still retain it's original pronunciation?

15. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

16. In your sock drawer, you have a ratio of 5 pairs of blue socks, 4 pairs of brown socks, and 6 pairs of black socks. In complete darkness, how many socks would you need to pull out to get a matching pair of the same color?

17. How can a woman living in New Jersey, legally marry 3 men, without ever getting a divorce, be widowed, or becoming legally separated?

18. A woman goes into a hardware store to buy something for her house. When asked the price, the clerk replies, "the price of one is twelve cents, the price of forty-four is twenty-four cents, and the price a hundred and forty-four is thirty-six cents. What does the woman want to buy?

19. If there are 5 apples on the counter and you take away 2, how many do you have?

20. If, having only one match, on a freezing winter day, you entered a room which contained a lamp, a kerosene heater, and a wood burning stove, which should you light first.

Click here for the answers.

Over 30 Club

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning .... uphill BOTH ways .. yadda, yadda, yadda.....And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that...I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no email! ! We had to actually write somebody a letter ... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your  mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died!

Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,

The over 30 Crowd

TRUE or FALSE

 

The tradition of birthstones began in the early 20th century.




The tradition is based on ancient superstitions. People once believed that gems and precious stones had fallen from the heavens. As such, they were correlated with the celestial signs of the zodiac. The stone you were born under was considered your “lucky” stone. Some believe that the tradition of birthstones comes from the biblical “Breastplate of Aaron,” a piece of linen worn for religious purposes. The breastplate featured 12 gemstones, which correlated with the 12 tribes of Israel and are now applied to the 12 months of the year.

Thoughts

 

Nature

 

“Drink water from the spring where horses drink. The horse will never drink bad water.

Lay your bed where the cat sleeps.

Eat the fruit that has been touched by a worm.  

Boldly pick the mushroom on which the insects sit.  

Plant the tree where the mole digs.  

Build your house where the snake sits to warm itself.  

Dig your fountain where the birds hide from heat.

Go to sleep and wake up at the same time with the birds – you will reap all of the days golden grains.  

Eat more green – you will have strong legs and a resistant heart, like the beings of the forest.  

Swim often and you will feel on earth like the fish in the water.  

Look at the sky as often as possible and your thoughts will become light and clear.  

Be quiet a lot, speak little – and silence will come in your heart, and your spirit will be calm and full of peace.”

Nature is talking to you, are you listening?

Wishes

 

Hee Hee

Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and
another in the dryer.
 
Dinner was on the stove , and the table set. She was astonished! It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex.
 
The night went well and the next day, she told her office friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening."
 
"But what about afterward?" asked her friends.
 
"Oh, that .., Ralph was too tired.."
 
God is good!

The 411 - Michael Alig

Michael Alig born in South Bend, Indiana on April 29, 1966 was a founding member of the notorious Club Kids, a group of young clubgoers led by Alig the late 1980s and early 1990s.

Alig learned from mentors, including James St. James, while rising in popularity and prominence in the national underground club scene. Alig was also influential in the early promotion of DJ Keoki, Jennytalia, Freeze, Richie Rich, and many other Club Kid personalities. The Club Kids' outrageousness resulted in their appearing on the news and the television talk show circuit.

Alig's most notorious parties were held at The Limelight, owned by Peter Gatien and designed by Ari Bahat. The Limelight was closed by the police, but subsequently reopened several times during the 1990s. In September 2003, it reopened under the name "Avalon."

Increasingly affected by substance abuse, Alig and his friend Robert "Freeze" Riggs murdered "Angel" Melendez over a long-standing drug debt. A chronology of the murder follows.

Angel was so angry at Alig that he began to strangle him. Then Freeze beat Angel over the head with a hammer. The rest of Angel's murder is debated, because Alig claims that Angel was injected with Drano, and Freeze claims that it was the act of pouring Drano down Angel's throat while his mouth was duct taped shut. About a week later, the smell of the body was becoming a bit apparent, so Alig and Freeze hatched a plan to "clean up the mess." Alig went into the bathroom with a knife, and proceeded to cut off Angel's legs. They then put the body in a cardboard box and threw it into the Hudson River. Alig "jokingly" mentioned the murder while filming a documentary, presumably to shake off rumors of the yet unproven incident. The media presumed it was a publicity stunt until Melendez's body washed ashore. In December, 1996, Alig was sentenced to 10 to 20 years in prison for Melendez's murder. He is currently at work on an autobiography entitled Alig-ula.

The events of Alig's years as a club promoter up to his arrest were examined in the 1998 documentary Party Monster, and recreated in a 2003 film of the same name starring Macaulay Culkin as Alig and Seth Green as St. James. The events are also covered in St. James's memoir, Disco Bloodbath.

In June 2000, David M. Lambert of the British artists collective the satori group visited Alig at Clinton Correctional Facility, NY. He made recordings that were used in the creation of 'a terrible beauty featuring Michael Alig', a nine track music CD using samples from the documentary Party Monster, original lyrics and Alig's vocals, among other content.

Alig was eligible for parole in November 2006, but was denied. He will be up again in September 2008.

*From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Ain't it da truth....

 

THE LONELY BRAIN CELL

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.


She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.


" Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice,

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"


Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away..............

"We're down here ."

The Best Penguin joke Ever!

 


Click above for the short movie clip

Grandma's boyfriend

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.

Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.

She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your Grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

The minister fainted.

CLASSMATES: A PERSPECTIVE

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age  and thinking, "Surely I don't look that old!"         
    
Well, you'll love this one!         
 
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment.  with a new dentist.          
    
I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.   Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the         
    
same name that had been in my high school class some 40 odd  years ago.         
    
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY  BACK THEN??         
    
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such  thought.         
   
This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was  WAY too old to have been MY classmate.  Hmmmm.  Or could he?         
   
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.         
 
"Yes!  Yes, I did.  I'm a Mustang!" he  gleamed with pride.         
 
"When did you graduate?" I asked.         
  
He answered, "In 1950.  Why do you ask?"         
 
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.  

He looked at me closely.         
 
Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled, bald, fat, gray, decrepit  son-of-a-bitch had the nerve to ask, "What did you teach?"

Hehe

 

Johnny

A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.

"Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off." You're going to break something. He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center. Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.

Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything. When he arrives she leads him to the bath room and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.

"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.

He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart!"

You're laughing aren't you...I know you are!!!

Haircut of the year

 

Clean Humour

STORY OF ELIJAH

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar.

And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"

A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"

LOT'S WIFE

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"

GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."


DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied David.


"How could he, with just two worms?"

HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.

But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

One child blurted out, "Aces!"

MOSES &THE RED SEA

Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23.

She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Rick was so nervous.

When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."


CHURCH SMILES

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.



While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...

"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.

Caution: Do not step in exhaust.




Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.

The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."

Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.

He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

Horses And WOMEN

This is an amazing video....The beginning has no sound but just wait.......

Did you hear about the horses that were trapped for 3 days on a tiny piece of land in wind and rain in the Netherlands? Apparently it had the nation mesmerized, watching more than 100 horses huddle against the wind and having to watch 18 of them die. First firemen, then the Dutch army, tried to rescue them - both unsuccessfully. So 4 WOMEN on horseback rode out to the rescue. Here's a video of it.

Bear Wino's

 

The Guy In the Glass

 

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,

And the world makes you King for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that guy has to say.



For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,

Who judgement upon you must pass.

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.



He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear up to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.



You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.



You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears

If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

by Dale Wimbrow, (c) 1934

The Love Doctor

Dear Love Doctor,

I enjoy your column very much and have a question.

A few months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of two years. It was very painful for me, but I am much better now. The problem is that we live in a small community of around 25,000, so sometimes I do see him around town. He is very rude to me and unfriendly.

I get the feeling that he wished I would move somewhere else, but I love living here, and will not and can not move for his convenience.

How can I handle running into him when he is so rude? It would be so much better if he was at least civil.


Signed,

Ex-Hex

Dear Hexed,

There are three solutions to this problem.

One: Speak to him in private about the hostility between the two of you, and find out what it would take to resolve it.

Two: What does he think you did to him to create so much anger in him? If you can figure that out and genuinely apologize for your part, you may be able to stop the hostility.

Three: Let go of your anger towards him. That way, even if he is acting out around you, it will not bother you as much. When he stops getting the reaction from you that he is looking for, he will stop acting out.


The Love Doctor

--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says) 

You are invited to a special Pampered Chef party!!

 WHERE: MY HOUSE

CAN YOU COME?

I know how busy you all are and that you probably hate being invited to any home parties, but I assure you this is no ordinary home party. And to be honest, I haven't had a party like this in ages, and I need to update my kitchen gadgets.

Pampered Chef has come out with new consultants
and products that are fabulous.



I have posted samples of the new home party products...




I'm expecting a good turnout!

Now, aren't you sorry you groaned and said, "not another party..."

Have a Good Day

Joke of the Day

 

Click Above.

Please read the 4 explanatory paragraphs, and then look at the amazing pictures!

Our house was built in the deer's natural habitat in a remote rural area. Well worn deer trails cut through the property's abundant pine and sage. The oldest deer we've met (we call her Mama Rose) walked right up to us when we first arrived, sniffing and looking us over. We live in the middle of their foraging route, and so it seems okay to sometimes give them a few organic almonds out of our hands.

That's what we had on us when we first met Mama Rose, and the habit's stuck. Rose and her kin obviously think the yard belongs to them as much as anyone else, and they are just taking advantage of the wealth of natural foods growing everywhere. They especially like clover flowers, but it's amazing to see the variety of tasty flowers, leaves, twigs, nuts and berries they'll eat. They stay away from herbs and herbal flowers, but on occasion we've seen young deer eating the sweet medicinal berries of the Juniper tree.

Food is of course a major concern, but we also think they visit because they like our company. Often we see deer we don't know nibbling in the yard, but nearly every day some or many of Rose's extended family come by. All of the deer are likely to lay down on the grass and hang out, whether we know them well or not. Many of them know us personally, and while often running into the yard to greet us with their quiet enthusiasm, they will also swiftly shy away from strangers.

Although notoriously skittish, able to leap meters in the air in an instant when startled, a few deer we know, most notably Eva and her kids, will let us touch them as if we were family, letting us scratch them or pick something out of their fur. Eva even enjoys a hearty backrub! We've certainly learned a lot about how to act around them so as not to disturb them. We think they appreciate our efforts in fitting into their neighborhood.

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

 

ON THANKS FOR THE HELPFUL INSTRUCTIONS  1. This meter taxi already anti-meter to time.2. If the tariff flashing light should be standby. --printed instructions inside Jakarta taxi cabs

HNY!