The Wiz On The Street

A recent study showed that children who attended day care for a year or longer were more likely to be disruptive in grade school. So the Wizard hit the streets again, asking, "What do you think?"

Eugene Liu,
Cardiologist
"This just goes to show you that day-care centers don't do enough to break the spirits of today's children."

Edmond Franklin,
County Lineman
"What am I paying $250 a month for? I'm going to start dropping him off at the public library again."

Donna Tortora,
Administrator
"What a relief that it's the day care and not my violent alcoholic rages that's causing my child to misbehave."

*American Voices, The Onion

Catholic Humour

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.

"The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said "Go ahead, Father." Next!

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

 

  ON THREATS, DISTRACTING "The other threats [come from] brutal and repressive states who, because of their brutality, because they don’t actually have the support or consent of their people, are developing weapons that could cause distraction..."

--British prime minister Tony Blair

The Fight Continues...

 

The Littlest Christmas Tree

 © Amy Peterson

The littlest Christmas tree
lived in a meadow of green
among a family
of tall evergreens.
He learned how to whisper
the evergreen song
with the slightest of wind
that came gently along.

He watched as the birds
made a home out of twigs,
and couldn't wait till
he, too, was big.
For all of the trees
offered a home,
the maple, the pine, and the oak,
who's so strong.

"I hate being little,"
the little tree said,
"I can't even turn colors
like the maple turns red.
I can't help the animals
like the mighty old oak.
He shelters them all
in his wide mighty cloak."

The older tree said,
"Why, little tree, you don't know?
The story of a mighty king
from the land with no snow?"
Little tree questioned,
"A land with no snow?"
"Yes!" said old tree,
"A very old story,
from so long ago."

"A star appeared,
giving great light
over a manger,
on long winter's night.
A baby was born,
a king of all kings,
and with him comes love
over all things."

"He lived in a country
all covered in sand,
and laid down his life
to save all of man."

Little tree thought of the gift
given by him,
then the big tree said with the
happiest grin,
"We're not just trees,
but a reminder of that day
There's a much bigger part
of a role that we play!"

"For on Christmas eve,
my life I'll lay down,
in exchange for a happier,
loving ground.
And as I stand dying,
they'll adorn me in trim.
This all will be done
in memory of him."

"Among a warm fire,
with family and friends,
in the sweet songs of Christmas,
I'll find my great end.
Then ever so gently,
He'll come down to see
and take me to heaven,
Jesus and me."

"So you see, little tree,
we are not like the oak
who shelters all things
beneath his great cloak.
Nor are we like the maple
in fall,
whose colors leave many
standing in awe."

"The gift that we give
is ourselves, limb for limb,
the greatest of honor,
in memory of him."

The little tree bowed
his head down and cried
and thought of the king
who willingly died.
For what kind of gift
can anyone give
than to lay down your life
when you wanted to live?

A swelling of pride
came over the tree.
Can all of this happen
Because of just me?
Can I really bring honor?
By adorning a home?
By reminding mankind
that he's never alone?

With this thought, little tree
began singing with glee.
Happy and proud
to be a true Christmas tree.

You can still hear them singing
even the smallest in height,
singing of Christmas
and that one holy night.

More by Amy Petersen

Source

How Canadians are ruining the Antarctic...

It's a shame...

 

What does a $1500 USD Keyboard look like?

Optimus Maximus Keyboard






A first look at the finalized Optimus Maximus keyboard. Here's what a $1,490 USD keyboard looks like.

Well, what do you think? Is it worth $1,490?

One, Two, Three IKEA

 

Click above for these 3 IKEA Commercials. (wmv - ~1.7 MB)

Out of the mouths of Babes...

A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime.
 
They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager. As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, "Gee, she's fat!"
 
The mother bent down and whispered in the little boys ear to be quiet.
 
A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; "I'll bet her butt is this wide!"
 
The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy. The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet.   After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line.  Just then her pager begin to emit a beep, beep, beep.
 
The little boy yells out, "Run for your life, she's backing up!!"

Brooms

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!"


"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.



Are you ready for this?


Brace yourself; this is going to hurt.

"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"


Oh for goodness sake... laugh, or at least groan. Life's too short not to enjoy...

even these silly little cute.....and clean jokes


Sounds to me like she's been "sweeping" around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jesus is watching you....

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

  Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed .. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

  "The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

A Love Story

 

I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU...



I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU...



I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE, SHAKE AND SWEAT UNTIL YOU MOAN AND GROAN.



I WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR MERCY... BEG FOR ME TO STOP.



I WILL EXHAUST YOU TO THE POINT THAT YOU WILL BE RELIEVED WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU.



AND YOU WILL BE WEAK FOR DAYS.


ALL MY LOVE,



THE FLU


Now get your mind out of the gutter and GO GET YOUR FLU SHOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Top 10 Ways To Annoy A Pagan

10. Sayyyyyyy, is that a Jewish star?

9. No, then you must listen to Motley Crue, right? Not that, either? I know, it's a ... a ... Pentacost, right?

8. You guys really worship the devil, huh? Cool, I, like, listen to Black Sabbath, like, all the time, dude.

7. Oh, you're a Witch! I'm like, totally into, like, Goddess Consciousness. I sleep with a crystal every night, and have an Atlantean spirit guide. Will you teach me all the secrets of your religion?

6. I hear you Pagans do all your stuff in the nude. Wanna show me?

5. You will all burn in Hell. The Goddess is really Satan in drag. You don't believe in Satan? Boy, does he have you fooled!

4. Fascinating. I'm a sociologist; may I study you as a phenomena?

3. Do you really believe in all that nonsense?

2. You worship the Goddess? Poor thing; you obviously haven't heard about Jesus.

Here, let me tell you... And (drum roll, please):

1. You're a witch, huh? Well, I'm initated at a higher level than you. I was initated at the age of seven by my grandmother, who was the last of the Atlantean Trad Elvish Ninja Masters. I don't suppose YOU have any lineage.

Cows with guns...

 

Click above. (Flash Movie) You will have to use the 'BACK' button on your browser to return to 'OZ'...

Rudolph

They used to laugh and call him names so he killed them. He killed them all.

 

LOL

 

So, ya wanna be a wino...

Click above to apply

WEATHER WARNING in the clouds

WHEN YOU SEE THIS CLOUD FORMATION ON YOUR WAY OUT THE DOOR IN THE MORNING - go back in and have another cup of coffee. It is probably not going to be a good day !

Naica Mine

This is the crystal cave of giants found in the Naica Mine, Chihuahua, Mexico.

These are Selenite crystals (gypsum) and are the largest crystals ever discovered. They are 1000 feet down in a limestone host rock where they are mining for lead, zinc and silver.

These crystals were formed by hydrothermal fluids emanating from the magma chambers below. The miners had to drill through the Naica fault, which they were worried would flood the mine, and this is what they discovered.

Click on the image for a larger one! Impressive!