Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Sunday, May 06, 2018
Gay Cowboy
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.
He returned around 2:30 AM, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now takeoff my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the firelight.
"Now take off my bra."
Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said:
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"
She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.
He returned around 2:30 AM, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now takeoff my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the firelight.
"Now take off my bra."
Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said:
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"
100 Years of Saskatchewan History
Saskatchewan - 100 Years of History
To everyone from Saskatchewan and those who wish they were.It is still the best place to be or come from!!
Saskatchewan - We love this place! mp3
1. Thunderstorms! The best show on earth.
2. The easiest province in the country to draw.
3. Get your binoculars out! There are 427 documented species of birds in Saskatchewan.
4. Scotty, the T.rex skeleton discovered near Eastend. The remains are 65 million years old, and they grabbed the world's attention when they were unearthed.
5. Olympic gold medallist in women's hockey, Hayley Wickenheiser, is from Shaunavon. She's judged to be the best female hockey player in the world right now.
6. Lorna Crozier, the winner of the 1992 Governor General's Award for Poetry, was born in Swift Current.
7. Prince Albert is the only constituency in Canada that has ever been represented by three prime ministers (William Lyon Mackenzie King, John Diefenbaker and Sir Wilfrid Laurier).
8. Actor John Vernon (National Lampoon's Animal House, Wojeck and Dirty Harry) was born in Zehner.
9. You probably don't know this, but Saskatchewan is one of the few places in North American where you can see magnificent whooping cranes relatively up close.
10. 100,000 lakes and rivers (beat that, Minnesota).
11. Famed folk singer Joni Mitchell was raised in Saskatoon.
12. All RCMP in Canada are trained in Regina.
13. Regina's Wascana Centre is one of the largest urban parks in North America.
14. More doilies per capita than any other province.
15. The Saskatchewan Roughriders.
16. Saskatchewan Roughriders fans.
17. We have spaces between communities, not suburbs.
18. One of the best places to live in the world according to the United Nations Human Development Index.
19. A host of former hockey greats are from Saskatchewan - Gordie Howe (Floral), Wendell Clark (Kelvington), Bryan Trottier (Val Marie), Johnny Bower (Prince Albert) and Eddie Shore (Fort Qu'Appelle) just to name a few. Other NHL notables include Doug Wickenheiser (Regina), Dirk Graham (Regina) and Theoren Fleury (Oxbow).
20. Two national parks and 23 provincial parks.
21. The first Ukrainian Governor General of Canada was from Saskatchewan (Ray Hnatyshyn).
22. While we're at it, the first female Governor General of Canada, Jeanne Sauvé, was from Prud'homme.
23. Author Guy Vanderhaeghe from Esterhazy (the 1996 recipient of the Governor General's Literary Award for his novel The Englishman's Boy).
24. The Regina Five - Ken Lochhead, Art McKay, Ron Bloore, Ted Godwin and Doug Morton - five painters who received international acclaim in the 1960s for their artistic and creative works.
25. People who can overcome drought, tornadoes, wind, minus 40-degree weather, earthquakes, grasshoppers, mosquitoes, BSE and anything nature can throw our way.
26. We're home to the Notre Dame Hounds in Wilcox who have produced such great hockey players as Brad Richards, Rod Brind' Amour, Curtis Joseph, Wendel Clark and Vincent Lecavalier.
27. The state-of-the-art First Nations University of Canada is in Regina.
28. Actor Leslie Nielsen, star of Airplane and Naked Gun, is from Regina. His father was an RCMP officer and his brother, Erik, was a former Deputy Prime Minister of Canada.
29. We make great jellied salads, and we're okay with calling them "salads" even though there isn't one lick of lettuce in them.
30. Allan Fotheringham, the long-time smart and sardonic columnist for Maclean's, is originally from Hearne.
31. Actor Kiefer Sutherland is the grandson of one of our premiers (Tommy Douglas).
32. No hurricanes or volcanoes.
33. We can smell when it's going to rain. You can't do that in Toronto.
34. Where else can a whole generation of people recite every episode of The Flintstones? (Except for the first seven minutes of each one; we were still on our way home for lunch then.)
35. A low cost of living. We can afford homes in Saskatchewan that people in Vancouver, Victoria, Toronto and Montreal can only dream of owning.
36. Because of our strong agricultural community, we have a good sense of earth, land and where our food comes from. Whether you live on a farm, in a town or in a city, you know whether it's good that it rained or that it's sunny or that the frost is early or late.
37. If you get into car trouble on a highway or road, invariably someone stops to help you.
38. An array of First Nations cultures - Woodland Cree, Swampy Cree, Plains Cree, Saulteaux, Dene, Dakota, Nakota, Lakota, and the MĂ©tis - complete with rich cultural histories.
39. W.O. Mitchell, author of Who Has Seen the Wind?, was from Weyburn.
40. Dry cold.
41. Dry heat.
42. Author Sharon Butala from Nipawin. (Twice short-listed for the prestigious Governor General's Award.)
43. We're glad to report that renowned journalists Pamela Wallin, Keith Morrison and Eric Malling are all from Saskatchewan.
44. The first co-operative oil refinery in the world was built in Regina in 1934.
45. The idea that rang around the hemisphere: no one should ever die because they didn't have enough money to see a doctor - our Medicare system.
46. We don't have rush hours. We have rush minutes.
47. Wanuskewin Heritage Park - findings older than the Great Pyramids of Egypt make this area unique. Tipi rings, stone cairns, a medicine wheel and many more artefacts dating back more than 8,000 years.
48. The Big Muddy (near Big Beaver) in South Central Saskatchewan was the only Canadian stop on the Outlaw Trail - a trail that ran from Canada to Mexico and was used by Butch Cassidy and his gang to elude them thar authorities.
49. The Qu'Appelle Valley.
50. A multitude of incredible festivals ranging from Dragon Boat Races and the Festival of Words to the Saskatoon Fringe Festival, the Regina Folk Festival and Ness Creek Music Festival (complete with bears).
51. Lake Manitou near Watrous, complete with legendary healing powers. Plus it's almost three times saltier than the Dead Sea in Jordan, making it impossible for a person to sink. That's cool.
52. Saskatoon berries. Yum.
53. Saskatchewan is the site of North America's oldest bird sanctuary, established in 1887 at Last Mountain Lake. An important breeding ground for approximately 100 species, this area is used by over 280 species of birds during migration. From mid-August until the end of October, a breathtakingly more than 75,000 sand hill cranes and 400,000 geese use the lake as a stopover.
54. The farm mentality of "we can fix anything."
55. Saskatchewan is Canada's sunniest province.
56. Saskatchewan produces more than 54 per cent of the wheat grown in Canada.
57. A key part of Canadian history occurred in Saskatchewan - the North West Rebellion of 1885, led by Louis Riel.
58. Saskatchewan has more road surface than any other province in Canada with a total of 150,000 miles (250,000 km).
59. The first Girl Guide Cookies in Canada were baked and sold in Regina in 1927 by Christina Riepsamen. She started baking cookies in her home to raise money for camping equipment for her Girl Guide group. The cookies were sold in brown paper bags for 10 cents a dozen.
60. The first air ambulance service in North America (and the Commonwealth).
61. Internationally known singer/songwriter Buffy Sainte-Marie was born on the Piapot Reserve in the Qu'Appelle Valley.
62. The first Automated Banking Machine (ABM), or Automated Teller Machine (ATM), in North America was implemented in Saskatchewan. We debuted the first debit cards and debit card transaction in North America as well.
63. Comedian Brent Butt, star of the TV show Corner Gas, is from Tisdale. Filmed in Rouleau, Saskatchewan.
64. In 1947, Saskatchewan passed the first general human rights act in North America. This was one year before the UN General Assembly passed its Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
65. No bugs in the winter.
66. Unique events - like the Wynyard Chicken Chariot Races and the Lumsden Duck Derby.
67. If you're shut in with a sick kid, people know somehow, and things show up on your doorstep - fresh bread, books to read, soup...and hundreds and hundreds of pounds of lasagna.
68. Powwows.
69. Cabbage rolls and perogies made by hand - and the hands belong to Baba.
70. Flat is great... flat is what you want when you're cycling for hours. But don't forget the Northern forests, lakes, beautiful hills and verdant valleys.
71. Drive half an hour out of town and take a walk.
72. The Hanson Buck - Milo Hanson of Biggar is a virtual celebrity in hunting circles. He holds the world record for a white tail deer: its inside spread measures just over 27 inches, and six of the rack's 10 main points exceed 11 inches.
73. Saskatchewan's north - one of the last wild and beautiful places on the earth.
74. More writers than you can shake a stick at.
75. The colour of our summers - the exquisiteness of flax fields, the sunshine yellow of canola, the amber waves of wheat, all contrasted with rich, dark earth.
76. The smell of freshly cut hay.
77. Saskatchewan is a you-can-do-anything-you-want kind of place. There is so much opportunity. Because we're friendly, helpful people, it's easy to make connections to get you started. You can break from your family tradition to do any career or start any business...and do well at it.
78. Canada's first heavy oil upgrader was built in Regina in 1988.
79. On any given weekend, you can hop in your car and then eat your way around Europe (French food in Gravelbourg, Thai in Moose Jaw, Dutch-Indonesian in Lumsden, Ukrainian in Yorkton, Ethiopian in Regina, Japanese in Saskatoon).
80. Our whole arts community - the idea that a place needs more than an economy - it needs a soul - and artists are necessary to that.
81. People care.
82. Perch, trout, walleye. Need we say more?
83. Community. We show it over and over again - Saskatchewan people give more time and money to help others than anywhere else in Canada.
84. No tropical plants that eat people.
85. No tropical animals that eat people.
86. If you're a fisherman, Len Thompson, a farmer from Abernethy, invented the legendary "five of diamonds" or "red & white" fishing lures here.
87. The former Governor of the Bank of Canada - Canada's chief banker and monetary policy maker - Gordon Thiessen, grew up in a number of Saskatchewan towns and graduated from high school in Moosomin.
88. We boast our own fashions - Farm Eye for the City Guy - jeans, a good shirt and a jean jacket, even in minus 40-degree weather.
89. Allan Sapp - the world-renowned, Plains-Cree artist and painter grew up on the Red Pheasant Indian Reserve.
90. Saskatchewan is "can-do-co-operative country." We know how to get the job done, together, to the best of our collective abilities.
91. Tell the Energizer Bunny to move over: from minus 40 to plus 40 degrees Celsius (with or without 30 kph winds) - Saskatchewan keeps going...and going...and going...
92. The fastest woman on ice is from Saskatoon: Olympic gold medallist/speed skater Catriona Le May Doan.
93. We can see all the stars at night.
94. The relentless, yet comforting sound of crickets, no matter where you are.
95. Olympic gold medallist and three-time world champion curler, Sandra Schmirler (R.I.P.) and her team are from Regina.
96. The fact that people still wave hello on country roads - whether they know you or not.
97. The northern lights.
98. Incredible sunsets.
99. Amazingly friendly people who always have coffee on.
100. Our big sky - as far as the eye can see.
2. The easiest province in the country to draw.
3. Get your binoculars out! There are 427 documented species of birds in Saskatchewan.
4. Scotty, the T.rex skeleton discovered near Eastend. The remains are 65 million years old, and they grabbed the world's attention when they were unearthed.
5. Olympic gold medallist in women's hockey, Hayley Wickenheiser, is from Shaunavon. She's judged to be the best female hockey player in the world right now.
6. Lorna Crozier, the winner of the 1992 Governor General's Award for Poetry, was born in Swift Current.
7. Prince Albert is the only constituency in Canada that has ever been represented by three prime ministers (William Lyon Mackenzie King, John Diefenbaker and Sir Wilfrid Laurier).
8. Actor John Vernon (National Lampoon's Animal House, Wojeck and Dirty Harry) was born in Zehner.
9. You probably don't know this, but Saskatchewan is one of the few places in North American where you can see magnificent whooping cranes relatively up close.
10. 100,000 lakes and rivers (beat that, Minnesota).
11. Famed folk singer Joni Mitchell was raised in Saskatoon.
12. All RCMP in Canada are trained in Regina.
13. Regina's Wascana Centre is one of the largest urban parks in North America.
14. More doilies per capita than any other province.
15. The Saskatchewan Roughriders.
16. Saskatchewan Roughriders fans.
17. We have spaces between communities, not suburbs.
18. One of the best places to live in the world according to the United Nations Human Development Index.
19. A host of former hockey greats are from Saskatchewan - Gordie Howe (Floral), Wendell Clark (Kelvington), Bryan Trottier (Val Marie), Johnny Bower (Prince Albert) and Eddie Shore (Fort Qu'Appelle) just to name a few. Other NHL notables include Doug Wickenheiser (Regina), Dirk Graham (Regina) and Theoren Fleury (Oxbow).
20. Two national parks and 23 provincial parks.
21. The first Ukrainian Governor General of Canada was from Saskatchewan (Ray Hnatyshyn).
22. While we're at it, the first female Governor General of Canada, Jeanne Sauvé, was from Prud'homme.
23. Author Guy Vanderhaeghe from Esterhazy (the 1996 recipient of the Governor General's Literary Award for his novel The Englishman's Boy).
24. The Regina Five - Ken Lochhead, Art McKay, Ron Bloore, Ted Godwin and Doug Morton - five painters who received international acclaim in the 1960s for their artistic and creative works.
25. People who can overcome drought, tornadoes, wind, minus 40-degree weather, earthquakes, grasshoppers, mosquitoes, BSE and anything nature can throw our way.
26. We're home to the Notre Dame Hounds in Wilcox who have produced such great hockey players as Brad Richards, Rod Brind' Amour, Curtis Joseph, Wendel Clark and Vincent Lecavalier.
27. The state-of-the-art First Nations University of Canada is in Regina.
28. Actor Leslie Nielsen, star of Airplane and Naked Gun, is from Regina. His father was an RCMP officer and his brother, Erik, was a former Deputy Prime Minister of Canada.
29. We make great jellied salads, and we're okay with calling them "salads" even though there isn't one lick of lettuce in them.
30. Allan Fotheringham, the long-time smart and sardonic columnist for Maclean's, is originally from Hearne.
31. Actor Kiefer Sutherland is the grandson of one of our premiers (Tommy Douglas).
32. No hurricanes or volcanoes.
33. We can smell when it's going to rain. You can't do that in Toronto.
34. Where else can a whole generation of people recite every episode of The Flintstones? (Except for the first seven minutes of each one; we were still on our way home for lunch then.)
35. A low cost of living. We can afford homes in Saskatchewan that people in Vancouver, Victoria, Toronto and Montreal can only dream of owning.
36. Because of our strong agricultural community, we have a good sense of earth, land and where our food comes from. Whether you live on a farm, in a town or in a city, you know whether it's good that it rained or that it's sunny or that the frost is early or late.
37. If you get into car trouble on a highway or road, invariably someone stops to help you.
38. An array of First Nations cultures - Woodland Cree, Swampy Cree, Plains Cree, Saulteaux, Dene, Dakota, Nakota, Lakota, and the MĂ©tis - complete with rich cultural histories.
39. W.O. Mitchell, author of Who Has Seen the Wind?, was from Weyburn.
40. Dry cold.
41. Dry heat.
42. Author Sharon Butala from Nipawin. (Twice short-listed for the prestigious Governor General's Award.)
43. We're glad to report that renowned journalists Pamela Wallin, Keith Morrison and Eric Malling are all from Saskatchewan.
44. The first co-operative oil refinery in the world was built in Regina in 1934.
45. The idea that rang around the hemisphere: no one should ever die because they didn't have enough money to see a doctor - our Medicare system.
46. We don't have rush hours. We have rush minutes.
47. Wanuskewin Heritage Park - findings older than the Great Pyramids of Egypt make this area unique. Tipi rings, stone cairns, a medicine wheel and many more artefacts dating back more than 8,000 years.
48. The Big Muddy (near Big Beaver) in South Central Saskatchewan was the only Canadian stop on the Outlaw Trail - a trail that ran from Canada to Mexico and was used by Butch Cassidy and his gang to elude them thar authorities.
49. The Qu'Appelle Valley.
50. A multitude of incredible festivals ranging from Dragon Boat Races and the Festival of Words to the Saskatoon Fringe Festival, the Regina Folk Festival and Ness Creek Music Festival (complete with bears).
51. Lake Manitou near Watrous, complete with legendary healing powers. Plus it's almost three times saltier than the Dead Sea in Jordan, making it impossible for a person to sink. That's cool.
52. Saskatoon berries. Yum.
53. Saskatchewan is the site of North America's oldest bird sanctuary, established in 1887 at Last Mountain Lake. An important breeding ground for approximately 100 species, this area is used by over 280 species of birds during migration. From mid-August until the end of October, a breathtakingly more than 75,000 sand hill cranes and 400,000 geese use the lake as a stopover.
54. The farm mentality of "we can fix anything."
55. Saskatchewan is Canada's sunniest province.
56. Saskatchewan produces more than 54 per cent of the wheat grown in Canada.
57. A key part of Canadian history occurred in Saskatchewan - the North West Rebellion of 1885, led by Louis Riel.
58. Saskatchewan has more road surface than any other province in Canada with a total of 150,000 miles (250,000 km).
59. The first Girl Guide Cookies in Canada were baked and sold in Regina in 1927 by Christina Riepsamen. She started baking cookies in her home to raise money for camping equipment for her Girl Guide group. The cookies were sold in brown paper bags for 10 cents a dozen.
60. The first air ambulance service in North America (and the Commonwealth).
61. Internationally known singer/songwriter Buffy Sainte-Marie was born on the Piapot Reserve in the Qu'Appelle Valley.
62. The first Automated Banking Machine (ABM), or Automated Teller Machine (ATM), in North America was implemented in Saskatchewan. We debuted the first debit cards and debit card transaction in North America as well.
63. Comedian Brent Butt, star of the TV show Corner Gas, is from Tisdale. Filmed in Rouleau, Saskatchewan.
64. In 1947, Saskatchewan passed the first general human rights act in North America. This was one year before the UN General Assembly passed its Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
65. No bugs in the winter.
66. Unique events - like the Wynyard Chicken Chariot Races and the Lumsden Duck Derby.
67. If you're shut in with a sick kid, people know somehow, and things show up on your doorstep - fresh bread, books to read, soup...and hundreds and hundreds of pounds of lasagna.
68. Powwows.
69. Cabbage rolls and perogies made by hand - and the hands belong to Baba.
70. Flat is great... flat is what you want when you're cycling for hours. But don't forget the Northern forests, lakes, beautiful hills and verdant valleys.
71. Drive half an hour out of town and take a walk.
72. The Hanson Buck - Milo Hanson of Biggar is a virtual celebrity in hunting circles. He holds the world record for a white tail deer: its inside spread measures just over 27 inches, and six of the rack's 10 main points exceed 11 inches.
73. Saskatchewan's north - one of the last wild and beautiful places on the earth.
74. More writers than you can shake a stick at.
75. The colour of our summers - the exquisiteness of flax fields, the sunshine yellow of canola, the amber waves of wheat, all contrasted with rich, dark earth.
76. The smell of freshly cut hay.
77. Saskatchewan is a you-can-do-anything-you-want kind of place. There is so much opportunity. Because we're friendly, helpful people, it's easy to make connections to get you started. You can break from your family tradition to do any career or start any business...and do well at it.
78. Canada's first heavy oil upgrader was built in Regina in 1988.
79. On any given weekend, you can hop in your car and then eat your way around Europe (French food in Gravelbourg, Thai in Moose Jaw, Dutch-Indonesian in Lumsden, Ukrainian in Yorkton, Ethiopian in Regina, Japanese in Saskatoon).
80. Our whole arts community - the idea that a place needs more than an economy - it needs a soul - and artists are necessary to that.
81. People care.
82. Perch, trout, walleye. Need we say more?
83. Community. We show it over and over again - Saskatchewan people give more time and money to help others than anywhere else in Canada.
84. No tropical plants that eat people.
85. No tropical animals that eat people.
86. If you're a fisherman, Len Thompson, a farmer from Abernethy, invented the legendary "five of diamonds" or "red & white" fishing lures here.
87. The former Governor of the Bank of Canada - Canada's chief banker and monetary policy maker - Gordon Thiessen, grew up in a number of Saskatchewan towns and graduated from high school in Moosomin.
88. We boast our own fashions - Farm Eye for the City Guy - jeans, a good shirt and a jean jacket, even in minus 40-degree weather.
89. Allan Sapp - the world-renowned, Plains-Cree artist and painter grew up on the Red Pheasant Indian Reserve.
90. Saskatchewan is "can-do-co-operative country." We know how to get the job done, together, to the best of our collective abilities.
91. Tell the Energizer Bunny to move over: from minus 40 to plus 40 degrees Celsius (with or without 30 kph winds) - Saskatchewan keeps going...and going...and going...
92. The fastest woman on ice is from Saskatoon: Olympic gold medallist/speed skater Catriona Le May Doan.
93. We can see all the stars at night.
94. The relentless, yet comforting sound of crickets, no matter where you are.
95. Olympic gold medallist and three-time world champion curler, Sandra Schmirler (R.I.P.) and her team are from Regina.
96. The fact that people still wave hello on country roads - whether they know you or not.
97. The northern lights.
98. Incredible sunsets.
99. Amazingly friendly people who always have coffee on.
100. Our big sky - as far as the eye can see.
(Not ALL flat, eh?)
We could probably add another 100 Reasons to Celebrate our province.
We could probably add another 100 Reasons to Celebrate our province.
Saturday, May 05, 2018
The Zen of Sarcasm
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique.
Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone,
you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them,
you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9 . If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is probably not for you.
10 . Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12 . If you tell the truth,
you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug;
some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal
until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is
to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.
19 . Generally speaking, you aren't learning much
when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get
until just after you need it.
21 . Never miss a good chance to shut up.
AND
22 . Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique.
Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone,
you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them,
you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9 . If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is probably not for you.
10 . Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12 . If you tell the truth,
you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug;
some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal
until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is
to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.
19 . Generally speaking, you aren't learning much
when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get
until just after you need it.
21 . Never miss a good chance to shut up.
AND
22 . Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
One pound deer
Had to send this one forward. One of those beautiful miracles given us each day and which are mostly lost. A brief moment that renews our spirit and gives joy to the heart. Kinda 'makes your day doesn't it ?
This tiny deer was delivered by Caesarean section at a Wildlife hospital after a car killed his mother.
Little Rupert, who is so small he can fit in an adult's hand, was born after vets failed in their battle to save his mother.
At just 6" tall and weighing just over a pound, he is now in an incubator in the intensive care unit at Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital in Buckinghamshire. He has only recently opened his eyes.
Les Stocker, founder of Tiggywinkles, said, "Rupert's mother had very severe injuries. We brought him out and got him breathing, and then he went into an incubator on oxygen. He is now being fed by a tube."
Staff members are optimistic that Rupert, now 5 days old, will make a full recovery. "Deer are very, very tricky, but this one has spirit. He's an extremely feisty, Little guy and quite pushy," Mr. Stocker said.
This tiny deer was delivered by Caesarean section at a Wildlife hospital after a car killed his mother.
Little Rupert, who is so small he can fit in an adult's hand, was born after vets failed in their battle to save his mother.
At just 6" tall and weighing just over a pound, he is now in an incubator in the intensive care unit at Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital in Buckinghamshire. He has only recently opened his eyes.
Les Stocker, founder of Tiggywinkles, said, "Rupert's mother had very severe injuries. We brought him out and got him breathing, and then he went into an incubator on oxygen. He is now being fed by a tube."
Staff members are optimistic that Rupert, now 5 days old, will make a full recovery. "Deer are very, very tricky, but this one has spirit. He's an extremely feisty, Little guy and quite pushy," Mr. Stocker said.
Friday, May 04, 2018
Gone Cat-Fishing
Two men fishing off of a boat on the Warrior River in Alabama were surprised by a duo of swimming kittens approaching their boat.
The kittens seem to have jumped into the water upon seeing the boat, looking to be rescued. After the first kitten was helped on board, the second quickly followed suit, jumping into the water and swimming the distance to the boat.
The kittens seem to have jumped into the water upon seeing the boat, looking to be rescued. After the first kitten was helped on board, the second quickly followed suit, jumping into the water and swimming the distance to the boat.
Thursday, May 03, 2018
The Nun in Hooters
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while 'the lights would turn off.'
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'
'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'
'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would you like a drink?'
'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.
'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out here in the bar. Now - how about that drink?'
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while 'the lights would turn off.'
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'
'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'
'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would you like a drink?'
'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.
'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out here in the bar. Now - how about that drink?'
City of the future! from 1925
Click on the image for a larger one! It will open a new window - you may have to click on the image to see it full size. Fascinating!
The Magic Gopher
Click Above.
If you can't figure it out, The Wizard has the answer! Email me by clicking on my picture at the top of 'OZ' and I will send you the trick.
Wednesday, May 02, 2018
If You Were Arrested for Kindness
by MICHAEL JOSEPHSON, in CARING, COMPASSION, COMMENTARIES
If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?
Some people cheer up a room by entering it, others by leaving it.
What do you bring to your interactions with workmates, friends, and family?
Is it encouragement, optimism, or kind words? Or is it pessimism, criticism, or cynicism?
People often forget what we say and usually what we do, but as Maya Angelou said, “They always remember how we made them feel.”
Here are some other wise words about kindness:
“Wise sayings often fall on barren ground, but a kind word is never thrown away.”
– Sir Arthur Helps
“You will regret many things in life, but you will never regret being too kind or too fair.”
– Brian Tracy
“Don’t wait for people to be kind. Show them how.”
– Anonymous
“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.”
– Oscar Wilde
“That best portion of a good man’s life: his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.”
– William Wordsworth
“Kindness is loving people more than they deserve.”
– Joseph Joubert
“We are made kind by being kind.”
– Eric Hoffer
“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.”
– Theodore Isaac Rubin, M.D.
“Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true.”
– Robert Brault
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Some people cheer up a room by entering it, others by leaving it.
What do you bring to your interactions with workmates, friends, and family?
Is it encouragement, optimism, or kind words? Or is it pessimism, criticism, or cynicism?
People often forget what we say and usually what we do, but as Maya Angelou said, “They always remember how we made them feel.”
Here are some other wise words about kindness:
“Wise sayings often fall on barren ground, but a kind word is never thrown away.”
– Sir Arthur Helps
“You will regret many things in life, but you will never regret being too kind or too fair.”
– Brian Tracy
“Don’t wait for people to be kind. Show them how.”
– Anonymous
“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.”
– Oscar Wilde
“That best portion of a good man’s life: his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.”
– William Wordsworth
“Kindness is loving people more than they deserve.”
– Joseph Joubert
“We are made kind by being kind.”
– Eric Hoffer
“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.”
– Theodore Isaac Rubin, M.D.
“Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true.”
– Robert Brault
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Explain the Ostrich
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
Tuesday, May 01, 2018
Reaction Effect
Reaction Effect is a simple game to understand, and it's quite addictive.
The board consists of a matrix of 16x16 circles. Each circle has a curved line on it and rotates 90 degrees when you click it. When the edge of a line touches the edge of a line on another circle, that circle makes a 90-degree turn as well; once it turns, it may line up with another circle and cause it to turn. It's a chain reaction that sounds a tad complex on paper, but once you click a single circle, you get it instantly.
For every move of a circle, you get a point. Therefore, if you click a circle and it causes another circle to move, that's two points for you. If you click a circle and it causes 566 other circles to move in a crazy cascade of chain reactions, you get 567 points.
There's no timer, no enemies, and no level bosses. There isn't even a soundtrack to get on your nerves. It's a simple, soothing brain teaser. How much did you get?
The board consists of a matrix of 16x16 circles. Each circle has a curved line on it and rotates 90 degrees when you click it. When the edge of a line touches the edge of a line on another circle, that circle makes a 90-degree turn as well; once it turns, it may line up with another circle and cause it to turn. It's a chain reaction that sounds a tad complex on paper, but once you click a single circle, you get it instantly.
For every move of a circle, you get a point. Therefore, if you click a circle and it causes another circle to move, that's two points for you. If you click a circle and it causes 566 other circles to move in a crazy cascade of chain reactions, you get 567 points.
There's no timer, no enemies, and no level bosses. There isn't even a soundtrack to get on your nerves. It's a simple, soothing brain teaser. How much did you get?
Stupid Is As Stupid Says...
ABERDEEN BREWING CO.
JOIN US IN THE THISTLE LOUNGE FOR MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
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Closed Monday
Tues–Thurs 11:30 am–11 pm
Fri–Sat 11:30 am–12 am
Sun 11:30 am–10 pm
ad for an Indiana restaurant
WOMAN FLEEING WHATCOM DEPUTIES, HELICOPTER FOUND HIDING IN PORTABLE TOILET
Bellingham (Washington) Herald
-- ON LACHRYMOTIC THEORY, GERMAN CONNECTION --
She didn't like tears. No Brits do. They've been bombed by the Nazis.
actor Tom Sizemore in his memoir, about his love affair with Elizabeth Hurley
-- ON GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESS CONFERENCES, HISTORIC --
Reporter: Mr. Secretary, has anyone asked you the whereabouts of Mr. Molotov?
Secretary of State Dean Rusk (just back from a summit): No. No one has asked me that question. You can if you want to.
Reporter: Well, sir, where is Mr. Molotov?
Rusk: I haven't the faintest idea.
Secretary of State Dean Rusk (just back from a summit): No. No one has asked me that question. You can if you want to.
Reporter: Well, sir, where is Mr. Molotov?
Rusk: I haven't the faintest idea.
-- ON ROAD SIGNS, INTRIGUING --
GO SLOW, ACCIDENT PORN AREA
road sign, India
BELTANE
Beltane
Every May 1st -- Also known as Roodmas or May DayBeltane has long been celebrated with feasts and rituals. Beltane means fire of Bel; Belinos being one name for the Sun God, whose coronation feast we now celebrate. As summer begins, weather becomes warmer, and the plant world blossoms, an exuberant mood prevails. In old Celtic traditions it was a time of unabashed sexuality and promiscuity where marriages of a year and a day could be undertaken but it is rarely observed in that manner in modern times.
In the old Celtic times, young people would spend the entire night in the woods "A-Maying," and then dance around the phallic Maypole the next morning. Older married couples were allowed to remove their wedding rings (and the restrictions they imply) for this one night. May morning is a magickal time for wild water (dew, flowing streams, and springs) which is collected and used to bathe in for beauty, or to drink for health.
The Christian religion had only a poor substitute for the life-affirming Maypole -- namely, the death-affirming cross. Hence, in the Christian calendar, this was celebrated as 'Roodmas'. In Germany, it was the feast of Saint Walpurga, or 'Walpurgisnacht'. An alternative date around May 5 (Old Beltane), when the sun reaches 15 degrees Taurus, is sometimes employed by Covens. (Both 'Lady Day' and 'Ostara' are names incorrectly assigned to this holiday by some modern traditions of Wicca.)
 |
| Congregational Wiccan Association of Saskatchewan's Sky River Temple - open Beltane ritual |
Blessed Be!
"AnkhIwiEmHotep"Life and Peace be with You --Cinosam
The 411 - Beltane
Beltane or Bealtaine (Irish, pronounced BEL- tayn ) is an ancient Gaelic holiday celebrated around May 1. Historically, this festival was celebrated in Ireland, Scotland and the Isle of Man. There were similar festivals held at the same time in the other Celtic countries of Wales and Brittany and the English county of Cornwall. The festival survives in folkloric practices in the Celtic Nations and the diaspora, and has experienced a degree of revival in recent decades.
For the Celts, Beltane marked the beginning of the pastoral summer season when the herds of livestock were driven out to the summer pastures and mountain grazing lands. In modern Irish, Mà na Bealtaine ('month of Bealtaine') is the name for the month of May. The name of the month is often abbreviated to Bealtaine, with the festival day itself being known as Lá Bealtaine. The lighting of bonfires on Oidhche Bhealtaine ('the eve of Bealtaine') on mountains and hills of ritual and political significance was one of the main activities of the festival. In ancient Ireland the main Bealtaine fire was held on the 
central hill of Uisneach 'the navel of Ireland', the ritual centre of the country, which is located in what is now County Westmeath. In Ireland the lighting of bonfires on Oidhche Bhealtaine seems only to have survived to the present day in parts of rural County Galway and County Limerick, especially in Limerick itself, as their yearly bonfire night, though some cultural groups have expressed an interest in reviving the custom at Uisneach and perhaps at the Hill of Tara. The lighting of a community Bealtaine fire from which individual hearth fires are then relit is also observed in modern times in some parts of the Celtic diaspora and by some Neopagan groups, though in the majority of these cases this practice is a cultural revival rather than an unbroken survival of the ancient tradition. Another common aspect of the festival which survived up until the early 20th century in Ireland was the hanging of May Boughs on the doors and windows of houses and of the erection of May Bushes in farmyards, which usually consisted either of a branch of rowan (mountain ash) or whitethorn (hawthorn) which is in bloom at the time and is commonly called the 'May Bush' in Hiberno-English. The practice of decorating the May Bush with flowers, ribbons, garlands and colored egg shells has survived to some extent among the diaspora as well, most notably in Newfoundland, and in some Easter traditions observed on the East Coast of the United States. Beltane is a cross-quarter day, marking the midpoint in the Sun's progress between the vernal equinox and summer solstice. Since the Celtic year was based on both lunar and solar cycles, it is possible that the holiday was celebrated on the full moon nearest the midpoint between the vernal equinox and the summer solstice. The astronomical date for this midpoint is closer to May 5 or May 7, but this can vary from year to year.
In Irish mythology, the beginning of the summer season for the Tuatha DĂ© Danann and the Milesians started at Bealtaine. Great bonfires would mark a time of purification and transition, heralding in the season in the hope of a good harvest later in the year, and were accompanied with ritual acts to protect the people from any harm by Otherworldly spirits, such as the SĂdhe. Like the festival of Samhain, opposite Beltane on Nov. 1st (note: the day before Samhain [pronounced Sow-win] (Samhain Eve) became Halloween), Beltane was a time when the Otherworld was seen as particularly close at hand. Early Gaelic sources from around the 10th century state that the druids of the community would create a need-fire on top of a hill on this day and drive the village's cattle through the fires to purify them and bring luck (Eadar dĂ theine Bhealltainn in Scottish Gaelic, 'Between two fires of Beltane'). In Scotland, boughs of juniper were sometimes thrown on the fires to add an additional element of purification and blessing to the smoke. People would also pass between the two fires to purify themselves. This was echoed throughout history after Christianization, with lay people instead of Druid priests creating the need-fire. The festival persisted widely up until the 1950s, and in some places the celebration of Beltane continues today. A revived Beltane Fire Festival has been held every year since 1988 during the night of 30 April on Calton Hill in Edinburgh, Scotland and attended by up to 15,000 people (except in 2003 when local council restrictions forced the organisers to hold a private event elsewhere). Beltane as described in this article is a specifically Gaelic holiday. Other Celtic cultures, such as the Welsh, Bretons, and Cornish, do not celebrate Beltane, per se. However they celebrated or celebrate festivals similar to it at the same time of year. In Wales, the day is known as Calan Mai, and the Gaulish name for the day is Belotenia.Dwelly wrote:
“ In many parts of the Highlands, the young folks of the district would meet on the moors on 1st May. They cut a table in the green sod, of a round figure, by cutting a trench in the ground of sufficient circumferences to hold the whole company. They then kindled a fire, dressed a repast of eggs and milk of the constituency of custard. They kneaded a cake of oatmeal, which was toasted at the embers against a stone. After the custard was eaten, they divided the cake into as many portions as there were people in the company, as much alike as possible in size and shape. They daubed one of the pieces with charcoal, til it was black all over, and they were then all put into a bonnet together, and each one blindfolded took out a portion. The bonnet holder was entitled to the last bit, and whoever drew the black bit was the person who was compelled to leap three times over the flames. Some people say this was originally to appease a god, whose favour they tried to implore by making the year productive. (Dwelly, 1911, "Bealltuinn")
Beltane is observed by Neopagans in various forms, and by a 
variety of names. As forms of Neopaganism can be quite different and have very different origins, these representations can vary considerably despite the shared name. Some celebrate in a manner as close as possible to how the Ancient Celts and Living Celtic cultures have maintained the traditions, while others observe the holiday with rituals culled from numerous other unrelated sources, Celtic culture being only one of the sources used.Wiccans and Wiccan-inspired Neopagans celebrate a variation of Beltane as a sabbat, one of the eight solar holidays. Although the holiday may use features of the Gaelic Bealtaine, such as the bonfire, it bears more relation to the Germanic May Day festival, both in its significance (focusing on fertility) and its rituals (such as maypole dancing). Some Wiccans celebrate 'High Beltaine' by enacting a ritual union of the May Lord and Lady.
Among the Wiccan sabbats, Beltane is a cross-quarter day; it is celebrated in the northern hemisphere on May 1 and in the southern hemisphere on November 1. Beltane follows Ostara and precedes Midsummer.
*From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Monday, April 30, 2018
The 10 Most Disturbing Scientific Discoveries
The 10 most disturbing scientific discoveries ever!
Scientists have come to some surprising conclusions about the world and our place in it. Are some things just better left unknown? Click on the picture above.
Scientists have come to some surprising conclusions about the world and our place in it. Are some things just better left unknown? Click on the picture above.
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