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Friday, December 15, 2017

Look at these three photos

Do not glance at the end until you have looked at the three photos! Pay close attention to each scene, Colgate has created a very ingenious advertising campaign to promote their dental floss. Observe the photo quietly on your own then scroll to the next.

COUPLE 1
couple
COUPLE 2
couple
COUPLE 3
couple
Alright.......... now that you've had time to quietly observe the images......

* In the first photograph, you might have noticed that the woman has six fingers on her left hand
* In the second photograph, a phantom arm is floating behind the man
* and in the third photograph, the man has only one ear.

The campaign attained its purpose. It proved that food debris on your teeth draws more attention than any physical defect does.

How well did you do??

So now you know that no matter what physical "defect" you might feel self-conscious about, just stick a chunk of spinach between your front teeth and no one will notice anything else about you!

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Euphemistically Speaking

Euphemism
Whether you wish to assess your ability to replace an indelicate term with one that is inoffensive, or to brush up on the telling of the occasional polite lie, you may wish to avail yourself of the opportunity this humble quiz presents.

1. The tender hearted may use euphemisms in an attempt to courteously communicate that which is disagreeable. Your considerate and mild mannered companion is attempting to inform you that a dear friend of yours, having reached that inevitable hour, has shuffled off this mortal coil, crossing the river to reach his eternal reward. Since you seem perplexed, your companion is a bit more direct and informs you that your friend has "bought a pine condo".

What rude word describes the state of your dearly departed friend?

Hint: Four letters, beginning and ending in "d".

2. At times the use of an appropriate euphemism is mostly a matter of convention. Because euphemisms may evolve differently in different locations, at times one may have difficulty communicating an urgent physical need despite a shared language. Utilizing which of the following terms to request access to a toilet in an American restaurant is most likely to result in uncomfortable delays?

Bathroom
Lavatory
Washroom
WC

3. Linguists call the coining of a less offensive term for an offensive one "taboo deformation". However, not all alternate terms emphasize what is less distasteful. Which of the following would probably NOT be considered a more polite and genteel term for being drunk and hence not a euphemism for it?

Inebriated
Polluted
Tipsy
In one's cups

4. With time and usage, a term that was adopted as a less disagreeable substitute may begin to take on the same connotations as the originally more distasteful term. This leads to the coining of a new term. The process may repeat itself resulting in the development of a series of expressions for the one that originally offended. Which of the following terms came last?

Crippled
Handicapped
Disabled
Challenged

5. A euphemism may be intended to protect the speaker as well as (or even instead of) the hearer. This seems particularly true in matters of public relations. Which of the following is NOT a correct pairing of a euphemism with the item euphemized?

Jailhouse incident - prison riot
Friendly fire incident - mismanaged controlled burn
Collateral damage - civilian casualties
Sanitation workers labor action - garbage strike

6. Some have pointed out that in certain circumstances the word "euphemism" is itself a euphemism for another word that describes a common practice. What is the word for this practice?

hint: Three letters, starting with "L"

7. "Dysphemism" is an antonym for "euphemism". "Dysphemism" denotes the replacement of a more refined word with one that is coarser. Which of the following occupational dysphemisms is paired with the wrong occupation?

Quack - doctor
Pettifogger - politician
Bean counter - accountant
Grease monkey - mechanic

8. Some euphemisms depend on humor to remove the sting from the offensive term. Which of the following could NOT qualify as a lighthearted allusion to defective mental processing?

The wheel is spinning, but the hamster's dead
In reduced circumstances
Not firing on all cylinders
Knitting with only one needle

9. Some euphemisms may achieve humor without humor being the intent of the person coining the euphemism. In 1979, during the Three Mile Island nuclear reactor crisis, a reporter asked a power company spokesman what might happen if the hydrogen bubble inside the reactor came in contact with a spark. What did the company spokesman indicate the result might be?

A modest explosion
A spontaneous energetic disassembly (of the reactor)
An easily contained outburst
A theoretical scenario

10. Finally, I will give you an opportunity to make an educated guess regarding the phrase columnist John Leo chose as 'euphemism of the year' for the year ending in February 2004. Which of the following was it?

Mass presiders
Disposable mucus recovery systems
Wardrobe malfunction
Depopulate the bull calf operation

Click here, here or even here, for the answers

From The Emerald City

Ok, so I've received a number of emails from my loyal 'OZ' readers who had some posers for me, The Wizard of 'OZ'. I will attempt to address them:

Q.:What is your real name?
A: Oz's real name is Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs. Because the initials spell out the word pinhead, my name has been shortened further to Oz.

Q: Where do you live
A: The Emerald City, of course!

Q: Are you a real wizard?
A: The Wizard appears in a different forms, usually as a giant head, once or twice as a beautiful fairy, once as a ball of fire, and once as a horrible monster. Eventually, ends up that I, Oz, is actually none of these things, but rather an ordinary blogger from Saskatoon Saskatchewan, who has been using a lot of elaborate magic tricks, HTML code and props to make myself seem "great and powerful".

Q: Can you grant things using magic?
A: Nope, I can only show people what they already have... just show them how wonderful they are.

Finally, if you have further questions, go ahead and click below if you are adventurous:

Not sheep. Look again...

A Parable


A Parable
A Parable
A Parable
A Parable
A Parable
A Parable

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Dottown - a puzzle from MIT


Far off, in Fantasyland, there is a secluded town called Dottown. Every resident of Dottown has a colored dot upon his or her forehead. This dot is always either red or blue, and everyone in town knows this. In fact, this is proclaimed as a point of pride at the daily noon gathering of the entire populace.

Every day at noon, the entire town gathers together, and each person sees every other person and every other person's forehead dot. No one ever misses this gathering.

No one dies in Dottown for any reason, with one exception. If anyone knows the color of his or her own dot, that person will die that night. Everyone else will notice this at the gathering at noon the next day (and not before).

For fear of death, there are no mirrors in Dottown, and no one ever says anything about the dots, except for the formal proclamation at noon each day.

Everyone in town is extremely intelligent, so if it is possible to figure out the color of one's own dot, one will do so immediately. Unfortunately, there is no way to avoid this.

One day, after many years of peace in the town, a stranger arrives in Dottown. At the noon meeting on that day, the stranger announces to all, ``There is at least one person in this town with a red dot.'' All believe this mysterious stranger. The stranger then leaves town, without saying anything further.

What happens to Dottown?

-----------------------------------------------


This is a mathematical puzzle. That is, there is no trick buried in my narrative above. No one is colorblind, or any such thing.

Let's call the day of the pronouncement Day 0. So, what happens on Day 1, Day 2, and so forth? If you want to use variables, call the numeric population P, the number of persons with red dots R, and the number of persons with blue dots B. Thus, P = R + B.

I've never seen this puzzle in written form before, but I've heard it several times.

Good luck. Give yourself a chance to solve the puzzle before checking the hints and answers.

Hints

Answer

Puzzle for printing
Thanks for playing!

Climb ev'ry mountain and Reach!

Just something to give you a friendly push when life seems to be at an impasse...

click here


Amish Christmas Lights

Amish Christmas Lights

Messin' wit' yer mind, eh?

Guidance Kit

I have a Guidance Kit I purchased from Witch's Brew (or The Brew as we affectionately call it). What it does is help you to predict what is going to happen, what may be true or lies, and things about the past.

guidance Kit

It is a pendulum that swings around. You hold on to the pentacle and then ask a question. Completely give your mind over to it - that means give up control of the outcome, then let the pendulum go.

The pendulum is let go over the pentagram in the centre of the cloth.

It swings either deosil (clockwise) or widdershins (counter-clockwise)and will very quickly move in a back and forth movement swaying between, Yes or No, Maybe, Try Again, Will not answer or rephrase.

This is kind of like scrying - though much easier to use. Got to show this one to my non witch friends - they WILL be amazed! I was, and I was the one doing it!

Reminiscent of a Ouija Board, but no way to cheat! And infinitely more serious.

<|8-)

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

I wish I had known..


Click here.

Tribute to Steve Irwin

Tribute to Steve Irwin - Click here

Click above

How to choose your next boyfriend based on his footwear

Click here to read more
Click above to read how this works.

The Wizard at Bikini Bottom

Below are some pictures of me taken in Saskatoon, behind a skater shop. Who says grafitti can't be art! What makes these wonderful images sad is that they are hidden behind the building where few Saskatonians are likely to see them. I apologize for the quality as they were taken with my BlackBerry:

SpongeBob and The Wizard
SpongeBob, The Wizard and Mr. Krabs
Patrick Star and The Wizard
The Wizard and Squidward
The Wizard, Sandy and Planton

Monday, December 11, 2017

See No Spoilers

See No Spoilers

What engineers do when they are bored

Large size Rube Goldberg machine!


Melvin The Magical Mixed Media Machine from HeyHeydeHaas on Vimeo.

FOR ALL YOU LEXOPHILES *LOVERS OF WORDS*

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes.

6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor

11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

17. Every calendar's days are numbered.

18. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

24. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

HOLY COW, ROBIN!!!

Considering only 120 episodes, that's friggin' amazing!!!

Hey Buddy... I wanna help ya!

Money

It can buy a house

But not a home

It can buy a clock
But not time

It can buy you a position

But not respect

It can buy you a bed
But not sleep

It can buy you a book
But not knowledge

It can buy you medicine
But not health

It can't buy you blood
Or life

So you see money isn't everything

And it often causes pain and suffering

I tell you this because I am your friend

And as your friend I want to

Take away your pain and suffering!!

So....

Send me all your money

And I will suffer for you!

Cash only please

Sunday, December 10, 2017

World's Easiest Quiz


(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What colour is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Burning question mark
All done? To check your answers click here.

SLAP!

Try moving your mouse near this Guy's head .....
http://www.selfcontrolfreak.com/slaan.html

Installing Love On The Human Computer

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart? Laughing

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you'll have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge Your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to ensure it's completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you.

Things I wish I had known...

click above

Saturday, December 09, 2017

Miss Harriet - a short story hand picked by The Wizard

Click here to open the full short story

*Sign-up for the Short Story of the Day* at AmericanLiterature.com
Miss Harriet
by Guy de Maupassant

There were seven of us on a drag, four women and three men; one of the latter sat on the box seat beside the coachman. We were ascending, at a snail's pace, the winding road up the steep cliff along the coast.

Setting out from Etretat at break of day in order to visit the ruins of Tancarville, we were still half asleep, benumbed by the fresh air of the morning. The women especially, who were little accustomed to these early excursions, half opened and closed their eyes every moment, nodding their heads or yawning, quite insensible to the beauties of the dawn.

It was autumn. On both sides of the road stretched the bare fields, yellowed by the stubble of wheat and oats which covered the soil like a beard that had been badly shaved. The moist earth seemed to steam. Larks were singing high up in the air, while other birds piped in the bushes.

The sun rose at length in front of us, bright red on the plane of the horizon, and in proportion as it ascended, growing clearer from minute to minute, the country seemed to awake, to smile, to shake itself like a young girl leaving her bed in her white robe of vapor. The Comte d'Etraille, who was seated on the box, cried:

"Look! look! a hare!" and he extended his arm toward the left, pointing to a patch of clover. The animal scurried along, almost hidden by the clover, only its large ears showing. Then it swerved across a furrow, stopped, started off again at full speed, changed its course, stopped anew, uneasy, spying out every danger, uncertain what route to take, when suddenly it began to run with great bounds, disappearing finally in a large patch of beet-root. All the men had waked up to watch the course of the animal.

Rene Lamanoir exclaimed:

"We are not at all gallant this morning," and; regarding his neighbor, the little Baroness de Serennes, who struggled against sleep, he said to her in a low tone: "You are thinking of your husband, baroness. Reassure yourself; he will not return before Saturday, so you have still four days."

She answered with a sleepy smile:

"How stupid you are!" Then, shaking off her torpor, she added: "Now, let somebody say something to make us laugh. You, Monsieur Chenal, who have the reputation of having had more love affairs than the Due de Richelieu, tell us a love story in which you have played a part; anything you like."

Leon Chenal, an old painter, who had once been very handsome, very strong, very proud of his physique and very popular with women, took his long white beard in his hand and smiled. Then, after a few moments' reflection, he suddenly became serious.

"Ladies, it will not be an amusing tale, for I am going to relate to you the saddest love affair of my life, and I sincerely hope that none of my friends may ever pass through a similar experience.

"I was twenty-five years of age and was pillaging along the coast of Normandy. I call 'pillaging' wandering about, with a knapsack on one's back, from inn to inn, under the pretext of making studies and sketching landscapes. I knew nothing more enjoyable than that happy-go-lucky wandering life, in which one is perfectly free, without shackles of any kind, without care, without preoccupation, without thinking even of the morrow. One goes in any direction one pleases, without any guide save his fancy, without any counsellor save his eyes. One stops because a running brook attracts one, because the smell of potatoes frying tickles one's olfactories on passing an inn. Sometimes it is the perfume of clematis which decides one in his choice or the roguish glance of the servant at an inn. Do not despise me for my affection for these rustics. These girls have a soul as well as senses, not to mention firm cheeks and fresh lips; while their hearty and willing kisses have the flavor of wild fruit. Love is always love, come whence it may. A heart that beats at your approach, an eye that weeps when you go away are things so rare, so sweet, so precious that they must never be despised.

Click here for the full story!

ENLIGHTENED PERSPECTIVE

If you will take the time to read these. I promise you'll come away with an enlightened perspective. The subjects covered affect us all on a daily basis!

They're written by an unknown person, whoever they are have the gift of saying so much with so few words. Enjoy.......

I've learned... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

I've learned... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I 've learned... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Fight AIDS@home

Click here to join the fight

Click above to join the fight!


Go to battle against AIDS with your computer!
"So what is FightAIDS@Home?"

FightAIDS@Home is the first biomedical distributed computing project ever launched. It is run by the Olson Laboratory at The Scripps Research Institute, and uses your computer to assist fundamental research to discover new drugs, using our growing knowledge of the structural biology of AIDS.

You can help!

About 42 million people are living with HIV or AIDS around the world. HIV mutates and evolves very quickly. Drug resistance is on the rise. If there is any "bioterrorism" in the world, it comes from Nature itself, in the form of HIV, and we need to fight this very real and long-standing problem now - more than any other threat to humanity.

"Why should I join?"

So every computer counts! Your CPU helps to screen millions of candidate drug compounds computationally against detailed models of evolving AIDS viruses—an accomplishment previously impossible without expensive supercomputers. FightAIDS@Home accelerates AIDS research by connecting you to a global "grid" of distributed computing power.


Together, we are making a difference!

Your donation of spare computer cycles helps us in our entirely non-profit, scientific endeavours.

Entropia helped to launch the FightAIDS@Home project, and we are grateful for their help and donated efforts, but as of May 2003, FightAIDS@Home is no longer associated with Entropia.

Get the download now!