The Many Faces of Mona Lisa

It has been said that there has been no other face as recognizable in this world as Mona Lisa's. Here are some other little known facts:

Birthday: 1503-1506
Birthplace: Florence, Italy
Current home: The Louvre, Paris, France
Stats: 20 7/8" x 30", oil on poplar wood.
Marital Status: Married to Francesco del Giocondo since 1495
Working On: Being most celebrated painting in the world
I stay home to watch: Singers, musicians, jesters and The Sopranos
Favorite singer: Nat King Cole
Favorite dish: Savino Sorbet
Prized possessions: *Sfumato, *Chiaroscuro, my new room
Personal hero: Leonardo Da Vinci
Nobody knows: Why I’m smiling
If I could do it over: I’d have a contract with royalties
I’d give anything to meet: Madonna
My fantasy is: To model for Versace
The one thing I can’t stand: Paparazzi
If I could change one thing about myself: I’d be larger
My most irrational act: Being stolen in 1911
Most humbling experience: *L.H.O.O.Q.
The words that best describe me: Lisa Gherardini, Mona Lisa, La Gioconda

Below are some of the faces that are never seen, during the times when the museum is closed. Take an exclusive peek, as these were caught on film during the wee hours of the morning at The Louvre:

*Sfumato is the famous invention of Da Vinci - light and shade that allow one form to blend in with another leaving something to the imagination. He did this to the corners of Mona Lisa' mouth and eyes which explains why she may look different and different times.

*Chiaroscuro the distribution of light and shade in a picture

*L.H.O.O.Q. in 1919 Dada painter Marcel Duchamp put a mustache and goatee on a reproduction of the Mona Lisa. The letters read phonetically in French: Elle a chaud au cul (she has a hot arse.)

***Facts from: Mona Lisa Mania

WARNING! SCAMMING OLDER GAY MEN...

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for gay men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those gay men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, college-aged men will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their muscles practically ripping out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen Oct. 4th, 9th, 10th. Also Nov. 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, Dec 10th & 11th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older gay men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.

Here's one of them. I snapped this in Wal-Mart's bathroom!

So please, send this on to all the older gay men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

The Lighter Side of Christmas - By Nesbit

All cartoons are © Peter Nesbit

Keeping Christmas

by Henry van Dyke

It is a good thing to observe Christmas day. The mere making of times and seasons when men agree to stop work and make merry together, is a wise and wholesome custom. It helps one to feel the supremacy of the common life over the individual life. It reminds a man or woman to set their own little watch, now and then, by the great clock of humanity which runs on sun time. But there is a better thing than the observance of Christmas day, and that is, keeping Christmas.

Are you willing to forget what you have done for other people and to remember what others have done for you; to ignore what the world owes you, and to think about what you owe the world; to put your rights in the background, and your duties in the middle distance, and your chances to do a little more than your duty in the foreground; to see that your fellowmen are just as real as you are, and to try to look behind their faces to their hearts, hungry for joy; to own that probably the only good reason for your existence is not what you are going to get out of life, but what you are going to give to life; to close your book of complaints against the management of the universe, and look around you for a place where you can sow a few seeds of happiness – are you willing to do these things for even a day? If so, then you can Keep Christmas.

Are you willing to stoop down and consider the needs and the desires of little children; to remember the weakness and the loneliness of people who are growing old; to stop asking how much your friends love you, and ask yourself whether you love them enough; to bear in mind the things that other people have to bear on their hearts; to try to understand what those who live in the same house with you really want, without you waiting for them to tell you; to make a grave for your ugly thoughts, and a garden for your kindly feelings, with the gate open; are you willing to do these even for a day? Then you can Keep Christmas.

Are you willing to believe that Love is the strongest thing in the world — stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death? Then you can Keep Christmas.

And if you keep it for a day, why not always?

ROTFLMAO!

Comin Home for Christmas (single) - Jeffery Straker - (Music Video)

2016 Christmas Dance with 8 Siblings

A Capella Christmas Songs - PENTATONIX (A.K.A. "PTX") - Amazing sound!

PENTATONIX performs a lot more than just Christmas songs...
but these will renew your enjoyment of the classic carols, to say the least.
There is a link to their Official Site at the end of this post.

Their modern take on the carols along with A Capella is a feast for your ears!

100% Wizard of 'OZ' APPROVED!

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen



Little Drummer Boy - Pentatonix



Up On A Housetop – Pentatonix



The First Noel – Pentatonix



Joy To The World – Pentatonix



Silent Night – Pentatonix



Winter Wonderland/Don’t Worry, Be Happy – Pentatonix



Angels We Have Heard On High – Pentatonix



Carol Of The Bells – Pentatonix

Click above for PENTATONIX's Official Site, Logo &copy PENTATONIX

The Wizard did this.... Have you?How to Remove a Stuck Tongue from a Frozen Surface

From wikiHow

If you have ever seen the movie A Christmas Story or the movie Dumb and Dumber, then you’re familiar with the sticky situation of getting your tongue stuck to a frozen flag pole in the winter time. Unfortunately this isn’t just a funny event that happens in movies; it does happen for real and to real people. If you, or someone you know, has managed to get their tongue stuck to a frozen metal surface, there are some very straight-forward and simple things you can do to help you, or them, become unstuck.

Getting Yourself Unstuck

1

Remain calm. The most important thing you can do is to stay calm. If you’re alone, this can be hard to do, but give yourself a moment to take a few deep breaths and relax.

· Try to avoid panicking when you realize you’re unable to move away from the frozen surface. If you pull too hard on your tongue, it will literally rip off the frozen surface and cause a lot of damage (and bleeding). Consider this a last resort option.

· If you see someone in the general area, try to flag them down by waving your arms or yelling (as best you can). Having someone else to help you will ease your stress.


2

Cup your hands around your mouth to heat up the surface. Since you’re alone, try this method first. The reason why your tongue is stuck is because the metal surface is frozen and is conducting the heat from your tongue. In order to get unstuck, you have to warm up the metal somehow.[2]

· One way to warm up the metal surface is to use your own hot breath. Cup your hands around your mouth (but be careful not to touch your lips or hands to the metal surface, as they will collect moisture and also become stuck) and breathe hot air directly onto the area where your tongue is stuck.

· You can also use a scarf or jacket to shield yourself from a cold wind and possibly help warm air from your breath.

· Pull gently while doing this to see if you can loosen, or even remove, your tongue.


3

Pour warm liquid onto the surface. If, by some chance, you have a warm cup of coffee, tea, hot chocolate, or other liquid with you, use it to warm up the metal’s surface. Pour the liquid onto the metal where your tongue is stuck and gently attempt to remove your tongue.[3]

· Warm water is ideal for this situation, but any warm liquid will work if necessary.

· And yes, that includes urine. Although not recommended, if you are alone somewhere and no help is possible, this could be your absolute last resort. Consider this only under absolute emergency situations.


4

Call 911. Calling 911 to get help is definitely an option you should consider. Of course, this would only work if you have a cell phone with you, and that cell phone is easily accessible to you.[4]

· When, and if, you call 911 you may be unable to talk to the operator. Remain calm and slowly try to explain what has happened and where you are. If necessary, they can trace your call to find you.


5

Pull quick and fast. Consider this as an absolute last resort option if all other options have failed or aren’t possible, but it really should never come to this. This option will, without a doubt, cause some sort of injury and be extremely painful. Build up your courage and then just yank yourself away from the frozen surface.

· Warming the surrounding metal area through breathing and shielding yourself from wind with a scarf or jacket is usually enough to gently remove the appendage, even in -40°F or more.

· Once you’re unstuck, seek medical help as quickly as possible for your injured tongue.



--more at wikiHow.com

8 more sleeps until I see my kid!

Oh.. OK, Christmas is coming too.

Etch-A-Sketch Tech Support

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create an empty New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I Exit without Saving?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has lines that prevent me from doing my art project.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I keep from losing my Etch-A-Sketch documents in the middle of my work?
A: Stop shaking it.

*Author unknown

Ancient Japanese Proverb

These are the laws of the natural universe...

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

A SmiLe CoStS NoThINg BuT GiVeS MuCh

A smile costs nothing, but gives much.
It enriches those who receive,
without making poorer those who give.
It takes but a moment,
but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None is so rich or mighty
that he can get along without it.
A smile creates happiness in the home,
fosters good will in business,
and is the countersign of friendship.

It brings rest to the weary,
cheer to the discouraged,
sunshine to the sad,
and it is natures best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged,
borrowed, or stolen,
for it is something that is of no value
to anyone until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
Give them one of yours,
as none needs a smile so much
as he who has no more to give.

Holiday Fun!

Try this for awhile...ELF Snowball Fight!!!!

Move mouse on to the people click and enjoy - Remember - Don't hit Santa !!!

POST your scores in the comments!

Click here.

God Said No

I asked God to take away my habit. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.

God said, No.

His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary

I asked God to grant me patience.

God said, No.Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;

it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.

God said, No.I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.

God said, No.Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares

and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.

God said, No.You must grow on your own! ,

but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.

God said, No.

I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.

God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

May God Bless You,

"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world"

The Panda Puppy

The Chengdu dogs were dyed black and white and looks like a panda. The dog owner has been reportedly detained 36 times to date on suspicion that he kept a panda illegally.

Yule Log Recipe

2/3 cup all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
5 eggs
3/4 cup white sugar
2 (1oz) squares unsweetened chocolate
2 tablespoons water
2 tablespoons coffee-flavored liqueur
2 tablespoons white sugar
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
confectioner's sugar for dusting

4 (10z) squares semisweet baking chocolate
1 (8oz) package cream cheese, softened
3 cups confectioners sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon coffee flavored liqueur

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly spray a 10 x 15 inch jellyroll pan and line with parchment paper. Sift flour with baking powder and salt and set aside.

2. In a large mixing bowl, beat the eggs on high for several minutes until they are very pale and fluffy. Gradually add in the sugar, beating 1 to 2 minutes more or until very thick. Gently, but thoroughly, fold in the flour mixture.

3. Melt the chocolate in a small saucepan over low heat. In a small bowl, combine the 2 tablespoons of water with the 2 tablespoons coffee liqueur and the remaining 2 tablespoons sugar and the baking soda, then gradually stir into the melted chocolate until smooth. Quickly, but thoroughly, fold chocolate mixture into batter.

4. Pour batter into prepared 10x15 inch pan. Bake at 350 for 18 to 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean. Lightly sift an even layer of confectioners sugar over a cloth napkin or tea towel (do not use Terry Cloth). Flip the cake out of its pan onto the prepared cloth as soon as it comes from the oven. Carefully peel away parchment paper. Lightly dust top of cake with confectioner's sugar, then trim away crispy edges. Starting with one of the short sides of the cake, immediately roll the cake up in the cloth, jellyroll style, and cool thoroughly on a rack.

5. For the filling and frosting: in a small saucepan over low heat, melt the chocolate. Remove from heat and let cool to lukewarm. In a medium bowl, beat the cream cheese with the confectioners sugar until smooth, and then blend in the vanilla extract and coffee liqueur. Blend in the melted chocolate. Unroll the cake and spread about 1/3 of the filling evenly over the surface. Roll the cake back up.

6. Arrange cake roll on serving tray, then first generously, swiping with an icing spatula to form the long 'bark line' design. Swipe ends of cake in a circular motion to simulate the tree-rings of a cut log.

Decorate log as desired with holly leaves and berries, mushrooms and snow.

ALAN THICKE DEAD AT 69

From TMZ.com

We're told Alan had a heart attack while he was playing hockey with his 19-year-old son, Carter. He was transported to Providence St. Joseph's Medical Center around noon today, and pronounced dead there.

Law enforcement sources tell us ... a company that recovers organs was contacted, so some of Thicke's organs could be donated.

He's survived by his 3 sons -- Robin, Brennan and Carter ... and his wife, Tanya.

Alan played hockey regularly at a rink in Burbank. We're told he and Carter were on the ice around 11 AM when he started having chest pain, then got nauseous and vomited. The ambulance picked him up around 11:30 and took him to the hospital.

The Canadian born actor was most famous for his role as Jason Seaver, the dad on the '80s sitcom, "Growing Pains." Most recently, he was on the Netflix reboot, "Fuller House" ... and also had a cameo on the first episode of "This Is Us."

Alan also hosted game shows, talk shows, and wrote several famous TV show theme songs for "Diff'rent Strokes," "Wheel of Fortune" as well as "Growing Pains."

He was 69.

--more at TMZ.com

The Physics of Santa Claus

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, and assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of his sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course we know to be false but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking aabout .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 punds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (refer to point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal load, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entereing the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per SECOND, EACH! In short, hey will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create a deafening sonic boom in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousanths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal* forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead by now. (Sorry, Kids!)

* Please note that centrifugal is a made-up non existent word. The real word should be centripetal. Centrifugal is a made up force that physics people HATE! So please, everyone use the world centripetal, not centrifugal. Thanks!

Twelve Gifts For CHRISTMAS

Happiness...

deep down within.
Serenity...

with each sunrise.

Success...

in each facet of your life.
Family...

beside you.
Friends...

close and caring.
Health...

surrounding you.
Love...

that never ends.
Special Memories...

of all the yesterdays.
A Bright Today...

with much to be thankful for.
A Path that...

leads to beautiful tomorrows.
Dreams...

that come true.
Appreciation...

for a friend like you!

I Lost My Toot!

Help him find it!

Click here.

How sexy is your name?

According to studies, the first letter of your first name reveals your sexual identity ... What do you think?

A
You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up front person. When it comes to sex, it's action that counts not obscure hints. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenge of the "hunt" invigorating. You are passionate and sexual as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern.

B
You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments and particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be . You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.

C
You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You must be able to talk to your sex partner before, during, and after. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sexual and sensual,needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for long periods without sexual activity. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.

D
Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, being free and open.

E
Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a bedmate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you, but once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you will fall asleep with a good book. (Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good look.)

F
You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt,yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous,sexual,and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic lve scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.

G
You are crap in bed! ( Remember....I didn't write this!!!! LOL)

H
You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and earning ability. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating habits and equally cautious in your sexual involvement. You are a sensual and patient lover.

I
You have a great need to be loved,appreciated...Even worshipped.You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh.You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of sexual expression.You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more sensual than sexual,but you are sometimes downright lustful.

J
You are totally fu*king marvelous!

K
You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste.Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving,cuddling, wining,and dining to know that you're being appreciated.

L
You are very romantic, idealistic, andsomehow you believe that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's savior. You are sincere, passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love. You really enjoy stimulating yourself, though you are fairly new to it. You fantasize and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do not tell others of this secret life, nor of your sexual fantasies.

M
You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and also enjoy mothering your mate.

N
You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible.You are a flirt,yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual,and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.

O
You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your sexual energy into making money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious business; thus you demand intensity and diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.

P
You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count, therefore, you require a good-looking partner.You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy; A good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are relatively free of sexual hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.

Q
You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you, sexually or otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to peo ple of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and lots of conversation to turn you on and keep you going.

R
You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have to be proud of your partner. You are privately very sexy, but you do not brag, you are willing to serve as teacher. Sex is important; you can be a very demanding playmate.

S
You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this.Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along.

T
You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on. You fantasize, but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely intense. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, oftentimes all in your own head.

U
You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement, and freedom. You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy seeing your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong and you desire instant ratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures above your own.

V
You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching him out. You feel a need to get into his head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to encentric types. Often there is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to danger, thrills, and suspense. The gay scene turns you on, even though you yourself may not be a participant.

W
You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic, and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games.

X
You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love affairs,all by yourself, in your own head.

Y
You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forgot the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching, feeling and exploring. However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are an open, stimulating and romantic.

Z
Sorry, there was no "Z" in this post. Catching "Z's" no doubt

WARNING...

Christmas has been canceled
and it is all your fault
because you told Santa
you had been good this year.

And he died laughing!

Santa wants!!!!

Merry Christmas

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November 2004
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the marketing director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The marketing director will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November 2004
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2004
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,"AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline.


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2004
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline.


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2004
RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it; you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know tomatoes have feelings too -- they scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream rightNOW!! I hope you all have a rotten holiday, Drink, drive and die!

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 9th November 2004
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

Visions of ......

... Danced in my head....

The New Bike!

A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."