Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Tuesday, September 08, 2015
Newfoundland Fisherman
A Newfoundlander was stopped by a game warden recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leaving a cove very well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?'
'No sir,' replied the Newfie... 'I don't have a licence - don't need one. You must understand, there are my pet fish."
'Pet fish?'
'Yep, that's the truth. Every night, I take these fish down to the Cove and let them swim around for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into this here ice chest and I take them home.'
'That's a bunch of nonsense! Fish can't do that.'
The Newfie looked at the warden for a moment and then said, 'It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show you. It really works.'
'O.K.', said the warden. 'I've got to see this!'
The Newfie stood on a rock and poured the fish into the cove. Then he stood and looked out to sea.
After several minutes, the warden says, 'Well?'
Well, what?', says the Newf.
The warden says, 'When are you going to call them back?'
'Call who back?'
'The FISH', replied the warden!
'What fish?' replied the Newfie.
Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers on the mainland but by the lard tundering jaysus we ain't as dumb as some Government employees!
The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?'
'No sir,' replied the Newfie... 'I don't have a licence - don't need one. You must understand, there are my pet fish."
'Pet fish?'
'Yep, that's the truth. Every night, I take these fish down to the Cove and let them swim around for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into this here ice chest and I take them home.'
'That's a bunch of nonsense! Fish can't do that.'
The Newfie looked at the warden for a moment and then said, 'It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show you. It really works.'
'O.K.', said the warden. 'I've got to see this!'
The Newfie stood on a rock and poured the fish into the cove. Then he stood and looked out to sea.
After several minutes, the warden says, 'Well?'
Well, what?', says the Newf.
The warden says, 'When are you going to call them back?'
'Call who back?'
'The FISH', replied the warden!
'What fish?' replied the Newfie.
Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers on the mainland but by the lard tundering jaysus we ain't as dumb as some Government employees!
Monday, September 07, 2015
Police comments
#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning? You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, 'fair' is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy & corn dogs, and step in monkey poop."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC (National Crime Information Center)."
#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
#2 "I'm glad to hear that (Police) Chief Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So, you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
#1 "You didn't think we give tickets to pretty women? You're right, we don't. Sign here..."
The Periodic Table Of Meat**
Scientists have long referred to meat as “the building blocks of delicious meals.” In an effort to catalog the world’s most popular (and unpopular) types of meat into an informative and easy-to-reference tabular form, I give you the Periodic Table of Meat:
**pleated-jeans.com (No Filler - Just funny)
Sunday, September 06, 2015
Two dead boys got up to fight
Two dead boys got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other,
One was blind and the other couldn't, see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"
A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don't believe this story’s true,
Ask the blind man he saw it too!
~~~and~~~
Ladies and jelly spoons, hobos and tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
To tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
There’s a Mother’s Day meeting for fathers only.
Wear your best clothes if you haven’t any.
Please come if you can’t; if you can, stay at home.
Admission is free; pay at the door.
Pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit;
The man in the gallery’s sure to spit.
The show is over, but before you go,
Let me tell you a story I don’t really know.
~~~and~~~
The Complete story:
Ladies and jellyspoons, hobos and tramps,
cross-eyed mosquitos and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
to tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
there's a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;
wear your best clothes if you haven't any.
Please come if you can't; if you can, stay at home.
Admission is free, pay at the door;
pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit,
the man in the gallery's sure to spit.
The show is over, but before you go,
let me tell you a story I don't really know.
One bright day in the middle of the night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
(The blind man went to see fair play;
the mute man went to shout "hooray!")
Back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and came and killed the two dead boys.
A paralysed donkey passing by
kicked the blind man in the eye;
knocked him through a nine-inch wall,
into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
If you don't believe this lie is true,
ask the blind man; he saw it too,
through a knothole in a wooden brick wall.
And the man with no legs walked away.
~~~and finally one more~~~
A Nosty Fright
The roldengod and the soneyhuckle,
the sack eyed blusan and the wistle theed
are all tangled with the oison pivy,
the fallen nine peedles and the wumbleteed.
A mipchunk caught in a wobceb tried
to hip and skide in a dandy sune
but a stobler put up a EEP KOFF sign.
Then the unfucky lellow met a phytoon
and was sept out to swea. He difted for drays
till a hassgropper flying happened to spot
the boolish feast all debraggled and wet,
covered with snears and tot.
Loonmight shone through the winey poods
where rushmooms grew among risted twoots.
Back blats flew between the twees
and orned howls hounded their soots.
A kumkpin stood with a tooked creeth
on the sindow will of a house
where a icked wold itch lived all alone
except for her stoombrick, a mitten and a kouse.
"Here we part," said hassgropper.
"Pere we hart," said mipchunk, too.
They purried away on opposite haths,
both scared of some "Bat!" or "Scoo!"
October was ending on a nosty fright
with scroans and greeches and chanking clains,
with oblins and gelfs, coaths and urses,
skinning grulls and stoodblains.
Will it ever be morning, Nofember virst,
skue bly and the sappy hun, our friend?
With light breaves of wall by the fayside?
I sope ho, so that this oem can pend.
Office Dares
ONE-POINT DARES
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say,"Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
5) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,"Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
6) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
7) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
TWO POINT DARES
1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that," I don't want to have to repeat it."
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle(there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
FIVE POINT DARES
1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob."
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two."
5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for 1 hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9) In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10am slot: "See how I look in tights."(5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "You wanna trade?"
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."
13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16) Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits,
smashing each biscuit with your fist.
18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.
And if that wasn't enough for you...
How to keep a healthy level of insanity:
1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4) Put your waste basket on your desk and label it "IN".
5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
7) Don't use any punctuation
8) Use, too...much; punctuation!
9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12) Sing along at the opera.
13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard."
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....
19) Send this post to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.
#1 on How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity is my FAVORITE! I hope you enjoyed this as much as i did! Take care and remember to smile!
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say,"Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
5) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,"Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
6) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
7) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
TWO POINT DARES
1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that," I don't want to have to repeat it."
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle(there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
FIVE POINT DARES
1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob."
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two."
5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for 1 hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9) In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10am slot: "See how I look in tights."(5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "You wanna trade?"
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."
13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16) Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits,
smashing each biscuit with your fist.
18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.
And if that wasn't enough for you...
How to keep a healthy level of insanity:
1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4) Put your waste basket on your desk and label it "IN".
5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
7) Don't use any punctuation
8) Use, too...much; punctuation!
9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12) Sing along at the opera.
13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard."
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....
19) Send this post to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.
#1 on How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity is my FAVORITE! I hope you enjoyed this as much as i did! Take care and remember to smile!
Live Well. Laugh Often.
Saturday, September 05, 2015
Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?
Well....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:
Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved...
Good thing a man's brain requires only two balls.
Good thing a man's brain requires only two balls.
The 10 Most Disturbing Scientific Discoveries
The 10 most disturbing scientific discoveries ever!
Scientists have come to some surprising conclusions about the world and our place in it. Are some things just better left unknown? Click on the picture above.
Scientists have come to some surprising conclusions about the world and our place in it. Are some things just better left unknown? Click on the picture above.
Stupid Is As Stupid Says...
ABERDEEN BREWING CO.
JOIN US IN THE THISTLE LOUNGE FOR MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
HOURS
Closed Monday
Tues–Thurs 11:30 am–11 pm
Fri–Sat 11:30 am–12 am
Sun 11:30 am–10 pm
ad for an Indiana restaurant
WOMAN FLEEING WHATCOM DEPUTIES, HELICOPTER FOUND HIDING IN PORTABLE TOILET
Bellingham (Washington) Herald
-- ON LACHRYMOTIC THEORY, GERMAN CONNECTION --
She didn't like tears. No Brits do. They've been bombed by the Nazis.
actor Tom Sizemore in his memoir, about his love affair with Elizabeth Hurley
-- ON GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESS CONFERENCES, HISTORIC --
Reporter: Mr. Secretary, has anyone asked you the whereabouts of Mr. Molotov?
Secretary of State Dean Rusk (just back from a summit): No. No one has asked me that question. You can if you want to.
Reporter: Well, sir, where is Mr. Molotov?
Rusk: I haven't the faintest idea.
Secretary of State Dean Rusk (just back from a summit): No. No one has asked me that question. You can if you want to.
Reporter: Well, sir, where is Mr. Molotov?
Rusk: I haven't the faintest idea.
-- ON ROAD SIGNS, INTRIGUING --
GO SLOW, ACCIDENT PORN AREA
road sign, India
Friday, September 04, 2015
Reaction Effect
Reaction Effect is a simple game to understand, and it's quite addictive.
The board consists of a matrix of 16x16 circles. Each circle has a curved line on it and rotates 90 degrees when you click it. When the edge of a line touches the edge of a line on another circle, that circle makes a 90-degree turn as well; once it turns, it may line up with another circle and cause it to turn. It's a chain reaction that sounds a tad complex on paper, but once you click a single circle, you get it instantly.
For every move of a circle, you get a point. Therefore, if you click a circle and it causes another circle to move, that's two points for you. If you click a circle and it causes 566 other circles to move in a crazy cascade of chain reactions, you get 567 points.
There's no timer, no enemies, and no level bosses. There isn't even a soundtrack to get on your nerves. It's a simple, soothing brain teaser. How much did you get?
The board consists of a matrix of 16x16 circles. Each circle has a curved line on it and rotates 90 degrees when you click it. When the edge of a line touches the edge of a line on another circle, that circle makes a 90-degree turn as well; once it turns, it may line up with another circle and cause it to turn. It's a chain reaction that sounds a tad complex on paper, but once you click a single circle, you get it instantly.
For every move of a circle, you get a point. Therefore, if you click a circle and it causes another circle to move, that's two points for you. If you click a circle and it causes 566 other circles to move in a crazy cascade of chain reactions, you get 567 points.
There's no timer, no enemies, and no level bosses. There isn't even a soundtrack to get on your nerves. It's a simple, soothing brain teaser. How much did you get?
Explain the Ostrich
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
If You Were Arrested for Kindness
by MICHAEL JOSEPHSON, in CARING, COMPASSION, COMMENTARIES
If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?
Some people cheer up a room by entering it, others by leaving it.
What do you bring to your interactions with workmates, friends, and family?
Is it encouragement, optimism, or kind words? Or is it pessimism, criticism, or cynicism?
People often forget what we say and usually what we do, but as Maya Angelou said, “They always remember how we made them feel.”
Here are some other wise words about kindness:
“Wise sayings often fall on barren ground, but a kind word is never thrown away.”
– Sir Arthur Helps
“You will regret many things in life, but you will never regret being too kind or too fair.”
– Brian Tracy
“Don’t wait for people to be kind. Show them how.”
– Anonymous
“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.”
– Oscar Wilde
“That best portion of a good man’s life: his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.”
– William Wordsworth
“Kindness is loving people more than they deserve.”
– Joseph Joubert
“We are made kind by being kind.”
– Eric Hoffer
“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.”
– Theodore Isaac Rubin, M.D.
“Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true.”
– Robert Brault
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Some people cheer up a room by entering it, others by leaving it.
What do you bring to your interactions with workmates, friends, and family?
Is it encouragement, optimism, or kind words? Or is it pessimism, criticism, or cynicism?
People often forget what we say and usually what we do, but as Maya Angelou said, “They always remember how we made them feel.”
Here are some other wise words about kindness:
“Wise sayings often fall on barren ground, but a kind word is never thrown away.”
– Sir Arthur Helps
“You will regret many things in life, but you will never regret being too kind or too fair.”
– Brian Tracy
“Don’t wait for people to be kind. Show them how.”
– Anonymous
“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.”
– Oscar Wilde
“That best portion of a good man’s life: his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.”
– William Wordsworth
“Kindness is loving people more than they deserve.”
– Joseph Joubert
“We are made kind by being kind.”
– Eric Hoffer
“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.”
– Theodore Isaac Rubin, M.D.
“Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true.”
– Robert Brault
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Thursday, September 03, 2015
Heartbreak around the world as the body of a dead child washes up on a Turkish beach
How much more of this has to happen before the issues are dealt with properly? I do not have the answer, but I hope to god someone does. I know that Canada can and MUST start approving more migrants from Syria, so they don't have to participate with human smugglers. Far too many people are dying. How many more? How many more?
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Ryan Willey: I Still Am a Man of Faith
Ryan Willey: I Still Am a Man of Faith: Let me clarify something that I'm sure many of my friends and family have been wondering. Yes, i walk a path that is somewhat taboo in ...
The Magic Gopher
Click Above.
If you can't figure it out, The Wizard has the answer! Email me by clicking on my picture at the top of 'OZ' and I will send you the trick.
City of the future! from 1925
Click on the image for a larger one! It will open a new window - you may have to click on the image to see it full size. Fascinating!
Wednesday, September 02, 2015
Dean Jones passes away at age 84
one of The Wizard's beloved actors.
BroadwayWorld is saddened to report that actor Dean Jones passed away of Parkinson's disease yesterday, September 1, 2015 in Los Angeles. He was 84. Jones, who was inducted into the Disney LEGENDS Hall of Fame in 1995, appeared in 46 films, 5 Broadway shows, and numerous television series and specials.
Jones, who started his career as the host of a local Alabama radio show, DEAN JONES SINGS, and as a producer of stage shows, parlayed his skill as a light comedian into such films as THE LOVE BUG, UNDER THE YUM-YUM TREE, THAT DARN CAT, THE SHAGGY D.A., THE MILLION DOLLAR DUCK, SNOWBALL EXPRESS, HERBIE GOES TO MONTE CARLO and BEETHOVEN.
Born Dean Carroll Jones on January 25, 1931 in Decatur, Alabama, the only child of Guy and Nolia Jones, he served in the Navy during the Korean War and attended Asbury University in Kentucky, which awarded him an honorary degree in 2002.
Jones made his Broadway debut in THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL with Jane Fonda in 1960 followed by UNDER THE YUM-YUM TREE in the same year. Jones' other Broadway credits include the original role of "Bobby" in Harold Prince/Stephen Sondheim's COMPANY, and as "Cap'n Andy" in the national tour of Harold Prince's SHOW BOAT. He also toured in the one-man play, ST. JOHN IN EXILE, directed by Emmy Award winning director, Dan Curtis (War and Remembrance). Many critics called it a "masterpiece."
Jones' film grosses exceeded $960 million and six of his ten films for Walt Disney are on Variety's all-time hit list. Under contract at MGM, Jones made his film debut in SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME and JAILHOUSE ROCK with Elvis Presley soon followed. Jones' films include the film version of UNDER THE YUM-YUM TREE, ANY WEDNESDAY, THE NEW INTERNS, NEVER SO FEW, OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY, WHEN EVERY DAY WAS THE FOURTH OF JULY, A BRUSH WITH TIME and Tom Clancy's CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER. Jones made his television debut in STAGECOACH WEST, followed by ENSIGN O'TOOLE and numerous other television shows and specials.
Jones founded Christian Rescue Committee (now Christian Rescue Fund) an organization which provides a way of escape to Jews, Christians and others persecuted for their faith. Jones' other charitable activities included international child-care and world hunger.
Devoted to his cherished family, Jones is survived by his wife of 42 years, writer Lory Basham Jones; three children, Caroline Jones, Deanna Demaree and Michael Pastick; 8 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren.
A memorial service will be scheduled for a later date. In lieu of flowers, donations can be sent to Christian Rescue Fund c/o Jubilee Campaign USA, 9689-C Main Street, Fairfax, VA 22150.
Jones, who started his career as the host of a local Alabama radio show, DEAN JONES SINGS, and as a producer of stage shows, parlayed his skill as a light comedian into such films as THE LOVE BUG, UNDER THE YUM-YUM TREE, THAT DARN CAT, THE SHAGGY D.A., THE MILLION DOLLAR DUCK, SNOWBALL EXPRESS, HERBIE GOES TO MONTE CARLO and BEETHOVEN.
Born Dean Carroll Jones on January 25, 1931 in Decatur, Alabama, the only child of Guy and Nolia Jones, he served in the Navy during the Korean War and attended Asbury University in Kentucky, which awarded him an honorary degree in 2002.
Jones made his Broadway debut in THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL with Jane Fonda in 1960 followed by UNDER THE YUM-YUM TREE in the same year. Jones' other Broadway credits include the original role of "Bobby" in Harold Prince/Stephen Sondheim's COMPANY, and as "Cap'n Andy" in the national tour of Harold Prince's SHOW BOAT. He also toured in the one-man play, ST. JOHN IN EXILE, directed by Emmy Award winning director, Dan Curtis (War and Remembrance). Many critics called it a "masterpiece."
Jones' film grosses exceeded $960 million and six of his ten films for Walt Disney are on Variety's all-time hit list. Under contract at MGM, Jones made his film debut in SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME and JAILHOUSE ROCK with Elvis Presley soon followed. Jones' films include the film version of UNDER THE YUM-YUM TREE, ANY WEDNESDAY, THE NEW INTERNS, NEVER SO FEW, OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY, WHEN EVERY DAY WAS THE FOURTH OF JULY, A BRUSH WITH TIME and Tom Clancy's CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER. Jones made his television debut in STAGECOACH WEST, followed by ENSIGN O'TOOLE and numerous other television shows and specials.
Jones founded Christian Rescue Committee (now Christian Rescue Fund) an organization which provides a way of escape to Jews, Christians and others persecuted for their faith. Jones' other charitable activities included international child-care and world hunger.
Devoted to his cherished family, Jones is survived by his wife of 42 years, writer Lory Basham Jones; three children, Caroline Jones, Deanna Demaree and Michael Pastick; 8 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren.
A memorial service will be scheduled for a later date. In lieu of flowers, donations can be sent to Christian Rescue Fund c/o Jubilee Campaign USA, 9689-C Main Street, Fairfax, VA 22150.
The Nun in Hooters
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while 'the lights would turn off.'
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'
'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'
'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would you like a drink?'
'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.
'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out here in the bar. Now - how about that drink?'
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while 'the lights would turn off.'
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'
'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'
'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would you like a drink?'
'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.
'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out here in the bar. Now - how about that drink?'
Gone Cat-Fishing
Two men fishing off of a boat on the Warrior River in Alabama were surprised by a duo of swimming kittens approaching their boat.
The kittens seem to have jumped into the water upon seeing the boat, looking to be rescued. After the first kitten was helped on board, the second quickly followed suit, jumping into the water and swimming the distance to the boat.
The kittens seem to have jumped into the water upon seeing the boat, looking to be rescued. After the first kitten was helped on board, the second quickly followed suit, jumping into the water and swimming the distance to the boat.
One pound deer
Had to send this one forward. One of those beautiful miracles given us each day and which are mostly lost. A brief moment that renews our spirit and gives joy to the heart. Kinda 'makes your day doesn't it ?
This tiny deer was delivered by Caesarean section at a Wildlife hospital after a car killed his mother.
Little Rupert, who is so small he can fit in an adult's hand, was born after vets failed in their battle to save his mother.
At just 6" tall and weighing just over a pound, he is now in an incubator in the intensive care unit at Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital in Buckinghamshire. He has only recently opened his eyes.
Les Stocker, founder of Tiggywinkles, said, "Rupert's mother had very severe injuries. We brought him out and got him breathing, and then he went into an incubator on oxygen. He is now being fed by a tube."
Staff members are optimistic that Rupert, now 5 days old, will make a full recovery. "Deer are very, very tricky, but this one has spirit. He's an extremely feisty, Little guy and quite pushy," Mr. Stocker said.
This tiny deer was delivered by Caesarean section at a Wildlife hospital after a car killed his mother.
Little Rupert, who is so small he can fit in an adult's hand, was born after vets failed in their battle to save his mother.
At just 6" tall and weighing just over a pound, he is now in an incubator in the intensive care unit at Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital in Buckinghamshire. He has only recently opened his eyes.
Les Stocker, founder of Tiggywinkles, said, "Rupert's mother had very severe injuries. We brought him out and got him breathing, and then he went into an incubator on oxygen. He is now being fed by a tube."
Staff members are optimistic that Rupert, now 5 days old, will make a full recovery. "Deer are very, very tricky, but this one has spirit. He's an extremely feisty, Little guy and quite pushy," Mr. Stocker said.
Tuesday, September 01, 2015
The Zen of Sarcasm
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique.
Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone,
you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them,
you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9 . If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is probably not for you.
10 . Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12 . If you tell the truth,
you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug;
some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal
until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is
to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.
19 . Generally speaking, you aren't learning much
when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get
until just after you need it.
21 . Never miss a good chance to shut up.
AND
22 . Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique.
Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone,
you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them,
you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9 . If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is probably not for you.
10 . Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12 . If you tell the truth,
you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug;
some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal
until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is
to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.
19 . Generally speaking, you aren't learning much
when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get
until just after you need it.
21 . Never miss a good chance to shut up.
AND
22 . Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Gay Cowboy
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.
He returned around 2:30 AM, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now takeoff my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the firelight.
"Now take off my bra."
Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said:
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"
She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.
He returned around 2:30 AM, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now takeoff my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the firelight.
"Now take off my bra."
Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said:
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"
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