TRIBUTE TO STEVE IRWIN

A tribute to one of my favourite people

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10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Will Ruin US Society

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4. Straight marriage has been around long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

*Posted at Bligbi

Where do pets come from?

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to the question "Where do pets come from?"

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal.

And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a sh*t one way or the other.

THE BATHTUB TEST

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

DID YOU PASS, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED IN THE ROOM NEXT TO MINE?

PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

A & Q

I have decided to remove this post of jokes about Dyslexia. I feel it was in bad taste...and put something more reasonable up

Common Myths about Dyslexia

* Dyslexia is rare: Dyslexia touch about 23% of the population.


* Dyslexics will not succeed in life: A great majority of dyslexics have invented or done something great for humanity.


* Dyslexia will prevent your child from succeeding: Your child should succeed not despite dyslexia but because of it.


* Dyslexia: Why the Confusion? Dyslexics are learning disabled: Dyslexics can also be learning disabled but usually they only become learning disabled because of ineffective teaching.


* It is difficult to diagnose: It is easy once we know what we are looking for.


* Reading difficulties disappears with age: Not if it’s dyslexia.


* Repeating a school grade can remove dyslexia: To do more of the same that made you fail in the first place.


* Dyslexia is limited to those who reverse letters or numbers: Only 10% of dyslexics reverses letters.


* Dyslexia is caused by parents who do not read to their children: Some parents read often to their children, some are writers, own book shops, are translators…


* Dyslexia cannot be diagnosed until a child is in third-grade: It should be diagnosed in kindergarten


* Only a psychologist can assess individuals with Dyslexia: Only if he has received training in the assessment of people with dyslexia


Extract of: BRAZEAU-WARD, Louise, «I'm confused, is it dyslexia or is it learning dissability?», Canadian Dyslexia Centre, 2003.

Famous People with Dyslexia ~ Authors

Agatha Christie (1890 – 1976), was an English crime fiction writer. She also wrote romances under the name Mary Westmacott, but is remembered for her 66 mystery novels. Her work with mystery novels, particularly featuring detectives Hercule Poirot or Miss Marple, have given her the title the 'Queen of Crime' and made her one of the most important and innovative writers in the development of the mystery novel. Christie has been called - by the Guinness Book of World Records, among others - the best-selling writer of books of all time, and the best-selling writer of any kind second to William Shakespeare.
An estimated one billion copies of her novels have been sold in English, and another billion in 103 other languages. As an example of her broad appeal, she is the all-time best-selling author in France, with over 40 million copies sold in French (as of 2003) versus 22 million for Emile Zola, the nearest contender. In 1955, Christie was the first recipient of the Mystery Writers of America's highest honor, the Grand Master Award, and in the same year, Witness for the Prosecution was given an Edgar Award by the MWA, for Best Play.

Edgar Allan Poe (1809 – 1849) was an American poet, short story writer, editor, critic and one of the leaders of the American Romantic Movement. Best known for his tales of the macabre, Poe was one of the early American practitioners of the short story and a progenitor of detective fiction and crime fiction. He is also credited with contributing to the emergent science fiction genre.

Ernest Miller Hemingway (1899 – 1961) was an American novelist, short-story writer, and journalist. His distinctive writing style is characterized by economy and understatement and had a significant influence on the development of twentieth century fiction writing. Hemingway's protagonists are typically stoics, men who must show "grace under pressure." Many of his works are considered classics in the canon of American literature. Hemingway, nicknamed "Papa," was part of the 1920s expatriate community in Paris, as described in his memoir A Moveable Feast, and was known as part of "the Lost Generation," a name he popularized. He led a turbulent social life, was married four times, and allegedly had various romantic relationships during his lifetime. Hemingway received the Pulitzer Prize in 1953 for The Old Man and the Sea. He received the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1954.

Jules Verne (1828 – 1905) was a French author and a pioneer of the science-fiction genre best known for novels such as Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea (1870), Journey To The Center Of The Earth (1864), and Around the World in Eighty Days (1873). Verne was noted for writing about space, air, and underwater travel before air travel and submarines were actually invented, and before practical means of space travel had been devised. He is the third most translated author in the world, according to the Index Translationum statistics. Some of his books have been made into films. Verne, along with Hugo Gernsback and H. G. Wells, is often popularly referred to as the "Father of Science Fiction"

Famous People with Dyslexia ~ Artists

Ludwig van Beethoven (1770 - 1827) was a German composer. He is generally regarded as one of the greatest composers in the history of music, and was the predominant figure in the transitional period between the Classical and Romantic eras in Western classical music. His reputation and genius have inspired — and in many cases intimidated — ensuing generations of composers, musicians, and audiences. While primarily known today as a composer, he was also a celebrated pianist and conductor, and an accomplished violinist. Born in Bonn, Germany, he moved to Vienna, Austria, in his early twenties, and settled there, studying with Joseph Haydn and quickly gaining a reputation as a virtuoso pianist.
In his late twenties he began to lose his hearing gradually, and yet he continued to produce notable masterpieces throughout his life, even when his deafness was almost total. Beethoven was one of the first composers who worked as a freelance — arranging subscription concerts, selling his compositions to publishers, and gaining financial support from a number of wealthy patrons — rather than being permanently employed by the church or by an aristocratic court.

Leonardo da Vinci (1452 –1519) was an Italian polymath: architect, anatomist, sculptor, engineer, inventor, mathematician, musician, scientist, and painter. He has been described as the archetype of the "Renaissance man", a man infinitely curious and equally inventive. He is widely considered to be one of the greatest painters of all time, and perhaps the most intelligent and capable man to ever have lived.
Leonardo is famous for his realistic paintings, such as the Mona Lisa and The Last Supper, as well as for influential drawings such as the Vitruvian Man. He conceived ideas vastly ahead of his own time, notably conceptually inventing a helicopter, a tank, the use of concentrated solar power, a calculator, a rudimentary theory of plate tectonics, the double hull, and many others. In addition, he greatly advanced the state of knowledge in the fields of anatomy, astronomy, civil engineering, optics, and the study of water (hydrodynamics).

Mozart (1756 – 1791) was a prolific and influential composer in the Classical era. His output of more than six hundred compositions includes works widely acknowledged as pinnacles of symphonic, concertante, chamber, piano, operatic, and choral music. Mozart is among the most enduringly popular of European composers, and many of his works are part of the standard concert repertoire. He is generally considered to be one of the greatest composers of classical music.

Pablo Ruiz Picasso (1881 - 1973) was a Spanish painter and sculptor, one of the most recognized figures in 20th century art, he is best known as the co-founder, along with Georges Braque, of cubism. It has been estimated that Picasso produced about 13,500 paintings or designs, 100,000 prints or engravings, 34,000 book illustrations and 300 sculptures or ceramics.

Vincent van Gogh (1853 – 1890) was a Dutch draughtsman and painter, classified as a Post-Impressionist. His paintings and drawings include some of the world's best known, most popular and most expensive pieces. He did not embark upon a career as an artist until 1880, at the age of 27. Initially he worked in sombre colours, until an encounter in Paris with Impressionism and Neo-Impressionism accelerated his artistic development. He produced all of his more than 2,000 works, including around 900 paintings and 1100 drawings or sketches, during the last ten years of his life. Most of his best-known works were produced in the final two years of his life, and in the two months before his death he painted 90 pictures.

Famous People with Dyslexia ~ Politicians

Benjamin Franklin (1706 – 1790) was one of the most well-known Founding Fathers of the United States. He was a leading author, politician, printer, scientist, philosopher, publisher, inventor, civic activist, and diplomat. As a scientist he was a major figure in the history of physics for his discoveries and theories regarding electricity. As a political writer and activist he, more than anyone, invented the idea of an American nation, and as a diplomat during the American Revolution, he secured the French alliance that made independence possible. Franklin was noted for his curiosity, his writings (popular, political and scientific), and his diversity of interests. His writings are proverbial for being wise and scintillating to this day. As a leader of the Enlightenment, he gained the recognition of scientists and intellectuals across Europe.

John F. Kennedy (1917 – 1963), was the 35th President of the United States. He served from 1961 until his assassination in 1963. His leadership during the USS PT-109 incident during the Second World War in the South Pacific was a turning point in his life. Kennedy represented Massachusetts from 1947 to 1960, first as a member of the U.S. House of Representatives and then in the U.S. Senate. He was elected President in 1960 in one of the closest elections in American history. He is the only Roman Catholic to be elected President of the United States. Major events during his presidency include the Bay of Pigs invasion, the Cuban Missile Crisis, the building of the Berlin Wall, the Space Race, early events of the Vietnam War and the American Civil Rights Movement. John F. Kennedy was assassinated on November 22, 1963 in Dallas, Texas.

Nelson Aldrich Rockefeller (July 8, 1908 – January 26, 1979) was an American Vice President, governor of New York State, philanthropist and businessman. A leader of the liberal wing of the Republican Party, he was Governor of New York from 1959 to 1973, where he launched many construction and modernization projects. Scion of one of the world's richest and best known families, he failed repeatedly in his attempts to become president, but he was appointed Vice President of the United States of America in 1974. He served from 1974 to 1977, and did not join the 1976 GOP national ticket with President Gerald Ford. He retired from politics when his term as Vice President was over.

Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) was an English statesman, soldier, and author, best known as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom during the Second World War. Well-known as an orator, strategist, and politician, Churchill was one of the most important leaders in modern British and world history. He won the 1953 Nobel Prize in Literature for his many books on English and world history. Sir Winston Churchill was voted the greatest-ever Briton in the 2002 BBC poll the 100 Greatest Britons.

Famous People with Dyslexia ~ Scientists

Albert Einstein (1879 – 1955) was a German-born theoretical physicist widely considered one of the greatest physicists of all time. While best known for the theory of relativity (and specifically mass-energy equivalence, E=mc2), he was awarded the 1921 Nobel Prize in Physics for his 1905 explanation of the photoelectric effect and "for his services to Theoretical Physics". He was known for many scientific investigations, among which were: his special theory of relativity which stemmed from an attempt to reconcile the laws of mechanics with the laws of the electromagnetic field, his general theory of relativity which extended the principle of relativity to include gravitation, relativistic cosmology, capillary action, critical opalescence, classical problems of statistical mechanics and problems in which they were merged with quantum theory, leading to an explanation of the Brownian movement of molecules; atomic transition probabilities, the probabilistic interpretation of quantum theory, the quantum theory of a monatomic gas, the thermal properties of light with a low radiation density which laid the foundation of the photon theory of light, the theory of radiation, including stimulated emission; the construction of a unified field theory, and the geometrization of physics.

Alexander Graham Bell (1847 – 1922) was a Scottish scientist and inventor who emigrated to Canada and later the United States. Today, Bell is widely considered as one of the foremost developers of the telephone, together with Antonio Meucci – inventor of the first telephone prototype – and Philipp Reis. In addition to Bell's work in telecommunications technology, he was responsible for important advances in aviation and hydrofoil technology. Much of his later work was done in Canada.

Galileo Galilei (1564 – 1642) was an Italian physicist, astronomer, and philosopher who is closely associated with the scientific revolution. His achievements include improvements to the telescope, a variety of astronomical observations, and effective support for Copernicanism. According to Stephen Hawking, Galileo probably contributed more to the creation of the modern natural sciences than anybody else. He is often referred to as the "father of modern astronomy," as the "father of modern physics", and as the "father of science". The work of Galileo is considered to be a significant break from that of Aristotle. The motion of uniformly accelerated objects, treated in nearly all high school and introductory college physics courses, was studied by Galileo as the subject of kinematics.

Thomas Alva Edison (1847 – 1931) was an American inventor and businessman who developed many devices which greatly influenced life worldwide into the 21st century. Dubbed "The Wizard of Menlo Park" by a newspaper reporter, he was one of the first inventors to apply the principles of mass production to the process of invention, and can therefore be credited with the creation of the first industrial research laboratory. Some of the inventions attributed to him were not completely original but amounted to improvements of earlier inventions or were actually created by numerous employees working under his direction. Nevertheless, Edison is considered one of the most prolific inventors in history, holding 1,097 U.S. patents in his name, as well as many patents in the United Kingdom, France, and Germany. He lived to the age of 84.

Famous People with Dyslexia ~ Business People

William Henry Gates III (born October 28, 1955) is an American entrepreneur and the co-founder, chairman, former chief software architect, and former CEO of Microsoft, the world's largest software company. Forbes magazine's list of The World's Billionaires has ranked him as the richest person on earth for the last thirteen consecutive years, with a current net worth of approximately $53 billion. When family wealth is considered, his family ranks second behind the Walton family. Gates is one of the best-known entrepreneurs of the personal computer revolution. Since amassing his fortune, Gates has pursued a number of philanthropic endeavors, donating large amounts of money to various charitable organizations and scientific research programs through the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, established in 2000.

Nicholas Negroponte (born 1943) is an architect and computer scientist best known as the founder and Chairman Emeritus of Massachusetts Institute of Technology's Media Lab. He is the younger brother of John Negroponte, former United States Director of National Intelligence.

William R. Hewlett (1913 – 2001) was the co-founder, with David Packard, of the Hewlett-Packard Company (HP). Hewlett received his Bachelor's degree from Stanford University in 1934, an MS degree in EECS from MIT in 1936, and the degree of Electrical Engineer from Stanford in 1939. Hewlett attended classes taught by Fred Terman at Stanford and became acquainted with David Packard during his undergraduate work at Stanford. He and Packard began discussing forming a company in August of 1937, and formally incorporated Hewlett-Packard Company on January 1, 1939. In 1939, he also married Flora Lamson, and the couple eventually had five children: Eleanor, Walter, James, William and Mary. He was President of HP from 1964 to 1977, and served as CEO from 1968 to 1978, when he was succeeded by John A. Young. He remained chairman of the executive committee until 1983, and then served as vice chairman of the board until 1987. In 1995 he received the Lemelson-MIT Prize Lifetime Achievement Award.

Famous People with Dyslexia ~ Actors

Jack Nicholson (born April 22, 1937) is an iconic, three-time Academy Award and seven time Golden Globe winning American method actor known for his often dark-themed portrayals of neurotic characters. He has been nominated for an Academy Award 12 times (winning 3 of them), more than any other male actor, and second only to Meryl Streep (who has 13 nominations and 2 wins) in total nominations. He is tied with Walter Brennan for most wins by a male actor, and second to Katharine Hepburn for most acting wins overall (Hepburn had 4). He has also won seven Golden Globe Awards and he received a Kennedy Center Honors in 2001.

Robin Williams (born July 21, 1951) is an Academy Award-winning American actor and comedian. As an actor he has had starring roles on television, stage, and film. The majority of Williams' acting career has been in film, although he has given some memorable performances on stage as well (notably as Estragon in a production of Waiting for Godot). His first starring roles, Popeye (1980) and The World According to Garp (1982), were both considered flops, but with Good Morning, Vietnam (1987) Williams was nominated for an Academy Award and established a screen identity. Many of his roles have been comedies tinged with pathos, for example, The Birdcage, Mrs. Doubtfire.

Tom Cruise (born July 3, 1962) is a three-time Academy Award-nominated, Golden Globe Award-winning American actor and film producer. Counted as one of the most successful movie stars in Hollywood, he is the only actor to have six consecutive $100 million plus blockbusters on his resume. His first leading role in a blockbuster movie was 1983's Risky Business. From then on, he starred in many top films, becoming an iconic celebrity of Hollywood. Despite the recent scrutinizing media coverage of his personal life, mainly regarding his support of Scientology and his related criticism of psychiatry, he remains a star of worldwide renown.

*Canadian Dyslexia Association

Mandate: The mandate of the Canadian Dyslexia Association is to promote awareness of dyslexia in order to improve the quality of life of the estimated five million Canadians who have dyslexia.

Wise Words

Success

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Education

"Education is the Manifestation of the Perfection that is already in Man"

- Swami Vivekananda -

Live UR Life

Be a rose which gives fragrance even to those who crushes it.


COUNTING THE UNCOUNTABLE

There are those that not only count their chickens before they hatch, they even count their eggs before they’re laid.

Green Thumb

Keeping up an active hobby such as gardening when older may be one way to keep your mind young. Studies show that older people that regularly indulged in gardening have a lower risk of dementia compared to non-active older people.

How to give your child positive feedback

Done correctly, positive feedback motivates, nurtures independence, boost self-esteem and helps set reasonable expectations for your child.

That’s why it’s important to praise children of all ages. However, the way to offer praise should differ depending on the child’s age. While it’s OK to high-five your 2-year-old when she puts her socks on for the first time, you don’t want to cheer on your 9-year-old for dressing himself.

For toddlers, positive feedback should take the form of praise for good behavior and new accomplishments. As they grow older, praise the efforts and progress they make toward goals.

Giggles, Guffaws, and Groaners

A policeman brought four boys before a judge.

"They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor," he said.

"Boys," said the judge sternly, "I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency.

Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong."

"My name is George," said the first boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."

"My name is Pete," said the second boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."

"My name is Mike," said the third boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."

"My name is Peanuts," said the fourth boy.



God created the donkey & said to him: You will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence & you will live 50 years.

You will be a donkey. The donkey answered: I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is too much. Give me only 20 years. God granted his wish.

God created the dog and said to him: "You will be a dog.” You will guard the house of man. You will be his best friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 25 years. You will be a dog. The dog answered: Master, to live 25 years is too much, you give me only 10 years. God granted his wish. God created the Monkey and said to him: You will be a monkey.” You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey. The monkey answered: Master to live 20 years is too much, you give me only 10 years. God granted his wish.

Finally God created the man and said to him: You will be a man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.” You will use your intelligence to become master over all animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years. Man responded: "I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused. God granted his wish. And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, he marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are gone, he lives 15 years like a dog, taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house, from one son or daughter to another, doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.



An Antartian died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer three questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".

2. How many seconds are in a year?

3. What is God's first name?

The Antartian thought for a few minutes and answered...

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.

2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

3. God has two first names, and they are Andy and Howard."

Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.

But how did you get 12 seconds in a year, and why did you ever think that God's first name was either Andy or Howard?"

The Antartian replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."

"OK, I give," said Saint Peter, "but what about the God's first name stuff?"

The Antartian said, "Well, from the song....Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own..., and the prayer...Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...."

Saint Peter let him in without another word.



A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined." "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!" "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But, I did send them." "What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously. "Yes. That's how we won the case." "I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card."



When Ted was putting flowers on his Grandmother's grave he noticed a man, very distraught, in front of a tombstone several yards away. The man was on his knees, hands tightly clasped in front of him, rocking back and forth, head tilted upward to heaven, tears streaming down his cheeks, moaning softly, "Why did you die? Why did you die?" Over and over again.

Ted was overcome with emotion at this sight and went over to the poor man to try and console him. "Why did you die? Why did you die?" bellowed the man again and again. Ted gently put his arm around the man and half whispered to him, "My Grandmother is buried just over there. Is a loved one of yours buried here?"

"No," sniffled the man, "It's my wife's first husband."



An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says,

"No way, buddy, you're too drunk."

A few minutes later, the drunk comes in though the bathroom. Again he slurs, "Give me a drink," and the bartender says, "No, man, I told you last time -- you're too drunk"

Five minutes later the guy comes in though the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, "You're too drunk"

The drunk scratches his head and says "Dang, I must be. The last two places said the same thing."



Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

His wife replied, "Why thank you, dear!"

Memories

As my eyesight dims,
I see things more clearly.
As my hearing fades,
the music becomes more beautiful.
As my mind withers,
the memories --
Hey, whatever happened to Alan Funt?
His name always made me giggle.

A Daily Affirmation

With open heart and opened mind,
I embrace the world.
In perfect love and perfect trust,
I embrace the world.
Let all who I encounter
Grant me the same accord.
May we see only friends
In the faces that we pass.
Cast off dark thoughts
And walk into the light.
This is my will.
So mote it be


"AnkhIwiEmHotep"
Life and Peace be with You --Cinosam

Crystal Meth

Dealing with Teenage Methamphetamine Use

Identifying and dealing with teenage drug use is a frightening prospect for any parent. But we live in a world where teens have so many opportunities for losing their way. They have the time and money for vices and less supervision at home. And drugs today are even more powerful and addictive than ever.

Methamphetamine (known on the street as "speed," "meth," "crank," "crystal-meth") is a central nervous system stimulant that is among the most dangerous drugs available. Like cocaine, it is a powerful "upper" that produces alertness and feelings of elation, along with a variety of adverse reactions. Methamphetamine is sometimes called the "poor man’s cocaine," because it costs nearly the same as cocaine with much longer lasting effects.

Methamphetamine can be swallowed, smoked, snorted, or injected. Under the influence of the drug, users often become agitated and "wired." Their behaviour becomes unpredictable: friendly and calm one moment, angry and terrified the next. Once users become too tired to continue using or run out of meth, they will begin to "crash." Initially, the crash is marked by agitated depression, which soon gives way to lethargy, followed by a long deep sleep. Once the user awakens, the depression returns and may last for days. This is the time when the potential for suicide is high.

With prolonged high-dose use or long binges, stimulant psychosis may develop. User may feel intensely paranoid, hear voices, and experience bizarre delusions (such as thinking that people are talking about and/or following them). Methamphetamine-induced panic and psychosis can be extremely dangerous and may result in incidents of extreme violence.

Dangers and consequences of meth use include:

• sleeplessness
  
• nausea, vomiting, diarrhea
  
• skin ulceration and infection, the result of picking at imaginary bugs
  
• paranoia, anxiety, irritability
  
• depression
  
• increased blood pressure due to the constriction of blood vessels (may produce headaches, chest pain, or irregular heartbeat and lead to stroke or heart attack)
  
• seizures
  
• permanent brain cell damage
  
• for intravenous (IV) users: AIDS, hepatitis, infections and sores at the injection site, and infection of the heart lining and valves (endocarditis)

If you are a parent concerned that your teenager may be using meth, there are symptoms you should look for. You may notice a striking degeneration of your child's attitude, school attendance and marks, dress, personal hygiene, complexion and skin condition, along with increased mood swings, weight loss, and irregular sleeping patterns such as long waking and sleeping periods (days). A change of friends, secrecy, missing monies and valuables, dropping out of extra curriculum activities, and verbal aggression and/or the threat of physical aggression are also warning signs. If you suspect your child of drug use, contact a professional or counselor to help guide you through the process of acknowledging, confronting, and dealing with this problem. Professionals, non-profits, and faith-based organizations are available throughout Saskatchewan to help you and your family through this difficult time. Teen Challenge Saskatchewan Phone: 306-664-4673

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The Space Shuttle Through History

NASA's shuttle program was marked by stunning developments and devastating loss. With its current fleet retired, here is a look back at some of the more notable missions.


1981 -- Columbia


Columbia becomes the first shuttle to go into orbit, launching on April 12, 1981, for a two-day mission.

The objective of the mission is to "demonstrate safe launch into orbit and safe return of the orbiter and crew," says a summary of the flight on NASA's website. It is also used to "verify the combined performance of the entire shuttle vehicle - orbiter, solid rocket boosters and external tank."


All systems test successfully, NASA says.

The second shuttle mission occurs seven months later.


1984 - Challenger


Canadian Astronaut Marc Garneau became the first Canadian in space when he flies aboard the space shuttle Challenger in 1984.

1986 -- Challenger


On Jan. 28, 1986, many gather around their TV sets to watch the launch of Challenger. Aboard is the first teacher to go into space, Christa McAuliffe.

Just 73 seconds after liftoff, a series of structures fail on the shuttle, causing it to explode. The flaw that brings down Challenger is a poorly designed seal in the shuttle's solid rocket booster.

The shuttle program is suspended pending an investigation. In 1988, Discovery is the first spaceflight attempt after the Challenger accident.

1990 -- Discovery


The Hubble Space Telescope is taken to space aboard Discovery on April 24, 1990. It is deployed in a 610-statue-kilometre orbit.

Hubble revolutionized astronomy with its pictures of the universe. But it has recently been beset by problems. In late June, its main camera stopped working, and it will need new batteries and gyroscopes if it is to keep working beyond next year.

1995 -- Atlantis


On June 27, 1995, Atlantis blasts off for what is the 100th U.S. human space launch conducted from Cape Canaveral, Fla.

Other firsts on this flight include the inaugural docking of a space shuttle to the Russian Space Station Mir, on June 29. When linked, Atlantis and Mir form the largest spacecraft ever in orbit. The two crews switch spacecraft for an on-orbit changeout of shuttle crew.

Atlantis undocks from Mir on July 4 in a separation sequence described by shuttle Commander Robert Gibson as a "cosmic" ballet. The spacecraft lands back on Earth on July 7.

1998 -- Endeavour/Discovery


On Dec. 4, 1998, Endeavour launches into space for a 12-day mission aimed at starting the assembly of the International Space Station.

Just two months earlier, Discovery takes U.S. Sen. John Glenn into orbit. At 77, Glenn is the oldest person to go into space. During the nine-day mission, he participates in studies on the effects of weightlessness on aging.

In 1962, Glenn became the first American to orbit the Earth aboard Mercury.

1999 -- Columbia


Eileen Collins becomes the first female shuttle commander as the leader of the Columbia crew on its July 1999 mission. Just four days long, it is the shortest mission since 1990.

One of the main goals of the mission is to place the Chandra X-Ray Observatory in orbit.

The flight is almost aborted after Columbia leaks more than 4,000 pounds of hydrogen fuel during takeoff. The problem causes one of the main engines to shut off prematurely, but Columbia still makes it into space.

2001 -- Endeavour


In April of 2001, Chris Hadfield makes history as the first Canadian astronaut to walk in space. During the eight-day mission, he helps install the new Canadarm2 on the International Space Station.

The 17.6-metre robotic arm is essential to the continued construction of the space station.

Hadfield isn't the first Canadian to go to the ISS. Julie Payette visits in 1999, followed by Marc Garneau in 2000.

2001 -- Endeavour


On Dec. 5, 2001, Endeavour becomes the first shuttle to go into space following the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks in New York City and Washington.

On board are 6,000 small U.S. flags that are to be distributed to the families of the victims after the shuttle returns to Earth. Other items on board include the U.S. flag found on the World Trade Center site after the attacks, and a U.S. Marine Corps Colours flag from the Pentagon.

The shuttle also carries photographs of the firefighters lost in the attacks.

2003 -- Columbia


Columbia lifts off on Jan. 16, 2003 with seven astronauts on board, including the first Israeli astronaut. After a 16-day mission, it is scheduled to land on Feb. 1, but instead breaks apart over Texas during re-entry.

A piece of foam that had broken off from the ship's fuel tank during liftoff does extensive damage to the shuttle's wing. NASA does not realize the extent of the damage to the shuttle's heat shield until Columbia disintegrates 16 minutes before touchdown.

2005 -- Discovery


Discovery, which launches on July 26, 2005, is the first spaceflight attempt following the Columbia disaster.

Between the two flights, NASA engineers had redesigned the external fuel tank, to cut down on falling debris. Managers were then surprised when a piece of foam broke off of Discovery. It doesn't do any major damage but NASA is forced to ground the shuttle fleet and make more modifications.

Four landing opportunities are waved off at Kennedy Space Center due to poor weather conditions. Discovery eventually touches down at Edwards Air Force Base in California on the night of Aug. 9.

*CTV News

Cows with guns

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Giggles, Guffaws, and Groaners

"Dad, where did I come from?" asks this 10-years-old. The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the next two hours he explained every thing to his son. When he got finished, he asked his son what prompted his question to which his son replied, "I was talking to the new kid across the street and he said he came from Ohio, so I was just wondering where I came from."



Chris had just turned 16 had long hair, and look like Joe Dirt. He went to his dad and asked: "Dad it is my 16th birthday! I would like you to by me a car for my birthday.” So his dad replied, "Son, I will buy you any car that you want as long as you raise your grades AND cut your hair." Chris said ok. The next week, Chris brought home a report card he had raised all his grades from c's and d's to all a's. His father was very happy! Now Chris was so excited he told his dad what car he wanted a, convertible mustang (red). His dad said, "Chris you haven't cut your hair." Chris replied, "Well Jesus had long hair." His dad said, "yeah, and Jesus walked everywhere he went!"



A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After eating he pulls out a gun, shoots the place to the ground, and runs away. Quickly the bartender runs after him yelling, "HEY YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!!" The panda turns around and yells "Yes I can. Look me up in the encyclopedia!" So, the bartender looks up "Panda" in the encyclopedia, and it reads "Panda: increasingly rare species of bear that can be found in the eastern part of Asia. It eats shoots and leaves.



Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

A: "BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!"



An elderly man, 82, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn't have long to live. So he summoned the three most important people in his life to tell them of his fate:

1. His Doctor

2. His Priest

3. His Lawyer.

He said, "Well, today I found out I don't have long to live. So, I have summoned you three here, because you are the most important people in my life, and I need to ask a favor. Today, I am going to give each of you an envelope with $50,000 dollars inside. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money into my grave." After the man passed on, the three people happened to run into each other. The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money. He owed me from lots of medical bills. But, I threw the other $40,000 in like he requested. "The Priest said, "I have to admit also, I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. It’s all going to a good cause. I did, however, throw the other $25,000 in the grave." Well the Lawyer just couldn't believe what he was hearing! "I am surprised at you two for taking advantage of him like that. I wrote a check for the full amount and threw it all in!!!"



A father and son went deep-sea fishing. Out at sea, the father sees his son drilling a hole in the boat, when asked what he was doing, the son replied, "there's water coming into the boat, so I made a another hole for it to escape."



Three old timers chatting at restaurant! They sat down at a table while waiting to be served. One of them said; Hay Jake! Isn'’t this your 50th anniversary? Jake replies! Yep. Well, the old timer asked, what are you planning on doing? Jake replies, well! I remember taking my wife to Arizona on our 25th anniversary. The other old timer asked, Oh ya, so what are your plans for your 50th anniversary? Jake replies, I’m going back to pick her up!!!!!!!

Birthday Sex

Adam was talking to his friend at a bar. He said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck."

His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying that she can have 60 minutes of great sex, anyway she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."

So Adam decided to listen to his friend's advice.

The next day at the bar, his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," Adam replied.

"Did she like it?"

"Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!"