Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Friday, March 23, 2012
How Much Do You Want It to Be?
by MICHAEL JOSEPHSON in CHOICES, WORKPLACE, MANAGEMENT
A company was hiring a new CEO. After an extensive interview each finalist was asked one final question: “How much is two plus two?”
Ann, an accountant, answered, forthrightly: “Four, of course.”
Terry, who was an engineer, said, “It depends on whether you’re dealing with positive or negative numbers. The answer could be plus four, zero or minus four.”
Chuck, whose background was in marketing, looked directly at the questioner and whispered, “How much do you want it to be?”
While Ann and Terry took different approaches they were trying to give a correct answer. Chuck wasn’t. To him the right answer was the one that worked. Should his response disqualify him or get him the job?
I’d show him the door.
First, let’s note that there’s a big difference between a rational decision and a rationalization. It’s rational to reason first and decide what to do; it’s a rationalization to invent reasons to justify what you want to do.
Chuck is a rationalizer and rationalizers don’t make good employees. They don’t make good leaders or friends either. They make excuses and give explanations without regard for truth. Some become so adept that they even deceive themselves to the point where they don’t even know what’s true, let alone what’s right.
Remember, an employee that will lie for you will lie to you. Inevitably it will become clear to everyone: “this person can’t be trusted.”
Rationalizing is essentially dishonest. That’s why we get so disgusted when politicians, pitch men or even our own friends try to con or manipulate us with insincere, clever justifications that sound good, but we know are not true. And that’s why people of character don’t rationalize.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
A company was hiring a new CEO. After an extensive interview each finalist was asked one final question: “How much is two plus two?”
Ann, an accountant, answered, forthrightly: “Four, of course.”
Terry, who was an engineer, said, “It depends on whether you’re dealing with positive or negative numbers. The answer could be plus four, zero or minus four.”
Chuck, whose background was in marketing, looked directly at the questioner and whispered, “How much do you want it to be?”
While Ann and Terry took different approaches they were trying to give a correct answer. Chuck wasn’t. To him the right answer was the one that worked. Should his response disqualify him or get him the job?
I’d show him the door.
First, let’s note that there’s a big difference between a rational decision and a rationalization. It’s rational to reason first and decide what to do; it’s a rationalization to invent reasons to justify what you want to do.
Chuck is a rationalizer and rationalizers don’t make good employees. They don’t make good leaders or friends either. They make excuses and give explanations without regard for truth. Some become so adept that they even deceive themselves to the point where they don’t even know what’s true, let alone what’s right.
Remember, an employee that will lie for you will lie to you. Inevitably it will become clear to everyone: “this person can’t be trusted.”
Rationalizing is essentially dishonest. That’s why we get so disgusted when politicians, pitch men or even our own friends try to con or manipulate us with insincere, clever justifications that sound good, but we know are not true. And that’s why people of character don’t rationalize.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Say what you want about the SOUTH...
Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."
Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying: "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana." When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."
Tennessee
A TennesseeState trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?" "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "
Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."
Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying: "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana." When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."
Tennessee
A TennesseeState trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?" "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "
Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.
Bob Hope In Heaven
For those of you too young to remember Bob Hope, ask your Grandparents.
I HOPE THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART. Tribute to a man who DID make a difference.
ON TURNING 70
'You still chase women, but only downhill.'
ON TURNING 80
'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'
ON TURNING 90
'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'
ON TURNING 100
'I don't feel old. In fact , I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.'
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.'
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.
ON GOLF
'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'
ON PRESIDENTS
'I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL
'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY
'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.'
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.'
ON GOING TO HEAVEN
'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.'
I HOPE THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART. Tribute to a man who DID make a difference.
ON TURNING 70
'You still chase women, but only downhill.'
ON TURNING 80
'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'
ON TURNING 90
'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'
ON TURNING 100
'I don't feel old. In fact , I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.'
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.'
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.
ON GOLF
'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'
ON PRESIDENTS
'I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL
'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY
'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.'
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.'
ON GOING TO HEAVEN
'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.'
*Thanks, DW
Thursday, March 22, 2012
This is really good to think about!
Imagine that you had won the following prize in a contest: Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400.00 in your private account for your use.
However, this prize has rules, just as any game has certain rules.
The first set of rules would be:
Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken away from you.
You may not simply transfer money into some other account. You may only spend it.
Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400.00 for that day.
The second set of rules:
The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can say, Its over, the game is over! It can close the account and you will not receive a new one.
What would you personally do?
You would buy anything and everything you wanted right? Not only for yourself, but for all people you love, right? Even for people you don't know, because you couldn't possibly spend it all on yourself, right? You would try to spend every cent, and use it all, right?
ACTUALLY This GAME is REALITY!
Each of us is in possession of such a magical bank. We just can't seem to see it.
The MAGICAL BANK is TIME!
Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life, and when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is NOT credited to us.
What we haven't lived up that day is forever lost.
Yesterday is forever gone.
Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any time....WITHOUT WARNING.
SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?
Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in dollars.
Think about that, and always think of this:
Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you think.
So take care of yourself, be Happy, Love Deeply and Enjoy Life!
Here's wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day.
Start spending.
However, this prize has rules, just as any game has certain rules.
The first set of rules would be:
Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken away from you.
You may not simply transfer money into some other account. You may only spend it.
Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400.00 for that day.
The second set of rules:
The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can say, Its over, the game is over! It can close the account and you will not receive a new one.
What would you personally do?
You would buy anything and everything you wanted right? Not only for yourself, but for all people you love, right? Even for people you don't know, because you couldn't possibly spend it all on yourself, right? You would try to spend every cent, and use it all, right?
ACTUALLY This GAME is REALITY!
Each of us is in possession of such a magical bank. We just can't seem to see it.
The MAGICAL BANK is TIME!
Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life, and when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is NOT credited to us.
What we haven't lived up that day is forever lost.
Yesterday is forever gone.
Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any time....WITHOUT WARNING.
SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?
Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in dollars.
Think about that, and always think of this:
Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you think.
So take care of yourself, be Happy, Love Deeply and Enjoy Life!
Here's wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day.
Start spending.
My Picks for the AfterElton Greatest Gay Movie Poll
by Brian Juergens, Contributor, AfterElton.com
Parting Glances (1986)
For me this film about love and life in the early days of AIDS is simply time capsule-worthy. Deftly balancing humor and pathos as it toured the sights of gay New York (Limelight! Fire Island!) and tackled some of the most pressing gay issues of the day (caring for a sick former lover, commitment, aging with grace), Glances is one of the best gay films of its decade. Bonus: Stars a young Steve Buscemi as a man with HIV who uses humor as a shield, even against those he loves.
--more at AfterElton.com--
Parting Glances (1986)
For me this film about love and life in the early days of AIDS is simply time capsule-worthy. Deftly balancing humor and pathos as it toured the sights of gay New York (Limelight! Fire Island!) and tackled some of the most pressing gay issues of the day (caring for a sick former lover, commitment, aging with grace), Glances is one of the best gay films of its decade. Bonus: Stars a young Steve Buscemi as a man with HIV who uses humor as a shield, even against those he loves.
--more at AfterElton.com--
Ron Palillo dead at 63
Ron was a nice guy.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld
Three stages of marital status of men and women
SINGLE
MARRIED
DIVORCED
A MAN'S LIFE IN 3 PICTURES
SINGLE
MARRIED
DIVORCED
Ten Husbands
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin".
What?" Said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?
Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it's going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was.. . God I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"
Good," said the husband, "but, why?"
You're a Tax Man...... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"
What?" Said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?
Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it's going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was.. . God I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"
Good," said the husband, "but, why?"
You're a Tax Man...... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"
Hawaii cruise
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy and you'll keep me happy."
The blonde nodded. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Hawaii would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and then they made passionate love until dawn.
Two weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the Captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Hawaii, and in return he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the Captain said. "You're on the Nanaimo Ferry."
Double Funny: Conversation overheard at the gas station between two blondes....
First blonde: "I expect they'll be raising the gas prices again soon."
Second blonde: "Won't affect me. I always put in just $20 worth."
Second blonde: "Won't affect me. I always put in just $20 worth."
Being Episcopalian: Gay Rights
by Holly, ChicagoNow.com
Gay rights. I believe they have the right to all the legal protection that hetero people have...but the theology? That's murky to me.
While cleaning up one of my older blogs to prepare it for my ePortfolio, I stumbled across a post I made about moral theology of gay rights. Here's what I wrote back in January:
Gay rights. I believe they have the right to all the legal protection that hetero people have...but the theology? That's murky to me.
While cleaning up one of my older blogs to prepare it for my ePortfolio, I stumbled across a post I made about moral theology of gay rights. Here's what I wrote back in January:
Bluntly put, I’m not sure yet about ecclesiastical recognition of gay marriage. I lean toward “no” because that’s what I grew up with, and I stick with my pre-set levels until I get the chance to read more about the issue, before I consider changing my mind...So, I’m not ruling out completely changing my mind about ecclesiastical recognition.
But civil recognition of gay marriage? YES. If two consenting people want to affirm their committed relationship, then that is their prerogative. Perhaps they’re liberal Episcopalians. Perhaps they’re liberal Jews. Perhaps they’re moderate but believe that gay relationships are acceptable. Perhaps they’re even atheist. Whatever the faith or lack thereof, if other people want to exercise their right or their religious beliefs, they have the right to make the most of it. That’s the beauty of this country. We can’t let any one religion or denomination overrule any other.
That is why I am so surprised that the US Bishops are making such a huge deal about gay marriage.
--more--
Paul Ryan Wondering If He Should Have Told Romney About This Guy He's Dating
DES MOINES, IA—After appearing at his first solo campaign event since becoming the presumptive Republican nominee for vice president, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) reportedly began wondering if he ought to have told running mate Mitt Romney about the man he’s been dating recently. "I guess I probably should have mentioned Elliot when Mitt and his staff talked to me last Friday," Ryan said to himself Monday, adding that it had only been a couple months since he and his boyfriend started dating exclusively and that the pair were still "in the fun, early phase" of the relationship. "I mean, we're not super serious at this point. We see each other a few times a week at most. I'm not ruling out something more meaningful down the road, but right now it's really not a big deal." According to sources, despite his initial concern, Ryan relaxed after deciding that Romney would "absolutely love Elliot" when the two met at the Republican National Convention later this month.--more at TheOnion.com
Boy Scouts upholding ban on open or avowed homosexuals
I recieved from The Human Rights Campaign
Last month, the Boy Scouts of America sent a message by announcing that they would uphold their ban on "open or avowed homosexuals."
You are less deserving. You are second class.
It's the same message right-wing groups are trying to send in their coordinated anti-marriage equality efforts in states like Maryland and Washington, and it's the same message we hear from one side of the presidential campaign trail.
I made the Human Rights Campaign a part of my life to spread hope and to shut down discrimination. Our logo itself is a symbol of the better world we strive to create through pro-equality work in schools, companies, hospitals, Congress, and even out on the campaign trail.
And now, I'm asking you – gay or straight – to make HRC a part of your life, too. Help grow this movement's reach by becoming one of 2,000 new members in the next seven days.
This movement's strength depends on you. Become a part of our fight right now, and as a token of our appreciation we'll send an HRC magnet for you to proudly display.
How do we send a signal that the time for discrimination is long over – that the days of second class citizenship have come to an end?
We do it by spreading symbols of equality around the country – and not just HRC's equality logo.
We shine a media light on hate-filled behavior, like Chick-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy's contributions to extremist anti-LGBT groups. We rally with LGBT and straight supporters alike to send a message that every voice matters in this movement. And we go into schools to collaborate with educators on curriculums that make classrooms the safe spaces they're meant to be.
This fall, we're facing more threats at once than we have since 2004. We're prepared to do everything in our power to win historic marriage battles in states across the country and elect pro-equality candidates. But right-wing extremists are putting millions into campaigns to undo decades of work around marriage equality. Our ability to organize, connect with voters, and keep equality in the headlines depends on you.
I chose to be a part of this organization, and I want you to be a part of it, too.
*** Not sure how long this offer goes for... We have just seven days to find 2,000 people who'll join HRC with an urgent gift, and I want you to be one of them. There's an HRC logo magnet waiting as a token of our appreciation.
For so many people, this fight is a matter of being able to live life supported and respected. We have no choice but to push now more than ever – there are so many people depending on us.
With deep gratitude,
Chad Griffin
President
You are less deserving. You are second class.
It's the same message right-wing groups are trying to send in their coordinated anti-marriage equality efforts in states like Maryland and Washington, and it's the same message we hear from one side of the presidential campaign trail.
I made the Human Rights Campaign a part of my life to spread hope and to shut down discrimination. Our logo itself is a symbol of the better world we strive to create through pro-equality work in schools, companies, hospitals, Congress, and even out on the campaign trail.
And now, I'm asking you – gay or straight – to make HRC a part of your life, too. Help grow this movement's reach by becoming one of 2,000 new members in the next seven days.
This movement's strength depends on you. Become a part of our fight right now, and as a token of our appreciation we'll send an HRC magnet for you to proudly display.
How do we send a signal that the time for discrimination is long over – that the days of second class citizenship have come to an end?
We do it by spreading symbols of equality around the country – and not just HRC's equality logo.
We shine a media light on hate-filled behavior, like Chick-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy's contributions to extremist anti-LGBT groups. We rally with LGBT and straight supporters alike to send a message that every voice matters in this movement. And we go into schools to collaborate with educators on curriculums that make classrooms the safe spaces they're meant to be.
This fall, we're facing more threats at once than we have since 2004. We're prepared to do everything in our power to win historic marriage battles in states across the country and elect pro-equality candidates. But right-wing extremists are putting millions into campaigns to undo decades of work around marriage equality. Our ability to organize, connect with voters, and keep equality in the headlines depends on you.
I chose to be a part of this organization, and I want you to be a part of it, too.
*** Not sure how long this offer goes for... We have just seven days to find 2,000 people who'll join HRC with an urgent gift, and I want you to be one of them. There's an HRC logo magnet waiting as a token of our appreciation.
For so many people, this fight is a matter of being able to live life supported and respected. We have no choice but to push now more than ever – there are so many people depending on us.
With deep gratitude,
Chad Griffin
President
Clicking above takes you to hrc.org
Three stages of marital status of men and women
SINGLE
MARRIED
DIVORCED
A MAN'S LIFE IN 3 PICTURES
SINGLE
MARRIED
DIVORCED
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
The Brick
Read this today and don't forget to pass it on, even if you are too busy!! You'll see...
"Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!"
Send this post to every "beautiful person" you wish to bless.
God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.
Read this line very slowly and let it sink in...
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
THE BRICK
A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.
As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"
The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..." With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother, "he said "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."
Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts.
A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. "Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.
It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message:
A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.
As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"
The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..." With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother, "he said "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."
Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts.
A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. "Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.
It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message:
God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.
Thought for the Day:
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about you!
Thought for the Day:
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about you!
Send this post to every "beautiful person" you wish to bless.
God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.
Read this line very slowly and let it sink in...
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Through the ages
Minister of Music sings “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms” in the various genres of music from the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s etc. to the present. Happens to be a Southern Baptist fellow… Enjoy
PEACE
Click above. It is a beautiful slide show. Requires Flash plugin. If you need the plugin, click here.
Use your 'Back' button to return to 'OZ'
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
You Know The Rules
Freddie Mercury, Gianni Versace and the Queen Mum arrive at the Pearly gates, St Peter explains that only one can get through and that they each have to put forward their case for entry.
Freddie says, "I know I haven't led a perfect life and I've made some mistakes along the way, but I've made some of the most beautiful music in the world. I'll stand at the back of heaven, and serenade everybody with my wondrous songs, making heaven a far happier place to be."
"Pretty good, Fred" said St Peter, "what about you Gianni?"
Versace says, "I make the most beautiful clothes in the world. I will completely redesign the fashions up here, from the archangels to the cherub to the choirboys. As you well know Pete if you look good you will feel good and that will make heaven a much happier place."
"Not bad" says St Peter. "What about you Queen Mum?"
The Queen Mum does not say a word, instead she lifts up her skirt and pulls down her knickers, inserts a full bottle of Evian water into her pussy, lets the water shoot up inside her and then gush out all over the floor.
"Excellent, you're in!" says St Peter.
"Hold on a fucking minute!" says Freddie. "She didn't even say anything!"
"Fred you know the rules," says St Peter, "A royal flush beats a pair of Queens..."
"Pretty good, Fred" said St Peter, "what about you Gianni?"
Versace says, "I make the most beautiful clothes in the world. I will completely redesign the fashions up here, from the archangels to the cherub to the choirboys. As you well know Pete if you look good you will feel good and that will make heaven a much happier place."
"Not bad" says St Peter. "What about you Queen Mum?"
The Queen Mum does not say a word, instead she lifts up her skirt and pulls down her knickers, inserts a full bottle of Evian water into her pussy, lets the water shoot up inside her and then gush out all over the floor.
"Excellent, you're in!" says St Peter.
"Hold on a fucking minute!" says Freddie. "She didn't even say anything!"
"Fred you know the rules," says St Peter, "A royal flush beats a pair of Queens..."
Top 10 signs of a dysfunctional family...
10. New bill to ban assault weapons specifically mentions your family.
9. Your vacations are planned through AA instead of AAA.
8. Your mother and your pre-teen sister always fighting over the last beer.
7. In the middle of family reunion, FBI cuts power to ranch.
6. Bikers next door always complaining about the noise.
5. Your new little sister is named after a famous serial killer.
4. Your son informs you he doesn't care to be your cellmate anymore.
3. You have to buy separate Mother's Day cards for each of Mom's personalities.
2. Family discussions usually begin with, "Putthegundown."
1. Thanksgiving Dinner consists of Wild Turkey instead of roast turkey.
9. Your vacations are planned through AA instead of AAA.
8. Your mother and your pre-teen sister always fighting over the last beer.
7. In the middle of family reunion, FBI cuts power to ranch.
6. Bikers next door always complaining about the noise.
5. Your new little sister is named after a famous serial killer.
4. Your son informs you he doesn't care to be your cellmate anymore.
3. You have to buy separate Mother's Day cards for each of Mom's personalities.
2. Family discussions usually begin with, "Putthegundown."
1. Thanksgiving Dinner consists of Wild Turkey instead of roast turkey.
THE "F" WORD:
When is @#$% Acceptable? There are only ten times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use.
They are as follows:
10. "What the @#$% do you mean we are sinking?"
-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912
9. "What the @#$% was that?"
-- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
-- Einstein, 1938
7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
-- Picasso, 1926
6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"
-- Pythagoras, 126 BC
5. "You want! WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
-- Michelangelo, 1566
4. "Where the @#$% are we?"
-- Amelia Earhart, 1937
3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!"
-- Noah, 4314 BC
2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
-- Bill Clinton, 1999
and a drum roll............! ....
1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad."
-- Sadaam Hussein, 2003
They are as follows:
10. "What the @#$% do you mean we are sinking?"
-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912
9. "What the @#$% was that?"
-- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
-- Einstein, 1938
7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
-- Picasso, 1926
6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"
-- Pythagoras, 126 BC
5. "You want! WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
-- Michelangelo, 1566
4. "Where the @#$% are we?"
-- Amelia Earhart, 1937
3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!"
-- Noah, 4314 BC
2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
-- Bill Clinton, 1999
and a drum roll............! ....
1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad."
-- Sadaam Hussein, 2003
'Archie' and gay marriage go hand-in-hand as comics tackle real world with wit, subtlety
PHILADELPHIA — There are wedding bells in Riverdale, but it's not Archie and Betty or Veronica. It's Army Lt. Kevin Keller and the physical therapist who helped him overcome his war wound — Clay Walker.Meanwhile, in the comics pages, Gil is an 8-year-old boy being raised by his divorced factory-working mom, and Dustin is 23 and living at home, unable to find a job after graduating from college.
Comics have always been a portal for escapism and fantasy but have also labored to reflect a contemporary climate, a process that shows no signs of slowing whether it involves super villains, breast cancer or other complicated realities of modern life.
Writers and artists fold real-world events into their fictional worlds, blending boundaries to make readers not just laugh and escape, but also reflect and think.
"Comics have always been a reflection of our world," said Brendan Burford, comics editor at King Features Syndicate in New York. "People want to see a reflection and, chances are, if the reflection is something that rings through with their world, their life, their family and their friends, they can relate and laugh."
--more at Green Field Reporter.com--
Monday, March 19, 2012
Giggles, Gaffaws and Groaners...
A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before. ‘You’ll get your chance in court,’ says the desk sergeant.
‘No, no, no! says the man. ‘I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!’
Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn’t drive.
No further testing is planned.
During a terrible storm, all the highway signs were covered with snow. The following spring, the state decided to raise all the signs twelve inches at a cost of six million dollars. “That’s an outrageous price!” said a local farmer, “but I guess we’re lucky the state handled it instead of the federal government.” “Why’s that?”
“Because knowing the federal government, they’d decided to lower the highways.”
Jay went to a psychiatrist. “Doc, he said, “I’ve got trouble.
Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it.
I get under the bed; I think there’s somebody on top of it.
Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!”
“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink.
“Come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you.”
“How much do you charge?”
“A hundred dollars per visit.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Jay never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street.
“Why didn’t you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist.
“For a hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars.”
“Is that so! How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”
Mrs. Swanson declined to serve on the jury because she was not a believer in capital punishment and didn’t want her beliefs to get in the way of the trial.
“But, Madam,” said the public defender, who had taken a liking to her kind face and calm demeanor, “this is not a murder trial. It is merely a civil lawsuit being brought by a wife against her husband. He gambled away the fifteen thousand dollars he’d promised to spend on a chinchilla coat for her birthday.”
“Hmmm,” reflected Mrs. Swanson. “Okay, I’ll serve, I could be wrong about capital punishment.”
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. “I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.”
“But I could be dead by then!”
“No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment.”
A young man just had his first customer, which turned out to be a BIG BURLY truck driver.
The young man walked up to the table where the truck driver was sitting and asked; can I take your order sir?
The truck driver replied, sure kid I want three flat tires and two headlights.
The young man was very puzzled and said, I beg your pardon?
The truck driver said again, look kid; I want three flat tires and two headlights.
The young man was still puzzled, but replied; yes sir, whatever. The young man then took the request to his boss who was the head cook. He told him about the truck driver's order, and that he wanted three flat tires and two headlights, “I think he's in the wrong place.”
The head cook said, I know what he wants, he wants three flap jacks and two eggs sunny side up; the truck driver is just trying to be smart, I know him. The cook said to the waiter here, take this bowl of beans, give it to him and say this.
The truck driver said, Listen kid, I didn't order this; I said I wanted three flat tires and two headlights.
The waiter replied, Well sir, the head cook said while you wait for your parts, you can gas up!
‘No, no, no! says the man. ‘I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!’
Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn’t drive.
No further testing is planned.
During a terrible storm, all the highway signs were covered with snow. The following spring, the state decided to raise all the signs twelve inches at a cost of six million dollars. “That’s an outrageous price!” said a local farmer, “but I guess we’re lucky the state handled it instead of the federal government.” “Why’s that?”
“Because knowing the federal government, they’d decided to lower the highways.”
Jay went to a psychiatrist. “Doc, he said, “I’ve got trouble.
Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it.
I get under the bed; I think there’s somebody on top of it.
Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!”
“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink.
“Come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you.”
“How much do you charge?”
“A hundred dollars per visit.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Jay never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street.
“Why didn’t you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist.
“For a hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars.”
“Is that so! How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”
Mrs. Swanson declined to serve on the jury because she was not a believer in capital punishment and didn’t want her beliefs to get in the way of the trial.
“But, Madam,” said the public defender, who had taken a liking to her kind face and calm demeanor, “this is not a murder trial. It is merely a civil lawsuit being brought by a wife against her husband. He gambled away the fifteen thousand dollars he’d promised to spend on a chinchilla coat for her birthday.”
“Hmmm,” reflected Mrs. Swanson. “Okay, I’ll serve, I could be wrong about capital punishment.”
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. “I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.”
“But I could be dead by then!”
“No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment.”
A young man just had his first customer, which turned out to be a BIG BURLY truck driver.
The young man walked up to the table where the truck driver was sitting and asked; can I take your order sir?
The truck driver replied, sure kid I want three flat tires and two headlights.
The young man was very puzzled and said, I beg your pardon?
The truck driver said again, look kid; I want three flat tires and two headlights.
The young man was still puzzled, but replied; yes sir, whatever. The young man then took the request to his boss who was the head cook. He told him about the truck driver's order, and that he wanted three flat tires and two headlights, “I think he's in the wrong place.”
The head cook said, I know what he wants, he wants three flap jacks and two eggs sunny side up; the truck driver is just trying to be smart, I know him. The cook said to the waiter here, take this bowl of beans, give it to him and say this.
The truck driver said, Listen kid, I didn't order this; I said I wanted three flat tires and two headlights.
The waiter replied, Well sir, the head cook said while you wait for your parts, you can gas up!
Kirk Cameron defends himself after anti-gay remarks
LOS ANGELES —Kirk Cameron, who has drawn gales of criticism for comments against homosexuality made to Piers Morgan on CNN on Friday, spoke his mind again Tuesday, calling on those demanding tolerance from him to exhibit tolerance of their own.
“I should be able to express moral views on social issues,” he told ABC News via email, “especially those that have been the underpinning of Western civilization for 2,000 years — without being slandered, accused of hate speech, and told from those who preach ’tolerance’ that I need to either bend my beliefs to their moral standards or be silent when I’m in the public square.”
He called for learning how to debate such issues “with greater love and respect.”
In addition to homosexuality in general, the former “Growing Pains” actor had expressed his views against gay marriage and abortion. Of homosexuality, he’d said, “I think that it’s unnatural, I think that it’s detrimental and ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization.”
Piers Morgan, speaking with TMZ, said Cameron was “pretty brave to say what he said. ... It’s, many would argue, an antiquated view about many of these issues.
“I felt that he was honest to what he believed, and I don’t think he was expecting the furor that it created.”
Celebs coming to Cameron’s defense have been few and far between, though fellow evangelical Steven Baldwin on Saturday tweeted, “GREAT JOB Kirk !!! Let’s pray one day Piers Morgan finds true Salvation, God Bless!”
Even Elizabeth Hasselbeck, conservative voice on “The View,” noted that “I don’t agree with him there at all” before adding, “I do believe that the beauty of this nation is that he can, upon being asked, or of his free will, stand up and say what he believes.” Co-host Joy Behar finally agreed that Cameron had a right to free speech, but said she thought he should “just shut up.”
Cameron’s rep told ABCNews.com Monday that the actor was “thankful for thousands of emails and comments that he’s received from those who value the freedom to express one’s beliefs.”
On the other side of the argument, former co-star Tracey Gold, sister Carol Seaver to Cameron’s Mike Seaver, was plain about where she stands, tweeting: “I am a strong supporter of the LGBT Community, and I believe in equal rights for all. NOH8 LOVE”
“Growing Pains” dad Alan Thicke and openly gay actors Neil Patrick Harris and Jesse Tyler Ferguson expressed their views with a touch of humor.
Thicke made it a family affair: “Survey says: Seaver opinions represent 100 percent of Americans, differences included. Just like a real family. But of course, ’Father Knows Best!’ ”
“The only unnatural thing about me being gay,” Ferguson said, “is that I had a crush on Kirk Cameron until about 24 hours ago.”
Said Harris? “That Kirk Cameron is hilarious!”
© 2012 The Corning Leader. Some rights reserved
“I should be able to express moral views on social issues,” he told ABC News via email, “especially those that have been the underpinning of Western civilization for 2,000 years — without being slandered, accused of hate speech, and told from those who preach ’tolerance’ that I need to either bend my beliefs to their moral standards or be silent when I’m in the public square.”
He called for learning how to debate such issues “with greater love and respect.”
In addition to homosexuality in general, the former “Growing Pains” actor had expressed his views against gay marriage and abortion. Of homosexuality, he’d said, “I think that it’s unnatural, I think that it’s detrimental and ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization.”
Piers Morgan, speaking with TMZ, said Cameron was “pretty brave to say what he said. ... It’s, many would argue, an antiquated view about many of these issues.
“I felt that he was honest to what he believed, and I don’t think he was expecting the furor that it created.”
Celebs coming to Cameron’s defense have been few and far between, though fellow evangelical Steven Baldwin on Saturday tweeted, “GREAT JOB Kirk !!! Let’s pray one day Piers Morgan finds true Salvation, God Bless!”
Even Elizabeth Hasselbeck, conservative voice on “The View,” noted that “I don’t agree with him there at all” before adding, “I do believe that the beauty of this nation is that he can, upon being asked, or of his free will, stand up and say what he believes.” Co-host Joy Behar finally agreed that Cameron had a right to free speech, but said she thought he should “just shut up.”
Cameron’s rep told ABCNews.com Monday that the actor was “thankful for thousands of emails and comments that he’s received from those who value the freedom to express one’s beliefs.”
On the other side of the argument, former co-star Tracey Gold, sister Carol Seaver to Cameron’s Mike Seaver, was plain about where she stands, tweeting: “I am a strong supporter of the LGBT Community, and I believe in equal rights for all. NOH8 LOVE”
“Growing Pains” dad Alan Thicke and openly gay actors Neil Patrick Harris and Jesse Tyler Ferguson expressed their views with a touch of humor.
Thicke made it a family affair: “Survey says: Seaver opinions represent 100 percent of Americans, differences included. Just like a real family. But of course, ’Father Knows Best!’ ”
“The only unnatural thing about me being gay,” Ferguson said, “is that I had a crush on Kirk Cameron until about 24 hours ago.”
Said Harris? “That Kirk Cameron is hilarious!”
© 2012 The Corning Leader. Some rights reserved
Passing Wind
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts -- although still silent -- stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing....
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts -- although still silent -- stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing....
Cool Toy!
"Now You Can Find It!" Ultra 8 Wireless RF Electronic Locater
Always losing your glasses? Remote? Keys? Kid's favorite toy? "Now You Can Find It!"® locater puts a pager on all elusive things!
If your home telephone's "PAGER" button is its most used and valued feature — helping locate a misplaced cordless handset — you'll wonder how you ever lived without Sharper Image Design's® universal pager system, "Now You Can Find It!"® This upgraded version now includes eight RF receiver discs that beep and flash to help you quickly and easily locate a missing object.
Just attach one of the eight RF receiver flashing beeper discs to any of those elusive objects that seem to wander off by themselves. When an item is lost, just press its corresponding button on the portable radio-frequency transmitter base and carry it from room to room. The receiver disc flashes and beeps with varied cadence when the base gets within 40 feet of the wayward item.
Each flashing beeper disc secures to virtually any object with its keyring or double-sided adhesive pad; write a name or apply a sticker for each item opposite its button on the portable base. The discs and buttons are color-coded; additionally, they're coded with Braille-like bumps so someone with limited vision who's lost his or her eyeglasses can use this system.
The base comes with a magnetic mounting bracket that attaches to a metal surface, such as a refrigerator or a filing cabinet. The base unit itself will start beeping if it hasn't been returned to the bracket within six minutes — so it won't be misplaced!
Only $69.95 USD + Shipping!
*The Sharper Image
The ZEN of Computing
In Japan, they are considering replacing the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft Error messages with Haiku poetry messages.
Haiku poetry has strict construction rules.
Each poem has only three lines, 17 syllables: five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third.
Haiku is used to communicate a timeless message often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity -- the essence of Zen:
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
The Website you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
Haiku poetry has strict construction rules.
Each poem has only three lines, 17 syllables: five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third.
Haiku is used to communicate a timeless message often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity -- the essence of Zen:
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
The Website you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Two Ditties
Bubba Joe
Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.
Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99% sign up for the top GI insurance.
This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was already granting.
The Captain decided that he would sit in the back of the room and observe Bubba's sales pitch. Bubba Joe stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated, "If you have the normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and are killed, the government pays your beneficiary $6,000."
"If you take out the supplemental GI insurance, which will cost you an additional $30.00 per month, the government pays your beneficiary $200,000."
"Now," Bubba concluded, "which bunch do you think they're gonna send into combat first?"
Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.
Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99% sign up for the top GI insurance.
This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was already granting.
The Captain decided that he would sit in the back of the room and observe Bubba's sales pitch. Bubba Joe stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated, "If you have the normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and are killed, the government pays your beneficiary $6,000."
"If you take out the supplemental GI insurance, which will cost you an additional $30.00 per month, the government pays your beneficiary $200,000."
"Now," Bubba concluded, "which bunch do you think they're gonna send into combat first?"
Mama's Bible
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes.
She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound,! it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
Exam Bloopers
1. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain!
2. Solomon one of David's sons had 500 wives and 500 porcupines!
3. The government of England was a mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee.
4. Another great author was john Milton. He wrote Paradise Lost. Then when his wife dies he wrote Paradise Regained.
5. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. His mother died in infancy and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.When he was President he wore a tall silk hat and said,"in onion there is strength"!
6. France was in a very serious state, the revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was ther theme song of the revolution and it catapulted into Napoleon.
7. Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy. Louis Pasteur invented a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist ho wrote "Organ of the Species". Madman Curie discovered radium and Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
8. Another tale tells how William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple whilst standing on his son's head!
9. Achillies appears in The Illiad, by Homer. Homer also wrote the Oddity in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysees endured on his journey!
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