Wise Words

Predictability?

IF YOU ALWAYS DO

WHAT YOU ALWAYS DID

YOU WILL ALWAYS GET

WHAT YOU ALWAYS GOT.

I love her

ell her that you love her, because if she is gone tommorow she will never know.

THE BARRIER TO SUCCESS

Most would prefer to take the risk of failure with the many than risk the opportunity of success with the few.

Listen, Listen, Listen...

In our time-starved society, attentiveness and listening skills seem to have fallen to the wayside. In order to make those with whom you communicate feel important, brush up on your listening skills. Make sure to give the speaker your undivided attention: regardless of how great you are at multi-tasking, treating an individual as a "task" is not a good idea. Eye-contact, nodding in agreement, asking leading questions and using your face to provide feedback also contribute to a positive communication experience that will foster the growth of the relationship.



Self-Esteem

To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.

- Kurt Cobain

QUOTE: Success, Emerson

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Circle Love

When you like or love someone, put their name in a circle not a heart because a heart can break but a circle goes on for ever.

Giggles, Gaffaws and Groaners...

In a grammar lesson in eighth grade Mrs. O’Neill said, “Paul, give me a sentence with a direct object.”

Paul replied. “Everyone thinks you are the best teacher in the school.”

“Thank you, Paul,” responded Mrs. O’Neill, “but what is the object?”

“To get the best mark possible,” said Paul



A farmer and his wife had just waken up one morning to the crowing of their rooster. While still in bed, the farmer's wife says, "Pa, you know our neighbor Mr. Jones?"

"Yes Ma, I reckon I do," replied the sleepy farmer.

"Well, every morning before he leaves the house for work, he gives his wife a big ol' kiss. Why don't you ever do that?"

The farmer sighed and said, "Well, I reckon I can, but I just don't know her very well."



Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, " I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so." That night, while the princess dined on frog legs,she kept laughing and saying, "I don't THINK so."



Man: (to woman) I'd buy you a drink but I'd be jealous of the glass.



A Cub Scout trop was half an hour late to its den meeting. The den mother asked them severely, “Why are you so late?”

“Oh,” said one boy, “we were helping an old man cross the street.”

“That’s a nice thing for scouts to do,” said the mother. She paused. “But it shouldn’t make you half an hour late.”

“Well, you see,” said another boy, “he didn’t want to go.”



A woman in Atlantic City was losing at the roulette wheel. When she was down to her last 10 dollars, she asked the fellow next to her for a good number. “Why don’t you play your age?” he suggested. The woman agreed, and then put her money on the table.

The next thing the guy with the advice knew, the woman had fainted and fallen to the floor. He rushed right over. “Did she win?” he asked. “No” replied the attendant. “She put 10 dollars on 33 and 46 came in.”



A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.

St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homes where they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter's holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know.

Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says, "Here you go" and goes to leave when the forester says "Wait minute! How come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?"

St. Peter says: "Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before."

Camouflage

*Thanks, Ernie

Learn Something Every Day

Good to know...
learnsomethingeveryday.co.uk
*Thanks, Ernie

WHY NFL QUARTERBACKS NEED SHORTER LAST NAMES

self explanatory...

*Thanks Bright Eyes

Wierd Al and Star Wars: The Saga Begins

Guess what I do for adventure?

I hang glide on a Dorito.

As always I’m waaayy behind on my viral videos. You all prob already saw this.

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON


*Thanks, Ernie

10 Awesome Free Documentaries That You Can Watch Online

by by Angela Alcorn

Do you love documentaries? Do you love watching them for free?

Free documentaries come in a number of different styles and are made for a variety of reasons. Most of them aim to educate the viewer on a particular topic: war; environment; health. Documentaries can also be used to enlighten viewers and give them a new point of view. Mostly they serve to highlight our previous mistakes so they don’t happen again — which is why it’s important to watch them. Many documentaries these days also try to incorporate stunning visuals and sound to keep the viewer’s attention as they’re watching.

Here’s ten of the best free feature-length documentaries available to watch online.

*makeuseof.com

*Thanks for the link, Gary

Man's Best Gay Friend

( Cartoon originated at thegaycartoonsite.com )

From The Emerald City

Just wanted to remind my dear Readers that 'OZ' is updated two (2) times a day. You will find fresh posts at 10:00AM CST (no daylight saving) and again at 2:00PM. (Tried to make these coincide with coffee breaks!)

Hope you enjoy 'OZ', and Happy Reading!

Yours,

--The Wizard<

How Many?

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his BlackBerry 3G smartphone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then emails the photo to his laptop and opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his BlackBerry that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're an MP for the Canadian Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ......

Now give me back my dog.

*Thanks, Bright Eyes!

Only 331 days until Christmas!

Trippy Animated Ilusion

The pink forms... are they shrinking?

REALLY?

*Image by BSmile, Mighty Optical Illusions

Aerobics For Your Brain

Click above

Sister Mary Kay Katherine

Sister Mary Kay Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so".

Sister Mary Kay Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Kay Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words."

Sister Mary Kay Katherine said, "Hard bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Kay Katherine was called by the Priest. "You may say another two words, Sister Mary Kay Katherine.

"Cold food," said Sister Mary Kay Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Kay Katherine into his office. "You may say two words today."

"I quit," said Sister Mary Kay Katherine.

"It's probably best", said the Priest, "You've done nothing but bitch since you got here."

Stealth CDN Army Commando

It's a valid question....

A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um. . . no."

" - or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted,

" - or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again: "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?!?"

CANADIANS

A recent study found
the average Canadian walks
about 900 miles a year.


Another study found
Canadians drink,
on average,
22 gallons of beer a year.


That means,
on average,
Canadians get about 41 miles to the gallon.


Kind Of Makes You Proud To Be Canadian,







eh??!!

*Thanks, Bright Eyes

Are You Looking Forward to a Bunch of Homophobic Super Bowl Commercials?

(Movieline.com)I hate this. I hate the Super Bowl. Hate it. Worst of all, I hate the cavalcade of expensive, often-offensive commercials that come with the Super Bowl. Extended families and fraternities and crochet klatches gather for the big event, and what do they see? Unabashedly gay-unfriendly commercials like the following Doritos ads, which are being considered for air. Look, straight people doing suggestively gay things — but for your amusement! Comedy! I hate this.

>

2-Way Glass**

CHANGE ROOMS HAVE ALWAYS GIVEN ME THE CREEPS, THIS IS GOOD TO KNOW.


Do you know the difference?

1 - WAY MIRROR (2 way glass) IMAGE

MIRROR IMAGE

A Mirror or a 1-Way Mirror?

How can you tell when you are in a room, restroom, motel etc. with a mirror or a 1-Way Mirror?

Here's how: I thought it was quite interesting! And I know in about 30 seconds you're going to do what I did and find the nearest mirror.

Do you know how to determine if a mirror is 2-way or not? A policewoman who travels all over the US and gives seminars and techniques for businesswomen passed this on.

When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc., how many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror (i.e., they can see you, but you can't see them)?

There have been many cases of people installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms. It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by looking at it.

So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of mirror we are looking at?

Just conduct this simple test: Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is GENUINE mirror. However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then BEWARE! IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR!

"No Space, Leave the Place" So remember, every time you see a mirror, do the "fingernail test." It doesn't cost you anything.

REMEMBER. No Space, Leave the Place
**Also called 1 way mirror or 2 way glass! English! Hrumph!

*Thanks, Dad

I'm a cat... no wait, now I'm a bunny.

*Thanks, Ernie

TOO, TOO, TOO MUCH SNOW *

And we complain about too much snow!

Let us never complain about snow again.

Now this is what you call TOO, TOO, TOO MUCH SNOW !!

These pictures were taken in *Quebec a few years ago

*Thanks, Dwight