Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Mongolia's official currency is the tugrik.
The first use of duck or duct tape was to seal or fix leaky roofs.
Sherlock Holmes considerd “the second most dangerous man in London to be Sebastian Moran.
Russian Night Witches were old women who practiced folk medicine.
Gold Beating is the term used when a goldsmith bends the gold into different shapes.
Two rednecks are out hunting and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.
The first hunter says "Wow, 'at's some hole! I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?"
The second hunter says" I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says " There's this old transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see."
So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two, and three, and throw it in the hole. They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole, and with no hesitation, jump in head first.
While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.
"Didn't happen to see my goat round here, did ya?"
The first hunter says " We sure nuff did. We was justa standin here a minute ago and yer goat come running out of them bushes over yonder doin' bout a hunert miles an hour and he jumped headfirst into this here hole!"
And the old farmer said, "That ain't possible. I had him chained to a transmission!"
Some days I think I'm so dumb and then I get an email like this. The worst part is that most of these people make way, way more money than I do or ever will.
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey.
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part ofyour life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal antismoking campaign.
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president,"
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
--John Wayne.
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark.
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, ex Vice President.
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle.
“It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another."
--George Bush, US President.
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca.
"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version,"
--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein,"
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President.
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
...Feeling smarter yet?
Troy #241 “The Sanctity of Marriage” is out in the magazines and up online. Trish has some wonderful news and Troy couldn’t possibly more excited for her.
And Michael's book “Troy: From 1 to 200 The First Ten Years” is now available on LULU.com. What a great book for the beach or just relaxing by the pool, huh?
I thought I would give this some space as we are just heading into winter...The above picture is obviously not from Texas.
A 36 year old female had an accident several weeks ago and totalled her car. A resident of Kilgore, Texas she was traveling between Gladewater & Kilgore. It was raining, though not excessively, when her car suddenly began to hydro-plane and literally flew through the air. She was not seriously injured but very stunned at the sudden occurrence!
When she explained to the highway patrolman what had happened he told her something that every driver should know - NEVER DRIVE IN THE RAIN WITH YOUR CRUISE CONTROL ON. She thought she was being cautious by setting the cruise control and maintaining a safe consistent speed in the rain.
But the highway patrolman told her that if the cruise control is on when your car begins to hydro-plane and your tires lose contact with the pavement, your car will accelerate to a higher rate of speed making you take off like an airplane.. She told the patrolman that was exactly what had occurred.
The patrolman said this warning should be listed, on the driver's seat sun-visor - NEVER USE THE CRUISE CONTROL WHEN THE PAVEMENT IS WET OR ICY, along with the airbag warning. We tell our teenagers to set the cruise control and drive a safe speed - but we don't tell them to use the cruise control only when the pavement is dry.
The only person the accident victim found, who knew this (besides the patrolman), was a man who had had a similar accident, totalled his car and sustained severe injuries.
If you send this to 15 people and only one of them doesn't know about this, then it was all worth it. You might have saved a life.
NOTE: Some vehicles (like the Toyota Sienna Limited XLE) will not allow you to set the cruise control when the windshield wipers are on.
Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods all die together, and off to heaven they go...
God asks Arnie first: "What do you believe?" Arnie thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans."
God can't help but see the essential goodness of Palmer, and offers him a seat to his left.
Then God turns to Nicklaus and says, "What do you believe?" Jack says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields.'
God is greatly moved by Jack's high-pitched eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.
Finally, God turns to Woods: "And you, Tiger, what do you believe?"
Tiger replies, "I believe you're in my seat".
Shrek, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Lopez were all having lunch together.
Shrek said, 'I have always thought that I'm the strongest man in the World, but how can I be sure?'
Brad Pitt said, 'I'm pretty sure I'm the hottest man alive but I've Never had it confirmed.'
Jennifer Lopez agreed. 'I'm told I'm the sexiest of them all, but Sometimes I wonder.'
They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were true was to approach the wicked Queen's mirror to confirm for them whether Shrek was the strongest, Brad Pitt was the hottest and Jennifer Lopez was the sexiest.
They agreed to meet again the next day for lunch to discuss their findings.
The next day Shrek walked up with a smile. 'Well, it 's true. The mirror told me that I am the strongest man in the world.'
Jennifer Lopez walked in, and boasted, 'It is true, it has been confirmed that I AM THE SEXIST WOMAN IN THE WORLD'
Brad Pitt followed, Head bent way down, sad look on his face and said 'Who the hell is The Wizard of 'OZ'?'
Happy Dicks was a linebacker at Georgia in the mid 60's, which will make this article about the journalist from Georgia, the late, Lewis Grizzard, '68, that much funnier.
On the eve of the Georgia - South Carolina game 41 years ago, I was hanging out with three Sigma Pi brothers (the Hound, Tex, and Bake), drinking a few cold PBRs at the old Callaway Gardens Apartment on the Atlanta Highway . We were discussing the upcoming game against the Gamecocks and lamenting the fact that we were going in with several key players out with injuries, including our starting DE, Billy Payne
(who ran the Atlanta Olympics and is now Chairman of the Board at Augusta National) and his roommate, MLB, Happy Dicks.
About 10:00 that night, another fraternity brother, Lewis Grizzard, came in after he got off work. Our buddy was inactive at the time because he had gotten married over the summer to his high school sweetheart, Nancy ( the first of many--all with the same name--Plaintiff). In addition to taking a full load at the University, he was working two jobs to help pay for (as he called it) "this expensive habit." A talented young man, he was writing two columns daily - one in the morning for the Athens Banner Herald and one in the afternoon for the Athens Daily News.
Lewis walked in, went straight to the refrigerator, got a beer, plopped down in a chair, pushed his glasses back up his nose and announced, "Gentlemen, with any luck at all, tomorrow morning you'll witness journalistic history. I have submitted my column and if it gets by my editor - and there's a good chance of that happening, since he looked drunk earlier this evening - you'll enjoy the greatest headline in the history of sports journalism."
He refused to tell us what it was, and to be honest with you, we all forgot about it. As Lewis went home to his lovely, young bride, the four of us went back over to the Fraternity house to get a head start on the weekend.
The next morning, as usual, I went straight for the Sports Section. As I pulled it out, I could do nothing but smile, because our buddy had pulled it off. To this day, Vince Dooley calls it his most memorable column ever - all because of the headline, which read:
DOGS TO PLAY COCKS WITH DICKS OUT.
There's no doubt about it, it was "the greatest headline in the history of sports journalism."
He was certainly one of a kind. Grizzard, I mean.
Love
Love is the crocodile on the river of desire.
- Bhartrihari –In my son's eyes
I would be everything in life that I ever wanted to be, if I could be half as what my little boy thinks I am.
- JWD Doubts in Marriage
If you begin to have doubts about marriage, play the film/video of your wedding backwards and see yourself walk out a free man and see how it feels.LISTENING ISN'T ENOUGH
When facts speak for themselves, you need to be sure that you know their language.Be Careful What You Say
If you say what you think, don’t expect to hear only what you like.Success in Future
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.Don't fear the new family
Never believe in what people tell you about the core family. There are no natural constellations that are better than others. Instead always look to the best of yourself or your children. Remember, a non-traditional family living in harmony is always better than a traditional family where your children or you suffer. Two mothers, two fathers, new mother, new father - the only thing that matters is a safe, positive environment for you and your children.
A monastery decided to start a fish and chips store. When the store opened, a client comes in, and asks one of the clerics: are you the fish fryer? Oh, no, the cleric answers, I'm the chip monk!
Policeman: "Did you get the license number of the car that knocked you down?"
Pedestrian: "No, but I know who it was. My mother-in-law!"
Policeman: "How can you be so certain?"
Pedestrian: "I’d recognize that laugh anywhere!"
A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot. They take off and the stewardess asks what they would like to drink.
"Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist," says the parrot.
The businessman orders a coke.
After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, "Where's my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!"
The stewardess runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty.
Half an hour later the stewardess makes a second round.
The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal. The businessman asks for another coke.
Again, after a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, "You lazy idiot! Where is my drink?!" The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper.
The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird. "Hey! Where's my coke! The service here stinks!"
Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane.
At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings."
Doctor: What’s wrong with your brother?
Boy: He thinks he is a chicken.
Doctor: really? How long has this been going on?
Boy: Five years.
Doctor: Five years!
Boy: We would have brought him in earlier, but we needed the eggs.
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.
A drunk Cincinnati man Eric Brown (at left) was arrested on Sunday after trying to take the wheel of a taxi cab. Police say Brown, dressed in makeup as a vampire (you say vampire, I say drag queen), claimed to be singer Meat Loaf.
Meat Loaf? That was quick thinking on his part. I think he was really dressed as John Waters muse Divine AKA Harris Glenn Milstead!
Brown was booked into jail on a charge of disorderly conduct while intoxicated. He was released after paying a $50 fine and court costs.
