*Thanks for the link, Daryn
Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Quote of the Day :: Karen Walker
"Honey, when you were born, you were born in a gay tree. And then you fell out and hit every gay branch on the way down. And then you fell on top of a gay guy. And then you did him."
*WickedGayBlog.com
*Thanks for the link, Daryn!
Do you suffer from victimitis?
"People who consider themselves victims of their circumstances will always remain victims unless they develop a greater vision for their lives."
– Stedman Graham, educator, author
"If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however, if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that."
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German author, philosopher (1749-1832)
"All worthwhile men have good thoughts, good ideas, and good intentions – but precious few ever translate those into action."
– John Hancock Field
Whatever psychological comfort there is in feeling powerless and blameless when things aren’t going right, victims lead unsatisfied lives in the end.
Visit ChracterCounts to read how to cure victimitis.
Friday, November 06, 2009
Be Safe
Be careful when using electronics—protect yourself and your family:
A couple of stories shared with me recently, emphasize this concern:
GPS
A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that someone she knew had their car broken into while they were at a football game.. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard.
When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen.
The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.
Something to consider if you have a GPS - don't put your home address in it. Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen.
MOBILE PHONES
This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet... Etc...was stolen.
20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says 'I received your text asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago.'
When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their
bank account.
Moral of the lesson:
Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list.
Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc....
And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back.
Also, when you're being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet 'family and friends' who text you.
* I never thought about the above! As of now, I no longer have 'home' listed on my cell phone.
A couple of stories shared with me recently, emphasize this concern:
GPS
A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that someone she knew had their car broken into while they were at a football game.. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard.
When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen.
The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.
Something to consider if you have a GPS - don't put your home address in it. Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen.
MOBILE PHONES
This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet... Etc...was stolen.
20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says 'I received your text asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago.'
When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their
bank account.
Moral of the lesson:
Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list.
Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc....
And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back.
Also, when you're being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet 'family and friends' who text you.
* I never thought about the above! As of now, I no longer have 'home' listed on my cell phone.
*Thanks, Gary
A Prayer for Daddy
"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer,
Amen."
*Thanks, Pam
Do cats stutter?
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human Beings are the only animals that stutter', she says.
A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered', she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'
'That must've been scary', said the teacher.
'It sure was', said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'
... And before he could say 'F*ck Off', the Rottweiler ate him!'
The teacher wet her pants laughing......
*Thanks, Michelle
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Something Else to Worry About...
I'm not really concerned about swine flu, but here's my concern.
• 3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow . . .
Mad Cow disease.
• 2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird . . .
Avian flu.
• This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig . . .
Swine flu.
Next year is the year of the cock.
Is anybody else worried?
This is a joke ya know....
*Thanks, Gary
posted on ubuntu Linux
A Bear, A Lion and a Pig
A bear, a lion and a pig meet.
Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."
Lion says: "if I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me."
Pig says: "big deal.... I only have to cough, and the entire planet shits itself."
*Thanks, DW
posted on ubuntu Linux
The KISS Kasket®
Dateline 2001-2008 - Fans have been eagerly waiting and now the KISS Kasket is available for purchase! The price is $4500.00 (unsigned) and $5000.00 (signed).
The "KISS® Kasket" celebrates the legendary band, who HAVE SOLD OVER 80 MILLION ALBUMS, BROKEN EVERY BOX OFFICE RECORD WORLDWIDE AND STAND BEHIND THE BEATLES IN THE NUMBER OF GOLD RECORDS BY ANY GROUP IN HISTORY.
The "KISS® Kasket" is completely covered with a specially laminated photomural that features the KISS® logo and the images of the band members. The words "KISS® Forever" are imprinted on the side of the casket. In addition, "KISS® Kasket" can also be used as a Giant KISS® Cooler, enabling fans and their friends to enjoy ice-cold sodas and beer served directly from the ice-filled, completely waterproof "KISS® Kasket."
The "KISS® Kasket" will be available exclusively on the official KISS® website www.kissonline.com, for more information call 877-278-2275. (Maybe you can get them to re-list it, in case you are 'dying' to get one!)
"This is the ultimate KISS® collectible, " said Gene Simmons. "I love livin', but this makes the alternative look pretty damn good."
Read More About it at Wikipedia
No longer offered for sale - but really was offerred between 2001 and 2008. For more KISS - visit the official site: www.kissonline.com/
--Wizard's note: Umm, okaaayy...
The "KISS® Kasket" celebrates the legendary band, who HAVE SOLD OVER 80 MILLION ALBUMS, BROKEN EVERY BOX OFFICE RECORD WORLDWIDE AND STAND BEHIND THE BEATLES IN THE NUMBER OF GOLD RECORDS BY ANY GROUP IN HISTORY.
The "KISS® Kasket" is completely covered with a specially laminated photomural that features the KISS® logo and the images of the band members. The words "KISS® Forever" are imprinted on the side of the casket. In addition, "KISS® Kasket" can also be used as a Giant KISS® Cooler, enabling fans and their friends to enjoy ice-cold sodas and beer served directly from the ice-filled, completely waterproof "KISS® Kasket."
The "KISS® Kasket" will be available exclusively on the official KISS® website www.kissonline.com, for more information call 877-278-2275. (Maybe you can get them to re-list it, in case you are 'dying' to get one!)
"This is the ultimate KISS® collectible, " said Gene Simmons. "I love livin', but this makes the alternative look pretty damn good."
Read More About it at Wikipedia
No longer offered for sale - but really was offerred between 2001 and 2008. For more KISS - visit the official site: www.kissonline.com/
--Wizard's note: Umm, okaaayy...
posted on ubuntu Linux
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Editorial: "Saskatoon's eye in the sky"
The Wizard thinks the plane is a serious privacy infringement, likening it to 'Big Brother'
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan Canada has a plane used by The Saskatoon City Police that patrols the city by flying at lower altitudes, equipped with several devices that enable them to 'spy' on criminals, speeders and the like. The part that I do not like... is that they also spy on law-abiding citizens such as myself.
They call it the "Eagle One air patrol".
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan Canada has a plane used by The Saskatoon City Police that patrols the city by flying at lower altitudes, equipped with several devices that enable them to 'spy' on criminals, speeders and the like. The part that I do not like... is that they also spy on law-abiding citizens such as myself.
They call it the "Eagle One air patrol".
A tentative proposal to extend the unit's presence in the sky from three months to 365 days a year has the blessing of the police commission, mayor and chief of police.
"It's time to give you the full-blown plan," Chief Clive Weighill told the commission Thursday. "It's an excellent investigative aid. I'm completely convinced of it."
However.... many others have a different point of view:
"The 'need' for a spy plane presumes that we live in a dangerous society, one where control and information-gathering on citizens is more important than privacy and self-restraint," Caswell Hill resident Lynn Hainsworth wrote in a letter to the commission.
"The Eagle is a constant reminder that I am not free, that I am subject to police domination."
The plane is also noisy, leading to sleep deprivation, she added, noting noise pollution has been implicated in hypertension of children in inner cities.
"If we are to effectively tackle crime in this city, there are many less intrusive ways to do that."
The FLIR (Forward Looking Infra-Red) device was added to the Air Support Unit. The FLIR is a camera system consisting of a daylight, or low-light, camera and a thermal sensor capable of detecting heat sources. The system greatly enhances the effectiveness of our Air Support Unit, both during the night and day.
Standing out on the front walk of my apartment tonight the plane circled 3 or 4 times at a low altitude and with their new night-time heat (infared) camera, I am sure that they could see me. One has to wonder if they can 'see' my private parts - assuming that they are warmer than say, my arms etc....
This camera as well as the daytime camera with recorders are supposed to help the city police in catching people 'in the act'. The issue here is that they are catching an awful lot of people caught in the act of acting normal.
The yearly cost of the plane including rental, and cameras and avation fuel is staggering. The full year cost will be closer to $200,000, based on leasing the airplane. The cost of purchasing, storing and maintaining a craft of its own would cost the police service significantly more. Thank God for small miracles. At least we can cancel the contract in the future.
Mayor Don Atchison, chair of the police commission said that the complaints are few and far between. I don't remember there being a referendum on this year's mayoral campaign about whether or not the average Joe wants the spy plane or not.
Heck what good is an average Joe, other than that you need him/her to get elected, then you can start spending the taxpayers money on spy planes, and fancy lifghts on an old rusted bridge for the tune of half a million dollars (incidentally, only about $450,000 over budget!)
If you don't feel it's an invasion of your privacy - think about it when you are in your well treed, fenced back yard soaking up a few rays of sun... for all you know, they could see you in the most minute detail. Ladies, keep your tops up, cuz ya just never know... and don't get me started with nude sunbathing either!
Please get rid of this plane. I believe it does more harm than good, but then again, that is just the opinion of one of the average Joes...
*Quotes from By The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon)
The Moral Of The Story
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their Parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie was left. 'Ernie, do you have a story to share?'
'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 enemy troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last one with her bare hands..'
'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?'
'Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking.'
*Thanks, DW
The Pink Spotlight on Theo Tams
Theo Tams (born 12 July 1985) is a Canadian singer and the winner of the sixth season of the CTV reality show Canadian Idol. His debut album, Give It All Away, was released on 19 May 2009 by Sony Music Canada.
Tams grew up in Coaldale, Alberta, and he attended Immanuel Christian High School in Lethbridge. Tams played trumpet in high school, and is self-taught on piano. Interested in music from a young age the self-taught piano player admits “I never thought music could be a career until high school when a few very inspirational teachers taught me that I could pursue music for a lifetime. After high school Theo went on to study music at the University of Lethbridge where he was doing a double major in Psychology and Classical Music. With a constant thirst to further his musical abilities, Theo claims “I’m currently learning to play guitar and it’s also my goal to learn the cello.”
Before Idol, he was a student at the University of Lethbridge, studying classical music and psychology. He is taking a leave from his studies to pursue a music career.
Tams released the EP Unexpected in 2005.
At his audition for Canadian Idol in February 2008, Tams drew laughs from the judges as he demonstrated evidence of his anxiety-related perspiration, having soaked through his shirt.
Tams most often performed while playing piano. His performances included "Apologize" by OneRepublic, "Collide" by Howie Day, Bob Marley's "No Woman, No Cry", and Jann Arden's "Good Mother". Idol judge Zack Werner described Tams' performance of Bryan Adams' "Heaven" as "one of the top two or three performances in the history of the show."
He won Canadian Idol on September 10th, 2008. He was announced Canadian Idol after singing three songs on the final performance show that included "Sing" (released to radio and digital download on 11 September 2008), which was the winner's single chosen for him. The runner-up, Nova Scotia carpenter Mitch MacDonald, performed a different song as his own potential winner's single, the first time this has been done on Canadian Idol.
Although the Idol winner's first album usually is released about two months after the show's finale, Tams had much longer to prepare his. Tams said he appreciated the longer time, and hoped to have some songs he wrote himself included on the album.
Tams came out as gay during the show's run by referring to a male partner during one of his post-performance interviews. This made him the first openly gay performer to win an Idol series in North America. He subsequently endorsed Adam Lambert in the 2009 edition of American Idol, and included a gay couple in the video for his single "Lazy Lovers".
Theo really enjoys is attending Lethbridge's GALA dances with his boyfriend (not the ex he mentioned on the show). GALA dances for those who don't know are the bi-weekly gay and lesbian dances. Theo also likes attending the pride events in Calgary and is a semi regular attending member of his school's LGBT meeting group. Aside from that he is very focused on his music career and doesn't go out a lot but prefers to stay home.
On 17 March 2009, his first single from his album was released, "Lazy Lovers", written by Tams, Hawksley Workman, and Greg Johnston.
His debut album, Give It All Away, was released on 19 May 2009. It features seven songs he co-wrote, which is more than any previous "Idol". Writing collaborators on the album include Simon Wilcox, Hawksley Workman, Sarah Slean, and Damhnait Doyle. He is currently touring across Canada.
*Wikipedia
*Official Website: http://www.theotams.com
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
H1N1 Fraud ALERT
Fraudulent 2009 H1N1 Influenza Products List
Purpose of the Fraudulent Products List
This list is intended to alert consumers about Web sites that are or were illegally marketing unapproved, uncleared, or unauthorized products in relation to the 2009 H1N1 Flu Virus (sometimes referred to as the “swine flu” virus). Note that until evidence to the contrary is presented to FDA, the owner of the listed Web site is considered responsible for promoting the unapproved, uncleared, or unauthorized products. The uses related to the 2009 H1N1 Flu Virus are not necessarily being promoted by the manufacturers of the products.
Click here for more info.
*Thanks, Daryn
Weird Humour (Humor)
A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chili.
The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full.
He says, "Are you going to eat that?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself."
He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes! the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."
Dear friends, it is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following:
The Pillsbury Doughboy died Monday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded".
Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions.
Toward the end it was thought he'd rise once again, but he was no tart. Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children, and one in the oven.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves. The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!" The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?" The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?" The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"
Mr. Bradley and his wife have moved to a new apartment in a new building on the 11th floor. The building wasn't yet completed since the elevator wasn't yet installed. So they had to take up the furniture through the emergency stairway. With difficulties and sweat, and by the end of the day, they managed to complete the task. Mrs. Bradley wanted to do laundry so she asked Mr. Bradley to be a good boy and go down to Mr. Peabody's new store and buy her soap detergent. Mr. Bradley went down the stairway from the 11th. floor and entered Mr. Peabody's new store.
Mr. Bradley : "Hello Mr. Peabody. I would like some soap detergent for my wife."
Mr. Peabody : "What brand name is your washer machine?"
Mr. Bradley : "Why??.. I don't know ... Why? "
Mr. Peabody : " I can't sell you soap detergent unless you told me the make of your washer machine. I have a store to run and I care about its reputation Mr. Bradley.
Mr. Peabody continued to refuse to sell Mr. Bradley soap detergent unless he told him the make of his washer machine.
So Mr. Bradley became very angry and had to leave and go all the way back up the stairway to get what Mr. Peabody wanted. When he found out the brand of his washer machine, he went back all the way down and told Mr. Peabody the his washer machine's make was (GENERAL ELECTRIC).
Mr. Peabody : " What's the voltage. Is it 110 or 220 volts?"
Mr. Bradley : " I don't know and I don't care! ... Just sell me the stupid detergent!!!!..."
Mr. Peabody : " I can't.. I just can't risk the reputation of my new store. You have told tell me the voltage of your washer machine."
So angrily... Mr. Bradley had to go all the way back up to find out the voltage. As he was going down the stairway, sweating like a dog, he met one of his neighbors, Sam. Sam was naked waist down, and very angry, carrying a toilet seat and going down the stairs also sweating like a dog.
Mr. Bradley : " SAM.... what in the world is going on? why are you naked waist down and carrying a toilet seat?"
Sam : " Leave me alone Mr. Bradley... I'm very angry right now and don't feel like answering." Mr. Bradley kept insisting on Sam to tell him, but Sam kept quite and was getting angrier until they both entered Mr. Peabody's store.
Sam quickly went in, very angry and stood in the middle of the store and yelled as loud as he could saying : " Well Mr. Peabody.... Here's my toilet seat and also here's my ass... NOW.... WOULD YOU PLEASE SELL ME MY TOILET PAPER??"
The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full.
He says, "Are you going to eat that?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself."
He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes! the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."
Dear friends, it is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following:
The Pillsbury Doughboy died Monday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded".
Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions.
Toward the end it was thought he'd rise once again, but he was no tart. Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children, and one in the oven.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves. The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!" The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?" The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?" The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"
Mr. Bradley and his wife have moved to a new apartment in a new building on the 11th floor. The building wasn't yet completed since the elevator wasn't yet installed. So they had to take up the furniture through the emergency stairway. With difficulties and sweat, and by the end of the day, they managed to complete the task. Mrs. Bradley wanted to do laundry so she asked Mr. Bradley to be a good boy and go down to Mr. Peabody's new store and buy her soap detergent. Mr. Bradley went down the stairway from the 11th. floor and entered Mr. Peabody's new store.
Mr. Bradley : "Hello Mr. Peabody. I would like some soap detergent for my wife."
Mr. Peabody : "What brand name is your washer machine?"
Mr. Bradley : "Why??.. I don't know ... Why? "
Mr. Peabody : " I can't sell you soap detergent unless you told me the make of your washer machine. I have a store to run and I care about its reputation Mr. Bradley.
Mr. Peabody continued to refuse to sell Mr. Bradley soap detergent unless he told him the make of his washer machine.
So Mr. Bradley became very angry and had to leave and go all the way back up the stairway to get what Mr. Peabody wanted. When he found out the brand of his washer machine, he went back all the way down and told Mr. Peabody the his washer machine's make was (GENERAL ELECTRIC).
Mr. Peabody : " What's the voltage. Is it 110 or 220 volts?"
Mr. Bradley : " I don't know and I don't care! ... Just sell me the stupid detergent!!!!..."
Mr. Peabody : " I can't.. I just can't risk the reputation of my new store. You have told tell me the voltage of your washer machine."
So angrily... Mr. Bradley had to go all the way back up to find out the voltage. As he was going down the stairway, sweating like a dog, he met one of his neighbors, Sam. Sam was naked waist down, and very angry, carrying a toilet seat and going down the stairs also sweating like a dog.
Mr. Bradley : " SAM.... what in the world is going on? why are you naked waist down and carrying a toilet seat?"
Sam : " Leave me alone Mr. Bradley... I'm very angry right now and don't feel like answering." Mr. Bradley kept insisting on Sam to tell him, but Sam kept quite and was getting angrier until they both entered Mr. Peabody's store.
Sam quickly went in, very angry and stood in the middle of the store and yelled as loud as he could saying : " Well Mr. Peabody.... Here's my toilet seat and also here's my ass... NOW.... WOULD YOU PLEASE SELL ME MY TOILET PAPER??"
*Funny Weird Jokes, Stupid Weird Jokes, Outrageous Weird Jokes
Akis - The Powerball Champion! - World Record!
Explosive, dynamic, exciting... addictive!
NSD Powerball is a revolutionary new Gyroscope which literally explodes with mind numbing inertial forces once you activate its internal rotor!
How fast can you spin it?
An inbuilt speed meter makes it impossible to put down because you'll always want to beat your own high score or those of your friends, making NSD Powerball a seriously entertaining & fiendishly addictive way to exercise and get stronger!
Extreme yet sublime...NSD Powerball!
The unique sphere successfully blurs the line between exercise & fun and is suitable for both male and female, young or old. NSD Powerball generates between 1 - 40lbs of resistance depending on rotor speed and will tone the arms & wrists, build muscle or gently rehabilitate damaged limbs with its smooth non impact action. Inexpensive to buy, this is one of world's most popular gift ideas and will instantly satisfy 4 very specific requirements for you as:
The definitive instrument for athletes and enthusiasts of many different kinds of sports, hobbies and pastimes (especially Musicians!)
A highly addictive and fun to use "gadget" for competitive males & females (could you secure a place on the Top 100 scoreboard??)
A revolutionary new fitness product to help tone the arms and shoulders for women or build substantial power and muscle in the arms, wrists, hands and shoulders for men.
The perfect instrument to gently rehabilitate lower forearm and wrist joints affected by carpal tunnel syndrome, repetitive strain injury RSI, arthritis or previous breakage.
NSD Powerball is supplied to you with a 25 year Gold warranty and a full money back guarantee. ~ $50.00 CDN
Powerballs.com
NSD Powerball is a revolutionary new Gyroscope which literally explodes with mind numbing inertial forces once you activate its internal rotor!
How fast can you spin it?
An inbuilt speed meter makes it impossible to put down because you'll always want to beat your own high score or those of your friends, making NSD Powerball a seriously entertaining & fiendishly addictive way to exercise and get stronger!
Extreme yet sublime...NSD Powerball!
The unique sphere successfully blurs the line between exercise & fun and is suitable for both male and female, young or old. NSD Powerball generates between 1 - 40lbs of resistance depending on rotor speed and will tone the arms & wrists, build muscle or gently rehabilitate damaged limbs with its smooth non impact action. Inexpensive to buy, this is one of world's most popular gift ideas and will instantly satisfy 4 very specific requirements for you as:
The definitive instrument for athletes and enthusiasts of many different kinds of sports, hobbies and pastimes (especially Musicians!)
A highly addictive and fun to use "gadget" for competitive males & females (could you secure a place on the Top 100 scoreboard??)
A revolutionary new fitness product to help tone the arms and shoulders for women or build substantial power and muscle in the arms, wrists, hands and shoulders for men.
The perfect instrument to gently rehabilitate lower forearm and wrist joints affected by carpal tunnel syndrome, repetitive strain injury RSI, arthritis or previous breakage.
NSD Powerball is supplied to you with a 25 year Gold warranty and a full money back guarantee. ~ $50.00 CDN
Powerballs.com
Monday, November 02, 2009
IF...
If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be unreasonable.
If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
If reproducibility might be a problem, conduct the test only once.
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
If something is confidential, it will be left in the photocopy machine.
If something is done wrong often enough, it becomes right.
If 'success' consisted simply of not taking chances, then 'glory' would be at the disposal of the most mediocre talent.
If the assumptions are wrong, the conclusions are not likely to be very good.
If the probability of success is not almost one, it is damn near zero.
If the slightest probability for an unpleasant event to happen exists, the event will take place, usually during a demonstration.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
If there isn't a law, there will be.
If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of 10 - it will.
If there is light at the end of the tunnel...order more tunnel.
If things were left to chance, they would be better.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
If we learn by our mistakes, some of us are getting one hell of an education!
If you aim for the stars but only make it to the moon, remember there are people who have not yet made it to the moon.
If you are already in a hole, stop digging.
If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.
If you are coasting, you're going downhill.
If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.
If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
If you are running for a short line, it suddenly becomes a long line.
If you are worried about being crazy, don't be overly concerned. If you were, you would think you were sane.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you must have someone to blame.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them. - Harry S. Truman
If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
If you cannot fix it, feature it.
If you cannot get your work done in a 24-hour day, then work nights.
If you cannot measure output, then you measure input.
If you cannot hope for order, withdraw from the chaos with style.
If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
If you did what you always did, you'll get what you always got.
If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
If you do not care where you are, then you aren't lost.
If you do not change direction, you are likely to end up where you are headed.
If you do not know what you're doing, do it neatly.
If you do not like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
If you do not make dust, you eat dust.
If you do not say it, they can't repeat it.
If you do not understand it, it must be intuitively obvious.
If you explain so clearly that no one can possibly misunderstand, someone will.
If you file it, you'll know where it is but never need it. If you don't file it, you'll need it but never know where it is.
If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.
If you have got them by the testicles, their hearts and minds will follow.
If somebody’s got you by the balls, you’re in a perfect position to piss on them.
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.
If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.
If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.
If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet.
If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break.
If you plan to leave your mark in the sands of time, you better wear work shoes.
If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life.
If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, promptly develops.
If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line.
If you step out of a short line for a second, it becomes a long line.
If you think that OSHA is a small town in Wisconsin, you're in trouble.
If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
If you throw something away, you will need it the next day.
If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
If you understand it, it is obsolete.
If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
If reproducibility might be a problem, conduct the test only once.
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
If something is confidential, it will be left in the photocopy machine.
If something is done wrong often enough, it becomes right.
If 'success' consisted simply of not taking chances, then 'glory' would be at the disposal of the most mediocre talent.
If the assumptions are wrong, the conclusions are not likely to be very good.
If the probability of success is not almost one, it is damn near zero.
If the slightest probability for an unpleasant event to happen exists, the event will take place, usually during a demonstration.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
If there isn't a law, there will be.
If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of 10 - it will.
If there is light at the end of the tunnel...order more tunnel.
If things were left to chance, they would be better.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
If we learn by our mistakes, some of us are getting one hell of an education!
If you aim for the stars but only make it to the moon, remember there are people who have not yet made it to the moon.
If you are already in a hole, stop digging.
If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.
If you are coasting, you're going downhill.
If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.
If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
If you are running for a short line, it suddenly becomes a long line.
If you are worried about being crazy, don't be overly concerned. If you were, you would think you were sane.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you must have someone to blame.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them. - Harry S. Truman
If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
If you cannot fix it, feature it.
If you cannot get your work done in a 24-hour day, then work nights.
If you cannot measure output, then you measure input.
If you cannot hope for order, withdraw from the chaos with style.
If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
If you did what you always did, you'll get what you always got.
If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
If you do not care where you are, then you aren't lost.
If you do not change direction, you are likely to end up where you are headed.
If you do not know what you're doing, do it neatly.
If you do not like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
If you do not make dust, you eat dust.
If you do not say it, they can't repeat it.
If you do not understand it, it must be intuitively obvious.
If you explain so clearly that no one can possibly misunderstand, someone will.
If you file it, you'll know where it is but never need it. If you don't file it, you'll need it but never know where it is.
If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.
If you have got them by the testicles, their hearts and minds will follow.
If somebody’s got you by the balls, you’re in a perfect position to piss on them.
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.
If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.
If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.
If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet.
If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break.
If you plan to leave your mark in the sands of time, you better wear work shoes.
If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life.
If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, promptly develops.
If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line.
If you step out of a short line for a second, it becomes a long line.
If you think that OSHA is a small town in Wisconsin, you're in trouble.
If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
If you throw something away, you will need it the next day.
If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
If you understand it, it is obsolete.
*Thanks, Gary
'LIFE' THOUGHTS BY 'DUCKY'
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America? Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? Wouldn't you know it.... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside? Bumper sticker of the year:'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'
*Thanks, Dad
Draw a pig and analysis follows...
Hey, I did this and you can too! It tells a lot about yourself. Just fun!!
Click below:
*Thanks, Bright Eyes!
I Believe...
A Death Certificate shows that we died
Pictures show that we lived!
Have a seat . Relax . . . And read this slowly..
I Believe...
Just because two people argue,
Doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
Doesn't mean they do love each other.
I Believe...
We don't have to change friends if
We understand that friends change.
I Believe..
No matter how good a friend is,
They're going to hurt you every once in a while and
You must forgive them for that.
I Believe....
True friendship continues to grow, even over
The longest distance...
The same goes for true love.
I Believe...
You can do something in an instant
That will give you heartache for life.
I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time
To become the person I want to be.
I Believe...
You should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe...
You can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe....
We are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I Believe...
Either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I Believe...
Money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I Believe..
My best friend and I, can do anything, or
Nothing and have the best time.
I Believe...
Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
And what you've learned from them and
Less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I Believe..
It isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I Believe...
No matter how bad your heart is broken
The world doesn't stop for your grief.
I Believe...
Our background and circumstances may have
Influenced who we are, but,
We are responsible for who we become..
I Believe...
Two people can look at the same
Thing and see something totally different.
I Believe...
Your life can be changed in a matter of
Hours by people who don't even know you.
I Believe...
Even when you think you have no more to give,
When a friend cries out to you -
You will find the strength to help.
I Believe...
Credentials on the wall do not make you a
Decent human being.
I Believe...
You should send this post link to all the people
You believe in, I posted it for that reason.
'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything they do have.
*Thanks, Bright Eyes!
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Modern Life
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4.You email the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have email addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your mobile phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
12 Your reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this post on to.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on the list
*Thanks, Daryn
THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS
What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both look good until they hit the ice.
What's the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a cigarette vending machine?
A: The vending machine has Players!
What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and whales have in common?
A: They both get totally confused when surrounded by ice.
Why are the Toronto Maple Leafs like Canada Post?
A: They both wear uniforms and don't deliver!
Why doesn't Hamilton have an NHL team?
A: Because then Toronto would want one....
What do the Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto Argonauts and the Toronto Blue Jays all have in common besides being based in Toronto ?
A. None of them can play hockey.
What do you call 30 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs?
A. The Toronto Maple Leafs.
What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 20,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ'.
How do you keep the Toronto Maple Leafs out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal net.
What do you call a Toronto Maple Leaf with a Stanley Cup ring?
A. A thief.
What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
How many Toronto Maple Leafs does it take to win a Stanley Cup?
A. Nobody knows ... And we may never find out.
This guy says to the bartender, "Can my dog and I watch the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game here? My cable is out, and my dog and I always watch the game together."
The bartender replies, "Normally, dogs wouldn't be allowed in my bar, but it's not very busy right now, so you and the dog can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there's any trouble with you or the dog, I'll have to ask you to leave."
The guy agrees, and he and his dog start watching the game. Pretty soon, the Leafs manage to score a goal and the excited dog jumps up on the bar, barks loudly, does a back flip and runs over to the bartender and gives him a high-five.
The bartender says, "Wow, that's pretty cool! What does he do when they win a game ?"
The guys answers, "No Idea, I've only had him for 3 years."
The last time the Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup most of their fans were in diapers.
Coincidentally, the next time they win it those same fans will be back in diapers again!
A: They both look good until they hit the ice.
What's the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a cigarette vending machine?
A: The vending machine has Players!
What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and whales have in common?
A: They both get totally confused when surrounded by ice.
Why are the Toronto Maple Leafs like Canada Post?
A: They both wear uniforms and don't deliver!
Why doesn't Hamilton have an NHL team?
A: Because then Toronto would want one....
What do the Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto Argonauts and the Toronto Blue Jays all have in common besides being based in Toronto ?
A. None of them can play hockey.
What do you call 30 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs?
A. The Toronto Maple Leafs.
What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 20,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ'.
How do you keep the Toronto Maple Leafs out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal net.
What do you call a Toronto Maple Leaf with a Stanley Cup ring?
A. A thief.
What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
How many Toronto Maple Leafs does it take to win a Stanley Cup?
A. Nobody knows ... And we may never find out.
This guy says to the bartender, "Can my dog and I watch the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game here? My cable is out, and my dog and I always watch the game together."
The bartender replies, "Normally, dogs wouldn't be allowed in my bar, but it's not very busy right now, so you and the dog can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there's any trouble with you or the dog, I'll have to ask you to leave."
The guy agrees, and he and his dog start watching the game. Pretty soon, the Leafs manage to score a goal and the excited dog jumps up on the bar, barks loudly, does a back flip and runs over to the bartender and gives him a high-five.
The bartender says, "Wow, that's pretty cool! What does he do when they win a game ?"
The guys answers, "No Idea, I've only had him for 3 years."
The last time the Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup most of their fans were in diapers.
Coincidentally, the next time they win it those same fans will be back in diapers again!
*Thanks, Daryn
Saturday, October 31, 2009
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