Television worth watching

*Thanks Daryn and DW

TROY - The Latest Strip

This a gay-themed comic



Click Above Then choose 'Current Strip'.

Troy #214 "A Matter of Size" is out in the magazines and online. Nick and Jorge have their first photo shoot.

Family Guy - 100th Episode

Family Guy Vol. 6 on DVD NOW AVAILIBLE in stores! Get your copy of the series that never stops pushing the limits on excellent comic satire!

Watch the following clips in order...

Background information on Family Guy Vol.6:
Stewie will “Damn you all!” if fans don’t catch the latest collection of uproariously irreverent “Family Guy” adventures, as Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment presents the “Family Guy” Volume Six DVD collection on October 21. A pop culture phenomenon the collection features the show’s 100th episode and a total of 12 edgy episodes from Seasons Five and Six.

Catch the Griffin clan’s ridiculously hilarious antics such as Stewie’s not-so-successful attempt to kill Lois, Brian’s discovery that he is a father and patriarch Peter’s frequent visits to the Drunken Clam.

Mother knows best

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favourite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea' which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea - my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea - because it was 'just the cutest thing!'

My Mom waited - and sure enough -here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says (as only a mother would know) "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

*Thanks, Daryn

The Wizard is a mind reader!

Pick one of the following cards. Don't click on it; just keep it in your head.




scroll down when you have your card,



Think about your card for 20 seconds in front of The Wizard...





The Wizard will attempt to read your mind!


Scroll down after 20 Seconds...










The Wizard Has Removed Your Card!

SCARY ISN'T IT? Email me by clicking The Wizard's Picture at the top of 'OZ' if you haven't figured out how I did it...

One Tin Soldier

Listen children to a story that was written long ago
'bout a kingdom on a mountain and the valley folk below.
On the mountain was a treasure buried deep beneath a stone,
and the valley people swore they'd have it for their very own.


Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of heaven, justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowin' come the judgment day
on the bloody morning after one tin soldier rides away.


So the people of the valley sent a message up the hill
asking for the buried treasure, tons of gold for which they'd kill.
Came an answer from the kingdom: "With our brothers we will share
all the secrets of our mountain, all the riches buried there."


Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of heaven, justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowin' come the judgment day
on the bloody morning after one tin soldier rides away.


Now the valley cried with anger; mount your horses, draw your sword,
and they killed the mountain people, so they won their just reward.
Now they stood beside the treasure on the mountain, dark and red,
turned the stone and looked beneath it.
"Peace on earth" was all it said.


Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of heaven, justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowin' come the judgment day
on the bloody morning after one tin soldier rides away.


Click on the above picture for one person's take
on the meaning of this song...

*(The Legend of Billy Jack)
words and music by Dennis Lambert and Brian Potter, performed by Coven
Copyright © 1969 by ABC / Dunhill Music, Inc.

Mama

I can't believe it has been three years, Mama
It still doesn't feel real
Sometimes I think of you
and want to just pick up the phone
to say hello..

Mama thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times
I forgot

Mama remember all my life
You showed me love,You sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed
along the way

And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
I miss you, I miss you

Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong
Dry your eyes

Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed
Along the way
And I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama
*Il Divo, Mama
Here is the link to my one year memorial to "My Mom"

An unsual wedding in Belgium

6 truths in life!

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.

3. And discover that The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this post to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.



I apologize about this.

I'm an idiot and I needed company.

*Thanks, Daryn

THIS WEEK’S QUOTATIONS

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don’t be surprised if they learn their lesson.
– Will Rogers, humorist, social commentator (1879-1935)

The role in carving holds good as to criticism: never cut with a knife what you can cut with a spoon.
– Charles Buxton, British philanthropist (1823-1871)

Many a man’s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
– Elbert Hubbard, writer, philosopher (1856-1915)

After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
– Marcus Porcius Cato, Roman statesman (234-149 BC)

Whenever we divorce competence from character, we create amoral professionals who think they’re exempt from common standards of honor.
– Michael Josephson

*Character Counts

The Yuppie Lifestyle and Satisfaction

T.S. Eliot said, “Half of the harm done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They do not mean to do harm…they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves.” So how do we feel important?

Often, it’s trying to fit an image of success created by a culture that prizes getting ahead in terms of money and career. Think how much more integrity there would be if we really understood how futile it is to pursue the empty vessel of prosperity.

In Death of Ethics in America, Cal Thomas quotes a letter written to The Washington Post in the mid-’80s: “I’ve lived both lives, Yuppie and non-Yuppie,” the writer said. “In the first, I was married to a professional woman and on our dual incomes we Club Meded, sports car-raced, alpine-skied, and Kennedy Centered our 14-year marriage into oblivion. I’m now 42, remarried to a woman who gave up her professional career to provide full-time care for our 1- and 5-year-old daughters, and living in Gaithersburg, Maryland – on one salary.

“Trips to Australia and Europe, Saturday night dining at Nathan’s, and Wolf Trap concerts are distant memories. Vacations are now taken in our nine-year-old used pop-up camper, and dining out means ‘Hooray! Daddy’s bringing home pizza.’ We’ve just started into the second round of one hundred readings of Pat the Bunny for our 1-year-old. Satisfaction level in my first life measured 2 on the 10 scale. Measured now, satisfaction is about 9.5.”

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

*CharacterCounts.org

Cats and Mice in Heaven

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."

The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."

God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.

The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again."

God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?"

The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!"

Hey we need a cute clean one every once in awhile.

*Thanks, Daryn

What Do Retired People Do All Day?

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a Nazi turd.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres+. So my wife called him a shit-head.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

*Thanks, Daryn
+ Tyres - English for Tires

Granny's Cures

Did You Know That Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately -- without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers." OR..

Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns. OR..

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose. OR..

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles. OR..

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria. OR..

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly -- even though the product was never been advertised for this use. OR..

Honey remedy for skin blemishes... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight. OR..

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus... Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again. OR..

Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them. OR..

Coca-Cola cure for rust... Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done. OR..

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly. OR..

Smart splinter remover...just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue. OR..

Hunt's tomato paste boil cure...cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head. OR..

Balm for broken blisters...To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine... a powerful antiseptic. OR..

Heinz vinegar to heal bruises... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process. OR..

Kills fleas instantly. Dawn dish washing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Goodbye fleas. OR..

Rainy day cure for dog odOR..

Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh. OR..

Eliminate ear mites.... All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing. OR..

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief....It's not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

These may all work. Granny's Tonic guaranteed to make you forget that you ever had the problem in the first place!!

Like Old Time Radio Shows? The Wizard recommends this site.

The following is directly from their website:

ABOUT OTRCAT.COM

After many years of listening and collecting old time radio shows, the OTRCAT (pronounced 'oh-tee-R cat' - from Old Time Radio Catalog) web site started in 1999. After reading "On the Air, The Encyclopedia of Old Time Radio," by John Dunning, I looked to expand my collection.

Up until the late 1990's, collecting Old Time Radio Shows was expensive and the shows themselves were rare. The original site began as a old time radio trading site to share my collection, further my personal collection of old time radio shows, and provide a place for other fans to research the history of the shows and performers. Since the 1990's, OTRCAT encoding thousands old time radio shows into the MP3 format.

As the collection expanded, fellow collectors asked for copies of the recordings. For listeners who want to order the shows, the CDs are offered at the reasonable price of $5.00 so everyone can afford to listen to these amazing shows. Collections are available on archival-quality media created with professional-grade duplicators which can be enjoyed for years to come. There are also new episodes to listen to every day of the week.

Proceeds from the website offset the price of machinery, supplies, and growing old time radio collection; every month OTRCAT also sends out free CDs of old time radio shows to various low-income retirement homes, centers for the blind, and American field troops based in Iraq and Afghanistan in hopes they will enjoy the nostalgia of these classic radio recordings.

Preserving Old Time Radio - Click above to order your favourite shows today!

My Cool Avatar!

Toon Town Clown (that's me!)

I took inspiration from this guy:

https://kartjeeva.deviantart.com/art/The-Joker-Heath-Ledger-from-the-Dark-Knight-313308990

Aha!

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an deisel fuel shortage here in Canada.

Well, there's a very simple answer...... Diesel Fuel is made from oil. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low.

The reason for that is purely geographical. All our oil is in Alberta and Saskatchewan. All our dipsticks are in Ottawa.

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

ON THINGS WE ALL SHOULD DO
"Earlier this year I had my hair feng-shuied."

--model Jerry Hall

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

ON WE DON’T GET IT, MR. DATA
"IDEAL FOR USE WITH CD MARKERS AND FELT TIP PENS.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR USE WITH . . . CD MARKERS AND FELT TIP PENS."

--label on a box of Mr. Data CD-Rs

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

ON LOS ANGELES, FOOD CAPITAL OF THE U.S.
• Toe-Shaped Chicken
• Recent Veal
• Bagel–Plane or Gallic

--menu items, Los Angeles

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

ON UH, YOU’RE A LITTLE LATE THERE, GEORGE
"The point now is how do we work together to achieve important goals. And one such goal is a democracy in Germany."

--President George W. Bush

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

ON DANG, OUR SCHNAUZER ONLY SPEAKS FRENCH
German Shepherd 85 Lbs. Neutered. Speaks German.

--classified ad

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

ON MULTICULTURALISM, PROBLEMS WITH
"I’ve had to overcome a lot of diversity."

--basketball player Drew Gooden, discussing his NBA career

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

ON UH-OH—THROAGH OF PERIL!
• Prythee no sport with stingy or play asperity game. Winding finger have got bloodstream not wallk. Throagh of peril.

• Tad disport of time grown man tatelage.

• Till the cowcomes home. Wield toys damage,burn-in prythee wind to a close wield.

• Give attention to open/close toys,therefore take place peril.for instance slipup batteries wield result in the emission of heat rupture liquid.vent itself prythee pay attention.

--warnings on a toy manufactured in China

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

ON SAY THAT AGAIN, REX
"Darin Erstad is the only player in major league history to win a gold glove award both in the outfield and at first base—and that’s pretty good company right there."

--Anaheim Angels sportscaster Rex Hudler

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

ON COMPASSION, GREAT MOMENTS IN
"What I’m hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them."

--former first lady Barbara Bush, after touring the Houston Astrodome complex where Hurricane Katrina survivors were staying; the White House later said this was merely a “personal observation”

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

ON POTATO ODES, REGRETTABLE
"What would this world full of people do,
Rich and poor, high and low,
Were it not for this little-thought of
But very necessary Potato?"

--from the poem “The Potato” by Lillian E. Curtis, (as collected in the book Very Bad Poetry)

Cost of Democracy

The cost of the Canadian 40th General Election has been estimated at $290,000,000.00 or $8.69 for every man woman and child...

That's plain


Population of Canada as of July 2008 33,390,141 (est)

Bid to create world's largest sandwich in Iran fails after crowd eats it before it can be measured

By Niall Firth, MAIL Online

The meat had been cooked, the sandwich almost assembled and assorted Guinness Book of Records dignitaries were patiently waiting by to give it their official stamp of approval.
But cooks in Iran were left in despair after their bid to create the world's longest sandwich failed when the crowd started eating it before it could be measured.

Event organisers had planned to stuff the 1,500-metre-long sandwich with 700 kg of ostrich meat and 700 kg of chicken, and display it in a park in the capital Tehran.

Iranian workers prepare a giant ostrich meat sandwich in an attempt to achieve a Guinness World Record

But as the sandwich was being measured, chaos ensued.

The giant snack was gone in minutes, leaving the three Guinness representatives with a problem.

One of the event’s organisers said video footage of the sandwich would be sent to Guinness officials.

"We still think the sandwich will be recorded in the Guinness book because of all the evidence and footage that we will send them," claimed Parvin Shariati.
The stunt had been organised to encourage Iranians to eat a healthier diet.
Ostrich meat is far leaner than much of the Iranian diet with as half as much fat as chicken, lots of iron, and very little cholesterol - as well as being extremely tasty.

Iranians tuck into a giant ostrich meat sandwich - but they started eating before it could be officially measured