Hoppy Easter!

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Easter

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented. 

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Nooooo," and he banished her to Hell. 

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Nooooo," and he banished her to Hell. 

The third blonde said she knew what Easter was and St. Peter said, "So, tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder...." 

St. Peter said, "Verrrrrrry good." 

Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey." St. Peter fainted.

*Thanks, Andy

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In-Debt Wacko Jacko Flogs Songs

Michael Jackson is reported to be selling off half of his share in his valuable Beatles song catalogue to stave off huge debt problems. A statement issued from Jackson's representatives in Bahrain, where he now lives, said the singer had "restructured his finances". The deal involves more than £114m in loans secured by his stake in the Beatles' songs. The loans, which were due to be repaid in December 2005, are held by a New York private equity fund. The company stood to gain Jackson's 50% interest in the Beatles publishing rights, valued at some £285m, if he defaulted. The other half of the collection of more than 200 Beatles tunes is owned by Sony/ATV Music Publishing. Sources have said Jackson had agreed to provide Sony with an option to buy about 25% of the catalogue, or half of his stake. One said the singer also negotiated a lower interest rate on his debt. Jackson, 47, is deep in debt after years of extravagant spending, according to testimony at his trial on child molestation charges last year. He was acquitted on all charges last June after the trial that had threatened to destroy his career and send him to prison for nearly two decades.

Ten Dollar Bar Test...

A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills...

The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it! He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well... you pay ten dollars and IF you pass three tests...you get all the money!!!"

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up! "What are the three tests?"

"Pay FIRST..." says the bartender... "Those are the rules."

So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar... "OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do...

FIRST: You have to drink that ENTIRE GALLON of tequila... the WHOLE thing, all at ONCE... and you CAN'T make a face while doing it...

SECOND: There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth... You have to REMOVE the tooth with your BARE HANDS...

THIRD: There's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who has NEVER reached orgasm during intercourse... You've got to MAKE THINGS RIGHT for her."

The man is stunned... "I know I paid my 10 bucks... but I'm not an IDIOT! I WON'T DO IT!!! You have to be NUTS to drink a gallon of tequila, and then do those OTHER THINGS!!!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your MONEY stays where it is..."

The man has a few drinks... then a few more... Finally, he asks, "WHERRRRE'S ZAAAAT TEQUIIIIIILA ?!?!?!"

He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp... Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face...

Next... he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up...

The people inside the bar hear a HUGE, NOISY SCUFFLE going on outside... They hear the pit bull barking... the guy screaming... the pit bull yelping ... and then....
SILENCE.

Just when they think the man SURELY must be dead, he staggers back into the bar ... with his shirt ripped... and large, bloody scratches all over his body...

"NOW!!....." he says... "WHERE'S THE OLD WOMAN WITH THE SORE TOOTH ?!?!"

*Thanks, Pam

ABC Company Policy Changes

The following policy changes will go into effect immediately.

Dress Code:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need raise.


Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.


Toilet Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.

After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category."

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.


We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation or input should be directed elsewhere.

Thank you for your loyalty to ABC company.

*Thanks, Pam

From The Emerald City

The Wizard is celebrating:

100,000

VISITORS TODAY!!!!

Thanks sooooo much to all my loyal 'OZ' readers and for all the wonderful comments that you have made. I can't believe that so many people out there in Munchkinland like what I have to say!

Here's to the next 100 G's!!!

Yrs,

The Wizard

Off The Mark

*Thanks, Rimsky!

MIT Fraternity Accused Of Robot Hazing

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Several members of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology chapter of the Theta Tau fraternity are in campus-police custody today following a brutal hazing incident in which one robot remains missing and two others are in critical condition with extensive circuitry and servo-motor injuries, sources revealed Monday. The robots, experimental prototypes recently devised at MIT's prestigious Artificial Intelligence Laboratory, were participating in an apparent initiation exercise that police say involved butyl alcohol and compressed air. 

According to eyewitnesses, the three robots were ripped from their chargers at the Theta Tau chapter house at 3 a.m. Tuesday. One, a titanium-alloy hexapod approximately 13 inches in diameter, was reportedly forced to climb stairs built at a grade too steep for its small hinged legs, causing six of its pneumatic actuators to short out. A second robot, a biped from MIT's Leg Laboratory, was allegedly forced to replicate "the same humiliating hopping algorithm" 200,000 times, and is currently in critical condition in the laboratory's emergency-repair room. The third robot, a tread-driven 38-inch-tall rover, is feared drowned after being forced to consume over 40 terabytes of data and then swim across the Charles River with a burning candle stuck in its rear port. 

"We will thoroughly investigate this matter, and take strong disciplinary action," MIT Dean of Students Geraldine Knight said. "These robots are extremely artificially intelligent. They wouldn't willingly subject themselves to this sort of abuse without extreme levels of peer pressure or even downright reprogramming." Among those detained for questioning were Theta Tau chapter president David Kovis, treasurer Charles Leung, and fraternity members Lee Berger, Andy Ockridge, A. Muduthanapally, and Chen Kwan Tan. 

They could be charged with first-degree botslaughter and operating a motorized robot under the influence, charges that carry a maximum punishment of lifetime banishment from the MIT Media lab. 

This is not the first case of robot hazing on the campus. Last fall, during "Rush Week," a spider-legged unit was found struggling in a closet at MIT's School of Engineering, stripped of its outer casing, its motion sensors covered with duct tape. The perpetrators were never found. On another occasion, a robot was locked in a room and forced to calculate pi to the 1083 decimal place in what officials called one of the worst cases of binge-thinking they'd ever seen. 

This latest incident comes in the wake of a February episode in which an ambulating chatbot device created at Caltech was programmed to repeat the phrase "I am a faggot" while locomoting across campus. Robots have also reportedly been made to fight each other, often to total annihilation, in the basements of applied-science-based campus fraternal organizations during their respective "hell weeks." 

A spokesman for the Theta Tau fraternity claimed that the "fun just got out of hand," and that the robot pledges were "100 percent cool with the initiation." "They showed us they were willing to do anything to be Theta Tau brothers. 

Loyalty, commitment, and conformity are what the Greek system is all about," the spokesman said. In protest, human-emotion-simulator robot Kismet, a respected member of the MIT community, announced that it will only display an expression of disapproval—refusing to smile, show fear, or raise a curious eyebrow—until those responsible receive appropriate punishment.

*The Onion

Top 4 Ways you Shouldn't Come out

Coming out isn't a Nascar race. There is no penalty for entering too late; there is no checker flag signifying the end; nor are you left behind if you don't enter the race going 200 miles per hour. There is no one way to come out, but there are ways you can avoid some of the pain and drama many experience coming out to family, friends and coworkers. Avoid coming out in: 

1) In anger. Emotionally charged situations are unpredictable and actions in anger are often irrational. I came out to my dad in the midst of an argument and the situation only got worse. I was so angry I didn't have the chance to truly express how I felt; and he was so taken aback that he completely shut it out- only for it to come up later. When you come out with a clear mind, you maintain control of the situation and express the things you need to express, all while respecting the other person. 

2) As revenge. Having the gay card in your pocket is like having the only nuclear bomb in a war against your homophobic neighbor. Your same-gender loving feelings are a part of you and should be disclosed under your terms. Why invite negativity upon yourself or share such dear details of your life in a bout of payback? If someone is slinging insults or you know they hate gays, let them have their reality. The best way to combat ignorance is to let them witness your world surrounded by love and acceptance. 

3) Through a third party. Third party news is always a bad idea. Facts and feelings can get twisted from person to person, which is why hearsay doesn't even stand up in court. Sometimes your news will leak to others through gossip, but your loved ones will appreciate hearing it directly from you. Don't get anyone else involved or waste time chasing the rumor mill. Important information such as this should be handled person to person. If a face to face meeting is not within your comfort zone, write a personal letter. 

4) When you're not ready. Coming out should happen on your schedule. Of course, you can't control whether someone finds out through other means, but you can talk about it at your own pace. There is no set age or circumstance that dictates when a person should come out. Let your feelings be your guide. I was tired of keeping such an important part of my life from those I cared about. So I started slowly telling friends one by one and then my family. Those that truly cared stuck by my side, despite the ones that didn't.

*By Ramon Johnson, Your Guide to Gay Life

June Pointer of the Pointer Sisters Dies

LOS ANGELES (AP) - June Pointer, the youngest of the singing Pointer Sisters known for the 1970s and 1980s hits "I'm So Excited,""Fire," and "Slow Hand," has died, her family said Wednesday. She was 52. Pointer died of cancer Tuesday at Santa Monica University of California, Los Angeles, Medical Center, the family said in a statement. She had been hospitalized since late February and the type of cancer wasn't disclosed. She died "in the arms of her sisters, Ruth and Anita and her brothers, Aaron and Fritz, by her side," the family statement read. "Although her sister, Bonnie, was unable to be present, she was with her in spirit." The Pointer Sisters began as a quartet in the early 1970s with sisters Ruth, Anita, Bonnie and June. The group became a trio when Bonnie embarked on a solo career. The group's hits also included "He's So Shy,""Automatic" and "Jump (For My Love)." The sisters, along with their two older brothers, grew up singing in the choir of an Oakland church where their parents were ministers. Bonnie and June formed a singing duo and began performing in clubs around the San Francisco Bay area. Anita and Ruth later joined the group and together, they sang backup for Taj Mahal, Boz Scaggs and Elvin Bishop, among others. Their first, self-titled album, "The Pointer Sisters," debuted in 1973 and the song "Yes We Can Can" became their first hit. They followed up with the album "That's A Plenty," which featured an eclectic mix of musical styles ranging from jazz to country and pop. They won the first of their three Grammy awards in 1974 for best country vocal performance by a group for the song "Fairytale." Bonnie left the group in 1977, and the sisters recorded several more albums, scoring several hit songs that became identified as the soundtrack of the 1980s. The successful 1984 album "Break Out" earned two Grammy awards for the songs "Automatic" and "Jump (For My Love)." The album's other hit song, "Neutron Dance," was prominently featured in the movie "Beverly Hills Cop." June recorded two solo albums, and later left the trio. Anita and Ruth still perform under the group's name. Ruth's daughter, Issa Pointer, is the trio's newest member. Two years ago, June Pointer was charged with felony cocaine possession and misdemeanor possession of a smoking device. She was ordered to a rehabilitation facility. Funeral arrangements were incomplete.

Gay 'Sopranos' mobster glad for exposure

NEW YORK — (Associated Press)  Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhall and ... Joseph R. Gannascoli? In what Gannascoli cheerfully calls "the year of the queer," when "Brokeback Mountain" became a phenomenon and Philip Seymour Hoffman won an Oscar playing Truman Capote, Gannascoli's character (spoiler alert: read no further if you haven't seen the episode yet) was outed Sunday night on "The Sopranos."

Dressed in appropriate leather bar attire, Vito Spatafore — the heretofore closeted gay mobster — was sighted by a couple wiseguys who came by the sweaty S&M joint to collect their protection money.

"It's a joke," Vito weakly offers, then begs: "Don't say nothin'!"

By the end of the episode, he's checked into a motel with a gun, looking suicidal.

Fans of the HBO series were stunned last season when Meadow's boyfriend, Finn, saw a security guard sitting in the driver's seat of a truck — and then Vito's head popped up.

This season, Vito has hung around the hospital while Tony Soprano was recovering from a gunshot wound, trying to ingratiate himself with Tony's wife while plotting with Paulie Walnuts to grab her cut of a big score. And he's chomped on carrots while prattling on about all the weight he's losing. (In real life, he's down to 260 from a high of 400 pounds.)

Now that the gay story line is heating up, the 47-year-old Brooklyn-born actor is immensely pleased, in part because it was his idea to make Vito homosexual.

"I saw him as, like, a cross between Mike Tyson and Liberace," Gannascoli told The Associated Press in an interview at his home. "I wanted to make him sort of in self-denial, self-loathing, a real gay hater."

Gannascoli's suggestion was inspired by the book "Murder Machine," about the Gambino family, which had an openly gay member also named Vito.

"They didn't bother him about it, because I guess he was good at what he did, which was chopping up bodies," Gannascoli said.

Gannascoli concedes that he had a self-serving motivation for making the suggestion: Breaking out of the pack.

"I thought that was a way of separating myself from the other actors, because I would have been in the background most of the time. You know, line here, line there, and nothing really substantial," said Gannascoli, whose character previously was best known for whacking Jackie Aprile Jr. "To really make an impact is all I can ask for."

He also thought it would create an interesting acting challenge. But even amid all the recent gay buzz, Gannascoli knows the reaction to Vito won't be all positive.

"I'm a Brooklyn guy. I was just in Brooklyn last night. And, you know, I had some real wise guys that look at me and they give me dirty looks. I've had guys, like, come after me in clubs," he said.

He just hopes the "cerebral people" will appreciate his performance.

Gannascoli said "The Sopranos" has changed his life "in so many ways."

"Recognition, I'd say, the most. It allowed me to get married."

It's also allowed Gannascoli to buy his house ("which coming from a rent-controlled apartment all my life was a huge step up"), get his novel published ("A Meal to Die For," loosely based on his life in the restaurant business) and develop a signature line of food (olive oil, tomato sauce, barbecue sauce, salsa and wine).

"While I'm not going to be cheffing anymore, I'm going to be still involved in food. Which is one of my passions."

He considered becoming a lawyer like his older brother but dropped out of St. John's University after two years. He did well the first year but by his second year, "I had a huge Quaalude business" that sidetracked him. ("I was hustlin', you know.")

He then bounced around, working at various New York restaurants and becoming a "self-taught" kitchen magician. He even headed to New Orleans and learned Cajun cooking in the '80s.

He owned all or part of a few restaurants over the years, but disliked the "day-to-day machinations" of keeping it going.

It was during one of his numerous food-service jobs when acting felt like the dish of the day. A waiter-friend (who, like so many in New York, also was an aspiring actor) urged him to audition for a play. He got the role and started taking acting lessons.

But he soon found himself pushing an ice-cream cart on Wall Street before eventually opening another eatery. He got burnt out from working 9 a.m. to 2 at night and started gambling heavily.

On the last day of the 1990 pro football regular season he was in a hole. Like any desperate gambler, he tried to win it back fast.

"Cody Carlson is responsible for my acting," Gannascoli joked, able to laugh about it now.

The backup Houston Oilers quarterback started in place of injured Hall of Famer Warren Moon and had a great game against betting favorite Pittsburgh. The Steelers lost, and Gannascoli was out $60,000.

Gannascoli paid off his debts with equity from his restaurant, thus avoiding a real-life leg-breaking — or worse — and then decided to head to L.A.

On the West Coast, he met Benicio Del Toro, which led to an audition and small role in the 1993 feature "Money for Nothing" — and a meeting with Georgianne Walken ( Christopher Walken's wife) and Sheila Jaffe.

Both Jaffe and Walken are casting directors who've chosen actors for roles in scores of films and TV shows — including "The Sopranos."

Gannascoli underwent hip-replacement surgery last week and hopes the increased mobility will help him exercise and lose more weight. But while controlling his Falstaffian appetites, he'd loved to develop a hybrid cooking/sports show. He'd have a famous athlete as a guest and they'd cook up one of star's favorite dishes while talking about his career and showing clips.

He'd like to call it "Food Bowl."

Leif Garrett sent to jail for failing drug test

LOS ANGELES – Former teen idol Leif Garrett has been sent to jail for 45 days after failing several drug tests while staying in a strict, live-in drug rehabilitation program, authorities said Thursday. Garret began the sentence March 30 after a Superior Court commissioner determined he had violated terms of his rehabilitation program, according to Jane Robison, a spokeswoman for the district attorney's office. Garrett, 44, was undergoing drug rehabilitation for violating probation in a cocaine case stemming from a 2004 arrest. After his last progress hearing March 9, Garrett told reporters he had made progress in fighting his drug addiction. “I'm going down the right path,” he said at the time. Commissioner Melissa Widdifield scheduled his next progress hearing for May 11. Garrett also faces felony heroin possession charges after officers who stopped him Jan. 14 for trying to ride a Los Angeles subway train without a ticket said they found suspected narcotics. Garrett has pleaded not guilty in that case.

Detroit Sold For Scrap

DETROIT—Detroit, a former industrial metropolis in southeastern Michigan with a population of just under 1 million, was sold at auction Tuesday to bulk scrap dealers and smelting foundries across the United States. "This is what's best for Detroit," Mayor Kwame M. Kilpatrick said. "We must act now, while we can still get a little something for it." Once dismantled and processed, Detroit is expected to yield nearly 14 million tons of steel, 2.85 million tons of aluminum, and approximately 837,000 tons of copper. The decision to demolish and cull Detroit for scrap was approved last month by a 6-3 City Council vote after a cost-benefit analysis revealed that, as a functioning urban area, it held a negative cash value.

--more-- *The Onion

Easter Fun

*Thanks, Andy!

Wal-Mart Ignores 'Brokeback Mountain' Pressure

(Washington) Despite pressure from a national anti-gay lobby group Wal-Mart stores appear to be doing a brisk business in selling "Brokeback Mountain" DVDs and videos. Copies of the Academy Award winning gay cowboy film went on sale this week at Wal-Mart stores across the country even though the American Family Association and its members have been flooding the nation's largest retailer with complaints that the company was caving in to "the homosexual agenda". 

 Two weeks ago the AFA, already involved in a national boycott of Ford Motors for advertising in the LGBT media, turning its sights on Wal-Mart stopping just short of ordering a boycott. "It's quite obvious to anyone who shops at Wal-Mart that they're no longer the family-friendly company that they used to project in their image," said Randy Sharp, AFA's director of special projects. Wal-Mart spokesperson Gail Lavielle said the company won't advocate for any issue, insisting the chain's only goal is providing products that its customers want. Universal Studios Home Entertainment says that on the first day the DVDs and videos went on sale a whopping 1.4 million copies were sold in all retail stores across the country. Neither Wal-Mart nor Universal would say how much of that came from Wal-Mart stores. 

 This isn't the first time that AFA demands have been rejected by the retailer. Over the group's objections Wal-Mart in 2003 expanded its non-discrimination policy to include sexual orientation and last year it adopted a new definition of family that includes same-sex partners. The AFA has a long history of mounting boycotts against LGBT-friendly businesses and most cases the boycotts were preceded with a call for members to complain to company managers. Earlier this month the AFA reinstated its boycott of Ford. 

 The AFA said the company "reneged on an agreement to stop funding homosexual groups that promote same-sex marriage." Joining the boycott are the Center for Reclaiming America, Liberty Counsel, CatholicVote.org, Faith2Action, and Citizens for Community Values among others. The AFA boycotted Proctor and Gamble in 2004 after the Cincinnati-based P&G supported the repeal of an anti-gay law in that city. Last April April AFA declared victory over Proctor & Gamble after the company ended most of its advertising in the gay media. The group claimed that more than 300,000 people had signed pledges not to buy P&G products. The effect on P&G is believed to be one of the major reasons Microsoft decided to withdraw its support of a gay rights bill in the state of Washington following a meeting with a conservative Christian leader. (story) 

Following outrage from the company's gay workers and LGBT rights groups in Washington the company reversed course again and announced it would support gay rights measures in the future and the legislation finally passed. Last May, the AFA took aim at Kraft Foods - stopping just short of calling for a full boycott - for sponsoring the 2006 Gay Games in Chicago. (story) Kraft has not budged in its support for the games. Also last year, the AFA ended a nine year boycott of Disney called over Gay Days at the company's theme park in Orlando, Florida. Most people in the industry said the boycott had a negligible effect on Disney.

*365Gay.com

Incredible

Whaddya think these are?

Look closely and guess what they could be... PENS WITH HIDDEN CAMS? any wild guesses now? no clue?...

Ladies and gentlemen... congratulations! you've just now looked into the future... Yep that's right! No booing now... you've seen something that would replace your PC in the future....

In the revolution of miniature computers, the scientists are ahead with bluetooth technology... See the forthcoming computers within. NOW SEE THIS...

This pen instrument produces both the monitor as well as the keyboard on flat surfaces from where you can just carry out the normal operations you do on your desktop.

...and what's next? Beam me up Scotty...hmmmmm???? *Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Everything you always wanted to know about daylight Savings Time...

Click here.

Singer Gene Pitney Dies at 65

Gene Pitney memorably sang "Only Love Can Break a Heart." But word of his death is proving equally saddening. The melodramatic crooner, who earned a spot in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for writing and performing a string of chart hits through the 1960s, including collaborations with Ricky Nelson, Carole King, Burt Bacharach, Phil Spector and Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, was found dead Wednesday in a hotel room in Wales. 

The cause of death is yet to be determined, but local authorities say the 65-year-old singer's death does not appear to be suspicious. "We don't have a cause of death at the moment but looks like it was a very peaceful passing," Pitney's tour manager, James Kelly, told the Associated Press. 

"He was found fully clothed, on his back, as if he had gone for a lie down. It looks as if there was no pain whatsoever." Pitney was in the midst of a 23-city tour of Britain. His Tuesday night concert in Cardiff ended with a standing ovation. "I've never seen him so well," Kelly told Reuters. "He was absolutely buzzing and full of life." Pitney was born in Hartfort, Connecticut on Feb. 17, 1941. Always a music lover, he fronted a band in high school and got his start in the business in the early 1960s as a Brill Building songwriter.

He scored his first solo Top 40 hit in 1961 with “(I Wanna) Love My Life Away." Pitney produced the track and played every instrument except bass. That same year, his composition "Hello Mary Lou" became a Top 10 hit for Ricky Nelson and was later covered by Creedence Clearwater Revival. It was the first of several hits he penned for other artists, among them Bobby Vee's "Rubber Ball," George Jones' "Louisiana Man" and the Crystals' "He's a Rebel," which hit number one in 1962, keeping Pitney's own hit, "Only Love Can Break a Heart," at number two. Pitney also recorded songs by other composers, including: “(The Man Who Shot) Liberty Valance,” written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David for the hit western starring John Wayne and James Stewart; "Just One Smile," by Randy Newman; and “That Girl Belongs to Yesterday,” an early Jagger-Richards composition that charted in 1964--months ahead of the Rolling Stones first U.S. chart hit, "Tell Me." Pitney's other classic cuts included "Town Without Pity," "It Hurts to Be in Love," "24 Hours from Tulsa" and "She's a Heartbreaker," which was released in 1968 and became his last of his 16 Top 40 hit in the U.S. While he peaked commercially in America in the 1960s, he remained hugely popular in Europe. He recorded albums in Italian and Spanish and was voted Italy's top singer in 1964. He frequently toured Britain, often supported by hit acts like the Kinks, and was rewarded with 40 chart hits in the U.K. 

He had his first British number one in 1990 with his duet with Soft Cell's Marc Almond, "Something's Gotten Hold of My Heart." He also became one of the first rockers to embrace country, recording two hit albums with honky-tonkyer George Jones in the '60s. He was enshrined in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2002, in a class that included the Ramones, Talking Heads and Tom Petty. Pitney is survived by his wife, Lynne, and three sons.

*E! Online

New York theatre pulls trailer for 'United 93'

Four-and-a-half years after the Sept. 11 attacks, a new movie about what transpired on one of the hijacked planes is set to open in New York.

But with the wounds of the terror attacks still fresh, critics say it's much too soon to relive the terror of the al Qaeda-hijacked plane that crashed into a Pennsylvania field.

Canadian Maureen Basnicki, whose husband Ken died during the New York attacks, says the film "United 93" is being released without any regard for the victims' families.

"To deal with this movie it's just too much, I think, for myself and for any individual to go have to go through," Basnicki told CTV News. "I can't handle it today."

In New York City, the manager of AMC Loews Lincoln Square 12 theatre in Manhattan has pulled the trailer for the film, saying he made the decision after hearing complaints from viewers.

"I don't think people are ready for this," Kevin Adjodha told Newsweek magazine.

"One lady was crying," he explained. "She was saying that we shouldn't have played the trailer. That this was wrong."

Universal Studios in Los Angeles, meanwhile, is refusing to pull the trailer for the thriller, which is scheduled to open in theaters on April 28.

Universal says it will continue to market the film "in a manner we feel is truthful and direct so that those who elect to see the film will be prepared for the experience.

Adam Fogelson, Universal's president of marketing, said it would be shown only before R-rated movies or "grown-up" PG-13 ones.

Fogelson told The New York Times that the film is an "honest and real look" at the events on board Flight 93.

He said it doesn't sanitize or soften the terror that victims of the tragedy went through.

"If I sanitized the trailer beyond what's there, am I suggesting that the experience will be less real than what the movie itself is? We as a company feel comfortable that it is a responsible and fair way to show what's coming," he said.

But some filmgoers felt far from comfortable after seeing the promotional spot. At the famous Grauman's Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard in Los Angeles, filmgoers were heard shouting "too soon."

"It is pretty offensive. I was pretty offended and shocked actually when they came on," one moviegoer told ABC News.

The trailer begins with passengers and crew preparing for Flight 93 on a sunny morning. But the drama builds quickly with pulsing music played under news video of a plane about to hit the World Trade Center.

The viewer is then taken inside United Flight 93 as terrorists begin the hijacking. It ends with a passenger calling his family to inform them of the impending disaster.

One psychiatrist warns that the visual reminder may be jarring for some viewers.

"Even if you have put 9/11 well behind you and you have been able to move on with your life, you may not want a graphic reminder to pop up suddenly in the movie theatre," Dr. Randall Marshall, director of trauma studies for the New York State Office of Mental Health at the New York State Psychiatric Institute, told ABC News.

The film, however, does have the support of several family members of 9/11 victims.

Kenny Nacke, who lost his brother Louis J. Nacke II who was on board Flight 93, is helping to promote the film.

"Our loved ones continue to live inside all of us, so we continue to be their voices," said Nacke. "I would hope someone would walk away from hearing the feats of the passengers and crew of Flight 93 empowered."

Alice Hoagland, who lost her son in the attacks, called the film "a beautiful story in all that ugliness."

The makers of "United 93" said they made sure they consulted with all the family members of the 40 passengers and crew aboard United 93 before they went ahead with the project.

Paul Greengrass, the film's writer and director, said the families were unanimous in wanting to see the film produced.

"It will be painful, but ultimately in the case of this particularly story, "United 93" (will be) inspiring," Greengrass said.

"United 93" is scheduled to make its world premiere on opening night at the Tribeca Film Festival in Manhattan, which was created to help lower Manhattan recover financially from the attacks.

The festival begins April 25 and runs through May 7.

Universal Pictures says it will donate 10 per cent of the first three days' grosses from the film to The Flight 93 National Memorial.

Located in Somerset County, Penn., the memorial will be meant to provide a place to learn about the events of Sept. 11.

*With files from The Associated Press

What do you think? Is it too early? Should there ever be a movie based on 9/11? Make a comment.

Gay Celebs

Rufus Wainwright

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Brokeback Mountain comes to home video today

Brokeback Mountain (Alliance Atlantis) - The biggest surprise, perhaps, of this so-called "gay western" is that the deep and tender relationship between Ennis (Heath Ledger) and Jack (Jake Gyllenhaal) plays so heartbreakingly true.

DVD extras include making-of features and interviews with writers Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana.

The cinematography - locales in and around the Alberta Rockies - is gorgeous. Supporting cast members, including Anne Hathaway, Michelle Williams and Randy Quaid, make a valuable contribution even if their talent tends to get overshadowed by the impressive chemistry between Ledger and Gyllenhaal.

In other Brokeback news...

Matthew Kennedy of Pincher Creek Alberta, Canada, has just sold his truck that was used in the blockbuster movie, for $70,000.00. He put the truck on eBay, hoping that the interest in the Oscar-Winning film would find a buyer. He was right. Kennedy plans on using the money for post-secondary education after he is finished high school.

Matthew Kennedy said he bought the black, 1950 GMC truck last year at an auction of vehicles used in the movie because he liked its looks, and only decided to sell when he realized the amount of attention the film was garnering.

"The movie was getting a lot bigger and I thought I could sell it and put away the money for school," he said.

Kennedy's eBay description of the vehicle says it was driven by Jack Twist, played by Jake Gyllenhaal, when he meets Ennis Del Mar, played by Heath Ledger, at the start of the film.

The movie, centering on the furtive love affair between two cowboys, was shot in the Alberta foothills, south of Calgary.

"The only thing I knew about the movie was that it was being filmed in my area and it was a cowboy movie," he said.

Murray Ord, executive producer at Alberta Film Entertainment, said it's standard procedure to sell film gear post-production. "Whether it be furniture, props, anything we purchased, we try to recoup the cost," he said.

Murray Pomerance, a sociologist and author of several books about cinema compared the pickup truck with items such as Dorothy's shoes from "The Wizard of Oz" and prosthetic masks from "Star Trek."

"With certain films that are distinctive in one way or another...this desire to imbed oneself in the context of the film is huge," he said.

"We're actually taking the truck and marketing it. Young people want to play at being characters ... they're going to want to drive that truck ... it's the ultimate way to play the game."

Microsoft Warns Against Outside Fixes

(Seattle, Washington) When Microsoft Corp. researchers learned recently that a software flaw had been made public and could prompt Internet attacks, the company ordered a team to devote all its time to fixing the flaw and making the repair work with other products. Microsoft argues that's the approach customers want and expect, but some security experts complained that the software company's traditional method, which could take days or weeks, wouldn't help people fast enough. 

 So for the second time in three months, outside programmers took matters into their own hands by quickly releasing their own fixes, days ahead of the official Microsoft patch for its market-dominant Internet Explorer browser. Microsoft doesn't endorse such third-party fixes, warning it can't vouch for whether they will work smoothly with Microsoft products and other applications. 

But those providing them argue they have a responsibility to protect users from attacks. "It's kind of like having the cure and not sharing it with anybody," said Marc Maiffret, chief hacking officer with eEye Digital Security Inc. of Aliso Viejo, Calif., which earlier this week released such a fix. Rather than replacing Microsoft's own patch, Maiffret says he is hoping to provide a bandage for the interim. 

 The security expert also doesn't fault Microsoft for taking time to finalize an official patch because it can be difficult to make sure that repairing one part of the complex Windows operating system, which includes Internet Explorer, doesn't cause problems elsewhere. He also realizes that a patch like this can cause any of the thousands of non-Microsoft applications running on Windows machines to stop working, crippling businesses and frustrating home users. But Maiffret argues that Microsoft should be the one providing the type of temporary treatment his company was able to quickly pull together in response to what the industry refers to as "zero-day" problems - vulnerabilities that attackers can immediately use to try to infiltrate other people's computers. Johannes Ullrich, chief technology officer with the security research organization SANS Institute, also recognizes that Microsoft needs time to build patches but believes the company can more quickly release a "beta" patch so users would have temporary - if not perfect - protection in the interim. "The real problem is that Microsoft leaves that opening," Ullrich said. 

 Such problems are relatively rare. In most cases, Microsoft learns about flaws in its systems confidentially from security experts, who hold off on making their findings public - and alerting potential attackers - until Microsoft can release an official patch. But occasionally, reports of a vulnerability leak out before Microsoft has time to build a fix, creating a dangerous situation in which attackers can take advantage of the flaw while users have little protection. When Microsoft faced such a problem a few months ago, SANS recommended that users download the third-party fix because of the unusual severity of the threat. This time, Ullrich said the flaw appears to be less worrisome, so SANS is recommending that people either disable part of Internet Explorer or temporarily use an alternative browser, such as Firefox or Opera. 

 Microsoft says it is hoping to release a patch for the most recent IE flaw by April 11, its normal time of month for issuing security updates, and sooner if possible. In the meantime, Stephen Toulouse, a program manager with Microsoft's Security Response Center, said the company is working with other security companies to help guard against attacks, and helping to shut down the Web sites that exploit the flaw. Toulouse said the company also is trying to find ways to create and test its patches faster - for instance, by conducting tests in tandem rather than one after another. But Microsoft, he said, cannot risk releasing a patch that causes problems for even a small number of users because people may decide not to use the fix at all if they hear it's problematic. 

 "The huge responsibility we have is that we have to answer to our customers, and our customers represent potentially hundreds of millions of different configurations," Toulouse said. Third-party fixes also create the potential for a malicious person to release a pretend fix that is really an attack, much like the occasional e-mail falsely attributed to Microsoft and others, masking as legitimate communications but really luring users to malicious Web sites. Even well-meaning programmers have the potential to wreak havoc on businesses if their unofficial fix has even a minor problem, said John Pescatore with research firm Gartner. "The analogy I use is, if the FDA was testing an anticancer drug, and your neighbor said, 'I have an anticancer drug,' would you use it?" Pescatore said, referring to the Food and Drug Administration. Meanwhile, Microsoft will likely have to keep grappling with this problem, despite all the security improvements the company has made in the past few years. It takes only a few programming mistakes - amid millions of lines of code - to expose Windows users to potential attacks. "Even if they're doing everything right," Maiffret said, "there's going to be four to five mistakes a year, and those four to five mistakes are going to lead to the same things you're seeing now."

*By Allison Linn, Associated Press

Playboy To Go Gay

(London) Playboy is seeing pink and preparing to enter the gay market a London newspaper reports. The Times of London says that the New York-based company will launch a gay brand in the UK. Playboy produces the world famous straight publication of the same name along with branded books and television. The Times did not say what venue the company would employ, but reports that if the venture is successful it would be implemented in other regions of the world, presumably the US. While sales of Playboy magazine have been sluggish - it barely makes a profit - the company has seen huge revenues from its TV properties. "In the UK, our television people are very interested, and I wouldn't be surprised if we launched something this year, given the importance of the market in Britain," Chief-executive Christine Hefner told The Times. "We've extended the Playboy brand to women, and where there is a meaningful gay market, launching under a different brand is something we are very comfortable doing." Hefner, the daughter of Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, did not indicate when the new product would be launched.

*By by Peter Moore, 365Gay.com London Bureau

The Truth

"When you do not tell the truth about your thoughts, feelings or actions, you are telling yourself that you are not worthy of the truth, that you are less than the other person, that you are only what others believe you to be. When you fear the judgements of others, you have given them the responsibility to judge you, the perogative to decide what is right and wrong for you, and the freedom to shape you and your life at their whims. ... Speaking the truth is believing in yourself." 

 --Danny Pharr: Personal Power essay, 2006 Wiches Datebook

Ask The Wizard (Turn off the Office Assistant)

Dear Wizard of 'OZ',

I was wondering if there was a way to turn off the paperclip. It is always gtting in my way.

Signed,

Fedup with the clip

Dear Zippy with Clippy,

I assume that you are speaking about Clippy, the office assistant...

If you're annoyed by Word's animated office assistants, you're not alone; there are plenty of people who feel the same way. Fortunately however, you can turn off the assistant and get Word's traditional help center if you follow these steps:

1. Right click on the assistant
2. Select Options…
3. On the Options tab uncheck the box beside Use the Office Assistant

If you later decide you want the assistant back, it is a simple task:

1. Click on the Help menu
2. Select Show the Office Assistant

Hope this helps.

Yrs,

The Wizard

Our Time to Shine

By Corey Hildebrand

Many years ago
On this prairie land we know
A settlement began
They heard the call of the land



Their dedication gives us celebration
Their dreams set in motion all we have today



Our time to shine
In our hearts and in our mind
Let the past one hundred years make us see



Our city will stand tall
Saskatoon welcomes all
Let the spirit of the land set you free

'Cause this is our time to shine

People came from all around
The city grew by leaps and bounds
Stretched along the river far as the eye could see



We saw their vision a city of bridges
Cultures joined together from the present to the past



Our time to shine
In our hearts and in our mind
Let the past one hundred years make us see



Our city will stand tall
Saskatoon welcomes all
Let the spirit of the land set you free

'Cause this is our time to shine

Corey Hildebrand - vocals, bass and guitar
Gordon Hildebrand - guitar
Geoff Hildebrand - drums
Recorded and mixed at Cosmic Pad Studios

Top Ten Things Overheard During George W. Bush's Trip To Cancun

 10. "Feels great to get away after three straight weeks of work." 

 9. "As president of the United States, I pledge to do whatever's necessary to help the Cancunians!" 

 8. "Couldn't we have stayed home and gone to Chi-Chi's?" 

 7. "Cozumel? Isn't that the chick I made Secretary of State?" 

 6. "When do I get to meet Zorro?" 

 5. "Holy crap, how'd they move these pyramids from Egypt?" 

 4. "I'll have a non-alcoholic pina colada...just kidding, juice me up, Pepe!" 

 3. "NAFTA? Don't they make auto parts?" 

 2. "Secret service! He's choking on a nacho." 

 1. "Once you get a little buzz going, my poll numbers don't look so bad..."

*Thanks, Wanda

WOW!

This is the home of Garth Brooks and his new bride, Trisha Yearwood. It is just outside of Owasso Oklahoma, a suburb of Tulsa... Hwy. 20 around Claremore.

Isn't that an outhouse out back?
*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Very Cool!

On Wednesday of next week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 A.M. in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06. That won't ever happen again. You may now return to your normal stuff. Boy, I hope no one ever Calls me normal!! *Thanks, SalTCBug

LA Times 2009

Click on the picture for a larger image then click on the image again to Zoom in

April Fool!

Messenger Dos and Donts

Remember these are just my take on Dos and Don’ts everyone has their own style… Display Name Do keep it short and sweet. Bonus points if it is just your name! It helps your contacts find you and allows for a really narrow, functional Messenger contact list. (The Wizard's is too big... I know!) Don’t use more than 2 emoticons, save them for your IM conversations. Personal Message Do use it to wish people good wishes, birthdays, thank yous etc. Make people smile. Don’t use it to spread rumors, or negative thoughts – if you have something you want to say to someone -- say it don’t display it! Display Picture Do use a great picture of yourself (feel free to edit it photo shop or my favorite mspaint.exe) Do use a look-a-like dynamic display picture (DDP). My favorite are the Meegos! Don't use a picture so gross that your contacts can't stand to look at it. Conversation Window Background Do use your favorite color (create a very small picture in paint make it just your favorite color then set it as your background). Good times. Don’t use a picture of yourself as your background. A little too much you! Colorization Do stick with the default color if you wish, it is the default for a reason. Don’t feel obligated to set a different color for everyone on your contact list. Main Window Background Do copy your favorite gif file to C:\Program Files\MSN Messenger and rename it to LVBack.gif. Even more good times and impress your friends with your secret Messenger knowledge. Don’t make LVBack.gif all black, your contact list will be impossible to read. Packs Do check out the featured packs. Featured = Free! Just click the present in the conversation window. Alerts and Sounds Do try setting your own sounds for Messenger events through Tools -> Options -> Alerts & Sounds -> Sounds. Don't leave sounds on when at school, library, in meetings, etc. You can turn them off through the options dialog but it easier to just mute your computer. IM Etiquette Do start an IM conversation by asking if the person is available to talk. Don't nudge too much, remember the boy who cried wolf? Yeah either do I! Do send that pig wink over and over again. I love the dancing pig! Don't use ALL CAPITALS unless you want to convey you are yelling Do respect people's status. I have decoded the meaning of status below: Online - IM me! Busy - IM me if really urgent. I may not reply. Be right back - IM me please! I will reply soon. Away - IM me! I will reply when I return. On the phone - IM me! I am talented and can IM and talk at the same time. Out to lunch - IM me! I will be in a food coma when I get back so replies maybe slow. Offline- OIM me! I will reply when I get back online. Mobile - SMS or call me! Don't leave people hanging, "brb" and "got to run" has saved many a friendship.

* posted by Nicole, http://spaces.msn.com/MessengerSays/