***Disclaimer***

Disclaimer: The Wizard of 'OZ' makes no money from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow. 'OZ' is 100 % paid ad-free

Thursday, January 05, 2006

What Makes People Gay?

The debate has always been that it was either all in the child's upbringing or all in the genes. But what if it's something else?

With crystal-blue eyes, wavy hair, and freshly scrubbed faces, the boys look as though they stepped out of a Pottery Barn Kids catalog. They are 7-year-old twins. I'll call them Thomas and Patrick; their parents agreed to let me meet the boys as long as I didn't use their real names.

Spend five seconds with them, and there can be no doubt that they are identical twins - so identical even they can't tell each other apart in photographs. Spend five minutes with them, and their profound differences begin to emerge.

Patrick is social, thoughtful, attentive. He repeatedly addresses me by name. Thomas is physical, spontaneous, a bit distracted. Just minutes after meeting me outside a coffee shop, he punches me in the upper arm, yells, "Gray punch buggy!" and then points to a Volkswagen Beetle cruising past us. It's a hard punch. They horse around like typical brothers, but Patrick's punches are less forceful and his voice is higher. Thomas charges at his brother, arms flexed in front of him like a mini-bodybuilder. The differences are subtle - they're 7-year-old boys, after all - but they are there.

When the twins were 2, Patrick found his mother's shoes. He liked wearing them. Thomas tried on his father's once but didn't see the point.

When they were 3, Thomas blurted out that toy guns were his favorite things. Patrick piped up that his were the Barbie dolls he discovered at day care.

When the twins were 5, Thomas announced he was going to be a monster for Halloween. Patrick said he was going to be a princess. Thomas said he couldn't do that, because other kids would laugh at him. Patrick seemed puzzled. "Then I'll be Batman," he said.

Their mother - intelligent, warm, and open-minded - found herself conflicted. She wanted Patrick - whose playmates have always been girls, never boys - to be himself, but she worried his feminine behavior would expose him to ridicule and pain. She decided to allow him free expression at home while setting some limits in public.

That worked until last year, when a school official called to say Patrick was making his classmates uncomfortable. He kept insisting that he was a girl.

Patrick exhibits behavior called childhood gender nonconformity, or CGN. This doesn't describe a boy who has a doll somewhere in his toy collection or tried on his sister's Snow White outfit once, but rather one who consistently exhibits a host of strongly feminine traits and interests while avoiding boy-typical behavior like rough-and-tumble play. There's been considerable research into this phenomenon, particularly in males, including a study that followed boys from an early age into early adulthood. The data suggest there is a very good chance Patrick will grow up to be homosexual. Not all homosexual men show this extremely feminine behavior as young boys. But the research indicates that, of the boys who do exhibit CGN, about 75 percent of them - perhaps more - turn out to be gay or bisexual.

What makes the case of Patrick and Thomas so fascinating is that it calls into question both of the dominant theories in the long-running debate over what makes people gay: nature or nurture, genes or learned behavior. As identical twins, Patrick and Thomas began as genetic clones. From the moment they came out of their mother's womb, their environment was about as close to identical as possible - being fed, changed, and plopped into their car seats the same way, having similar relationships with the same nurturing father and mother. Yet before either boy could talk, one showed highly feminine traits while the other appeared to be "all boy," as the moms at the playgrounds say with apologetic shrugs.

"That my sons were different the second they were born, there is no question about it," says the twins' mother.

So what happened between their identical genetic starting point and their births? They spent nine months in utero. In the hunt for what causes people to be gay or straight, that's now the most interesting and potentially enlightening frontier.

WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHERE HOMOSEXUALITY COMES FROM? Proving people are born gay would give them wider social acceptance and better protection against discrimination, many gay rights advocates argue. In the last decade, as this "biological" argument has gained momentum, polls find Americans - especially young adults - increasingly tolerant of gays and lesbians. And that's exactly what has groups opposed to homosexuality so concerned. The Family Research Council, a conservative Christian think tank in Washington, D.C., argues in its book Getting It Straight that finding people are born gay "would advance the idea that sexual orientation is an innate characteristic, like race; that homosexuals, like African-Americans, should be legally protected against 'discrimination;' and that disapproval of homosexuality should be as socially stigmatized as racism. However, it is not true."

Some advocates of gay marriage argue that proving sexual orientation is inborn would make it easier to frame the debate as simply a matter of civil rights. That could be true, but then again, freedom of religion enjoyed federal protection long before inborn traits like race and sex.

For much of the 20th century, the dominant thinking connected homosexuality to upbringing. Freud, for instance, speculated that overprotective mothers and distant fathers helped make boys gay. It took the American Psychiatric Association until 1973 to remove "homosexuality" from its manual of mental disorders.

Then, in 1991, a neuroscientist in San Diego named Simon LeVay told the world he had found a key difference between the brains of homosexual and heterosexual men he studied. LeVay showed that a tiny clump of neurons of the anterior hypothalamus - which is believed to control sexual behavior - was, on average, more than twice the size in heterosexual men as in homosexual men. LeVay's findings did not speak directly to the nature-vs.-nurture debate - the clumps could, theoretically, have changed size because of homosexual behavior. But that seemed unlikely, and the study ended up jump-starting the effort to prove a biological basis for homosexuality.

Later that same year, Boston University psychiatrist Richard Pillard and Northwestern University psychologist J. Michael Bailey announced the results of their study of male twins. They found that, in identical twins, if one twin was gay, the other had about a 50 percent chance of also being gay. For fraternal twins, the rate was about 20 percent. Because identical twins share their entire genetic makeup while fraternal twins share about half, genes were believed to explain the difference. Most reputable studies find the rate of homosexuality in the general population to be 2 to 4 percent, rather than the popular "1 in 10" estimate.

In 1993 came the biggest news: Dean Hamer's discovery of the "gay gene." In fact, Hamer, a Harvard-trained researcher at the National Cancer Institute, hadn't quite put it that boldly or imprecisely. He found that gay brothers shared a specific region of the X chromosome, called Xq28, at a higher rate than gay men shared with their straight brothers. Hamer and others suggested this finding would eventually transform our understanding of sexual orientation.

That hasn't happened yet. But the clear focus of sexual-orientation research has shifted to biological causes, and there hasn't been much science produced to support the old theories tying homosexuality to upbringing. Freud may have been seeing the effect rather than the cause, since a father faced with a very feminine son might well become more distant or hostile, leading the boy's mother to become more protective. In recent years, researchers who suspect that homosexuality is inborn - whether because of genetics or events happening in the womb - have looked everywhere for clues: Prenatal hormones. Birth order. Finger length. Fingerprints. Stress. Sweat. Eye blinks. Spatial relations. Hearing. Handedness. Even "gay" sheep.

SpongeBob Squarepants LeVay, who is gay, says that when he published his study 14 years ago, some gays and lesbians criticized him for doing research that might lead to homosexuality once again being lumped in with diseases and disorders. "If anything, the reverse has happened," says LeVay, who is now 61 and no longer active in the lab. He says the hunt for a biological basis for homosexuality, which involves many researchers who are themselves gay or lesbian, "has contributed to the status of gay people in society."

These studies have been small and underfunded, and the results have often been modest. Still, because there's been so much of this disparate research, "all sort of pointing in the same direction, makes it pretty clear there are biological processes significantly influencing sexual orientation," says LeVay. "But it's also kind of frustrating that it's still a bunch of hints, that nothing is really as crystal clear as you would like."

Just in the last few months, though, the hints have grown stronger.

In May, Swedish researchers reported finding important differences in how the brains of straight men and gay men responded to two compounds suspected of being pheromones - those scent-related chemicals that are key to sexual arousal in animals. The first compound came from women's urine, the second from male sweat. Brain scans showed that when straight men smelled the female urine compound, their hypothalamus lit up. That didn't happen with gay men. Instead, their hypothalamus lit up when they smelled the male-sweat compound, which was the same way straight women had responded. This research once again connecting the hypothalamus to sexual orientation comes on the heels of work with sheep. About 8 percent of domestic rams are exclusively interested in sex with other rams. Researchers found that a clump of neurons similar to the one LeVay identified in human brains was also smaller in gay rams than straight ones. (Again, it's conceivable that these differences could be showing effect rather than cause.)

In June, scientists in Vienna announced that they had isolated a master genetic switch for sexual orientation in the fruit fly. Once they flicked the switch, the genetically altered female flies rebuffed overtures from males and instead attempted to mate with other females, adopting the elaborate courting dance and mating songs that males use.

And now, a large-scale, five-year genetic study of gay brothers is underway in North America. The study received $2.5 million from the National Institutes of Health, which is unusual. Government funders tend to steer clear of sexual orientation research, aware that even small grants are apt to be met with outrage from conservative congressmen looking to make the most of their C-Span face time. Relying on a robust sample of 1,000 gay-brother pairs and the latest advancements in genetic screening, this study promises to bring some clarity to the murky area of what role genes may play in homosexuality.

This accumulating biological evidence, combined with the prospect of more on the horizon, is having an effect. Last month, the Rev. Rob Schenck, a prominent Washington, D.C., evangelical leader, told a large gathering of young evangelicals that he believes homosexuality is not a choice but rather a predisposition, something "deeply rooted" in people. Schenck told me that his conversion came about after he'd spoken extensively with genetic researchers and psychologists. He argues that evangelicals should continue to oppose homosexual behavior, but that "many evangelicals are living in a sort of state of denial about the advance of this conversation." His message: "If it's inevitable that this scientific evidence is coming, we have to be prepared with a loving response. If we don't have one, we won't have any credibility."

AS THE 21-YEAR-OLD COLLEGE JUNIOR IN A HOSPITAL JOHNNY slides into the MRI, she is handed controls with buttons for "strongly like" and "strongly dislike." Hundreds of pornographic images - in male-male and female-female pairings - flash before her eyes. Eroticism eventually gives way to monotony, and it's hard to avoid looking for details to distinguish one image from the rest of the panting pack. So it goes from "Look at the size of those breasts!" to "That can't be comfortable, given the length of her fingernails!" to "Why is that guy wearing nothing but work boots on the beach?"

Regardless of which buttons the student presses, the MRI scans show her arousal level to each image, at its starting point in the brain.

Researchers at Northwestern University, outside Chicago, are doing this work as a follow-up to their studies of arousal using genital measurement tools. They found that while straight men were aroused by film clips of two women having sex, and gay men were aroused by clips of two men having sex, most of the men who identified themselves as bisexual showed gay arousal patterns. More surprising was just how different the story with women turned out to be. Most women, whether they identified as straight, lesbian, or bisexual, were significantly aroused by straight, gay, and lesbian sex. "I'm not suggesting that most women are bisexual," says Michael Bailey, the psychology professor whose lab conducted the studies. "I'm suggesting that whatever a woman's sexual arousal pattern is, it has little to do with her sexual orientation." That's fundamentally different from men. "In men, arousal is orientation. It's as simple as that. That's how gay men learn they are gay."

These studies mark a return to basics for the 47-year-old Bailey. He says researchers need a far deeper understanding of what sexual orientation is before they can determine where it comes from.

Female sexual orientation is particularly foggy, he says, because there's been so little research done. As for male sexual orientation, he argues that there's now enough evidence to suggest it is "entirely in-born," though not nearly enough to establish how that happens.

Bailey's 1991 twin study is still cited by other researchers as one of the pillars in the genetic argument for homosexuality. But his follow-up study using a comprehensive registry of twins in Australia found a much lower rate of similarity in sexual orientation between identical twins, about 20 percent, down from 50 percent. Bailey still believes that genes make important contributions to sexual orientation. But, he says, "that's not where I'd bet the real breakthroughs will come."

His hunch is that further study of childhood gender nonconformity will pay big. Because it's unclear what percentage of homosexuals and lesbians showed CGN as children, Bailey and his colleagues are now running a study that uses adult participants' home movies from childhood to look for signs of gender-bending behavior.

Cornell psychologist Daryl Bem has proposed an intriguing theory for how CGN might lead to homosexuality. According to this pathway, which he calls "the exotic becomes erotic," children are born with traits for temperament, such as aggression and activity level, that predispose them to male-typical or female-typical activities. They seek out playmates with the same interests. So a boy whose traits lead him to hopscotch and away from rough play will feel different from, and ostracized by, other boys. This leads to physiological arousal of fear and anger in their presence, arousal that eventually is transformed from exotic to erotic.

Critics of homosexuality have used Bem's theory, which stresses environment over biology, to argue that sexual orientation is not inborn and not fixed. But Bem says this pathway is triggered by biological traits, and he doesn't really see how the outcome of homosexuality can be changed.

Bailey says whether or not Bem's theory holds up, the environment most worth focusing in on is the one a child experiences when he's in his mother's womb.

LET'S GET BACK TO THOMAS AND PATRICK. BECAUSE IT'S UNCLEAR why twin brothers with identical genetic starting points and similar post-birth environments would take such divergent paths, it's helpful to return to the beginning.

Males and females have a fundamental genetic difference - females have two X chromosomes, and males have an X and a Y. Still, right after conception, it's hard to tell male and female zygotes apart, except for that tucked-away chromosomal difference. Normally, the changes take shape at a key point of fetal development, when the male brain is masculinized by sex hormones. The female brain is the default. The brain will stay on the female path as long as it is protected from exposure to hormones. The hormonal theory of homosexuality holds that, just as exposure to circulating sex hormones determines whether a fetus will be male or female, such exposure must also influence sexual orientation.

The cases of children born with disorders of "sexual differentiation" offer insight. William Reiner, a psychiatrist and urologist with the University of Oklahoma, has evaluated more than a hundred of these cases. For decades, the standard medical response to boys born with severely inadequate penises (or none at all) was to castrate the boy and have his parents raise him as a girl. But Reiner has found that nurture - even when it involves surgery soon after birth - cannot trump nature. Of the boys with inadequate penises who were raised as girls, he says, "I haven't found one who is sexually attracted to males." The majority of them have transitioned back to being males and report being attracted to females.

During fetal development, sexual identity is set before the sexual organs are formed, Reiner says. Perhaps it's the same for sexual orientation. In his research, of all the babies with X and Y chromosomes who were raised as girls, the only ones he has found who report having female identities and being attracted to males are those who did not have "receptors" to let the male sex hormones do their masculinizing in the womb.

What does this all mean? "Exposure to male hormones in utero dramatically raises the chances of being sexually attracted to females," Reiner says. "We can infer that the absence of male hormone exposure may have something to do with attraction to males."

Michael Bailey says Reiner's findings represent a major breakthrough, showing that "whatever causes sexual orientation is strongly influenced by prenatal biology." Bailey and Reiner say the answer is probably not as simple as just exposure to sex hormones. After all, the exposure levels in some of the people Reiner studies are abnormal enough to produce huge differences in sexual organs. Yet, sexual organs in straight and gay people are, on average, the same. More likely, hormones are interacting with other factors.

Canadian researchers have consistently documented a "big-brother effect," finding that the chances of a boy being gay increase with each additional older brother he has. (Birth order does not appear to play a role with lesbians.) So, a male with three older brothers is three times more likely to be gay than one with no older brothers, though there's still a better than 90 percent chance he will be straight. They argue that this results from a complex interaction involving hormones, antigens, and the mother's immune system.

By now, there is substantial evidence showing correlation - though not causation - between sexual orientation and traits that are set when a baby is in the womb. Take finger length. In general, men have shorter index fingers in relation to their ring fingers; in women, the lengths are generally about the same. Researchers have found that lesbians generally have ratios closer to males. Other studies have shown masculinized results for lesbians in inner-ear functions and eye-blink reactions to sudden loud noises, and feminized patterns for gay men on certain cognitive tasks like spatial perception and remembering the placement of objects.

New York University researcher Lynn S. Hall, who has studied traits determined in the womb, speculates that Patrick was somehow prenatally stressed, probably during the first trimester, when the brain is really developing, particularly the structures like the hypothalamus that influence sexual behavior. This stress might have been based on his position in the womb or the blood flow to him or any of a number of other factors not in his mother's control. Yet more evidence that identical twins have womb experiences far from identical can be found in their often differing birth weights. Patrick was born a pound lighter than Thomas.

Taken together, the research suggests that early on in the womb, as the fetus's brain develops in either the male or female direction, something fundamental to sexual orientation is happening. Nobody's sure what's causing it. But here's where genes may be involved, perhaps by regulating hormone exposure or by dictating the size of that key clump of neurons in the hypothalamus. Before researchers can sort that out, they'll need to return to the question of whether, in fact, there is a "gay gene."

THE CROWD ON BOSTON COMMON IS THICK ON THIS SCORCHER of a Saturday afternoon in June, as the throngs make their way around the 35th annual Boston Pride festival, past booths peddling everything from "Gayopoly" board games to Braveheartian garments called Utilikilts. Sitting quietly in his booth is Alan Sanders, a soft-spoken 41-year-old with a sandy beard and thinning hair. He's placeda mound of rainbow-colored Starbursts on the table in front of him and hung a banner that reads: "WANTED: Gay Men with Gay Brothers for Molecular Genetic Study of Sexual Orientation."

Sanders is a psychiatrist with the Evanston Northwestern Healthcare Research Institute who is leading the NIH-funded search for the genetic basis of male homosexuality (www.gaybros.com). He is spending the summer crisscrossing the country, going to gay pride festivals, hoping to recruit 1,000 pairs of gay brothers to participate. (His wife, who just delivered their third son, wasn't crazy about the timing.) When people in Boston ask him how much genes may contribute to homosexuality, he says the best estimate is about 40 percent.

Homosexuality runs in families - studies show that 8 to 12 percent of brothers of gay men are also gay, compared with the 2 to 4 percent of the general population.

Sanders spends much of the afternoon handing out Starbursts to people who clearly don't qualify for a gay brothers study - preteen girls, adult lesbians wearing T-shirts that read "I Like Girls Who Like Girls," and elderly women in straw hats who speak only Chinese. But many of the gay men who stop by are interested in more than free candy. Among the people signing up is James Daly, a 31-year-old from Salem. "I think it's important for the public - especially the religious right - to know it's not a choice for some people," Daly says. "I feel I was born this way."

(In fairness, there aren't many leaders of groups representing social and religious conservatives who still argue that homosexual orientation - as opposed to behavior - is a matter of choice. Even as he insists that no one is born gay, Peter Sprigg, the point person on homosexuality for the Family Research Council, says, "I don't think that people choose their sexual attraction.")

In the decade since Dean Hamer made headlines, the gay gene theory has taken some hits. A Canadian team was unable to replicate his findings. Earlier this year, a team from Hamer's own lab reported only mixed results after having done the first scan of the entire human genome in the search for genes influencing sexual orientation.

But all of the gene studies so far have been based on small samples and lacked the funding to do things right. Sanders's study should be big enough to provide some real answers on linkage as well as shed light on gender nonconformity and the big-brother effect.

There is, however, a towering question that Sanders's study will probably not be able to answer. That has to do with evolution. If a prime motivation of all species is to pass genes on to future generations, and gay men are estimated to produce 80 percent fewer offspring than straight men, why would a gay gene not have been wiped out by the forces of natural selection? This evolutionary disadvantage is what led former Amherst College biologist Paul Ewald to argue that homosexuality might be caused by a virus - a pathogen most likely working in utero. That argument caused a stir when he and a colleague proposed it six years ago, but with no research done to test it, it remains just another theory. Other scientists have offered fascinating but unpersuasive explanations, most of them focusing on some kind of compensatory benefit, in the same way that the gene responsible for sickle cell anemia also protects against malaria. A study last year by researchers in Italy showed that female relatives of gay men tended to be more fertile, though, as critics point out, not nearly fertile enough to make up for the gay man's lack of offspring.

But there will be plenty of time for sorting out the evolutionary paradox once - and if - researchers are able to identify actual genes involved in sexual orientation. Getting to that point will likely require integrating multiple lines of promising research. That is exactly what's happening in Eric Vilain's lab at the University of California, Los Angeles. Vilain, an associate professor of human genetics, and his colleague, Sven Bocklandt, are using gay sheep, transgenic mice, identical twin humans, and novel approaches to human genetics to try to unlock the mystery of sexual orientation.

Instead of looking for a gay gene, they stress that they are looking for several genes that cause either attraction to men or attraction to women. Those same genes would work one way in heterosexual women and another way in homosexual men. The UCLA lab is examining how these genes might be turned "up" or "down." It's not a question of what genes you have, but rather which ones you use, says Bocklandt. "I have the genes in my body to make a vagina and carry a baby, but I don't use them, because I am a man." In studying the genes of gay sheep, for example, he's found some that are turned "way up" compared with the straight rams.

The lab is also testing an intriguing theory involving imprinted genes. Normally, we have two copies of every gene, one from each parent, and both copies work. They're identical, so it doesn't matter which copy comes from which parent. But with imprinted genes, that does matter. Although both copies are physically there, one copy - either from the mom or the dad - is blocked from working. Think of an airplane with an engine on each wing, except one of the engines is shut down. A recent Duke University study suggests humans have hundreds of imprinted genes, including one on the X chromosome that previous research has tied to sexual orientation.

With imprinted genes, there is no backup engine. So if there's something atypical in the copy from mom, the copy from dad cannot be turned on. The UCLA lab is now collecting DNA from identical twins in which one twin is straight and the other is gay. Because the twins begin as genetic clones, if a gene is imprinted in one twin, it will be in the other twin as well. Normally, as the fetuses are developing, each time a cell divides, the DNA separates and makes a copy of itself, replicating all kinds of genetic information. It's a complicated but incredibly accurate process. But the coding to keep the backup engine shut down on an imprinted gene is less accurate.

So how might imprinted genes help explain why one identical twin would be straight and the other gay? Say there's an imprinted gene for attraction to females, and there's something atypical in the copy the twin brothers get from mom. As all that replicating is going on, the imprinting (to keep the copy from dad shut down) proceeds as expected in one twin, and he ends up gay. But somehow with his brother, the coding for the imprinting is lost, and rather than remain shut down, the fuel flows to fire up the backup engine from dad. And that twin turns out to be straight.

IN THE COURSE OF REPORTING THIS STORY, I EXPERIENCED A good deal of whiplash. Just when I would become swayed by the evidence supporting one discreet theory, I would stumble onto new evidence casting some doubt on it. Ultimately, I accepted this as unavoidable terrain in the hunt for the basis of sexual orientation. This is, after all, a research field built on underfunded, idiosyncratic studies that are met with full-barreled responses from opposing and well-funded advocacy groups determined to make the results from the lab hew to the scripts they've honed for the talk-show circuit.

You can't really blame the advocacy groups. The stakes are high. In the end, homosexuality remains such a divisive issue that only thoroughly tested research will get society to accept what science has to say about its origin. Critics of funding for sexual orientation research say that it isn't curing cancer, and they're right. But we devote a lot more dollars to studying other issues that aren't curing cancer and have less resonance in society.

Still, no matter how imperfect these studies are, when you put them all together and examine them closely, the message is clear: While post-birth development may well play a supporting role, the roots of homosexuality, at least in men, appear to be in place by the time a child is born. After spending years sifting through all the available data, British researchers Glenn Wilson and Qazi Rahman come to an even bolder conclusion in their forthcoming book Born Gay: The Psychobiology of Sex Orientation, in which they write: "Sexual orientation is something we are born with and not `acquired' from our social environment."

Meanwhile, the mother of twins Patrick and Thomas has done her own sifting and come to her own conclusions. She says her son's feminine behavior suggests he will grow up to be gay, and she has no problem with that. She just worries about what happens to him between now and then.

After that fateful call from Patrick's school, she says, "I knew I had to talk to my son, and I had no clue what to say." Ultimately, she told him that although he could play however he wanted at home, he couldn't tell his classmates he was a girl, because they'd think he was lying. And she told him that some older boys might be mean to him and even hit him if he continued to claim he was a girl.

Then she asked him, "Do you think that you can convince yourself that you are a boy?"

"Yes, Mom," he said. "It's going to be like when I was trying to learn to read, and then one day I opened the book and I could read."

His mother's heart sank. She could tell that he wanted more than anything to please her. "Basically, he was saying there must be a miracle - that one day I wake up and I'm a boy. That's the only way he could imagine it could happen."

In the year since that conversation, Patrick's behavior has become somewhat less feminine. His mother hopes it's just because his interests are evolving and not because he's suppressing them.

"I can now imagine him being completely straight, which I couldn't a year ago," she says. "I can imagine him being gay, which seems to be statistically most likely."

She says she's fine with either outcome, just as long as he's happy and free from harm. She takes heart in how much more accepting today's society is. "By the time my boys are 20, the world will have changed even more."

By then, there might even be enough consensus for researchers to forget about finger lengths and fruit flies and gay sheep, and move on to a new mystery.

*By Neil Swidey, Boston Globe Magazine

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Union of Elton John and David Furnish

After a 12 year relationship, lovers Elton John and David Furnish marry, following in the footsteps of long time friend, George Michael. Fans lined the streets near Guildhall Hall in Windsor, England, where the ceremony took place. Admid rumors that they were splitting up, the twelve-year relationship of Elton John and David Furnish was formalized in a civil ceremony in Windsor. Here is information on how Elton and David met, their civil ceremony, quotes, and more. 

Birthdates: Reginald Kenneth Dwight (Sir Elton Hercules John CBE) was born on March 25, 1947 in Pinner, Middlesex, England. David Furnish was born in Toronto, Ontario, Canada on October 25, 1962. 

How Elton and David Met: Elton and David met in 1993 after a friend introduced them to one another at a dinner at Elton's mansion. Elton has said that David helped him overcome his addictions to alcohol and drugs. 

Bachelor Party: On the evening prior to their civil ceremony, Elton and David attended a joint bachelor party at the Too2Much in London's West End. Guests at the party included Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, Liz Hurley, Paul O'Grady, Sir Tim Rice, Bryan Adams, Cilla Black, Jake Shears, Jimmy Choo, Kid Rock, Lulu, Trinny Woodall, Susannah Constantine, and Gary Barlow. 

Civil Ceremony: Wearing traditional black morning suits, Elton, age 58, and David, age 43, formalized their relationship on December 21, 2005 at historic 17th century Guildhall in Windsor, England. Normally flamboyant Elton did wear purple spectacles. Superintendent Registrar Clair Williams and Registrar Peter Edwards were the officiates for the ceremony. Their parents were at the small ceremony and acted as witnesses. They took their parents to lunch in a black Rolls-Royce after the ceremony. Hundreds of fans were along the streets near Guildhall Hall. 

Reception: A lavish $1.75 million party complete with lots of vintage pink champagne and lamb for 700 guests, including Victoria Beckham, George Michael, Lulu, Donatella Versace, Sting and his wife Trudi, Hugh Grant, Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, Naomi Campbell, Jemima Khan, Sharon Stone, Claudia Schiffer, and Elizabeth Hurley was held in two giant white tents erected on the grounds of Elton's mansion near Windsor. Elton and David asked for donations to the Elton John Aids Foundation instead of gifts. 

Honeymoon: Their secret honeymoon has been planned by David for the beginning of 2006. 

Education: Elton attended the Royal Academy of Music in London. 

Occupations: Sir Elton was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II. He is a flamboyant Grammy award winning performer, composer, singer, and actor. David is a filmmaker, producer, and director. 

Interests: Elton enjoys tennis and owns approximately 21 dogs. 

Previous Marriages: Elton was previously married to Renate Blauel on 2/14/1984 at St. Mark's Anglican Church in Sydney, Australia. Elton wore lavender and white at their wedding. They later had a second ceremony in England for John's family. Elton and Renate met in mid-1982 while they were working on an album at AIR studio in London. Their no-fault divorce was officially announced on November 18, 1988. Part of the divorce settlement for Renate was a 17th-century cottage in Surrey and reportedly $45 million. 

Residences: Elton's primary residence is Woodside, a country estate in old Windsor, England. He also has a home near Atlanta, Georgia in Buckhead and a lavish home in Nice. 

Quotes about Relationships: Elton, concerning the civil ceremony and their parents, 11/2005: "But the ceremony itself will be David's parents and my parents and the two of us. They'll be our witnesses ... Out of respect for their support, we want to just keep it small. Not to make a ballyhoo of the ceremony." Source: BBC David, about his relationship with Elton, 11/2005: "I've always considered myself committed to Elton and he's the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. So in that sense, I don't feel like the dynamic of our relationship is going to change." Source: BBC Elton, about his relationship with David: "Meeting David has been the greatest thing to happen to me. Yes, we spend a lot of time apart and it's hard, but we make it work." Source: E! Online 4/25/2005. Elton, on his reasons for wanting to get married in England: 4/25/2005 "I’m not going to run away to Australia and get married. It’s very important that I get married in Britain, because I feel it’s the only place that I could do it." Source: Scotsman.com Elton, in November, 2004 interview about plans: "We haven't set a date and it surely won't be a big public ceremony but I would like to place my life in his hands with a wedding vow. I have never been so happy." Source: The Age Elton, about his marriage to Renate: "I regret it to this day because I was not honest with Renate. I married her while I knew that my truth was different. I find her a beautiful woman, she could have ruined me financially but she hasn't done that. That is what I call true friendship." Source: Imdb.com Elton, on why he married Renate: "Even though I knew I was gay, I thought this woman was attractive and that being married would cure me of everything wrong in my life." Source: Scotsman.com


Tuesday, January 03, 2006

More Puns


What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster? A cock that stays up all night. Constipated People Don't Give A Crap. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying, "No Hard Feelings." What did the doctor say to the patient after surgery? That's enough out of you. The majority of HMO plans I've seen can be likened to hospital gowns -- you only think you're covered. Mary: "I'm starting to question my sexuality." Jill: "Why is that?" Mary: "Two of my exes are dating each other!" 

Politically correct 'Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer' 

Rudolph was a four-hooved ungulate, Who, incidentally, possessed a nasal appendage of a maroon lustre.

Consequently, if circumstances were to present themselves that he ever came into your view.

You would most undoubtedly remark at to its illuminary qualities.

The multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community, Had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms, the objective of which was to lower his self esteem and make him miserable.

They also excluded him from participation in leisure activities consistent with their species.

However, on the twenty-fourth of December in an unspecified year... A mythological, supernatural being inherent to western culture (who symbolizes the Christmas attitude and allegedly brings gifts to children) arrived through the supersaturated, humid air.

He formally invited Rudolph, due to his extraordinary nasal characteristic. To stand at the forefront of his snow vehicle with the express purpose that he navigate through the nocturnal mist.

At that point, the multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community who had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms, reversed their disposition toward Rudolph to a more congenial, amicable relationship.

They consequently exclaimed with great exaltation and fervor, "Rudolph, the antlered mammal with a maroon nasal appendage, You shall most certainly be recorded in the annals of time, and your memory will be preserved for posterity!"

Monday, January 02, 2006

VERY INTERESTING AND INFORMATIVE THINGS

Wise up! Get your facts straight!

1 If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on your right side. If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on your left side

2 If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. For when a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.

3 Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

4 Your tongue is germ free only if it is pink. If it is white there is a thin film of bacteria on it.

5 The Mercedes-Benz motto is 'Das Beste oder Nichts' meaning 'the best or nothing'.

6 The Titanic was the first ship to use the SOS signal.

7 The pupil of the eye expands as much as 45 percent when a person looks at something pleasing.

8 The average person who stops smoking requires one hour less sleep a night.

9 Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system. Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.

10 The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.

11 Dalmatians are born without spots.

12 Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

13 The 'v' in the name of a court case does not stand for 'versus', but for 'and' (in civil proceedings) or 'against' (in criminal proceedings)

14 Men's shirts have the buttons on the right, but women's shirts have the buttons on the left... this is because ladies used to have their servants dress them, buttons on the right are easiest to fasten.

15 The owl is the only bird to drop its upper eyelid to wink. All other birds raise their lower eyelids

16 The reason honey is so easy to digest is that it's already been digested by a bee

17 Roosters cannot crow if they cannot extend their necks

18 The color blue has a calming effect. It causes the brain to release calming hormones

19 Every time you sneeze some of your brain cells die

20 Your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room for your heart

21 The verb "cleave" is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate

22 When you blush, the lining of your stomach also turns red

23 When hippos are upset, their sweat turns red

24 The first Harley Davidson motorcycle was built in 1903, and used a tomato can for a carburetor

25 The lion that roars in the MGM logo is named Volney

26 Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros

27 Switching letters is called spoonerism. For example, saying jag of Flapan, instead of flag of Japan

28 It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic and 200 million to make a film about it

29 The attachment of the human skin to muscles is what causes dimples

30 There are 1,792 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower

31 The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting

32 Human hair and fingernails continue to grow after death

33 It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body

34 The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets

35 Most soccer players run 7 miles in a game

36 The only part of the body that has no blood supply is the cornea in the eye. It takes in oxygen directly from the air

37 Every day 200 million couples make love, 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die

38 In most watch advertisements the time displayed on the watch is 10:10 because then the arms frame the brand of the watch (and make it look like it is smiling).

39 Colgate faced big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries. Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."

40 The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning its head are the rabbit and the parrot

41 Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair

42 The average person laughs 13 times a day

43 Do you know the names of the three wise monkeys? They are:Mizaru(See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no evil), and Mazaru(Speak no evil)

44 Women blink nearly twice as much as men

45 German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog

46 Large kangaroos cover more than 30 feet with each jump

47 Whip makes a cracking sound because its tip moves faster than the speed of sound

48 Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death

49 If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural cause.

50 The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet!!


*Thanks, SalTCBug

Saturday, December 31, 2005

"The Wizard Of OZ" - A Review

The Wizard of OZ

(1939) Cast: Judy Garland, Frank Morgan, Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr, Jack Haley, Billie Burke, Margaret Hamilton, Charley Grapewin, Clara Blandick
Director: Victor Fleming
Producer: Mervyn LeRoy
Screenplay: Noel Langley and Florence Ryerson and Edgar Allan Woolf based on the novel "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" by L. Frank Baum
Cinematography: Harold Rosson
Music: Harold Arlen, Herbert Stothart
U.S. Distributor: MGM
Review by: James Berardinelli

For veteran director Victor Fleming, who began making movies during the black-and-white, silent era, 1939 represented the pinnacle of his career. Not only did Fleming's Gone with the Wind claim the Best Picture Oscar, but his other big feature, The Wizard of Oz, took its first steps towards becoming one of American cinema's best-known and most beloved motion pictures. (It's worth noting that Fleming had help from several other directors on Gone with the Wind and The Wizard of Oz, but, in the end, he was given sole credit for both.) Indeed, The Wizard of Oz is one of only a handful of films that nearly everyone is familiar with.

Throughout the years, there have been dozens of live-action films, stage plays, animated features, and TV programs based on L. Frank Baum's classic Oz stories. To one degree or another, almost all have been influenced by Fleming's telling of the tale. Although the 1939 version was not the first filmed adaptation of the book (the Internet Movie Database lists at least two silent movies, including one with Oliver Hardy as the Tin Man, that preceded Fleming's), it is without a doubt the definitive one. When anyone thinks of The Wizard of Oz, they see Judy Garland, Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr, and Jack Haley, and hear "Somewhere over the Rainbow" and "Follow the Yellow Brick Road."

1998 has already seen a theatrical re-release of Gone with the Wind, and now The Wizard of Oz joins it. This version of Oz is being touted as a "Special Edition," although those expecting to see new scenes of Toto gnawing at the Scarecrow's legs or Dorothy playing Hide-and-Seek with the Munchkins will be disappointed. No extra material has been added. The print looks great, but the Technicolor was already re-invigorated for a previous laserdisc release. The only really noticeable improvement this time around is the soundtrack, which has been converted from the original mono to digital surround sound. Still, is that enough to justify calling this a "Special Edition?"

Probably the most interesting aspect of The Wizard of Oz comes from interpreting what really happens during the bulk of the film. The story opens by introducing us to Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland), a young girl in Kansas who finds her wanderlust stirred by dreams of going "somewhere over the rainbow." When a tornado strikes the farm where she lives with her aunt and uncle, she is knocked unconscious. Upon waking up, she finds herself in the magical land of Oz, where she journeys in the company of a Scarecrow (Ray Bolger), a Tin Man (Jack Haley), and a Cowardly Lion (Bert Lahr) to defeat the Wicked Witch of the West (Margaret Hamilton) and find the all-powerful Wizard (Frank Morgan), who has the power to send her home. But is this a real trip, or is it all a dream? A strong case can be developed for either possibility, although it's ultimately up to each viewer to make up his or her own mind. Whichever way you lean, it doesn't detract from the movie's boundless capacity to entertain.

The Wizard of Oz belongs in that exclusive category of films capable of equally enchanting children and adults. In fact, the basic formula was so successful in The Wizard of Oz that Disney borrowed it as the framework for their recent wave of animated pictures. If there's something familiar about the structure of The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, etc., that's because the approach of mixing light comedy and adventure with catchy musical tunes (while frontloading the music and concentrating on adventure late in the story) is not original. Recognizing how well Oz played to all audiences, Disney adapted the skeleton of the classic for their own use.

Of course, there's more going on in Oz than just that. At the core of the story is a theme that speaks to children and adults in similar, yet different, ways. Dorothy's dream may be to travel to a far off land, but, when she finds herself there, all she wants is to go home - to a place where she's safe, loved, and warm. This is a dilemma that all children face - the desire to cut the apron strings balanced by the overpowering yearning for the comfortable and familiar. As adults, we can watch The Wizard of Oz and fondly remember our own pilgrimage from childhood to adulthood and how, in many ways, it mirrors the one Dorothy is taking.

Another aspect of The Wizard of Oz that immediately arrests the attention is the film's use of black-and-white (actually brown-and-white) and the vivid hues of Technicolor. All of the scenes that transpire in our mundane world are presented in the most drab manner possible, but, when the setting shifts to Oz, the grays and browns are replaced by brilliant reds, blues, oranges, and yellows. It takes a rare movie to make a viewer even think of it as "black and white" or "color," but, because The Wizard of Oz puts meaning into appearance (much like the recently-released Pleasantville), the nature of the visual composition become crucial.

The special effects in The Wizard of Oz do not look like the special effects in Armageddon or Godzilla. No computer animation was used, so they're far less elegant. In many cases, they look like special effects. You can see where the yellow brick road ends and the matte painting begins. When the Scarecrow has been torn apart, you know exactly where Bolger's body is. The Wizard's balloon is clearly not real. It doesn't matter, though. These effects are good enough to sketch the outline; our minds fill in the rest. The Wizard of Oz takes on a life in our head that it never quite attains on the screen. Because of the power of imagination, the film transcends the limitations of the techniques used to craft it.

Over the years, The Wizard of Oz has been subjected to the kind of scrutiny reserved for only the greatest of motion pictures. Volumes have been written about it, analyzing everything from its look to the urban legends that have sprung up around it. (The best known, that there's an electrocuted stage hand in the background of a forest scene, has been thoroughly debunked.) Ultimately, however, it doesn't take a lengthy study to understand why multiple generations find the movie so compelling. Not only is it wonderfully entertaining, but the issues it addresses, and the way it presents them, are both universal and deeply personal. And therein lies The Wizard of Oz's true magic.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Hot-Tubbin!


Hot-Tubbin!

Memoirs of a Geisha


Cast & Credits
Sayuri: Ziyi Zhang
The Chairman: Ken Watanabe
Mameha: Michelle Yeoh
Hatsumomo: Gong Li
Nobu: Koji Yakusho
Pumpkin: Youki Kudoh

Columbia Pictures presents a film directed by Rob Marshall. Written by Robin Swicord. Based on the book by Arthur Golden. Running time: 137 minutes. Rated PG-13 (for mature subject matter and some sexual content).

I suspect that the more you know about Japan and movies, the less you will enjoy "Memoirs of a Geisha." Much of what I know about Japan I have learned from Japanese movies, and on that basis I know this is not a movie about actual geishas, but depends on the romanticism of female subjection. The heroines here look so very beautiful and their world is so visually enchanting as they live trapped in sexual slavery.

I know, a geisha is not technically a prostitute. Here is a useful rule: Anyone who is "not technically a prostitute" is a prostitute. As dear old Henry Togna, proprietor of the Eyrie Mansion in London, used to cackle while describing to me his friend the Duchess of Duke Street, "Sex for cash, m'dear. That's my definition."

Is the transaction elevated if there is very little sex, a lot of cash, and the prostitute gets hardly any of either? Hard to say. Certainly the traditions of the geisha house are culturally fascinating in their own right. But if this movie had been set in the West, it would be perceived as about children sold into prostitution, and that is not nearly as wonderful as "being raised as a geisha."

--more--

Saturday, December 17, 2005

The Good Sons

There were 4 men, who had 4 sons, sitting in a bar one day and the talk came around to their son's successes.

The first man said, "My son is a successful computer store owner and he gave a $3000.00 laptop to his best friend." The others said, "You must be very proud of him."

The second man said, "Well, My son is a successful car lot owner and he gave his best friend a Hummer!" The others said, "You must be very proud of him."

The third man said, "That's nothing! My son owns a successful construction company and he gave his best friend a 3000 square foot mansion!" The others said, "You must be very proud of him!"

The fourth man was silent. The others asked him, "What does your son do?"

The fourth man said, "He's a stripper at a gay nightclub."

The other three said, "We are so sorry that you have nothing to be proud of."

The fourth man said, "On the contrary, I am very very proud of him. His old boyfriends gave him a computer laptop, a Hummer and a mansion!"

Dashin Thru The Snow


Dashin Thru The Snow

Click above for the song

Use your 'BACK' button to return to 'OZ'

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

"OZ" Trivia


The Wizard of OZ
A -3 parter!

What part of the Tim Man did Dorothy oil first?
What was the name of his farm-hand counterpart?
Who played him in the making of 1939 movie? (TRICK QUESTION!)

The Tinman

Click above for the answer

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Bad Puns - Get your muds wordled!

Cow a saki

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home." 

"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."  

"Is it common?"  

Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."  

"I don't believe you," says Dolly.  

"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"  

The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.  

"But why," they asked, as they moved off.  

"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."  

The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."  

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.  

This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....  

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who posted twenty different puns to his readers with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.

The Original Computer

Memory was something you lost with age

An application was for employment

A program was a TV show

A cursor used profanity


A keyboard was a piano

A web was a spider's home

A virus was the flu

A CD was a bank account


A hard drive was a long trip on the road

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived


And if you had a 3 inch floppy . . .


.. You just hoped nobody ever found out!

NO SEX SINCE 1955

A crusty old Medical Service Corp Colonel found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts  college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Colonel for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, Colonel, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something  bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am," the Colonel said,"Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."  The Colonel's short reply was,"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Colonel just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"  The Colonel looked at her and replied, "1955."

She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! Isn't that a little extreme?"

The Colonel, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "You think so?   It's only 2130 now."

Don't you just LOVE THAT MILITARY TIME!!

Bastinado - Interesting? or Crude? You decide.

foot torture

I heard about this on Law & Order last night. European Mafia practiced this even in North America.

bas·ti·na·do (băs'tə-nā'dō, -nä'-) pronunciation also bas·ti·nade (-nād', -näd')
n., pl. -does also -nades.

   1. A beating with a stick or cudgel, especially on the soles of the feet.
   2. A stick or cudgel.

tr.v., -doed also -nad·ed, -do·ing -nad·ing, -does -nades.

To subject to a beating; thrash.

[Alteration of Spanish bastonada, from baston, stick, from Vulgar Latin *bastō, *bastōn-.]


This form of torture is well known to be used by Saddam's forces as well. They beat the soles of the feet, which breaks a lot of the smaller bones, causes massive swelling and leaves victims unable to walk for a while. 

The Wizard thinks any torture is perverted. You? Leave a comment.

Ask The Wizard (LCD vs. Plasma TV's)


The Wunnerfull Wizard of 'OZ' Dear Wizard of 'OZ',

I was thinking about buying my husband a new TV for Christmas, and I don't understand the difference between LCD and Plasma. Which is best? Which should I get?.

Signed,

Confused about the boob tube


Dear Boob,

Outward appearances are definitely deceiving when it comes to LCD and Plasma televisions. Although both types of televisions are flat and thin, they employ different technology in an attempt to deliver similar results.

Plasma TV Overview

Plasma television technology is based loosely on the fluorescent lightbulb. The display itself consists of cells. Within each cell two glass panels are separated by a narrow gap in which neon-xenon gas is injected and sealed in plasma form during the manufacturing process. The gas is electrically charged at specific intervals when the Plasma set is in use. The charged gas then strikes red, green, and blue phosphors, thus creating a television image. Each group of red, green, and blue phosphors is called a pixel (picture element).

Although Plasma television technology eliminate the need for the bulky picture tube and electron beam scanning of traditional televisions, because it still employs the burning of phosphors to generate an image, Plasma televisions still suffer from some of the drawbacks of traditional televisions, such as heat generation and screen-burn of static images.

LCD TV Overview

LCD televisions, on the other hand, use a different technology (see also question #1 for this same explanation).

Basically, LCD panels are made of two layers of transparent material, which are polarized, and are "glued" together. One of the layers is coated with a special polymer that holds the individual liquid crystals. Current is then passed through individual crystals, which allow the crystals to pass or block light to create images. LCD crystals do not produce their own light, so an external light source, such as florescent bulb is needed for the image created by the LCD to become visible to the viewer.

Unlike standard CRT and Plasma televisions, since there are no phosphors that light up, less power is need for operation and the light source in an LCD television generates less heat than a Plasma or traditional television. Also, because of the nature of LCD technology, there is no radiation emitted from the screen itself.

Plasma vs LCD

The ADVANTAGES of Plasma over LCD are:

1. Larger screen size availability.

2. Better contrast ratio and ability to render deeper blacks.

3. Better color accuracy and saturation.

4. Better motion tracking (little or no motion lag in fast moving images).

The DISADVANTAGES of Plasma vs LCD include:

1. Plasma TVs are more susceptible to burn-in of static images.

2. Plasma TVs generate more heat than LCDs, due to the need to light of phosphors to create the images.

3. Does not perform as well at higher altitudes.

4. Shorter display life span (about 30,000 hours or 8 hrs of viewing a day for 9 years) than LCD. This can vary according to other environmental and use factors.

LCD television ADVANTAGES over Plasma include:

1. No burn-in of static images. (Some recent Plasma TV's have fixed this. Ask when you are shopping...)

2. Cooler running temperature.

3. No high altitude use issues.

4. Increased image brightness over Plasma.

5. Longer display life (about 60,000 hours - at which time all you may need to do is replace the light source, not the entire set). This can vary according other environmental and use factors.

DISADVANTAGES of LCD vs Plasma televisions include:

1. Lower contrast ratio, not as good rendering deep blacks.

2. Not as good at tracking motion (fast moving objects may exhibit lag artifacts).

3. Not as available in large screen sizes above 37-inches

4. Although LCD televisions do not suffer from burn-in susceptibility, it is possible that individual pixels on an LCD televisions can burn out, causing small, visible, black or white dots to appear on the screen. Individual pixels cannot be repaired, the whole screen would need to be replaced at that point, if the individual pixel burnout becomes annoying to you.

5. LCD televisions are much more expensive than equivalent-sized Plasma televisions.

Hope this helps. $5 bucks please.

Yrs,

The Wizard


Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Creeps ME Out...

Name that hymn

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind".

The pastor shouted out "CROSS."

Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS".

The pastor hollered out " GRACE". The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound".

The pastor said "POWER". The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD".

The Pastor said "SEX". The congregation fell into  total silence.

Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES".

An Inside Look at Computer Hackers....


An Inside Look at Computer Hackers....

Read Between the Lines

There was a history professor and a psychology professor sitting on a deck at a nudist colony. The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"

The psychology professor replied, "Yes, I think they are from the wicker chairs."

. . . . think about it.
Hyuk!

Monday, December 12, 2005

How To Avoid The Flu

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

Get plenty of rest.

When you go for a shot, what do they do first?

Clean your arm with alcohol. Why?

Because alcohol kills germs.

If you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!!!!


The Flu Song

Click above for "The Flu Song"

.wav file 195KB

Use your 'BACK' button to return to 'OZ'

*Thanks, SalTCBug

26 Beautiful One-liners

1. Give God what's right -- not what's left.

2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope.

3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.

4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.

5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma--but never let him be the period.

6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.

7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.

8. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.

9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.

10. We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

11. The church is prayer-conditioned.

12. When God ordains, He sustains.

13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.

14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.

16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.

17. Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord.

18. Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.

19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.

20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.

21. He who angers you controls you.

22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.

23. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.

24. Be ye fishers of men -- you catch them & He'll clean them.

25. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

26. Read the Bible -- It will scare the hell out of you. (Izzat s'posed to be a good thing?)


*Thanks, SalTCBug!

Sunday, December 11, 2005

The Hypnotist

It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was  topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced,  "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.  "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off  its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly,-----  it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

Shit!" said the Hypnotist...

It took three weeks to clean up the senior center. 

White Trash Christmas



*Thanks, SalTCBug

Cool Illusion!

If your eyes follow the movement of the rotating pink dot, you will only see one color, pink. If you stare at the black + in the center, the moving dot turns to green. 

Now, concentrate on the black + in the center of the picture. After a short period of time, all the pink dots will slowly disappear, and you will only see a green dot rotating if you're lucky! 

It's amazing how our brain works. There really is no green dot, and the pink ones really don't disappear. This should be proof enough, we don't always see what we think we see:

Cool Illusion!

Junior Detective

Two young boys were discussing their parents, when one realized he really knew very little about his mother.

Arriving home that evening, he gave her a third degree examination.

"How old are you?" he asked.

"None of your business," replied his mother, shortly.

"Okay, then how much do you weigh?"

"That's not your business either, young man."

The boy thinks a minute then delivers his final bombshell. "Well, then, can you tell me why you and daddy got divorced?"

Shocked and appalled, Mom sends junior to bed without supper.

The next day, the kid reports his failure to his schoolmate. "I know!" says his buddy, "Just look at her driver's license in her purse. It'll tell you everything you want to know."

Later that day, Mom finds her son next to her disemboweled purse, holding her driver's license.

"Just what the heck do you think you are doing?" she yells.

"Well, you wouldn't tell me what I wanted to know," says the junior detective, "but my friend said it's all right here. See, you're 40 years old...you weigh 145 pounds...and daddy divorced you because you got an 'F' in Sex."

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Inventor turns dead cats into diesel (For DW :-)

A German inventor says he's found a way to make cheap diesel fuel out of dead cats.

Dr Christian Koch, 55, from Kleinhartmannsdorf, said his method uses old tyres, weeds and animal cadavers.

They are heated up to 300 Celsius to filter out hydrocarbon which is then turned into diesel by a catalytic converter.

He said the resulting "high quality bio-diesel" costs just 15 pence per litre.

Koch said the cadaver of a fully grown cat can produce 2.5 litres of fuel - meaning around 20 cats are needed for a full tank.

He said: "I tank my car with my own diesel mixture and have driven it for 105,000 miles without any problems."

Annelise Krauss of the Dresden Animal Protection Association blasted Koch's new diesel though, saying: "This is as bad as experimenting on animals." 

The art of flashing

A US student who was arrested for indecent exposure at a careers fair says it was a work of performance art. Police say Misha Sulpovar walked up to a stall with his zip open and then coloured his 'genitals' with a highlighter pen. 

Sulpovar, an art and religious studies student at Webster University in Missouri, insists he was challenging taboos. In a blog, he appears to suggest the indecent exposure was fake when he wrote: "I go out to a populated, neutral, public place with an unzipped fly and what appears to be scrotum-like flesh hanging out". 

But he would not reveal whether he actually exposed himself and said the question itself was becoming just as much a part of the experiment as the act itself. "The reaction completely changes when you change the narration behind the image," Sulpovar told the Webster University Journal. "Real or fake are two separate narratives." Sulpovar was charged with indecent exposure and is due to appear in court on December 14.


Friday, December 09, 2005

BRAIN CRAMPS

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.



  "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey


  "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"

--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.


  "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.


  "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .


  "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."

--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.


  "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas .


  "Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark


  "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

--Al Gore, Vice President


  "I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."

--Dan Quayle


  "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca


  "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.


  "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.


  "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

--Bill Clinton, President


  "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

--Al Gore, VP


  "Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery


  "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

Darn!


Is this you too?
Snowman

*Thanks, SalTCBug!

The Urge


Streaker

You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking.

Santa in the Buff


Scroll down and you'll see Santa's willy! Woo hoo gonna love this. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * For Crying out loud.........Act your age........ there is no Santa!!!!
*Thanks, auntie 'M'!

Tree Hugger

A woman from Vancouver Island, who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land, so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. 

In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. 

The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and than told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.

"OZ" Trivia


The Wizard of OZ

What was the direction represented, the name of the Good Witch in the movie, and who played her?

The Wicked Witch of the West

Click above for the answer

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Pay Up

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. 

Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..." "Damn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. 

Thanks for the warning!" "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?" "Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium.

Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!" "So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!" "Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up"....

*THanks, SalTCBug

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

The Ugly Bus

A bus-load of only ugly people has a terrible and unfortunate accident crashing head-on into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. At the pearly gates, because of all the grief they have suffered throughout their life because of their looks, St. Peter decides to grant them each one wish before they enter Heaven.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is..."I want to be gorgeous," says the first one. So God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says: "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on and on, as each one asks to be gorgeous, but when God is about halfway through, He hears loud laughter coming from the very back of the line...When there are only about ten people left, God notices this Coast Guard Master Chief at the end of the line, just laughing his head off!

 Finally, God reaches the Master Chief and asks him what his wish will be. The Master Chief eventually calms down and says: "Make'em all ugly again."

 The moral of this story:

SOMETIMES IT DOES PAY TO BE AT THE END OF THE LINE!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Things You Didn't Know You Didn't Know...

Did you know...

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.

A shrimp's heart is in its head.

In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

Horses can't vomit.

The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.

If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow. 

How To Install a Poor-man's Security System

Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots – a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like: "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in ½ hr. Don't disturb the pit bulls; they've just been de-wormed."

*Thanks, SalTCBug!

The New Bike!


A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

*Thanks, Daryn!

Lessons from an Oyster

"There once was an oyster
Whose story I tell,
Who found that some sand
Had got into his shell.
Oyster
It was only a grain,
but it gave him great pain.
For oysters have feelings
Although they're so plain.
Oyster
Now, did he berate
the harsh workings of fate
That had brought him
To such a deplorable state?
Oyster
Did he curse at the government,
Cry for election,
And claim that the sea should
Have given him protection?
Oyster
'No,' he said to himself
As he lay on a shell,
Since I cannot remove it,
I shall try to improve it.
Oyster
Now the years have rolled around,
As the years always do,
And he came to his ultimate
Destiny ­ stew.
Oyster
And the small grain of sand
That had bothered him so
Was a beautiful pearl
All richly aglow.
Oyster
Now the tale has a moral,
for isn't it grand
What an oyster can do
With a morsel of sand?
Oyster
What couldn't we do
If we'd only begin
With some of the things
That get under our skin.
These things I command you, that ye may
LOVE one another...
Owe no man anything, save to LOVE one another

...God

Sunday, December 04, 2005

I.Q. Test


Now don't cheat. After you do the test... THEN click for the answers.

Bonus points if you don't use a pen on yer screen!


Click here for the answers.

100 Bonus points if you did not use a pen to write the answers on your monitor screen!

Why ARE Men Happier ?

Men Are Just Happier People - Click here for a cartoon-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. 

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. 

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25minutes. No wonder men are happier!!

Fritolaysia Cuts Off Chiplomatic Relations With Snakistan

Fritolaysia Cuts Off Chiplomatic Relations With Snakistan 

KARUNCHI, SNAKISTAN—Citing crumbling relations due to years of protracted french-onion diplomacy, the president of the Central Asian doritocracy Fritolaysia withdrew the country's ambassadors from Snakistan Monday. 

"We have been supplying the people of Snakistan with pre-packaged consumable goods for over 40 years, and for them to show resistance to our savory products is unacceptable," Fritolaysian President Barbbaku Chedar said, referring to Snakistani officials' unwillingness to adhere to Fritolaysia's zesty new initiative introduced during a between-meals conference at last week's international-trading summit held in München, Germany. "Fritolaysia has no choice but to crumple up and throw away all chiplomatic ties with the greedy, gluttonous government of Snakistan," Chedar added.

 *The Onion

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Peter Paige


Gay Celebrity Profile: Actor
by Ramon Johnson From Ramon Johnson, Your Guide


About Peter Paige: Peter Paige is an accomplished stage, film and television actor. Peter enjoys tennis, sushi and candy during his "limited" off-time in Los Angeles.

Peter's First Break: On his first Los Angeles audition, Peter landed a guest starring role on the TV series, "Suddenly Susan". His television credits also include guest roles on "Will & Grace", "Time of Your Life", "Girlfriends", and "Caroline in the City".

The Queer As Folk Legacy: Millions of households invited Emmett into their homes during Showtime's previous breakthrough series, "Queer As Folk". Peter Paige played the essentric Emmett Honeycutt.


Click here for more on queerasfolk

For more on QAF, click above.


Peter Paige on Stage: Peter Paige has worked with several regional theaters throughout the U.S. His favorite theatrical roles were "A Midsummer Night’s Dream" (Portland Center Stage), "The Rivals" (Portland Center Stage), "Secret Agents" (Artemis Productions), "You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown" (Charles Playhouse ), and "Pantophobia" (HBO Workspace), his two-man show written and performed with Abraham Higginbotham.

Peter Paige on Screen: Peter created his own production company, Best Little Boy Productions, in 2003. Its inaugural feature, "Say Uncle", was written and directed by Peter himself and starred Kathy Najimy, Anthony Clark, Lisa Edelstein, Jim Ortleib, Melanie Lynskey, and Gabrielle Union.

Other film credits include Don McKellar’s "Childstar", the Showtime movie "Our America" (Sundance 2002), "Pop", and the award-winning shorts "The Four of Us" and "The Shooting".

Friday, December 02, 2005

The Many Faces of Mona Lisa

It has been said that there has been no other face as recognizable in this world as Mona Lisa's. Here are some other little known facts:

Birthday: 1503-1506
Birthplace: Florence, Italy
Current home: The Louvre, Paris, France
Stats: 20 7/8" x 30", oil on poplar wood.
Marital Status: Married to Francesco del Giocondo since 1495
Working On: Being most celebrated painting in the world
I stay home to watch: Singers, musicians, jesters and The Sopranos
Favorite singer: Nat King Cole
Favorite dish: Savino Sorbet
Prized possessions: *Sfumato, *Chiaroscuro, my new room
Personal hero: Leonardo Da Vinci
Nobody knows: Why I’m smiling
If I could do it over: I’d have a contract with royalties
I’d give anything to meet: Madonna
My fantasy is: To model for Versace
The one thing I can’t stand: Paparazzi
If I could change one thing about myself: I’d be larger
My most irrational act: Being stolen in 1911
Most humbling experience: *L.H.O.O.Q.
The words that best describe me: Lisa Gherardini, Mona Lisa, La Gioconda

Below are some of the faces that are never seen, during the times when the museum is closed. Take an exclusive peek, as these were caught on film during the wee hours of the morning at The Louvre:

Mona Lisa Smile Mona Lisa Smile Mona Lisa Smile Mona Lisa Smile Mona Lisa Smile Mona Lisa Smile


*Sfumato is the famous invention of Da Vinci - light and shade that allow one form to blend in with another leaving something to the imagination. He did this to the corners of Mona Lisa' mouth and eyes which explains why she may look different and different times.

*Chiaroscuro the distribution of light and shade in a picture

*L.H.O.O.Q. in 1919 Dada painter Marcel Duchamp put a mustache and goatee on a reproduction of the Mona Lisa. The letters read phonetically in French: Elle a chaud au cul (she has a hot arse.)


***Facts from: Mona Lisa Mania
*Thanks, Daryn!

VERY IMPORTANT..PLEASE READ

Never, ever answer a cell phone while it is being CHARGED!! A few days ago, a person was recharging his cell phone at home. Just at that time a call came and he answered it with the instrument still connected to the outlet. 

After a few seconds electricity flowed into the cell phone unrestrained and the young man was thrown to the ground with a heavy thud. His parents rushed to the room only to find him unconscious, with a weak heartbeat and burnt fingers. He was rushed to the nearby hospital, but was pronounced dead on arrival. 

Cell phones are a very useful modern invention. Never use the cell phone while it is hooked to the electrical outlet! FORWARD THIS TO THE PEOPLE THAT MATTER IN YOUR LIFE. 

Comments: I have rated this warning "overblown" because it stems from a solitary news report published in 2004 about an First-Nation's man who was fatally electrocuted while answering a cell phone that was plugged in for charging. Assuming the report was accurate, it is fair to conclude that either the phone or the charger was defective, given that 

1) I could find no other reports of people being electrocuted while using a charging cell phone, 

2) under normal circumstances the current flowing into a charging cell phone ought not to be strong enough to kill anyone, and 

3) neither manufacturers nor consumer agencies warn customers against using mobile phones while they are being charged. Under the circumstances, therefore, it would seem excessive to label the ubiquitous device "an instrument of death." Which is not to say no one has ever been injured by a cell phone. Over the past few years there have been numerous reported instances of cell phones exploding or catching fire, causing injury to their owners. Most of the incidents were blamed on the use of faulty and/or unauthorized batteries. 

Safety Precautions To prevent such mishaps, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has recommended safety precautions which include the following: 

 * Don't use incompatible/unauthorized cell phone batteries and chargers. 

 * Don't tamper with the battery or allow it to be punctured, crushed, or come into contact with metal objects outside the phone. 

 * Avoid damaging the phone by dropping it, keeping it where it can become overheated, or allowing it to get wet. 

 * Follow manufacturers' instructions for battery usage, storage, and recharging.

The Fart Song

Click here for the fart song

Click above (requires flash)

*Thanks, Daryn!

Etch-A-Sketch Tech Support


Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create an empty New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I Exit without Saving?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has lines that prevent me from doing my art project.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I keep from losing my Etch-A-Sketch documents in the middle of my work?
A: Stop shaking it.

*Author unknown

"Oh i wish i was Oscar Meyer's weiner, that is what i'd truly like to be..."


Who is Oscar Meyer and why does everyone want to be his weiner? 
 For the record: OSCAR MAYER WEINER SONG 
 Oh I wish I were an Os-car Mayer Wie - ner That is what I'd tru-ly like to be 'cause if I were an Os-car May-er Wie - ner Ev-ery one would be in love with me.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

These are the laws of the natural universe...

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Sad News

 Pillsbury Doughboy 

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy (better known as 'Pop N Fresh'), died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart. 

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20minutes.

The Accident

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man.

That's interesting.

I'm a woman.

Wow, just look at our cars!

There's nothing left, but we're unhurt.

This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"

"This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "and look at this, here's another miracle.

My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No.

I think I'll just wait for the police...."


MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are clever, evil bitches. Don't mess with them

Ancient Japanese Proverb

The Panda Puppy


The Panda Puppy 
The Chengdu dog was dyed black and white and looks like a panda. The dog owner has been reportedly detained 36 times to date on suspicion that he kept a panda illegally. The Panda Puppy 
 The Panda Puppy

'Ugly dog' Sam dies at 14

Canine gained celebrity as winner of ugliest animal contest  

SANTA BARBARA, California (AP) -- Sam, the dog whose ugliness earned him TV appearances, limousine rides and even a meeting with millionaire Donald Trump, has died, the Santa Barbara News-Press reported Tuesday. The pooch with the hairless body, crooked teeth and sparse tuft of hair atop his knobby head died Friday, just short of his 15th birthday, said his owner, Susie Lockheed. "I don't think there'll ever be another Sam," she said, adding wryly, "Some people would think that's a good thing." Sam became an international celebrity after winning the ugliest animal contest at the 2003 Sonoma-Marin Fair in California -- a victory he twice repeated. 

The purebred Chinese crested hairless made appearances on TV in Japan, radio in New Zealand and in Britain's Daily Mirror tabloid, stayed in luxury hotels and met Trump on a talk show set. Lockheed marketed his visage on T-shirts, a calendar and even a coffee "ugly mug." At the time of his death, Sam was scheduled to be filmed for a Discovery Channel series on the world's ugliest species. Lockheed said she was initially terrified of Sam when she agreed to take him in as a rescue six years ago on a 48-hour trial basis. Although she fell in love with him, his appearance repulsed her then-boyfriend and prompted the man to break up with her. Later, however, Sam became a matchmaker by bringing together Lockheed and her current beau, who saw a picture of the two on an online dating site. 

Lockheed said she had Sam euthanized after a veterinarian told her Sam's heart was failing. She said she's felt a little lost ever since, and is sleeping with Sam's favorite toy -- a stuffed bear he picked up and carried home. "I have snuggled Sam under my blankets on my bed for six years," said Lockheed, who has three other dogs named TatorTot, TinkerBell and PixieNoodle.

*Copyright 2005 The Associated Press.