By Trent Deerhorn, Deerhorn Shamanic Services
Over the last number of decades there has been a LOT of chatter about the “Alpha Male”. Some of it has to do with leadership, but I noticed a steady progression into the use of that term as an excuse for crappy and abusive behavior. I am here today to set the record straight.
In its original meaning, the Alpha Male is the man who stands up for what it right, even if it goes against what the common ideology is in the day. He is the one who leads the people out of the deep, dark cauldrons of their minds and into the Light. He is the one who points out the error of their ways and, without regard for his own safety, will fight to defend what is right for the common good of all. As a team leader he is one who inspires others to reach their full potential, and who will hold them accountable when they instead choose to be lazy.
He is often equated with a sword-wielding warrior.
Now, I want to share my thoughts on this. The reason that I am sharing this is because in over 60 years of living on this planet I have learned a thing or two. You see, most dudes who think of themselves as warriors equate this with success in barroom brawls, or in high stakes sports, such as sky diving triathlons and such. I do not have anything against the sports part, but the barroom brawl part is stupidity. But none of that makes a man a warrior.
Here is what makes a man a warrior:
1. Going to work steadily to earn a good income to support his family.
2. Showing compassion when his partner or their children are in distress.
3. Supporting his family members through their struggles and challenges, but not just taking over and doing it for them.
4. Accepting family members for who they have discovered themselves to be.
5. Making 350,000 school lunches over the course of however many years the kids are all in school.
6. Holding hair back when someone is vomiting.
7. Applying whatever skill set he has to enhance the quality of life for his family, friends, and community.
8. Willingness to share, even if he does not have a lot of his own.
9. Standing up against bullying, regardless of who the bully is.
10. Defending those who are weaker than he is.
11. Caring for the elderly and the ill.
12. Making sure that the father of his own children is also safe to see another day of raising those children.
That last one is so important. It was one I had to learn myself. I remember when it happened. Up until then I was a bit of a pushover. People would take advantage of me a lot of the time. I had low self-worth and felt like a doormat for most of my life. Then my partner and I had our firstborn child. Suddenly I found myself saying, “No. You do NOT get to treat the father of my children that way.” People were aghast! I suddenly had boundaries. I was very aware of the protective instinct that fatherhood had somehow magically erupted inside of me. But communicating it in that way…that meant that I was protecting myself as much as my partner or our child. I realized subconsciously that if anything bad happened to me I would not be able to protect them, so I had to protect myself as well. It did not matter who I was talking to, be it a friend, a family member, a client, whomever. I had my boundaries and I was no longer being taken advantage of.
Friends who take advantage of you or abuse you are NOT your friends. So good riddance. Family that expects you to put up with abuse simply because someone is a blood relation need to realize that blood is NOT thicker than sense. And clients need to understand that I may be here to help them, but I am not here to be abused in any way. I have fired a few who refused to accept that fact. And I have never looked back. There has never been fear about losing income. There is always someone better who will step up and take their time slot, and they are welcome to do that because nobody needs to put up with disrespect or abuse just to make a living. I am here to be of service, not to be a servant.
So the Warrior/Alpha Male really has nothing to do with aggression or oppression of others, as is the common concept. It has to do with self-discipline, self-awareness and compassion. It has to do with personal responsibility (the ability to respond) and personal accountability. It has to do with having a higher set of standards and sticking to them.
* If you have enjoyed this blog post, please feel free to copy the link and share with friends!
The post The Warrior appeared first on Deerhorn Shamanic Services.
Over the last number of decades there has been a LOT of chatter about the “Alpha Male”. Some of it has to do with leadership, but I noticed a steady progression into the use of that term as an excuse for crappy and abusive behavior. I am here today to set the record straight.
In its original meaning, the Alpha Male is the man who stands up for what it right, even if it goes against what the common ideology is in the day. He is the one who leads the people out of the deep, dark cauldrons of their minds and into the Light. He is the one who points out the error of their ways and, without regard for his own safety, will fight to defend what is right for the common good of all. As a team leader he is one who inspires others to reach their full potential, and who will hold them accountable when they instead choose to be lazy.
He is often equated with a sword-wielding warrior.
Now, I want to share my thoughts on this. The reason that I am sharing this is because in over 60 years of living on this planet I have learned a thing or two. You see, most dudes who think of themselves as warriors equate this with success in barroom brawls, or in high stakes sports, such as sky diving triathlons and such. I do not have anything against the sports part, but the barroom brawl part is stupidity. But none of that makes a man a warrior.
Here is what makes a man a warrior:
1. Going to work steadily to earn a good income to support his family.
2. Showing compassion when his partner or their children are in distress.
3. Supporting his family members through their struggles and challenges, but not just taking over and doing it for them.
4. Accepting family members for who they have discovered themselves to be.
5. Making 350,000 school lunches over the course of however many years the kids are all in school.
6. Holding hair back when someone is vomiting.
7. Applying whatever skill set he has to enhance the quality of life for his family, friends, and community.
8. Willingness to share, even if he does not have a lot of his own.
9. Standing up against bullying, regardless of who the bully is.
10. Defending those who are weaker than he is.
11. Caring for the elderly and the ill.
12. Making sure that the father of his own children is also safe to see another day of raising those children.
That last one is so important. It was one I had to learn myself. I remember when it happened. Up until then I was a bit of a pushover. People would take advantage of me a lot of the time. I had low self-worth and felt like a doormat for most of my life. Then my partner and I had our firstborn child. Suddenly I found myself saying, “No. You do NOT get to treat the father of my children that way.” People were aghast! I suddenly had boundaries. I was very aware of the protective instinct that fatherhood had somehow magically erupted inside of me. But communicating it in that way…that meant that I was protecting myself as much as my partner or our child. I realized subconsciously that if anything bad happened to me I would not be able to protect them, so I had to protect myself as well. It did not matter who I was talking to, be it a friend, a family member, a client, whomever. I had my boundaries and I was no longer being taken advantage of.
Friends who take advantage of you or abuse you are NOT your friends. So good riddance. Family that expects you to put up with abuse simply because someone is a blood relation need to realize that blood is NOT thicker than sense. And clients need to understand that I may be here to help them, but I am not here to be abused in any way. I have fired a few who refused to accept that fact. And I have never looked back. There has never been fear about losing income. There is always someone better who will step up and take their time slot, and they are welcome to do that because nobody needs to put up with disrespect or abuse just to make a living. I am here to be of service, not to be a servant.
So the Warrior/Alpha Male really has nothing to do with aggression or oppression of others, as is the common concept. It has to do with self-discipline, self-awareness and compassion. It has to do with personal responsibility (the ability to respond) and personal accountability. It has to do with having a higher set of standards and sticking to them.
* If you have enjoyed this blog post, please feel free to copy the link and share with friends!
The post The Warrior appeared first on Deerhorn Shamanic Services.
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