Your Saturday LOL...

Never Assume

ALWAYS ASK, NEVER ASSUME !!

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'


The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'




"Life is short. Drink the good wine first"

Prepare your children for office life

The Love Doctor

Dear Love Doctor,

I’m 16 and my girlfriend is 15. She told me yesterday that she was pregnant. We don’t know how that happened. I always have been using a condom. She isn’t on the pill because she doesn’t want her parents to know we are sexually involved. Like, I love her so much, but What should I do? She still doesn’t want to tell her parents, and I think she should. I don’t see how she can hide this from her parents. I told her that I need to tell my parents and she doesn’t want me to. She just wants to have an abortion. I don’t know how I feel about that but I do know that neither she or I is ready for marriage. We are both still in school and we don’t want to ruin our lives. Doc, I am so scared and don’t know what to do. Can you help me?

Signed,

Not ready

Dear Not,

Wow! This is quite the dilemma for a teen to have. First of all I will tell you that condoms alone are like 99% effective. Sounds good, right? Think of it this way, one time out of every 100 times you have sex, the condom will fail and your little swimmers will get through. So, in the future, condoms as well as a spermicide will better your odds.

So moving onto your dilemma. She MUST tell her parents. They should know. If she’s afraid they will boot her out of the house, she needs to take that chance. Most likely they will be furious at first at hearing this news, but cooler heads will prevail and they will help come up with a solution, like abortion, adoption or maybe even keeping the baby. It is important that you are with her when she tells her parents, you are just gonna have to man-up. It will show her parents that you are supporting their daughter and that you are not going to run away. So in the end, I don’t really have much more that this to offer. Just be there for your girlfriend. It is certainly not a great situation to be in, but you will get thru this. Just be strong and again, be there for her.

You understand? I hope so.

Hope this helps,

The Love Doctor

--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says)

Bananas!!

After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.

Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.

Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school (England) were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a 'cooling' fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers.. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking & Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, 'A banana a day keeps the doctor away!'

PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS
PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth.

Amazing fruit !!!

How To Tell If Your Feet Stink.

and

Because I want you to get checked out
to make sure you're healthy & will be around longer ....

MEDICAL TEST:

STARE INTO THE CAT'S EYES FOR 10 SECONDS

Then Scroll Down







NOW STARE IN THE PUPPY'S EYES FOR 10 SECONDS ...




Scroll Down










Your CAT SCAN and LAB TESTS are now Complete!
Sorry! - couldn't resist...

Theyv'e got rythym

flash


Click Above.

Good Friday

The OceanMaker

After the seas have disappeared, a courageous female pilot fights against vicious sky pirates for control of the last remaining source of water: the clouds.

Chuck Out The Cliches - Gays are not all what you think!

Don't believe a word of what they write about us in the press - it's not all true you know! Even the recent trend towards positive stereotyping has got many a queen's designer briefs in a twist. I mean, there are actually gay men out there who love their chintz, their men dressed in tweeds and a full-fat plate of chips. What's more, these same people even have the nerve to grow old disgracefully without a moisturizer or plucked eye brow in sight! Bring on the crow's feet I say.

Click here to read about them. Warning. May be offensive to some readers.

World Air Traffic Control (in 24 hrs)

This is a 24 hour observation of the movement of all the large commercial aircraft flights in the world, condensed down to just 1 minute, 12 seconds of playing time. There is a peaceful song in the background on this video.

From space it looks like a bee hive of activity. With this 24-hour observation of aircraft travel on the earth's surface we get to see the daylight pattern change across the planet as the "day" progresses (and by noting where the 'sun is shining' in the northern hemisphere, across the top of the 'movie', you can estimate the time of day). The video starts at about 9PM Eastern Daylight time on the east coast of the USA and stops 24 hours later.

Each yellow dot is a plane in the air. Watch the concentration of the dots change as daylight comes and goes. You can tell where the world's wealth is located (and not located) by the concentration of planes over North America, Europe, and the eastern edge of Asia. Enjoy this unique view from outer space.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE - A true story

Susie is recouping at an incredible pace for someone with a massive stroke all because Sherry saw Susie stumble - -that is the key that isn't mentioned below - and then she asked Susie the 3 questions. So simple - this literally saved Susie's life - - Suzie failed all three so 911 was called.

Even though she had normal blood pressure readings and did not appear to be having a stroke, as she could converse to some extent, the Paramedics took her to the hospital right away.

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify.

Unfortunately,the lack of awareness spells disaster.

The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

*Ask the individual to SMILE.
*Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
*Ask the person to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE.
*And, if you have one, give them an aspirin right away.

If they have trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions.

They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association annual meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage.

A cardiologist says if everyone who hears of this information , let's other people know, you can bet that at least one life will be saved. Who knows, one day maybe this information will help save your life.

The Wizard Is A Mind Reader

Pick one of the following cards. Don't click on it; just keep it in your head.




scroll down when you have your card,



Think about your card for 20 seconds in front of The Wizard...





The Wizard will attempt to read your mind!


Scroll down after 20 Seconds...










The Wizard Has Removed Your Card!

SCARY ISN'T IT? Send me an email by using the "Contact the Wizard" form near the top left of 'OZ', if you haven't figured out how I did it...

SANDSTORM!

Click above to see the pictures! Awesome!

The Log Driver's Waltz - A favourite of The Wizard's

The Monkey's Paw - One of The Wizard's favourite stories

by W. W. Jacobs

"Be careful what you wish for, you may receive it."
--Anonymous

Part I

Without, the night was cold and wet, but in the small parlour of Laburnum villa the blinds were drawn and the fire burned brightly. Father and son were at chess; the former, who possessed ideas about the game involving radical chances, putting his king into such sharp and unnecessary perils that it even provoked comment from the white-haired old lady knitting placidly by the fire.

"Hark at the wind," said Mr. White, who, having seen a fatal mistake after it was too late, was amiably desirous of preventing his son from seeing it.

"I'm listening," said the latter grimly surveying the board as he stretched out his hand. "Check."

"I should hardly think that he's come tonight, " said his father, with his hand poised over the board.

"Mate," replied the son.

"That's the worst of living so far out," balled Mr. White with sudden and unlooked-for violence; "Of all the beastly, slushy, out of the way places to live in, this is the worst. Path's a bog, and the road's a torrent. I don't know what people are thinking about. I suppose because only two houses in the road are let, they think it doesn't matter."

"Never mind, dear," said his wife soothingly; "perhaps you'll win the next one."

Mr. White looked up sharply, just in time to intercept a knowing glance between mother and son. the words died away on his lips, and he hid a guilty grin in his thin grey beard.

"There he is," said Herbert White as the gate banged to loudly and heavy footsteps came toward the door.

The old man rose with hospitable haste and opening the door, was heard condoling with the new arrival. The new arrival also condoled with himself, so that Mrs. White said, "Tut, tut!" and coughed gently as her husband entered the room followed by a tall, burly man, beady of eye and rubicund of visage.

"Sargeant-Major Morris, " he said, introducing him.

The Sargeant-Major took hands and taking the proffered seat by the fire, watched contentedly as his host got out whiskey and tumblers and stood a small copper kettle on the fire.

At the third glass his eyes got brighter, and he began to talk, the little family circle regarding with eager interest this visitor from distant parts, as he squared his broad shoulders in the chair and spoke of wild scenes and doughty deeds; of wars and plagues and strange peoples.

"Twenty-one years of it," said Mr. White, nodding at his wife and son. "When he went away he was a slip of a youth in the warehouse. Now look at him."

"He don't look to have taken much harm." said Mrs. White politely.

"I'd like to go to India myself," said the old man, just to look around a bit, you know."

"Better where you are," said the Sargeant-Major, shaking his head. He put down the empty glass and sighning softly, shook it again.

"I should like to see those old temples and fakirs and jugglers," said the old man. "what was that that you started telling me the other day about a monkey's paw or something, Morris?"

"Nothing." said the soldier hastily. "Leastways, nothing worth hearing."

"Monkey's paw?" said Mrs. White curiously.

"Well, it's just a bit of what you might call magic, perhaps." said the Sargeant-Major off-handedly.

His three listeners leaned forward eagerly. The visitor absent-mindedly put his empty glass to his lips and then set it down again. His host filled it for him again.

"To look at," said the Sargeant-Major, fumbling in his pocket, "it's just an ordinary little paw, dried to a mummy."

He took something out of his pocket and proffered it. Mrs. White drew back with a grimace, but her son, taking it, examined it curiously.

"And what is there special about it?" inquired Mr. White as he took it from his son, and having examined it, placed it upon the table.

"It had a spell put on it by an old Fakir," said the Sargeant-Major, "a very holy man. He wanted to show that fate ruled people's lives, and that those who interfered with it did so to their sorrow. He put a spell on it so that three separate men could each have three wishes from it."

His manners were so impressive that his hearers were conscious that their light laughter had jarred somewhat.

"Well, why don't you have three, sir?" said Herbert White cleverly.

The soldier regarded him the way that middle age is wont to regard presumptuous youth."I have," he said quietly, and his blotchy face whitened.

"And did you really have the three wishes granted?" asked Mrs. White.

"I did," said the seargent-major, and his glass tapped against his strong teeth.

"And has anybody else wished?" persisted the old lady.

"The first man had his three wishes. Yes, " was the reply, "I don't know what the first two were, but the third was for death. That's how I got the paw."

His tones were so grave that a hush fell upon the group.

"If you've had your three wishes it's no good to you now then Morris," said the old man at last. "What do you keep it for?"

The soldier shook his head. "Fancy I suppose," he said slowly." I did have some idea of selling it, but I don't think I will. It has caused me enough mischief already. Besides, people won't buy. They think it's a fairy tale, some of them; and those who do think anything of it want to try it first and pay me afterward."

"If you could have another three wishes," said the old man, eyeing him keenly," would you have them?"

"I don't know," said the other. "I don't know."

He took the paw, and dangling it between his forefinger and thumb, suddenly threw it upon the fire. White, with a slight cry, stooped down and snatched it off.

"Better let it burn," said the soldier solemnly.

"If you don't want it Morris," said the other, "give it to me."

"I won't." said his friend doggedly. "I threw it on the fire. If you keep it, don't blame me for what happens. Pitch it on the fire like a sensible man."

The other shook his head and examined his possession closely. "How do you do it?" he inquired.

"Hold it up in your right hand, and wish aloud," said the Sargeant-Major, "But I warn you of the consequences."

"Sounds like the 'Arabian Nights'", said Mrs. White, as she rose and began to set the supper. "Don't you think you might wish for four pairs of hands for me."

Her husband drew the talisman from his pocket, and all three burst into laughter as the Seargent-Major, with a look of alarm on his face, caught him by the arm.

"If you must wish," he said gruffly, "Wish for something sensible."

Mr. White dropped it back in his pocket, and placing chairs, motioned his friend to the table. In the business of supper the talisman was partly forgotten, and afterward the three sat listening in an enthralled fashion to a second installment of the soldier's adventures in India.

"If the tale about the monkey's paw is not more truthful than those he has been telling us," said Herbert, as the door closed behind their guest, just in time to catch the last train, "we shan't make much out of it."

"Did you give anything for it, father?" inquired Mrs. White, regarding her husband closely.

"A trifle," said he, colouring slightly, "He didn't want it, but I made him take it. And he pressed me again to throw it away."

"Likely," said Herbert, with pretended horror. "Why, we're going to be rich, and famous, and happy. Wish to be an emperor, father, to begin with; then you can't be henpecked."

He darted around the table, pursued by the maligned Mrs White armed with an antimacassar.

Mr. White took the paw from his pocket and eyed it dubiously. "I don't know what to wish for, and that's a fact," he said slowly. It seems to me I've got all I want."

"If you only cleared the house, you'd be quite happy, wouldn't you!" said Herbert, with his hand on his shoulder. "Well, wish for two hundred pounds, then; that'll just do it."

His father, smiling shamefacedly at his own credulity, held up the talisman, as his son, with a solemn face, somewhat marred by a wink at his mother, sat down and struck a few impressive chords.

"I wish for two hundred pounds," said the old man distinctly.

A fine crash from the piano greeted his words, interrupted by a shuddering cry from the old man. His wife and son ran toward him.

"It moved," he cried, with a glance of disgust at the object as it lay on the floor. "As I wished, it twisted in my hand like a snake."

"Well, I don't see the money," said his son, as he picked it up and placed it on the table, "and I bet I never shall."

"It must have been your fancy, father," said his wife, regarding him anxiously.

He shook his head. "Never mind, though; there's no harm done, but it gave me a shock all the same."

They sat down by the fire again while the two men finished their pipes. Outside, the wind was higher than ever, an the old man started nervously at the sound of a door banging upstairs. A silence unusual and depressing settled on all three, which lasted until the old couple rose to retire for the rest of the night.

"I expect you'll find the cash tied up in a big bag in the middle of your bed," said Herbert, as he bade them good night, " and something horrible squatting on top of your wardrobe watching you as you pocket your ill-gotten gains."

He sat alone in the darkness, gazing at the dying fire, and seeing faces in it. The last was so horrible and so simian that he gazed at it in amazement. It got so vivid that, with a little uneasy laugh, he felt on the table for a glass containing a little water to throw over it. His hand grasped the monkey's paw, and with a little shiver he wiped his hand on his coat and went up to bed.

Part II

In the brightness of the wintry sun next morning as it streamed over the breakfast table he laughed at his fears. There was an air of prosaic wholesomeness about the room which it had lacked on the previous night, and the dirty, shriveled little paw was pitched on the side-board with a carelessness which betokened no great belief in its virtues.

"I suppose all old soldiers are the same," said Mrs White. "The idea of our listening to such nonsense! How could wishes be granted in these days? And if they could, how could two hundred pounds hurt you, father?"

"Might drop on his head from the sky," said the frivolous Herbert.

"Morris said the things happened so naturally," said his father, "that you might if you so wished attribute it to coincidence."

"Well don't break into the money before I come back," said Herbert as he rose from the table. "I'm afraid it'll turn you into a mean, avaricious man, and we shall have to disown you."

His mother laughed, and following him to the door, watched him down the road; and returning to the breakfast table, was very happy at the expense of her husband's credulity. All of which did not prevent her from scurrying to the door at the postman's knock, nor prevent her from referring somewhat shortly to retired Sargeant-Majors of bibulous habits when she found that the post brought a tailor's bill.

"Herbert will have some more of his funny remarks, I expect, when he comes home," she said as they sat at dinner.

"I dare say," said Mr. White, pouring himself out some beer; "but for all that, the thing moved in my hand; that I'll swear to."

"You thought it did," said the old lady soothingly.

"I say it did," replied the other. "There was no thought about it; I had just - What's the matter?"

His wife made no reply. She was watching the mysterious movements of a man outside, who, peering in an undecided fashion at the house, appeared to be trying to make up his mind to enter. In mental connexion with the two hundred pounds, she noticed that the stranger was well dressed, and wore a silk hat of glossy newness. Three times he paused at the gate, and then walked on again. The fourth time he stood with his hand upon it, and then with sudden resolution flung it open and walked up the path. Mrs White at the same moment placed her hands behind her, and hurriedly unfastening the strings of her apron, put that useful article of apparel beneath the cushion of her chair.

She brought the stranger, who seemed ill at ease, into the room. He gazed at her furtively, and listened in a preoccupied fashion as the old lady apologized for the appearance of the room, and her husband's coat, a garment which he usually reserved for the garden. She then waited as patiently as her sex would permit for him to broach his business, but he was at first strangely silent.

"I - was asked to call," he said at last, and stooped and picked a piece of cotton from his trousers. "I come from 'Maw and Meggins.' "

The old lady started. "Is anything the matter?" she asked breathlessly. "Has anything happened to Herbert? What is it? What is it?

Her husband interposed. "There there mother," he said hastily. "Sit down, and don't jump to conclusions. You've not brought bad news, I'm sure sir," and eyed the other wistfully.

"I'm sorry - " began the visitor.

"Is he hurt?" demanded the mother wildly.

The visitor bowed in assent."Badly hurt," he said quietly, "but he is not in any pain."

"Oh thank God!" said the old woman, clasping her hands. "Thank God for that! Thank - "

She broke off as the sinister meaning of the assurance dawned on her and she saw the awful confirmation of her fears in the others averted face. She caught her breath, and turning to her slower-witted husband, laid her trembling hand on his. There was a long silence.

"He was caught in the machinery," said the visitor at length in a low voice.

"Caught in the machinery," repeated Mr. White, in a dazed fashion,"yes."

He sat staring out the window, and taking his wife's hand between his own, pressed it as he had been wont to do in their old courting days nearly forty years before.

"He was the only one left to us," he said, turning gently to the visitor. "It is hard."

The other coughed, and rising, walked slowly to the window. " The firm wishes me to convey their sincere sympathy with you in your great loss," he said, without looking round. "I beg that you will understand I am only their servant and merely obeying orders."

There was no reply; the old woman’s face was white, her eyes staring, and her breath inaudible; on the husband's face was a look such as his friend the sargeant might have carried into his first action.

"I was to say that Maw and Meggins disclaim all responsibility," continued the other. "They admit no liability at all, but in consideration of your son's services, they wish to present you with a certain sum as compensation."

Mr. White dropped his wife's hand, and rising to his feet, gazed with a look of horror at his visitor. His dry lips shaped the words, "How much?"

"Two hundred pounds," was the answer.

Unconscious of his wife's shriek, the old man smiled faintly, put out his hands like a sightless man, and dropped, a senseless heap, to the floor.

Part III

In the huge new cemetery, some two miles distant, the old people buried their dead, and came back to the house steeped in shadows and silence. It was all over so quickly that at first they could hardly realize it, and remained in a state of expectation as though of something else to happen - something else which was to lighten this load, too heavy for old hearts to bear.

But the days passed, and expectations gave way to resignation - the hopeless resignation of the old, sometimes mis-called apathy. Sometimes they hardly exchanged a word, for now they had nothing to talk about, and their days were long to weariness.

It was a about a week after that the old man, waking suddenly in the night, stretched out his hand and found himself alone. The room was in darkness, and the sound of subdued weeping came from the window. He raised himself in bed and listened.

"Come back," he said tenderly. "You will be cold."

"It is colder for my son," said the old woman, and wept afresh.

The sounds of her sobs died away on his ears. The bed was warm, and his eyes heavy with sleep. He dozed fitfully, and then slept until a sudden wild cry from his wife awoke him with a start.

"THE PAW!" she cried wildly. "THE MONKEY'S PAW!"

He started up in alarm. "Where? Where is it? What’s the matter?"

She came stumbling across the room toward him. "I want it," she said quietly. "You've not destroyed it?"

"It's in the parlour, on the bracket," he replied, marveling. "Why?"

She cried and laughed together, and bending over, kissed his cheek.

"I only just thought of it," she said hysterically. "Why didn't I think of it before? Why didn't you think of it?"

"Think of what?" he questioned.

"The other two wishes," she replied rapidly. "We've only had one."

"Was not that enough?" he demanded fiercely.

"No," she cried triumphantly; "We'll have one more. Go down and get it quickly, and wish our boy alive again."

The man sat in bed and flung the bedclothes from his quaking limbs."Good God, you are mad!" he cried aghast. "Get it," she panted; "get it quickly, and wish - Oh my boy, my boy!"

Her husband struck a match and lit the candle. "Get back to bed he said unsteadily. "You don't know what you are saying."

"We had the first wish granted," said the old woman, feverishly; "why not the second?"

"A coincidence," stammered the old man.

"Go get it and wish," cried his wife, quivering with excitement.

The old man turned and regarded her, and his voice shook. "He has been dead ten days, and besides he - I would not tell you else, but - I could only recognize him by his clothing. If he was too terrible for you to see then, how now?"

"Bring him back," cried the old woman, and dragged him towards the door. "Do you think I fear the child I have nursed?"

He went down in the darkness, and felt his way to the parlour, and then to the mantlepiece. The talisman was in its place, and a horrible fear that the unspoken wish might bring his mutilated son before him ere he could escape from the room seized up on him, and he caught his breath as he found that he had lost the direction of the door. His brow cold with sweat, he felt his way round the table, and groped along the wall until he found himself in the small passage with the unwholesome thing in his hand.

Even his wife's face seemed changed as he entered the room. It was white and expectant, and to his fears seemed to have an unnatural look upon it. He was afraid of her.

"WISH!" she cried in a strong voice.

"It is foolish and wicked," he faltered.

"WISH!" repeated his wife.

He raised his hand. "I wish my son alive again."

The talisman fell to the floor, and he regarded it fearfully. Then he sank trembling into a chair as the old woman, with burning eyes, walked to the window and raised the blind.

He sat until he was chilled with the cold, glancing occasionally at the figure of the old woman peering through the window. The candle-end, which had burned below the rim of the china candlestick, was throwing pulsating shadows on the ceiling and walls, until with a flicker larger than the rest, it expired. The old man, with an unspeakable sense of relief at the failure of the talisman, crept back back to his bed, and a minute afterward the old woman came silently and apathetically beside him.

Neither spoke, but lay silently listening to the ticking of the clock. A stair creaked, and a squeaky mouse scurried noisily through the wall. The darkness was oppressive, and after lying for some time screwing up his courage, he took the box of matches, and striking one, went downstairs for a candle.

At the foot of the stairs the match went out, and he paused to strike another; and at the same moment a knock came so quiet and stealthy as to be scarcely audible, sounded on the front door.

The matches fell from his hand and spilled in the passage. He stood motionless, his breath suspended until the knock was repeated. Then he turned and fled swiftly back to his room, and closed the door behind him. A third knock sounded through the house.

"WHAT’S THAT?" cried the old woman, starting up.

"A rat," said the old man in shaking tones - "a rat. It passed me on the stairs."

His wife sat up in bed listening. A loud knock resounded through the house.

"It's Herbert!"

She ran to the door, but her husband was before her, and catching her by the arm, held her tightly.

"What are you going to do?" he whispered hoarsely.

"It's my boy; it's Herbert!" she cried, struggling mechanically. "I forgot it was two miles away. What are you holding me for? Let go. I must open the door."

"For God's sake don't let it in," cried the old man, trembling.

"You're afraid of your own son," she cried struggling. "Let me go. I'm coming, Herbert; I'm coming."

There was another knock, and another. The old woman with a sudden wrench broke free and ran from the room. Her husband followed to the landing, and called after her appealingly as she hurried downstairs. He heard the chain rattle back and the bolt drawn slowly and stiffly from the socket. Then the old woman’s voice, strained and panting.

"The bolt," she cried loudly. "Come down. I can't reach it."

But her husband was on his hands and knees groping wildly on the floor in search of the paw. If only he could find it before the thing outside got in. A perfect fusillade of knocks reverberated throgh the house, and he heard the scraping of a chair as his wife as his wife put it down in the passage against the door. He heard the creaking of the bolt as it came slowly back, and at the same moment he found the monkey's paw, and frantically breathed his third and last wish.

The knocking ceased suddenly, although the echoes of it were still in the house. He heard the chair drawn back, and the door opened. A cold wind rushed up the staircase, and a long loud wail of disappointment and misery from his wife gave him the courage to run down to her side, and then to the gate beyond. The street lamp flickering opposite shone on a quiet and deserted road.

From The Shan-Man...

Ain't it the truth ...

While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter.

'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he went down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he found himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and wave whilst the elevator rises. The elevator rises and the door opens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down down to hell. When the doors open he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

'I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?'

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted.


Stupid Grandparents* True story**

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:

"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Batemans Bay maybe in Florida where everyone lives in nice little houses, and so they don't have to mow the grass anymore! They ride around on their bicycles and scooters and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now. They do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts! Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night - early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren."

**Use of the word 'retarded' not PC. Was part of the original story so it's still in the text.


The Biker

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Winnipeg, Manitoba when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage, and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl; and, the biker brings her to her terrified parents who thank him endlessly. A reporter had watched the entire event.

The reporter said to the Harley rider, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole
life.'

The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, tell me, what do you do for a living and what political affiliations do
you have?'

The biker replies, 'I'm a Canadian Soldier and a Conservative.'

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper out of curiosity to see if it, indeed, brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

CANADIAN SOLDIER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH!

And that pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days.


THE ENGLISHMAN & THE SCOTSMAN

An Englishman says to his friend, the Scotsman, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants.
"I go in at well past 9 o’clock in the evening, eat several courses slowly, linger over coffee, port and a cigar.
Come 2 a.m., as they are clearing everything away, I just keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay.

Then I say: 'I've already paid your colleague who has left.'"

The Scotsman is impressed, and says: "Let's try it together this evening."

So the Scotsman books them into a restaurant and come 2 o’clock they are both still quietly sitting there after a very full meal. Sure enough, a waiter comes over and asks them to pay.

The Englishman just says: "I've already paid your colleague who has left."

And the Scotsman adds: "And we are still waiting for the change!"


Here is your English lesson for the day

"Complete" or "Finished"?

No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction. The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this:

"Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand."

Mr. Balgobin's response:

"When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.'If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'"

WHY ARE WEDDING DRESSES WHITE?

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question. "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"

The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white!!!

After the data breach, I have quit facebook

After several years with facebook, The Wizard is out of there! Also, I was surprised to see how much data my profile etc has.. Just download a copy and you will be amazed. Mine was over 450MB. They have told us we were safe to use it, yet there is the massive breach. Unknown if my data was taken, I am erring on the side of caution. Bye bye facebook. Any friends that want to contact me will have to text me and they have my number.

HOW IS NORMA?

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me shit around here."

True Story

An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge

by Ambrose Bierce

Set during the American Civil War, "An Occurrence at Owl Creek" is Bierce's most famous short story. It was first published in the San Francisco Examiner in 1890. It then appeared in Bierce's 1891 collection Tales of Soldiers and Civilians.

Click above to read the short story (PDF)

"Scary" Jokes

Jokes are meant to be enlightening, funny, and sometimes sarcastic, but do jokes have the ability to be scary? Of course they do, that is in a light humorous way of course. Scary jokes exercise their ability to be funny and use scary or frightening concepts or things to do so. Scary jokes are a great thing to throw around the cocktail party at your next party, or just to share around the bonfire to add a sense of spook to your best of friends.

What do you call a motor bike belonging to a witch?
A broooooooom stick!

Was Dracula ever married?
No, he was a bat-chelor!

What do you get if you cross a vampire with Al Capone?
A fangster!

Why are skeletons usually so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin!

What do vampires gamble with?
Stake money!

What sort of group do vampires join?
A blood group!

Why do skeletons hate winter?
Because the cold goes right through them!

What do you call an old and foolish vampire?
A silly old sucker!

Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with?
The girl necks door!

What is red, sweet and bites people?
A jampire!

What is the favorite subject of young witches at school?
Spelling!

What did the vampire say after he had been to the dentist?
Fangs very much!

What happened to the werewolf who ate garlic?
His bark was worse than his bite!

What do you call a massive witch doctor?
Mumbo jumbo!

Strange stories, weird facts

AD 1478 The Spanish conquer the Canary Islands. The native inhabitants, the Guanches committ suicide rather than submit to foreign domination.

AD 1541 Paracelsus dies. During his life, he discovered zinc, and was the first to identify hydrogen. His fame as an alchemist was so great that his tomb in Salzberg was opened because of rumors of great treasures and alchemical secrets buried with him. However nothing was found in the coffin. His famous sword, whose hilt contained the so-called 'Philosopher's Stone', also had vanished without a trace.

AD 1548 In Palermo, Sicily, a giant skeleton, reputed to be thirty feet in length, is discovered.

AD 1550 In Palermo, Sicily, two more giant skeletons are discovered, one thirty-three feet long, and a smaller one, thirty feet long.

AD 1561 (Apr) The early morning sky over Nuremburg, Germany is filled with over two hundred cylindrical UFOs, spheres and spinning disks.

AD 1594 Pope Clement ends Church opposition to coffee when he baptises it. 'We will not let coffee remains the property of Satan, for as Christians, our power is greater than Satan's.'

AD 1666 (Aug) A strange fiery ball of light is observed in a clear, sunny sky over Robozero, Russia, by villagers coming out of church.



AD 1681 In Illinois, Father Marquette, the Jesuit explorer, writes in his journals of discoveries on the Mississippi River of large petroglyphs of creatures which looked like pterodactyls, flying reptiles of the Age of Dinosaurs. According to the Indians, they represent monsters which ate the Indians ancestors hundreds of years ago.

AD 1698 Along the Mississippi River in Illinois Father Hennepin, the discoverer of Niagara Falls, writes his journals about the petroglyphs that Father Marquette described earlier. The Illinois Indians tell him of monsters, called Piasa, which would periodically attack their tribe and carry off hapless people. The two petroglyphs are visible until about 1856, when the State Prison at Alton begins quarrying the limestone which holds the carvings.

AD 1705 In Valencia, Spain, a twenty-two foot long skeleton is discovered, and the thigh bone is preserved. Another skeleton is found, the skull of which is reputed to be big enough to hold a bushel of corn.

AD 1725 In Northern Tibet, Father Duparc discovers the ruins of Hsing Nu, and describes some of the ruined temples and monoliths that he found there. This city is of indeterminate age, but may well be prehistoric.

AD 1753 Portuguese bandits discover - and pillage - ancient ruins including a temple, walls and caves that had once been inhabited in the Brazilian province of Bahia.

AD 1790 In Ohio, no less than 100 abandoned hills crowned with stone fortifications are discovered. Similar fortifications are discovered in Georgia and Tennessee.

AD 1799 The Rosetta Stone is discovered Napoleon's army in Rashid, or Rosetta, Egypt. This stone provided the key to the oldest and most difficult Egyptian writing system, hieroglyphics. The usefulness of the Rosetta Stone was in the repetition of text in three writing systems: hieroglyphics; demotic script, a later form of hiero-glyphics that was used in everyday documents "for the people," as its name means; and ancient Greek.
Bodies of mammoths, prehistoric elephant-like beasts are found in the Siberian tundra, in the regions of present permafrost. The bodies are perfectly preserved, and sledge dogs eat the flesh without any ill effects. The flesh proves to be firm and marbled with fat and appears as fresh as well-frozen beef, proving that these animals must have died instantaneously and frozen within minutes of their deaths. Additional proof comes with the discovery of remains of buttercups, plants that grow hundreds of miles to the south, in their mouths and stomachs. Years later, radiocarbon dating will prove that these animals died about 9,000 years ago.

AD 1803 The Academy of Sciences in Paris determines that meteorites are stones falling from space.
(Sep) Convicted of theft and murder of a policemen, Joseph Samuels is convicted and sentenced to hang. After three unsuccessful attempts whereby the rope broke each time, he was returned to his cell. Later, another man was found to be guilty and condemned to death by hanging. This time, the execution was successful on the first try.

AD 1816 (06 Jun) A frost lasting three days kills crops in northern North America, with snow falling to depths of eighteen to twenty inches in northern New England.
(Jul) Another frost kills off replanted crops in New England. (20 Aug) Temperatures drop again in New England, with frost as far south as northern Connecticut. No explanation for this bizarre weather has ever been forthcoming.

AD 1817 In Herculaneum, Missouri, two humanlike footprints are found in a quarry. They appear to be made by a person not used to wearing shoes, with feet 10.5 inches long, 4 inches wide across the toes and 2.5 inches across the heel.

AD 1820 In Circleville, Ohio, an intact iron furnace is discovered containing the remains of a plate and a dagger of unknown age.

AD 1828 In Sparta, in White County, Tennessee, several burying grounds are discovered containing the remains of extremely small people. The tallest of the wee folk discovered is 19 inches. The story is reported in Harper's Magazine in July 1869, and was also reported a work published in 1853, "The Romance of Natural History" which also refers to diminutive sarcophagi.

AD 1829 (Nov) In Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, a block of marble is removed from a quarry, and is found to contain an indentation with raised letters "I" and "U". It is unknown who carved these letters.

AD 1832 Captain John Symmes of the US Navy petitions Congress to allow him to attempt to sail a small fleet of ships to the North Pole to search for what he calls the 'Symmes Hole' which he believes will give him egress to the inside of the crust of the planet. With Congressional approval, the secretaries of the Navy and the Treasury order three ships to be outfitted for the venture. Only the intervention of President Jackson stops the effort.


(Nov) In Coosawattee Old Town, in Murray County Georgia, two silver crosses are found in a burial mound. Indian relics are also found, but the crofters of the crosses are unknown. The crosses bear strange designs including the head of a horse - which was unknown on the North American continent at that time, although NOT in prehistoric times.

AD 1838 George Grey, exploring the Australian outback in the area around the Glenelg River, discovers paintings of figures in a cave. These figures are shown wearing tunics and cowls, items which the aborigines do not wear.

AD 1840 In Jersey County, Illinois, Professor John Russell explores caves in which innumerable human bones litter the floor. Professor Russell states that the bones offer mute testimony to the truth of the AmerIndians' story of the Piasa, and it's craving for human flesh.

AD 1843 (05 Jan) Near the Connecticut River in Connecticut, a coin is found, apparently copper, and about half the thickness of a penny, with writing which is indecipherable.

AD 1848 (03 Mar) Human remains are found in a cave on the Rock of Gibraltar. These later prove to be the first Neanderthal remains ever found, although they won't be identified as such for many years.

AD 1850 A Frenchman named Angrand discovers Choquequirau, an former Inca stronghold.

AD 1851 (Jun) At Meeting House Hill, in Dorchester, Massachusetts, a metallic vessel, about 4.5" high by 6.6" at the base and 2.5" at the top is found when "an immense stone" is blasted out of the bedrock.
(24 Dec) In California, Mr. Hiram Dewitt discovers an iron nail embedded in a piece of auriferous quartz. When he accidentally drops the mineral ore, the nail with a perfect head is found inside. Sir David Brewster makes a report to the British Association for the Advancement of Science about a block of stone from Kingoodie Quarry in northern Britain in which was found a piece of manufactured nail, including the head. Because of the great age of the geological strata of this find, the nail's maker remains a mystery.

AD 1854 In Northern Tibet, the French explorer, Latour visits Hsing Nu and discovers tombs, weapons, copper vessels and silver and gold necklaces adorned with swastikas and spirals.

AD 1856 The first remains of Neanderthal Man are found in a gravel pit in the Neander Valley of Germany. At first they are believed to be the remains of a congenital idiot, but after further remains are discovered, they are realized to be those of an extinct human species.

AD 1860 In Castenedolo, Italy, Professor Ragazzoni, an expert geologist and teacher at the Technical Institute at Brescia, finds the fragmentary vault of a human skull in a deposit of coralline stratum of the Pleistocene glaciation, circa ten million years old.

AD 1863 At the Arno River, Italy while constructing the railroad southward from Arezzo, a trench over fifty feet deep had to be dug. It was during this excavation that the Olmo skull was unearthed. The skull lay at a depth of nearly fifty feet beneath the surface in a deposit that had been formed in the floor of an ancient lake. The blue clay in which the skull was found was determined to be older Pleistocene deposits.

AD 1864 At Holly Oak, Delaware, a 5.5 inch piece of whelk shell bearing the distinct carving of a mammoth is found in a peat bog in this town north of Wilmington. Core samples taken of this area indicate an age of between 80,000 and 100,000 years before the present.

AD 1868 (Jun) Hiriam McGee, while prospecting for gold in the Antelope Hills of Wyoming, discovers a large boulder which he mistakes for an emerald. It later turns out to be nephrite jade, when McGee returns to retrieve the rest of the boulder and search for more, he can't find the valley where his adventure started.

AD 1869 (17 Dec) In Wellsville, Ohio, a group of miners, digging in a coal bank, come upon a slate wall containing several lines of indecipherable hieroglyphics. The lines in slate are reversed, possibly because the pieces of coal contain the hieroglyphics as well, only indented to the wall's raised letters.

AD 1870 Cyrus Read founds the Hollow Earth Society, succeeding in attracting thousands of members.

AD 1872 (Nov) The brigantine "Mary Celeste" leaves New York harbor for Genoa, Italy.


(02 Dec) The brigantine, "Mary Celeste", is seen off the coast of Europe, apparently proceeding normally on its way.
(04 Dec) The "Mary Celeste" is found floating adrift and unmanned off of the Azores in the Atlantic Ocean. Its crew of twelve and the captain's family are never heard from again.

AD 1873 (27 Mar) In the Dardanelles, a Mr. Frank Calvert discovers what he regards as conclusive evidence of the existence of Man in the Miocene Period. Among his finds is a fragment of bone from either a Dinotherium or a Mastodon on which has been carved the figure of a horned quadruped.

AD 1874 (04 Apr) In Wildon, North Carolina, a veritable catacomb of skeletal remains is found when workmen open a way for the railroad between Wildon and Garrysberg. According to a contemporary newspaper account, the bodies exhumed "were of a strange and remarkable formation", the skulls being nearly an inch in thickness, and the teeth being filed sharp, as those of cannibals, with the enamel perfectly preserved. The femur was as long as the leg of an ordinary man.

AD 1876 In Parkersburg, West Virginia, a large stone was taken from the hillside four miles north of the city, on the West Virginia side of the Ohio River, which contained the imprint of a human foot, some fourteen inches in length.

AD 1877 (Jul) Four prospectors near Eureka, Nevada discover gigantic human remains in the hills of Spring Valley. They chip out leg and foot bones encased in quartzite. In life, the person who had once walked the earth was obviously huge, from knee to heel, the bone spanned 39 inches long. No other trace of the ancient giant was ever found.

AD 1879 (05 Dec) In Milton, in Sullivan County, Missouri, a silver and iron death-mask is found by a farmer while plowing his field.

AD 1880 Dr. Otto Hahn, a prominent German geologist, claims to have discovered fossils of corals in several meteorites taken from a fall discovered near Knyahinya in Hungary. These fossils were examined by Dr. D.F. Weinlander, a well-known zoologist, who agreed that the evidence were indeed once-living creatures. This gives evidence of an "extraterrestrial body which seems to have been overtaken by a great catastrophe." At Castenedolo, a friend of Professor Ragazzoni's, excavating in the same pit in which the professor found the cranial fragments, found the scattered skeletal remains of two children. Later, the skeleton of a woman is found within the same stratum.

AD 1882 (22 Jul) At Mt. Pisgah, North Carolina, objects are found, consisting of partly human, partly animal in either full or bas-relief. Some are utensils, and they appear to have been made with metal instruments.
(17 Nov) At Carson, Nevada, some "supposed human footprints" are found in sandstone in a quarry in Nevada State Prison.

AD 1883 Over four hundred cigar-shaped and disk-shaped objects are seen moving across the sun in Zacatecas, Mexico At Castendolo, Professor Sergi, an anthropologist, examines the fossil remains found by Professor Ragazzoni at Brescia and pronounces them as two children and a woman of modern type.

AD 1885 At Voecklabruck, Isador Braun discovers a small (67mm x 47mm) steel cube when a block of coal is broken open from a seam being worked and could have only have gotten there before the coal beds were laid down, tens of millions of years ago. A deep incision runs around it, and the edges are rounded on two faces, indicating human manufacture. Analysis shows its composition resembles nickel-carbon steel, a manufactured substance. Most authorities that examine the object declare that it must be of artificial nature, but cannot agree as to its origin. The object rests in the Salzburg Museum until 1910, when it disappears.

AD 1886 (14 Jan) In Lexington, Kentucky, a massive stone wall is unearthed by men working in a rock quarry. It is thirty feet below the surface of the surrounding soil, and shows evidence of being constructed by skilled masons.

AD 1887 (Jul) In Eureka, Nevada, four men searching for gold come upon a large bone, reportedly human, in the Spring Valley.
(Aug) Two children are found in Spain coming from a Spanish cave. They are reported to have slanted eyes, green skin and speak a totally unknown language. One child, a boy, soon dies, but the other, a girl eventually learns Spanish and tells a story about being transported from a country which was always in twilight. Who these children were and where they came from is never determined. The Galveston, Texas Daily News reports the discovery of a wrecked ship of unusual design. Little remains of the description, save that the width of the stern is about fifteen feet, and "is composed of solid oak beams laid crosswise over each other, secured with iron spikes." The ship is believed to be possibly Roman of unknown age.

AD 1888 At Bat Creek, Loudon County, in Tennessee, a small, dark stone, about the size of a Hershey Bar is found in a grave with lettering in ancient Hebrew, which, when translated reads:" for the land of Judah" or possibly "for the Judeans", and below is added, "the year 1". The location of the stone indicates that it was buried with the bodies, and not disturbed until its discovery. The find was turned over to the Smithsonian Institution.

AD 1891 (Mar) In Bradley County, Tennessee, Mr. J.H. Hooper noticed what appeared to be a headstone on a wooded ridge on his farm. He dug around the stone expecting to see the dates and "rest in peace", but found it to be covered in unknown characters in an indecipherable language. Digging deeper, he found other stones that formed a wall about two feet thick, eight feet high and about sixteen feet long, covered with the letters, arranged in wavy, nearly parallel lines. The wall was traced and found to go on for nearly a thousand feet. The stone is a dark-red sandstone of unknown age.


(09 Jun) At Morrisonville, Illinois, a length of chain is found when a large lump of coal is broken open.

AD 1895 (Jul) A party of miners working near Bridalveil Falls in California, find the remains of a woman whose skeletal remains indicated that she had stood some six feet, eight inches in height. G.F. Martindale, in charge of the miners, noticed a pile of stones that had been shaped and fitted together. When his men removed these blocks, thinking they had stumbled on buried treasure, they found the mummified remains of a woman who was wrapped in furs, and covered with a fine gray powder. She was clutching a child to her breast.
At Crittenden, Arizona, a sarcophagus is reportedly found containing the remains of a person three meters long and having six toes on each foot.

AD 1897 (27 Mar) Two hundred people, including the governor of Kansas see a large object flying over Topeka, Kansas. "I don't know what the thing is, but I hope it may yet solve the railroad problem."
(02 Apr) At Webster City, Iowa, a peculiar piece of rock was removed from the Lehigh Coal Mine. The slab was found just under the sandstone, which was 130' beneath the surface. The tablet was two feet by one foot by four inches thick, and artistically carved with diamond-shaped squares, each with the face of an old man in the square. The features of each portrait are identical, with each bearing a strange mark in the shape of a dent in the forehead.
(19 Apr) A cigar-shaped object, believed to be a spaceship, crashes into the home of Judge J.S. Proctor in Aurora, Texas. The pilot, described as a 'little man', is killed in the crash and buried in the local cemetery. Over the years, the exact location of the grave is lost to memory.
(20 Apr) Alexander Hamilton, a LeRoy, Kansas farmer, claims to have seen a U.F.O. hovering over his cow pasture at a height of 30' with his son and a farmhand. Within it, the farmer and his companions seen "the strangest beings [that he] ever saw". He also claimed that it lassoed one of his cattle and hauled it into the ship. The next day, the remains of the calf were recovered from a nearby farm, legs, head and skin. Should Hamilton's credibility be questioned, it must be pointed out that he was a member of the House of Representatives, and people who knew him for thirty years never heard a word of his questioned.
(Apr) At Elysian Park, a collection of fossilized imprints are found cut out of a rock at least seventy feet above the bottom of a little canyon by workers who are making a deep cut for a new wagon road. The fossils include ferns, leaves, twigs, a fish and what appears to be a boot print from a shoe of normal size.

At Alicante, Spain, a limestone bust some 21 inches in height is discovered. Believed to be a local divinity, it comes to be known as "the Lady of Elche", and has a clear resemblance to certain well-known finds in Columbia and Honduras.

AD 1900 (Easter) Off the island of Antikythera, Greece, a sponge diver brings up a misshapen bronze curiosity which will in 1958, be discovered to be a computer designed to plot the movements of the sun, moon Earth and planets. The find is described as amazing as "a jet plane in the tomb of King Tut".

(20 Oct) Although gynecology is virtually unknown at this time, surgical instruments as sophisticated as those in use after the Second World War are found in the ruins of the Temple of the Vestal Virgins in the destroyed city of Pompeii.

AD 1902 (28 Oct) The steamship Fort Salisbury encounters a metallic structure in the Gulf of Guinea off the west coast of Africa. As the officers and crew watch, the vessel sank beneath the waves.

AD 1908 (30 Jun) An explosion as powerful as a hydrogen bomb rocks Siberia. There is nothing to account for it. In 1927, when Soviet scientists found the site, they claimed there was no evidence that a meteor had struck. Almost eighty years later, scientists determined that the explosion was made by either a bolide, a type of meteor that exploded in the atmosphere, or a comet, whose resulting blast wave leveled the Russian forest.

AD 1911 Hiram Bingham discovers Machu Picchu, a former Inca stronghold, high in the Andes mountains.

AD 1912 (04 May) The New York Times reports of a find of gigantic humans made while excavating a mound at Lake Delevan, Wisconsin. According to the news account, eighteen skeletons are found in one large mound at a Lake Lawn farm.
At Thomas, Oklahoma, two employees of the Municipal Electric Plant use a sledge to break up a chunk of coal too large for the furnace. An iron pot topples out from the center of the lump, leaving an impression in the coal. The coal had been mined near Wilberton, Oklahoma.

AD 1913 (9 Feb) Strange flying objects are seen traveling horizontally in groups, more slowly than meteorites, by farmers and astronomers in Canada, Bermuda, Brazil and Africa. Astronomer W.F. Denning reported seeing lighted windows in one of them.



AD 1920 At Bear Creek, Montana, in a coal mine known as Eagle No.3 two enormous molars are reportedly found. It is claimed that they are three times the size of normal human teeth, and had been found in deposits at least thirty million years old.

AD 1921 At Harappa, India, an ancient city is discovered whose inhabitants enjoy a city as well laid out as any in Twentieth Century Europe.

AD 1924 (13 Sep) Charles Manier finds artifacts northwest of Tucson, Arizona which indicate that Roman explorers may have been in that part of the world. The artifacts,, including sixty-two crosses, daggers, batons, spears and sword-like weapons are made of lead and encrusted in caliche - a sheet of hard, crusty material that 'grows' due to a reaction of chemicals and water in desert soils over many years. There were such heavy deposits of caliche that archaeologists determined that the objects dated between AD 560 and 800.
At Glozel, France, archaeologists find a collection of bricks and inscribed tablets, two paring knives, two small axes and two stones bearing inscriptions that have been shown to date from 10,000 to 15,000 years ago.
At Hava Supal Canyon, northern, Arizona, the Boheny Scientific Expedition discovers a rock carving that looks amazingly like a Tyrannosaurus.
At Big Sandy River, Oregon, a rock image is discovered which looks like an extinct Stegosaurus, which died out long before the appearance of Man on this planet.

AD 1926 (07 Nov) At Billings, Montana, fossil hunter Dr. J.C. Siegfriedt, in the coal beds of the Bear Creek fields, found a human tooth, the enamel of which had turned to carbon and the lime in the roots to iron. The tooth, examined by local dentists, was declared to be the second molar of a human being.

AD 1927 (25 Jan) In Nevada, a shoe sole that was fossilized in Triassic limestone was found, placing man back in the time of the giant reptiles.

At Istanbul, Turkey, a collection of maps is found in the Topkapu museum in the Turkish capital which, although only five hundred years old, shows both coastlines of the Atlantic Ocean as they were some 10,000 years ago. Also shown are the three islands that make up the present-day Greenland, and the interior features of North and South America, as well as mountains in Antarctica not discovered until 1952. According to notations on the map, it had been drawn by Piri Reis, the Grand Admiral of the Turkish fleet in 1513. The map, according to the admiral, had been drawn from information supplied by one of Columbus' sailors, as well as maps dating back to the time of Alexander the Great.

AD 1928 (Sep) Dr. Marcel Baudoin, a French archeologist discovers a block of quartzite in the Havre-de-Vie estuary weighing some three thousand pounds and covered by supposedly Celtic carvings of a man's head surrounded by cups, the imprints of human feet and horses' hooves. He dates the cravings at BC 5000.
At Lexington, Kentucky, a medallion from 15th Century Rimini, an Italian city-state, is found by a man cultivating his vegetable garden. The medallion is dated AD 1446, and refers to the "Lady Isotta of Rimini."
At Heavener, Atlas Almon Mathis, working in coal mine No.5, two miles north of Heavener, Oklahoma is sent to one of the lower levels, reputed to be almost two miles deep. After blasting an outcropping of coal loose, he came upon several concrete blocks blown loose from the wall. The blocks are 12" cubes, smooth and polished on the outside. When the walls cave in, he discovers a whole section of wall made up of these blocks. About 100 to 150 yards further down the shaft, another miner strikes the same wall, or one very similar. Upon hearing of the discovery, the mining officials pulled the miners out of the wing, and forbade the miners to speak of their discovery. The mine was closed in the fall of 1928, and the crew was sent to Kentucky. There is a rumor of a similar occurrence in mine No.24 in Wilberton, Oklahoma in or about 1926.

AD 1930 (02 Dec) In Sayopa, Sonora, Mexico, the remains of an apparent race of giants who once lived here were discovered. A mining engineer, J.E. Coker, said that laborers dug into an old cemetery where bodies of men, averaging eight feet in height are found buried tier by tier. In Berea, Kentucky, ten complete manlike footprints are found in Carboniferous sandstone. All evidence indicates that they were impressed on a sandy beach in the Pennsylvanian Period of the Paleozoic Era. They were made by a bipedal creature with size 7 1/2 EE shoes.

AD 1932 (Autumn) At White Sands, New Mexico, Ellis Wright, a government trapper, reported that he had found human tracks of unbelievable size imprinted in the gypsum rock on the west side of White Sands. At his suggestion, a party was made up to investigate, Mr. Wright serving as guide. As he reported, there were thirteen tracks crossing a narrow swag, pretty well out between the mountains and the sands. AD 1933 At Chou-kou-tien, near Peking, China, Dr. F. Weidenreich discovers a number of skulls and skeletons belonging to several races, including Caucasians, Melanesian and an Eskimo at an archaeological dig dating some 30,000 years old. There is no explanation as to how they all came to be at this site.


AD 1936 (14 Feb) The New York "Times" runs a story that a skeleton of a gigantic man, with that head missing, had been unearthed at El Boquin, on the Mico River, in the Chontales district of Nicaragua. "The ribs are a yard long, and four inches wide, and the shin bone is too heavy for one man to carry. "Chontales" is an Indian word meaning 'wild man'.

AD 1937 Further digging at Glozel, France reveals other treasures including stone implements, other rocks with inscriptions and curious vessels that look like skulls clad in space helmets. The script discovered has not been deciphered, but contains the letters C, H, I, J, K, L, O ,T ,V ,W and X.

AD 1938 At Khujut Rabu'a, Iraq, an archaeological dig under the leadership of Wilhelm Koenig discovers ancient electrochemical batteries which may have been used in an electroplating process. He describes his find in his work, "Neun Jahre Irak", published in Austria in 1940. In Terra del Feugo, South America, Dr. Julius Bird discovers a cave containing the bones of horses and men. In 1950, they will be carbon-dated and found to be 9,000 years old.

AD 1939 Archeologist Harold T. Wilkins obtains a copy of a Portuguese document entitled "Historical Account of a Well-Hidden and Ancient Habitation and its Inhabitants, Discovered 1753" describing the adventures of bandits who happened on the ruins in that year.

AD 1940 (Jun) Archaeologists Magnus Marks and Froelich Rainey discover remains of a considerable sized city at Ipiutak in the Arctic. The city appeared to be the home to as many as four thousand inhabitants and at least eight hundred dwellings. Further, artifacts found at the site indicate that the inhabitants are not related to primitive Eskimo cultures.

(15 Sep) A 22-foot cutter, the "Rockit II", crossing the Long Island Sound near Bridgeport, is almost hit by an unknown projectile, which slams into the water about one hundred yards away. Near Mohenjo-daro, India, a second Indian city is found, the roots of which may be prehistoric.

AD 1946 In the Antarctic Ocean, sediment dredged up from the ocean bottom proves that rivers on the polar landmass carried mud to the sea some ten to twelve thousand years ago. This means that the continent could not have been covered in ice at that time.

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and now... a FUN fact:

The Love Doctor

Dear Love Doctor,

I’m a boy and have a relationship with another boy for almost 2 years. We are very close and do have more than just a relationship with each other. We are like best friends and do everything together. But last night I went out with my class (my boyfriend is in the same class as me), so we first headed to a bar and drink something to get a little tipsy. After that we went to the party. At first I had a good time we were dancing and having fun. But after a couple of hours, I saw my boyfriend kissing some boy he liked for a long time Later my boyfriend came up to me and wanted to kiss me so I was pushing him away because I just did not feel like it. I also didn't want to dance any more and. I went back to the table but had to take a leak so went to the bathroom. This real hottie was in there tosseling his hair. I thought well, two can play at that game, so I walked up to the guy and planted a big one on his lips. He kissed me back. I enjoyed it, but.. Later me and my boyfriend were talking, we agreed with each other, to not kiss other guys. Inside, I felt bad that he kissed that boy and I wanted to hurt him or something, by kissing another guy.. but I just don’t know... it’s not that I have feelings for this guy, I really don’t.. I love my boyfriend but you know.. we have been together for 2 years and.. we both still want to experiment a lot. What do I do?

Signed,

Kissed off

Dear Kissed,

You don't say how old you are but I will assume you are about 17. I also assume your boyfriend is in the same grade as you. At 17 hormones in males are surging throughout your body and you have a very high sex drive. What you need to ask yourself, since you were playing games, to kiss the other boy as a sort of punishment for your boyfriend kissing that other guy. Seldom, if ever do these things actually punish the other person but what it does set up for is to sabotage and destroy your relationship. I'm glad you two talked and agreed to not kiss other boys because as you said you have more than just a relationship. You need to stick to the agreement. If either of you violate this in the future, it may be time to get out from under each other and end the relationship. Because, and I know this to be... one of these indiscretions will result in sex and that will hurt the other very much.

You understand? I hope so.

Hope this helps,

The Love Doctor

--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says)